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 phase123
Joined: 9/13/2009
Msg: 1
OCD a deal breaker for you?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I've gone out with my boyfriend for one month now, we became exclusive two weeks of dating, we've great chemistry and we're very good matches and we both want a serious relationship. I find myself falling for him but I don't think I can say I love him yet.

then he recently told me he's anxiety disorders, OCD (obssesive compulsive disorder), panic attacks.

these ailments are all new to me, it is scaring. I don't mind dating him and see how it goes, he's a very attentive and sweet boyfriend who makes me very happy and I really can't tell any signs of OCD yet. I'm just worrying OCD could get worsen over years and will have other sideaffects such as suicide (I read online).

so I want to get some input from you guys, is OCD a deal breaker to you? anyone has dated or married a OCD/ anxiety disorder suffer before? thanks in advance.
 scottdehart
Joined: 6/5/2009
Msg: 2
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OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 11:38:27 AM
I think it would depend on how serious the disorder. I didn't know panic attack were part of compulsive disorders. Many can get over it with therapy. I worked with two sisters who were both 'a touch' OCD. Everything had to be 'just right' on their desks at all times. Note pad at ninety digrees from the edge of the desk. All items no more, or less an inch apart. Compulsive cleaners, too. They were aware of their OCD's. I used to joke with them to come to my house and have coffee because (I'd tell them) before the pot of coffee was gone you'll have cleaned my house because you couldn't help it!
They would laugh, but they DID overcome the problem.

All that being said, would you note date him if you found out he was a diabetic? Or some similar illness? Does your affection for him overcome your anxieties about his future behavior?

We can tell you all kinds of things here, but in the end, it's YOUR decision. If you truly care for him, things will work out. Maybe not the way you think it will, but they'll work out. If you don't care for him and fear about how YOUR life will be as a result...then bail.

But, as always, that's just my opinion.
 creativeIntuitive1
Joined: 9/20/2009
Msg: 3
OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 11:42:47 AM
There are many levels of OCD, and if you aren't noticing any at all its probably pretty minor. Was he diagnosed by a doctor? Or was this self diagnosis?

Believe me if it was hard core OCD, theres no way you wouldn't notice..
 dcoffman
Joined: 9/20/2009
Msg: 4
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OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 12:01:46 PM
One day at a time. If I didn't see any symptoms, then I wouldn't care about the diagnosis.
 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 5
OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 12:04:40 PM

We can tell you all kinds of things here, but in the end, it's YOUR decision. If you truly care for him, things will work out. Maybe not the way you think it will, but they'll work out. If you don't care for him and fear about how YOUR life will be as a result...then bail.


Excellent advice Scott. I completely agree...

I've recently watched a few shows on "hoarding" which is known to be related to OCD and I have to say, that's downright scary stuff. From what I've seen, it's even hard for the psychiatric profession to get a handle on how to deal with this disorder and even they say, it's unpredictable.

Life hands all of us challenges OP. Some of OUR challenges are derived from loving someone who has some major functioning challenges. If I were you, I would learn all I can about the disorder and ensure that this person is receiving treatment for it. Love can kick a lot of mountains out of the way but you need to ensure that he is committed to doing everything he can to function as well as he is able to.

I really think you should take your time to wade through life with your new honey. One month with anyone simply is not long enough to know if the relationship has enough grit to hold true during the downtimes. I think that if you do nothing else, you should really take a lot of time before making any kind of commitments. If you don't, you may hurt someone who really, doesn't deserve to be hurt AND yourself.
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 6
OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 12:07:58 PM
Having been in a relationship with someone who had anxiety issues, panic attacks and OCD, I can assure you I would NEVER do it again. He couldn't do anything spontaneous, had to meticulously plan every part of his life -- it was very tiring. At the end of the relationship I felt like my soul had been sucked out ...
 bluesandrock
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 7
OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 12:21:00 PM
As with anything it depends on the severity of the disorders and how they other person handles them.
 CookieLady66
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 8
OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 12:28:42 PM
I'm so cheerfully sloppy, that I probably would drive an OCD guy to insanity!! I wouldn't say it's necessarily a "deal breaker", just that it would be unlikely that we could make each other truly happy in the long haul.
 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 9
OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 12:38:42 PM

I'm so cheerfully sloppy, that I probably would drive an OCD guy to insanity!! I wouldn't say it's necessarily a "deal breaker", just that it would be unlikely that we could make each other truly happy in the long haul.


