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 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 7
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to Page 1 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
Yeah, and I'm sure there's a "book" out there somewhere that says if a woman accepts a drink that he offers to buy, then she's a...umm, promiscuous.

So, the question becomes...'what do you believe, OP?' With all of your experiences with men in your lifetime...is the author mostly right, or mostly wrong?






~ds~
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 10
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 9:17:57 PM

He adds that although that he is aware of women who pursue/marry men for nothing more than the "hard cold cash", the term gold digger was invented by men to cop out on their financial responsibilty of supporting the woman they love.

Well, I would be very interested in seeing the author's sources backing up his claim of which 'men' "invented" the term.

Sounds more to me, like a hypothesis.






~ds~
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 11
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 9:21:08 PM
There are women out there who truly are only interested in finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and NOT the leprechaun who is guarding it.

I agree there are, but I disagree that there are that many; their frequency seems greatly exaggerated by men. What's amusing to me is that it is most often the guys with no or very little money that label women gold-diggers. Millionaires in Bel Air EXPECT women to want their money--that's part of the reason the guys MADE it. But Bel Air isn't like the rest of America--most of us aren't that rich, most of us aren't that pretty, and frankly, most of us aren't that shallow. Maybe Miami is. But those of you living in Indiana, you don't have "golddiggers".

Um, also what's amusing is this was written by a comedian. So he's hardly an expert on anything, he's just like one of us Forumites giving his opinion.
============
VVVV Then the term "gold digger" is a misnomer. Perhaps something more realistic like "lead licker"?
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 14
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 10:16:28 PM
I am not a gold-digger by any means. I pay my own bills and support myself and my child just fine on my own. I always have and always will. But when it comes to dating, I see things a bit differently than some of you do. If a man asks me out on a date, he should pay. He is the one inviting me, so he should treat. If I ask him to my home for dinner, I certainly don't expect him to bring the groceries, nor would I expect him to assist with the preparation of the meal. I would be taking care of all of that, and wait on him completely. When I go out on a date, I usually invest in the cost of an outfit, getting my hair and makeup done, nails done, not to mention the extensive prep time it takes to make sure that I look my best for him. I do this for my boyfriend every time we go out. Believe me, it is not cheap. Usually it is more than the cost of the dinner, or event we are attending.

In the beginning of a relationship, it's a matter of the courtship ritual...I like the feeling of being taken care of when we go out. If a man doesn't want to pay for the dinner, sure, I'll pay for mine, but he won't get another date with me. Not because I mind the money part, but it's the fact that he is that petty that he can't even spend what? twenty or thirty dollars on a dinner with me? If he is that broke, then he really is going to have trouble when I want to plan a vacation, or go to a charity event for business.

My boyfriend has let me pay for dinner out one time, and that was because he accidently left his bank card on my dining room table with his keys and we had taken my car to the restaurant, and he was mortified. I didn't mind a bit, because he also has never let me open my own door, or forgotten to pull out my chair, or let me order first, or offer me the first bite of a shared dessert. He is always considerate when we go out, and treats me like a lady. But hear this...

When we're at home, I cook, I do his laundry with mine and fold it and have it ready for him for when he goes back to his house. He doesn't have to fix his plate for dinner, I fix it for him. I know what foods he likes and doesn't like, and I make sure that what I serve him is what he enjoys eating. When he's watching the game, I refill his glass when it's empty. We snuggle on the couch together and I make sure he's happy. I don't say no to sex, because it's always good, and I love it!

My point is, he spoils me, and I spoil him. He takes me on weekends to all sorts of places, sometimes as a surprise, sometimes planned. But we enjoy our time together. I respect his opinions and he respects mine, even when we disagree in points. Oh, and if you're wondering, I'm about as naughty as they come in the bedroom, and there's nothing he can ask for that he won't get. I'm a lady in public, but a very naughty girl in the bedroom, and you can bet he appreciates it!

So, if you went out with me and paid for dinner and classified me as a gold-digger, you'd be missing out on a good thing, because there's a lot more to me than just what you see over the table at a restaurant. Some of us enjoy traditional roles.

