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 PiggyT
Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 2
Would you date a cheaterPage 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
This is a ridiculous question. Actually that is giving it more credit than it deserves.

All the reasonable responses will go something like this;

Uhh... would you buy a car after you know it has been trashed. Sure it looks fixed but it was a total write off....

Uhh.... would you date a serial killer now that they have served their term??

Uhh, do you like getting kicked in the junk??

Yah sure I would date a cheater. I would also send $10000 to that poor suffering African that just inherited 10Million.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 4
Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/8/2009 11:04:47 AM
...they also date people who have cheated and it's never been disclosed. So, how can it be said with certainty that it will always happen again if you don't know it even happened once? I realize you're asking if you'd knowingly date a cheater, but with that comes the preconception/assumption that they will always do it again. I'm sure there are any number of people out there who have never disclosed they have cheated and go on to have relationships where it's never happened again. Would I date someone who I knew had cheated in their past? Possibly. I'd have to know the person and the circumstances and trust myself enough to determine if they were trustworthy in my own situation.
 ValkyrieHJR
Joined: 8/8/2009
Msg: 6
Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/8/2009 12:15:39 PM
While, I never would, if I knew about it, I know there are a lot of women that don't care. In fact, my ex husband of 10 yrs is currently living with the girl he cheated on me with. And she knew he was married and didn't care. I guess it's all a matter of morals and values mixed with a little chemistry and attraction.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 7
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/8/2009 12:19:36 PM
So what are we suggesting here? That all the people in the world who have'nt been monogamous be sent to an isolated planet to roam amongst themselves? Well, we've already done that.. it's called earth.

There are far too many people on earth who are incapable of remaining monogamous for any great length of time. I dare to say that Most long term relationships have endured some form of infidelity during said long term. Whether it be a physical betrayal or an emotional betrayal some were never found out.. some were and the chips flew where they may.

Most people who proclaim to be 100% monogomous usualy have several very short relationships during their lifetime. 1-2-3-4-or 5 years at the most before they're onto their next monogamous partner.. calling themselves morally correct and leaving a partner that they still "loved but were not in love with" *rolls eyes* because the sex became too routine.

Chances are very high that elderly couple who have been married for 30-40-50-60 years have had a indiscretion a time or two, however; they found a life-mate that they chose to grow old with none the less. They love each other and they consider loving and being in love as one thing. Being "in love" to them is much more then the limerence period experienced when engaging with a new sex partner.

There are no monogamous animals on earth.. even in the animal kingdom there may be several species that MATE for life but DNA studies have now concluded that during their tenure with their life mate they have stepped out of their own nest, fathered and mothered others offspring, only to return to the one they chose to be with for life.

I'd have more trouble dating someone who proclaims to have never cheated and has had several monogamous short term unions.. They're the one's who very often leave their (what turns out to be temporary) life-long nest when the inherant urge to merge with someone new overwhelms them. "Leave before you cheat, there's no excuse to cheat" is often sung amongst the serial monogamers.

I once read a post here where the poster said "I've lived with ALL of my long term partners and I never cheated, ever" (The poster was in their early 30's) proclaiming it like it was something the be proud of. LMAO.

I may be monogamous in general, but I'm not so naive that I think that nature built us to be that way.. Would I date someone who cheated? Chances are most of us already have.
 ~*Isabel Kitty*~
Joined: 7/6/2009
Msg: 8
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/8/2009 12:30:35 PM
If I knew someone has a history of cheating, no I would not date them. I am always very curious in asking about previous relationships, why the ended etc.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 9
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/8/2009 12:39:03 PM

What I get from your post is that you have probably cheated in the past and are trying to justify is as not a big deal.
What you SHOULD get from my post is that I'm realistic and that I know human/animal nature. To me, what I get from your post is that you are not a very good chooser for a life mate. Surely you knew of your religious differences prior to committing?

If we were born and it was in our gene's to be mono.. then temptation when used in conjunction with sexuality would not even be in the dictionary. No one would have the need for muliple partners and, polygamy would not exist.
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 10
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/8/2009 12:56:27 PM
Look OP, no one's going to say sign me up, I want someone who will cheat on ME...which is almost the implication of the question, isn't it?

I personally believe that cheating can have many causes. Last year I dated a perfectly wonderful man, who was dealing with many issues, and cleaning up his life. He told me he was a cheater...he cheated on everyone for years...but looked stunned when I asked him if he'd ever been sober when that happened??? Sometimes, it's "situational".

There are people who cheat because they don't feel good about themselves, need the attention, want the boost of the ego...there are people who cheat for the rush, to see if they can get away with it...there are people who have cheated because of the bad relationship they were in...there are people who have cheated when they were young and dumb, and learned a hard lesson.

Every case is different, as is every person, and every relationship. So - would I date a cheater - sure, I have. Would I date someone who cheats on me? No way in hell.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 11
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/8/2009 1:33:45 PM

I am not a religious person, and will never be, and they knew that going in..........yet over time their family pressured them to try and convert me and that was not going to happen.
So, in the name of religion, more than one of your committed relationships was torn assunder... I see.

BTW.. you can assume what you want about what I posted.. it wouldn't make it true.