If you watched the show "Hoarders", you would know that neatness is not always a compulsion of this disorder. It can actually be at the far end of the spectrum the OTHER way... Whew... You should see some of their messes. They even find dead and dying animals under and in between all the boxes and garbage! It's appalling... particularly when children of the hoarder are ALSO becoming hoarders.

Just thought I'd point that out.
 ~Hello~
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 10
OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 12:40:57 PM
labels .. OCD = I figure Everyone has a touch of it and in varying degrees .. like Any of those other labels/diagnosis that are tossed out there to pigeonhole people who are struggling to accept their own individuality - their humaness and/or who are struggling to find acceptance from family and friends.

If it's different - put a name on it, give it a pill .. whatever.

I say fooey. IF y'all are getting along and enjoying one and other.. If you are meeting each others relationship needs .. If you're Happy together - Forget the labels / diagnosis and enjoy.

A meteor could smash into the earth tomorrow and fear would have kept you from having one Good last night .. ye know?

panic attacks .. phobia's .. compulsive behaviours .. habits .. There aren't too many humans that don't have one, some or all of those to greater or lesser degrees.

One day at a time Live, Love and Laugh.

 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 11
OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 12:44:09 PM
I've gone out with my boyfriend for one month now, we became exclusive two weeks of dating, we've great chemistry and we're very good matches and we both want a serious relationship. I find myself falling for him but I don't think I can say I love him yet.

then he recently told me he's anxiety disorders, OCD (obssesive compulsive disorder), panic attacks.

these ailments are all new to me, it is scaring. I don't mind dating him and see how it goes, he's a very attentive and sweet boyfriend who makes me very happy and I really can't tell any signs of OCD yet. I'm just worrying OCD could get worsen over years and will have other sideaffects such as suicide (I read online).

so I want to get some input from you guys, is OCD a deal breaker to you? anyone has dated or married a OCD/ anxiety disorder suffer before? thanks in advance.




IMO; it depends on the severity of their condition/if they are proactive in terms of seeking out medical advice, etc..... Believe it or not, these are quite common among MANY. I have a girl friend and a cousin who are OCD - you can eat from their floors (lmao!), they're so obsessed with cleanliness. Both happily married and with children.

Anxiety and panic attacks are successfully treated, so I hope he is addressing his accordingly.

You shouldn't be scared per se, but maybe educate yourself a bit on the symptoms/respective conditions. If he's a good man, it's worth the try. No?

Best!
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 12
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OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 12:47:21 PM

OCD a deal breaker for you?
Yes. Mental illnesses or disorders are not something I 'm willing to have in my life.
 Phredly
Joined: 8/24/2009
Msg: 13
OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 12:51:40 PM
Personally, I would be okay with a person who had some disorder or another - if she was honest about it. Nurturing someone and tolerating their flaws is a good loving attitude.

The undercurrent is that one expects one's care and tolerance to be returned or at least appreciated - not always the case!
 blowmydoorsoff
Joined: 3/19/2009
Msg: 14
OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 12:58:27 PM
^ Been wondering this for awhile now. What is with the superhero, hair blowing pic Landra ? Here she comez to save the dayyyyyy !!! Its super forum girl, dratz she foiled my wicked plans again.

Just screwing around Lan, dont take this seriously girl. It was a passing thought, I felt was funny. So had to post it.