Maybe before you worry about who's paying for the pasta you should see who you're really eating with...instead of a gold-digger, you may have a gold mine!

Beth
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 19
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 11:23:28 PM
I hear it from guys without a pot to pee in. They are just bitter.
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 24
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 12:26:35 AM
Well I can see both sides of the equation. I am able to pay for myself, and graciously accet a treat as long as I am not asked to "pay for" that treat with something I am uncomfortable with.

I have noticed the phrase "gold-digger" among men who think a woman is a status sybol and mothers of some men that think "no girl is good enough". My personal experience. I have been called a "gold-digger" by both women that thought a guy (due to family or looks) could do "better"(even if I paid all of my own bills and earned more than the guy) and by guys that thought that since they "treated" me to a meal that I should "worship" them for the all mighty bank-roll in their pocket.

A "gold-digger" is like any stereo-type-it wouldn't exist if there wasn't a sizable portion of society that fits the description. And it's not gender specific. Any person(male or female) can be a "gold-digger".

I think the author has a point that for SOME men that is the case, for others it may be a different experience.
 *Sanscheyle*
Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 33
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 8:09:16 AM
He adds that although that he is aware of women who pursue/marry men for nothing more than the "hard cold cash", the term gold digger was invented by men to cop out on their financial responsibilty of supporting the woman they love.


Yanno OP, I agree with this but I say that based on my own personal experiences only. I make an above average salary but have found most of the guys I were interested in were simply ecstatic that I lived on a barrier island in Florida (after all, I must be rich, right?) where they could come down for a comfy vacation yet unwilling to step up to the plate and just want to take me out to a dinner that only involved a 'drive-thru'.

I was born in 58' where it was the man's job to provide for his family while his wife took care of the home/kids/pets/and bills. Those days are gone. We all want a comfortable existence and luckily I'm able to provide it for myself but I'm no longer taking applications for someone that expects me to provide the same for them.

It just breaks my heart when my mom says to me "Sans, I just want someone in your life that will take care of you forever so you'll never be scared or alone again."

Well, mom? Guess what? I'm not scared. I have a 9mm glock now and I'm no longer alone. I have 82 cats and 22 fish to keep me company. I'm also adding a python to my menagerie in a few weeks so hey, who's scared and alone now?? Only my next boyfriend...

Nowadays, if a man pays for a latte for you then you're a 'golddigger'. The trick is to find someone that can take care of you...and you him without keeping score and I'm afraid those days are gone too.

Sans
 PiggyT
Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 34
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 8:19:05 AM
Society seems to have a penchant for labels.

Everything must be "tagged" in some way.

Yet another label created to "put people in their place".

Be an individual. Do whatever you want and worry not about the "branding" that may apply.

I had a gold-digger girlfriend. She worked for a large mining operation.... digging gold. That label fits
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 35
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 8:30:39 AM
We've had roles in society forever and there remain remnants of past roles such as a man's purpose is to provide security and a woman's is to accept subservience. It takes awhile for it to change as we enter an era of increasing equal footing among the genders.

I personally feel there's a place for all people on this earth. Supposed "Gold Diggers" are because they can and often they find those that equally offer their gold to the cutest shovel because they can. Balance of nature.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 40
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 10:58:39 AM
Folks, if someone gets their knickers or tighty whities in a knot over paying for a silly drink, THEY SHOULDN'T BE DATING!! If a couple has been dating awhile, they can and should take turns paying, keeping in mind not to go into debt just to impress your date!
 swampbuggy1
Joined: 8/29/2009
Msg: 42
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 1:53:36 PM
Steve Harvey is not a relationship expert nor a writer he is a comedian so why would you even read this book he obviously dosnt know what the hell hes talking about. He needs to stick to the improv stage and out of the book stores. The term "gold digger " refers to women or men who are looking for a rich person to marry and wont settle for less
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 44
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 2:53:50 PM
^^^Edit: Mahogany-Rush ~~ didn't see your post before I posted, but *Great Mind* ::grin::

LOL! I've always been convinced that it was just part of the "nice guy" arsenal ~~ excuses as to why women don't pick him, or why he "doesn't" want them. I've had three millionaires in my life, and each one of them *wanted* to wanted for his money. . . . And explicitly said so, *after* nothing else was working. . . . Because each one was seriously lacking in other, and in my view, necessary, qualities for the making of good relationships. Personally, and just for me, money's always been something I've had to overlook, either way: having or not having.

