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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 red_relaxed
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 3
How Easily Can You Detect Red FlagsPage 1 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Red flags are usually placed on the back of logging trucks. A worn out old tattered hunk of red cloth hanging by a chain that dangles down near your windshield... It's the only constant in every new load of timber. I pay attention and can detect them pretty good, otherwise I'm going to run a big ol' log through my head.
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 5
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How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 2:49:03 AM
The self-description of "a few extra pounds."

Know how some women joke about measurements, holding their fingers and thumbs about three inches apart and saying "Well, my husband always told me that *this* was 10 inches ...?"

Well, "a few extra pounds" gives men something about which to compare their own observations. And mine is that when many women describe themselves as "AFEP" ... let's just say they're being a bit conservative.

That's my flag.
 pamsfl
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 7
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 4:32:35 AM
What was the last thing you wrote in the IM before he disappeared? Maybe you said something that was a red flag to him? There are numerous reasons why someone may have been pulled away from the computer in an IM - have you tried to call him?
Too many unanswered questions here to make a good judgement call.
I also have to say, for the record, to WRITETHINKING, what the hell does your post have to do with the question? Did you just feel the need to insult someone today? Did that give YOU a nice ego boost? Shame on you.
 pamsfl
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 8
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 4:34:36 AM
Ooops, sorry WRITE TIME -- I now see the context of your comment. Still not nice, but not directed to anyone in particular here. My bad.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 11
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How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 5:55:13 AM
I take it from your question, that you don't feel you have enough reasons to reject someone instantly, so you want to borrow some from the rest of us. Yes?
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 14
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 7:44:52 AM
The "red flag" would have been only being able to have IM contact with him and especially after having met him twice. If you can't pick up the phone, call him and say, "Hey, where'd you go all of a sudden?"...yup, something stinks in Columbus.
 LIVINGTHEWORD
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 16
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 9:04:22 AM
No contact outside of the computer.
 LIVINGTHEWORD
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 17
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 9:14:09 AM
For me it is a red flag meaning phone number were never exchanged. I agree, it is not hard to exchange phone numbers and should happen early on if really interested.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 20
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How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/10/2009 8:19:15 AM
How easily can I detect a red flag?

Time and experience have taught me. I have installed a BS detector in my brain, and a firewall in my heart. I'm not falling for anyone, till I know all the details.

If I dont have access to him at anytime, something is up. His own family would have access in an emergency, even at work. Only seeing him at certain times of the day/evening.

He agrees with me on everything. Yeah, right, he really does like cooking for my sisters.

Watch his eyes dart here and there when he is saying something, trying to cover his a$$, while he tries to think up his excuse.
Too much too soon, trying to make things happen too fast. I had a guy propose after the 3rd date. 1c diamond and all.

Nasty attitude when talking about his ex. Blames her for everything. Next time it will be me he is badmouthing.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 21
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/10/2009 8:31:10 AM
You don't have much time invested - be thankful and move on.
BTW op, what was it you said just before the disconnect? Was it "I love you and want to have your luv child?"
 Harry Peter
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 23
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/10/2009 8:54:49 AM
Number one red flag to me is when I see a woman that sees a red flag as green.
 red_relaxed
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 25
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:23:44 AM

But what if he got screwed left, right and center and just reports facts?

Perhaps some of us have a great need to brag, or report our facts to the new fresh faces, but personally I find this knee jerk reaction to slam others they've spent time with in any capacity unattractive in anyone. Big huge friggin gianormous red cloud...

The last thing I want to hear about in a budding relationship is how, why, when and what for the last one failed. If we're at the point of wallowing and haven't figured it out, and owned our own stuff and risen above, we ought not to be dating. I think that's a recipe for disaster.

Happy Thanksgiving...
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 26
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:26:38 AM

Number one red flag to me is when I see a woman that sees a red flag as green.

The nervous laughter while you're on the phone with her doesn't mean she sees your red flags as green, she may just be waiting till she gets off the phone with you till she can breathe a sigh of relief and quickly block your number.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 27
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:34:19 AM
Perhaps some of us have a great need to brag, or report our facts to the new fresh faces, but personally I find this knee jerk reaction to slam others they've spent time with in any capacity unattractive in anyone. Big huge friggin gianormous red cloud...

The last thing I want to hear about in a budding relationship is how, why, when and what for the last one failed. If we're at the point of wallowing and haven't figured it out, and owned our own stuff and risen above, we ought not to be dating. I think that's a recipe for disaster.

