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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > At what age were you truly ready?      Home login  
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 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 2
At what age were you truly ready?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I would never presume to change the past .... even my mistakes have made me the person I now am ... and I am pretty satisfied with who I am ...the danger of changing any part of what we did is omni dangerous... for it may well have changed not only who we are but the lives of everyone we have touched ... we live life and follow destiny and answer to karma ...what I did when I did it was the right thing for the time ..and to regret is folly ... to worry about the decision's of the past is senseless ... wisdom comes from mistakes ..and makes for better decision's for the future
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 3
At what age were you truly ready?
Posted: 9/27/2009 12:33:32 AM

Sorry.........try telling that to the millions of single moms out there who can't get a date.

I'm sure some of them regret their past.

......even if they won't actually admit it to anyone other than themselves.


I know no single moms that cant get a date because of being single mom's ... and I know no single moms who would change having their kids

I do know hundreds of single moms ..who are dating or in relationships ..or who have married and have a happy family ... I by no means would let the fact that a woman is a mom stop me from dating her or having a relationship with her

may I ask who you ae to judge whether someones life was a mistake ..or even if they cant admit it
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 4
At what age were you truly ready?
Posted: 9/27/2009 12:35:32 AM

I know this because most of the women who are interested in me are single moms and I don't look at them the same way as I do single women.

They've already got a strike against them, so to speak.....


you just might regret that someday
 I-am-Rei
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 6
At what age were you truly ready?
Posted: 9/27/2009 4:00:31 AM
As a popular cliche says: Age is just a number.

If a person has experienced the life's ups and downs and be able to pull himself whole from there then he is ready. It could happen at an early age of 18 (if you have a solid foundation like good upbringing) or as late as 60 (where experience made you wiser).

Well , it may not always happen as I met men in their 60's who were thinking backwards.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 7
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At what age were you truly ready?
Posted: 9/27/2009 11:18:16 AM
Your questions are mixed, and I'm going to give a mixed answer.
Maturity is a complicated issue. As the father of a handicapped child, I've learned that even mentally retarded people mature differently in some aspects of their personality than in others, and "normal" people are the same way. There's therefore no single age in my life, or any one else's that I've observed, when you could say they were mature enough for something.
Marriage is very complicated. Someone can be ready to commit to a one on one relationship, but still be totally unable to function as an adult in other ways, such as those involving money. You can be ready to run a company, and maintain a stable loving relationship with a member of the opposite sex, but not be ready to deal with children rationally.
The other part of your question, what might I have done differently, the only logical (and honest) question I can give, is that I wish I'd made MORE mistakes earlier, so that I could have had more of my life left to live with the benefits of what I've learned from them.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 9
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At what age were you truly ready?
Posted: 9/27/2009 3:31:34 PM
I don't think age has anything to do with it, I didn't know the many questions I should have been asking myself before I got married or cohabitated with someone.

If you are really thinking seriously about someone, you should either go to premarital counseling to figure out if you are actually compatible or buy a book and talk with each other about the things that will be important, i.e. attitudes about money and managing it, how many kids you want to have, how you plan to raise those children (values, 2 working parents versus 1 and the other staying at home with the kids), your conflict resolution style, distribution of household duties (this one is huge because so many men b!tch about too infrequent sex and women are exhausted because they are doing the majority of the household and child care chores), whether you plan to practice a religion and teach your children about it.

Most people don't really stop and think about whether they really like a person, if they would choose that person as a friend because the hormones start directing the behavior. Look at the person's parents, how do they treat each other, how does the person treat their parents. Usually, people whether they want to or not are going to model their parents and that is not necessarily a good thing.

If you are at any point scared to find out the answer to a question, or to do or say what you really want to do for fear of rocking the boat, that person is probably not for you. If they have behaviors that you think are situational rather than based on their life view, attitudes and values, guess again, these won't get better, they will worsen with time. If you hook up with the wrong person because you haven't thought about these things, the strange little quirks that are so attractive in the beginning, before long will make you want to wring their neck.

If you are afraid of losing them, you really need to take a step back and determine if this is the quality of relationship you want to be living for the next 50 years. Forever is a long time and even if you split, if children are involved, you will have contact for the rest of your life.

If at approximately your age when I married my ex someone had asked me about all of those questions, I might have managed to not make a colossal mistake, however, at this point I can say I wouldn't go back because it would erase my children and I cannot imagine a life without them. If no kids were involved, hell yes I would avoid finding out what it's like to be married to Mr. Bipolar.
 Okietokie88
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 12
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At what age were you truly ready?
Posted: 9/27/2009 4:05:59 PM
Good question mate; I'd say when you realize people are people. Granted different cultures have different values but all of us zany inhabitants on this mixed up planet are either male, female, or both.

Oh I prob should of said this....I have this theory that women out side of the states are more approachable for some reason. So I must realize that women are women ut hey that's just me (shrugs).
 errant71
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 13
At what age were you truly ready?
Posted: 9/27/2009 4:33:49 PM
I couldn't agree with farceur more ... truly wonderous to have your own thoughts reflected back by another!

Right on!
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 17
At what age were you truly ready?
Posted: 9/27/2009 6:54:09 PM
whenever I think I might be I find I'm not, really...
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 18
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At what age were you truly ready?
Posted: 9/27/2009 6:58:10 PM
Life stages. Twenties figuring out who I was, had all the answers and tested them out in the realities of life. Hmm, life didn't seem to care about my theories or efforts to control outcomes... it just rolled on relentlessly.

Thirties: I woke up, had a kid that instantly reordered all of my priorities. Still clung to a theory of controlling outcomes tho'
Was convinced it wasn't that my theory was ineffective, just thought I needed a better, more elaborate set of guidelines. Funny, life rolled over "the better rules for success" theory too.

Somewhere in my forties I gave up trying to control outcomes as wrong thinking and began a slow shift to relating. Focusing on connections and conversation; relating rather than A Relationship. Life rolls on and I'm rolling with it.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 22
At what age were you truly ready?
Posted: 9/28/2009 4:26:28 PM
That's a question that doesn't really have a cut and dried answer, at least not for me. I was married at 18 and had my kids starting at 28. The difficulty in responding to such a question is that if I did it all over again, I wouldn't get into any serious live-in relationship until I was about 35, but then I wouldn't have the kids that I now have and I wouldn't give them up for anything. I also enjoyed the life I had in that relationship until the growing apart stage and I wouldn't not wish to have had that part of my life either. And now, I'm way past 35 and where I would have maybe started living with someone at that age if I "had it to do over again", now I really don't feel the need to live with someone but I am in a relationship that accomodates that quite nicely. Let's put it this way: I was ready when I was young and it all worked really well but over the course of time I/we changed. Cripes, I'm still changing and believe I always will be evolving and changing. My wants/needs today won't be the same as tomorrow, so I guess I'm liking where I'm at now, where I have been and open to accept the changes as they take place relationship-wise. (Told you it wouldn't be cut and dried.)
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