And yes, plenty of guys cheat financially on their ex wives and their kids. . . . but then, lotsa peeps, male AND female don't think much about what they're doing when they make babies in the first place. Don't see that it's at minimum a twenty year contract that cannot be broken, period. With luck, it's more and longer, but that's the absolute sine qua non.

 Zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 48
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 5:09:08 PM
I think, when or IF we all step back and look at the issue objectively, that we find there are different ideas and desires out there.

Some people are fortunate to find a match to their wants and needs...others, not so.

When reading some profiles and postings by women who, to me, seem excessively fixated on material wants and finances; be it lavish gifts or expensive activities, I'd normally want to scream 'gold digger', hurl some abuse and run away.
Often, I just run away.

But, there are men out there who seem to want to attract these sorts.
And, when we look at it, I'm sure they have some traits that are positive (at least to some).
A gold digger may focus more on her external appearance. Maybe more willing to engage in some activities that others don't. Who knows...other than those who hook up with them.

In reading 'witch-what's-her-name's post. She found a good match in her BF.
Hopefuly it will last for a long time.
She get's what she wants and expects...and if she's truthful, he is too.

I think that one is most happy when they're with 'like minded' company though.
For those of us still on here seeking...finding such isn't always easy.
Initially, I was a bit amazed at how picky many were. Having lengthy lists of wants, needs and repulsions.
But, over a short time, I've found that to be a benefit.
Mostly, it shows that they're being honest and upfront.
And it lets me know easily if we'd be semi-compatible or not.
Do I waste my time to find out? Or move on quickly?

In the end, I know I've learnt to be a little more picky.
Does that make me shallow?
Depends.
But I know, in the end, I'll be with someone I like and desire and who returns the same. With compatible interests and focuses in life.
Or, with no one at all as the aggrivation just isn't worth the company when considering long term relationships.
Short term things...I'm a little less picky on. But, that's more to do with seeking simple company once in a while such as in a casual date.
And, when I pick up actual friends along the way. I'm even less picky or judgemental. Simply because I can turn my back and not worry too much about it.


Always a case of 'diffrent strokes for different folks'.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 49
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 6:59:44 PM
i'm happy to pay the freight the first couple times out, but i'm certainly not doing it because other guys were deadbeats. not mine to fix, even if i could.
 girlwPriOriTies
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 50
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 8:03:20 PM
i am a feminist...feminist means that men and women have equal rights. I feel it is the DUTY of the man to pay for dinner, not to mention, open a door or two.

Oh and guys, just because you tell us we are beautiful and you do pay for dinner, DOES NOT MEAN WE ARE GOING TO SLEEP WITH YOU! perverts. UGH
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 53
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 9:09:49 PM
Although I am a DIFFERENT sort of feminist, I sort of understand what Msg 54 was saying.

Societal standards dictate (actually, at this point, just suggest) that the man pay for the first date. It doesn't really matter why, at the point you go on a date in thevery near future. It's just considered the "polite" thing to do.

BUT because society is changing, I think that is why you get the "transitional" feminists speaking out both sides of their mouths. It is ALSO why you get half the men upset about the status quo, and half accepting it (some graciously, some digging in their heels but still accepting).

But ALL that has NOTHING to do with golddiggers. Men could totally change the way women think, if they could all get on the same page and stop THEMSELVES from valuing money and toys so much (have you seen very many men's profiles? LOTS of cars, boats, and motorcycles).
 girlwPriOriTies
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 54
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 9:22:45 PM
AGREED. I would also like to clarify. I was stating that I am a feminist, meaning that men and women should have equal rights. Statistics show that WE STILL DO NOT EARN AS MUCH AS OUR MALE COUNTERPARTS. If men want to be the protective, breadwinners, step it up. Accept us as your equals.