I see alot of this "sharing" - they see me as a compassionate person with no boundaries. In a way I'm fortunate to be aware of the issues and dysfunctional past so early on. Even if it was all the spouses fault, they can't deny that choosing to marry such an awful person makes me question their judgement. I have to think their judgement may have been clouded by using the wrong head. and then there's the issue of bringing children into the world with the shrew as if they were forced into white slavery or stud service. They also seem to think crying about their ex-wife's sexual issues are going to make women want to prove that we're not all that way. The poor dear! ...and restraining orders seem to be really common with divorced men nowadays. They tell me all this stuff like I should give them a gold star for their honesty.
 soflnighteagle
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 28
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/10/2009 11:16:01 AM
You really are asking the wrong people. If we knew how to weed out the bad we would not still be on here. Long before there was the internet men and women cheated, long before computers became a part of our lives there were nut cases. You want guarantees, and there are none. You have to deal with this just like in the real world, get to know the person, (that means meet because nothing is true until verified), and decide if they are the kind of person you would like to spend time with. Yea it takes time, it always has, stop looking for instant gratification because it will almost always lead you in the wrong direction. No matter what a person says on here it can always be different in person. For example I met one woman on here that forgot to tell me she was 8 months pregnant, (ummm like I wasn't going to notice when we met?) Or the whole smoking thing, you either do or you don't, how can someone say they don't smoke when they do? How do you forget that fact? So red flags would be great if everyone told the truth, but they don't, so in the end you have to go through all the same things as if you were just meeting them in the real world. No quick fixes here, just another way to work.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 31
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/10/2009 1:14:40 PM
lots of wives have been alerted by this method. Sad to say I have talked to 3 wives in my years of dating sites.

That's all fun till he shows up with knife because you ruined his happy home.


The trouble is not that people cannot spoy red flags. Most people can. The trouble is what they want to believe gets in the way of their reasoning capacity. Not letting that happen is the real struggle.

Study and research sociopathic behavior and never let your bottom half get involved before the top half says it's ok. Never interrupt them, ask questions, and listen to the answers very carefully. Some people are really good at creating an illusion with half truths or lying by omission. They can keep up an act only for so long and they won't be consistent.
 indigo1357
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 35
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/11/2009 8:14:26 AM
I like exapmles. Heres one.

After 2-3 messages back and forth with a girl who is interested in the feild of work I already work in it seems theres enough interest to persue it. I offer to "chat on some other chat service" because its easier then waiting for inbox messages to go back and forth with RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE before each one.

her response is "Oh id like to but im going out with friends now sorry I cant" Then she remains online for another 30 minutes. She also was deleting my messages as soon as she read them which tells me her in box is overflowing.

And your done. bai
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 40
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:48:28 AM
He doesn't want to take you out in public...could be married or have a girlfriend.

He cannot make time for you even on the weekend, you're here all weekend, he just calls when he feels like it.

You don't know where he lives(address) and how dare you ask about his family.

He texts all the time, sometimes brief (SO might catch him talking to you).

He has to borrow someone else's car. Doesn't want his parked outside your house or he'll get caught.

Oh, Huff, huff, he always seems to be in a heated rush
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 41
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:53:42 AM
No call/no show on a date--very disrespectful

Has to plan a date at the last minute--probably married!! Here all weekend yet only avail time if I'm lucky is Sat night for few hours

Yes, only wants to hang out at YOUR place, don't go nowhere do anything worthwhile.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 42
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2009 8:25:33 AM

phone them when they r not expecting it.


That explains why I get calls at crazy hours day and night. That's just annoying when you aren't hiding anything.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 47
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How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:50:06 PM

He's texting while you are giving him a B.J.
B-b-but... he said it was work related!!!
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 48
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How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:10:23 PM
^^ Oh, I'd say at that point it definitely is work. Just not for him apparently, lol.

OT: I can read all the red flags just fine... with hindsight. Some things are clearer in the rear view mirror.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 55
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:20:59 AM
In reference to message 63 and 64:

I think anything that is taken to the extreme is a problem. Give me middle of the road and "boring" any day.
One of my favorite movie lines is "Sell crazy someplace else - I'm all stocked up here"
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 61
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How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:35:43 PM
Some things are actually red flags and others are things people glom onto because God forbid they could just allow a relationship to progress normally without seeking out something that is wrong. If things aren't right, you will figure it out pretty quickly.

Red flag? How about just ignorant any way you slice it.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 63
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:46:42 PM

I was wondering if anyone else has any other RED FLAG signals they'd like to share to possibly help educate others to be on guard for during our fishing expeditions. I'd really like to find a quality man, but I'm beginning to think they are VERY rare fish in the sea anymore


I don't like that "red flag" concept- would much rather be talking about green flags, or checkered ones. Lol But there is one "flag" that has taken more than one bite out of my ass: the ones who are loooong on talk but balk when you ask to meet in person.

btw- your screen name makes me First heard that recommendation in third grade- wasn't sure what it meant, at first, but kinda knew it was not a warm reception.
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