OT: OP, would advise U to look up OCD and its assoc symptoms. Just so U know a little more about it. Im not a headdoctor, though Im sure there's a wide range of OCD classifications. Ranging from people who have tendencies, to people who have severe problems from the disorder. Like the person who CANNOT, pass a skyscrapper etc. Without counting the number of windows. Odds are if U didnt notice anything strange about your bf by now. Then he's not severely affected by that disorder.
 lonesomerick
Joined: 1/23/2008
Msg: 15
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OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 12:58:33 PM
I've always been some what neat and tidy, even some of my friends say I'm finicky, but not to bad. I did date a woman for sometime that was really OCD. Her house was meticulous, even her car, didn't bother me! So it wasn't a deal breaker.

Not quite sure panick attacks are the same as anxiety attacks, but I did have some of the latter after my wife died. I took anxiety medication until I got it under control, 2-3 months, and it was over.
 phase123
Joined: 9/13/2009
Msg: 16
OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 1:02:59 PM
good input.
but I'm sure I'm not in love yet, I still can choose not to cope this in my life, that's why I'm seeking input from ppl here whether it's a deal breaker. I guess I'm the only one who can decide, but I really don't know....I could give it a few more months and see, but I'll risk hurting him if things won't work out, he's a very sensitive guy.
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 17
OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 1:11:51 PM

^ Been wondering this for awhile now. What is with the superhero, hair blowing pic Landra ? Here she comez to save the dayyyyyy !!! Its super forum girl, dratz she foiled my wicked plans again.

Just screwing around Lan, dont take this seriously girl. It was a passing thought, I felt was funny. So had to post it.



You guys crack me up at times!
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 18
OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 1:40:21 PM

is OCD a deal breaker to you


I'd really have to know the severity of the OCD and anxiety. That will take time to figure out, and it sounds as if you are educating yourself and taking the time you need to make a well educated decision. Good for you.

Now my daughter is OCD (with cleaning it's amazing), has anxiety issues (which cause her extreme difficulties) and is ADHD. However as a person, she is loving, warm and kind. I have to admit she does struggle, and her life is chaotic....majorly chaotic. Too much drama for me, but then I'm not looking to marry her either.

God bless the man who takes her on!
 sleeping beauty
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 19
OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 1:43:29 PM
phase123, sit your boyfriend down, and have him explain what all this means in terms of having a relationship with you. what exactly can you look forward to experiencing with him when his OCD kicks in. what triggers an anxiety attack.

if he is genuinely sensitive he cares about how all this will make you feel to the point of being in therapy if he can afford it. there are also books available. if he is not actively bettering himself or is not willing to put forth a serious effort when you ask him then he is a drama queen. do you want to wallow around in his mire?

personally i think it might be acceptable if he is actively in therapy and becoming emotionally healthy is of paramount importance to him.
 Phredly
Joined: 8/24/2009
Msg: 20
OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 1:46:13 PM
Wow, think about it. I am something of a slob. Not really bad, but I have bene know to leave a shirt or two on the floor.

So I hook up with someone who is obsessively tidy! Touchdown! And I give her something to do -pick up after me! What a great idea!
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 21
OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 2:57:05 PM
I have never been involved with someone with this disorder but like any other mental illness I would tread lightly. I personally will probably leave the relationship, but will not totally abandon the person, I will help when I can. I grew up with someone with mental illness and was stressed out at a young age about it. so to go through that again i won't. You did the right thing by reading up on the condition, education is the best thing if you continue the relationship.
 smalltowngirl0
Joined: 6/13/2008
Msg: 22
OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 3:36:45 PM
Athens, Greece, July 1985
car bomb outside of my hotel while i was sleeping.
ptsd with the issues that come with it. i am a military veteran.

anxiety disorder: i don't do crowds, try to avoid if i can. keep an exit in sight.
don' startle me.
meds help, would not wish this on anyone.

this kind of stuff can happen to anyone, not just vets, be grateful if you are one of the few americans who are "normal"

diana
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 23
OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 4:07:14 PM

this kind of stuff can happen to anyone, not just vets, be grateful if you are one of the few americans who are "normal"


^^^^ According to that statement. I would be abnormal. Like a teen that still has both of his parents at home.