You wanna be the BOSS, gotta pay the COSTS.

You wanna be the king? gotta where the crown.

Won't pay the bills, I know somebody who will.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 58
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 10:24:04 PM
Even in certain professions, If a man wants to be a nurse he's looked down upon and even called a fag,where's the equality there?

A man stays home to be a house hubby and he's labeled a pansy? where's the equality ?

By other guys, you mean? What's this to do with "equality"?


many women seem to conveniently forget all about the fact that things are expected of them too.

So what? You've drawn your line in the sand, stand behind it. Ignore the women who "expect" things from you. There are plenty out there who play by your rules.
 girlwPriOriTies
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 59
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 10:53:35 PM
you obviously haven't read anything from John Locke. A right is much different than duty. Duty is not mandatory, nor is it distributed equally. You are entitled to your own take, on my take, but, no one is asking you to buy me dinner. I do not know what you have done on your dates, but obviously you do not think it proper to pay for a women's dinner. It's not even that big of a deal. This is why women are single.

I would rather be single and independent, pay for my own dinner, as i do now, than rely on any man, esp. one with ill conceived notions.

And for any other man that wishes to comment on my posts, g'HEAD!!! I am strong-willed, may be young, but definitely know a thing or two about the dance.
 girlwPriOriTies
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 60
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 10:58:16 PM
alright, so you get on my ass about having "expectations" and you, yourself say that is how you were brought up, to pay? SO therefore, you, yourself, EXPECT to pay.......ummmmm yeah...did you get a copy of that TPS report??

Also, you have another expectation, that women DO NOT PAY!

Basically, you have just agreed with me.
 ReallyCleverOne
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 62
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/4/2009 7:12:17 AM

This guy is a total self serving moron, and no one should waste their money on the crap he sandwiches between two covers

Have you even read the book? He has nothing to GAIN by saying the thing he says in the book. Steve Harvey is already very wealthy at all of the other stuff he does (tv, radio, standup, etc). He didn't need to write a book to make money. Try reading the book before you assume you know what it's about & why he wrote it.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 64
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/4/2009 9:15:45 AM

Have you even read the book? He has nothing to GAIN by saying the thing he says in the book.

You make it sound like he's some humanitarian giving the book away for free. He's not.

Just last week he was on Tyra plugging it, and I know he's made the rounds of other women's TV shows doing the same. There are rather lengthy excerpts of the book (almost whole chapters) available online at his publisher for perusal. So I've read enough of him to think I know to my satisfaction basically where he's coming from.

In condensed form, he's a traditionalist going around telling women what men's place is. A female version of him would be going around telling men about how women's place is in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant, how she must be a beautiful young virgin at her first and only wedding, etc, etc.

It's not difficult to see why such a person in this day and age would not be taken very seriously by many and would be called names like "idiot" and "moron". He has opinions and a point of view (little or none of which I share), but not much more. It's not like his book considers different points of view and reasons it's way to some conclusions which the reader is either allowed to accept or not. It's more like he's trying to come off as women's savior, having come down from the mountain with his tablets of The Way It Is And The Way It's Supposed To Be. It's easy for me to say I think saviorism is delusion, and that by not considering things in any depth he comes across as someone who doesn't really know what he's talking about, even if he thinks he does. Some will respond to his preaching, and him appointing himself as some sort of authority with The Truth and All The Answers. Others will be turned off by him taking the attitude that we're all little children who are supposed to believe him just because he says so.

To get back on topic, Durandal26 (Msg 50) is correct that in the statement alluded to by the OP, Harvey is at least guilty of totally confounding the issues of child support and women who are in it only for the money. And he does so in a very superficial and simplistic fashion, totally discounting the male experience of getting into it for love, being ejected some years later by the woman on a whim from "his" family, having "his" kids taken from him by her (with the help of the state), and then being forced (again, by the state) to subsidize all this for the duration with his earnings -- how what started out as being about love ends up being only about his money. It would only be natural that a man who has experienced this would feel used and would be a tad bit resentful.

In short, Harvey's "ideas" are barely worth debating (to be generous), and I don't think his book is worth reading any more of than I already did.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 66
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/4/2009 9:24:36 AM
OH, ha ha I thought you meant THE John Locke, since you were talking about duty and stuff. Too funny!

Hm, Colonel watches Tyra?! That's the funniest part of this whole thread!
 Zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 67
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/4/2009 9:25:20 AM
Sooo...

A Tru (TM) feminist is one who only champions societial standards when it benefits THEM and seeks to destroy those standards that are detrimental to them...sexist.

I'm a feminist. I even had the ex's last name to back it up.
I believe in equality and actually practice it.

If I'm to the door 1st, I open it and keep it open...I also expect the same.
I don't pull the chair out nor do I expect her to do the same for me.
When 'meeting' someone. I go Dutch and try to ensure that we're meeting at a mutually agreeable place. I'm a single, 24/7 custodial father, I fully understand a single mother's position...and see how society is set up to pander to them a little more over us, rareish, single dads.

If I INVITE you to a DATE, I have no problems paying but, unless it's reciprocated in kind, I may stop after a short while.
I have no problems if the lady's version of a date is financially inexpen$ive but, she should have the same expectations of me.
A stroll or jog in the park over a multi-course meal and chez $nob$alot is fine.
But, she should be fine if I select those options too.
The goal is to meet and get to know someone a little better.
NOT to 'BUY' someone.

And, to think it's some 'Duty' or 'Societial' expectation that a man...or woman, dance to some archaic notion that died out a GENERATION ago...give me a break.
If you want, truely want, to believe that.
Then, I want to return to the notion that it's a woman's DUTY to put out on the 3rd date. And, the more I spend on her, the more perversly freaky she'll be in 'rewarding' me.

In the end, if you want EQUALITY, you have to act like an equal. You want the man to be a little more compassionate and understanding? To communicate with you and take a very active interest in child rearing? You have to make some adaptations too.
The first is: Ditch the 'entitlement' attitude.
Or, find a man dumb enough to put up with it...just don't be surprised at the eventual break-up and divorce.



Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to hold the door open for a nice lass...it's our 3rd date and I'm feeling a little randy...
 WHITE CANOPY
Joined: 3/29/2009
Msg: 70
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/4/2009 10:54:37 AM
WOW, is a woman labled a gold-digger because shes tired of her body being used while looking and hoping to find mr. right? im sure there are kids at home and dad has probably abandon them so she benefits financially. a male anatomy isnt beneficial, hell she probably has that in her night stand drawer. besides, that wont get those bills paid. a man, not male is SUPPOSED to take care of his woman and children. that is his role. things have gotten a lil out of pocket not because this is a new generation but because men are not raising their sons. and our men today dont have a clue on what a mans role is. our daughters are out there spreading their legs because dad isnt there to tell her, she doesnt have to do that. nine out of ten, a man is looking for a warm place to put it and on the same token, a woman is looking for love and her husband. im old fashion. when im out on a date, i expect the man to take care of it. i like for my doors to be opened. yesssssssss, i love being treated like a lady and a lady does not pay for a date. this does not make me a gold-digger. we all have our role. i may not buy you dinner on a date but i will definately cook you dinner and serve it to you. in todays economy it takes 2, 3 hell maybe even 4 paychecks to make it. a woman sees herself giving up the goodies and wondering how the hell is she going to pay the light bill, as something terribly wrong. the man thats getting the goody should be checking to see if her needs have been met. womens foreplay is not sexual. if we know you have our backs and looking out for us, relieving us from some financial stress, THATS our foreplay. we will freak all over you and treat you like a king, IF we are the right woman. men like sex and women like money. thats it thats all. im not saying women dont like sex and men dont like money so please dont get this twisted but dont call a woman a gold-digger for this reason. i think a gold-digger is a woman that feels so USED that she will never allow herself to be put in that position again and at this point she starts looking at relationships as $$$$$$$$$$$$.
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