OP- Interesting topic. Now that I look back I think my ex had OCD, but was never diagnosed. We would have social gatherings and she would be picking up after people as soon as they sat something down. I just made sure I didn't put anything down or it would be gone. Guests sometimes felt like she was rushing them along.

As far as cleaning was concerned she did clean. But there was plenty of chores left that I didn't feel like I got away with any domestic chores (sorry to burst some of your bubbles). She was more into the meticulous cleaning. Cleaning behind the fridge, above the door frames and places I didn't know existed.

We were married for 13 years and the OCD had nothing to do with the failed relationship. So I guess I'm saying what some others have said, it can work. I liked the post that said sit down and talk to him.

At least he was honest enough to tell you about it after a month. That's a good time frame. You are doing your due diligence too. You both should be commended.
 readyfornow
Joined: 5/15/2009
Msg: 24
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OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 4:13:14 PM
Once. I put up with it for two months only because I was helping the woman's daughter with a school project. That situation was just too much for me to deal with; phone calls (cell & land line) morning, noon and night just to ask the same questions over and over again even though the answers never changed. She has numerous other "ticks" as well. I had always heard about OCD, but it was the first time I had ever met anyone who had it. Hopefully it will be the last.
 lovemyweims
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 25
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OCD a deal breaker for you?
Posted: 9/29/2009 5:23:10 PM
As pointed out by Silken Fire, and contrary to what many posters here seem to believe, OCD is not always a clean freak deal. The resulting behaviors are wide and varied.

If you’ve done some reading OP you probably know by now OCD is an anxiety disorder, and OCD symptoms are not always clearly visible – unless you can see the obsessive thoughts going through someone’s head.


anyone has dated or married a OCD/ anxiety disorder suffer before?

I’ve had two very close relationships with OCD sufferers. The first was not a romantic relationship, but it is a long-term and very close relationship nonetheless. This person suffered from OCD and panic/anxiety attacks. It was pretty awful for a while and yes, it was very scary. She sought therapy and utilized medication in conjunction with the therapy. She learned to recognize when things were getting skewed and techniques to engage to manage the disorder. As a result she was later able to discontinue the meds. It certainly wasn’t “cured’ overnight, and it took some long and hard work, but she’s now a fully functional, well-adjusted adult.

Her anxiety attacks were triggered by several different scenarios in her mind. One was certain types of crowds, another was a tremendous fear of flying...there were a couple of others. Ten years ago she could not have gotten onto a plane to save her life – not even walked onto one even if she knew it wasn’t going to fly anywhere. And she had flown many times before she developed this fear. Because she has successfully learned to manage this disorder through congnitive techniques she’s now a world traveler – and she ain ‘t goin’ by boat.



is OCD a deal breaker to you?

The second OCD sufferer I was involved with was a long-term romantic relationship. That OCD experience wasn’t as positive as the one I described above and could have made OCD sufferers an automatic no-go for me. But I don’t look at things that way. It wasn’t the disorder that was the problem, it was the individual’s refusal to even attempt to deal with the disorder that caused it to be so bad. And the OCD was not the primary reason for the ending of the relationship, though it did play a part.


phase123, sit your boyfriend down, and have him explain what all this means in terms of having a relationship with you. what exactly can you look forward to experiencing with him when his OCD kicks in. what triggers an anxiety attack.

This is excellent, excellent advice. Talk with him about it. If he has been professionally diagnosed and is indeed taking/has taken steps to learn to manage this disorder he will be able to fill you in on his exact circumstances. This is information you need in order to make an informed decision.

Best of luck to you both!
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