I don't and I haven't minimized the importance of fidelity to humans in a civilization that has programed it's inhabitants to practice it. My post was to illustrate that a whole lot of people fight with themselves in order to stay monogamous and we as a species, may have been brought up (programmed) to be that way.. but we are not born into it.

Maybe you'll get lucky next time and marry a virgin (like I was) and your marriage lasts 30+ (mostly happy) years (like mine did). Good luck to you..
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 12
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/8/2009 1:47:55 PM

I would rather be with a whore who made conscious decision to be with me in a monogamous relationship than to be with a virgin who spent the rest of her life wondering if she made the right decision.
I think most of us, or at least those of us who are realistic would agree with that. Be it a man whore or a woman whore. It's very difficult for people to wrap their head around sharing someone sexually with a person they love.. It's about being territorial and possessive.. that is what IS inherent in all of us it seems.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 14
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/8/2009 2:18:33 PM

Your barnyard Psychology has no place here.
I'd say he has a keen sense of insight. a general knowledge of human nature/psyche and spirituality rather than call it "barnyard psychology"
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 15
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/8/2009 5:51:38 PM
^^ Please don't read my post through your own pain of betrayal.
I do not advocate non-monogamy nor have my husband and I suffered from that pain. I have been subjected to other forms of deceit within my marriage which were very painfull and which eventually caused us to separate. Infidelity had nothing to do with it.
My opinion is not about my life .. Take a look at the divorce stats and how many of those divorces were due to infidelity.. and they're only the ones that were actually discovered. I don't make the numbers up..


But to declare monogamy impossible/unnatural/naive
I did not call monogamy impossible.. I said it is not inherent in us but rather it has been a dynamic that has been brainwashed into us over the centuries.
 Call Me Sugar
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 16
Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/8/2009 6:31:33 PM
Theres so many situations to come up with examples..
But mines really twisted..
I met a guy who's separated...
I started seeing him quite often right from the beginning...
Its going on a year now, this month..
A few months into the relationship I felt comfortable enough to ask him what caused his separation.
He tells me he had an affair and got caught by his wife.
Since we;ve been together we never had a problem, never a fight, nothing whatsoever...
So what do I do? Stop seeing him?
It just doesnt work that way... We like being together..
Anything could happen to anyone.. No matter what kind of relationship you're in.
This guy could tell me tomorrow that hes going back with his wife...
I pursued this knowing he was separated and I continued to see him even after he told me he got caught cheating by his wife...
Thats the chance Im taking....
Ill just take the blow, get therapy, and move on....
But for now its all good and im living for the moment....
 Sweetlilmeee
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 17
Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/8/2009 9:06:37 PM
No I wouldn't date a known cheater because I've known several and they all seem to have a trend of doing it again.
 Stafford_Jim
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 18
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/8/2009 9:10:27 PM

I've never had anyone admit to me that they cheated on someone else. If they are cheaters - are they not usually liars too?? They probably wouldn't tell me.

That's not always the case. I've had women friends tell me they've cheated on their S/Os or husbands. One showed interest in me later, but all I could think about what they they had cheated in their past. I'd be a fool to believe they weren't capable of doing the same to me and I passed on the opportunity to move beyond friendship.


No, I would not date a cheater. There is no excuse to cheat.


Exactly.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 19
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/8/2009 11:19:34 PM
I do not believe in once a cheater always a cheater, but it would depend on the cheating and why. I don't date men who have FWB because their mindset would be so different than mine, I don't date men who have cheated a lot as in it's their lifestyle, but just because someone has cheated in the past, I don't assume they will in the future. It's a very individualized thing, I wouldn't put a one-size-fits-all label on it.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 24
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/9/2009 9:36:48 AM
I am not enterested on dealing with cheaters, I've met a few they are with their wives and flirting with me.
And one guy even have the guts to tell me,that he'll leave his wife to be with me..
I won't take that chance that what he do to his wife/girlfriend he won't do it to me..
I have some girlfriends that experienced to snared a cheater ^^^ a husband or a boyfriend of their friends ,some work some did not work........
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 25
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/9/2009 10:05:47 AM
Hypothetically speaking, it depends. Lots of PoFfers post in the forums "once a cheater, always a cheater". IMO cheating is not necessarily a relationship death sentence. No doubt it is a dubious behavior, but interpersonal relationships are complex--no one relationship you have is similar to another one. It really depends--I'd say no unless I had a good inkling that the cheater is clearly reticent about their previous behavior.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 26
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/9/2009 2:25:29 PM
Thank you wild1-1
 singleagain66
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 27
Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/9/2009 2:35:31 PM
Nope I would not and will not date someone who is a cheater as if they did it to the one they was dating who to say they will not do it to you and thats why I am single now my ex cheated on me and I divorved her butt. And her excuse was because I was not there but hey when your in Kuwait / Iraq (Was Military) it's kinda hard to be home every night to take care of the house.
 NYCman530
Joined: 7/6/2009
Msg: 29
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/9/2009 3:55:48 PM
Personally I never cheated in my relationships and as a rule I would not choose to start a relationship with one unless they cheated in retaliation for their ex cheating, not that 2 wrongs make a right, but it would be more understandable, or if her ex was abusing her physically, or if he was a drunk or a drug addict.
 moosegal
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 30
Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/9/2009 3:56:59 PM
There are different circumstances to cheaters. Not all cheaters have a prior but some have been cheated on in the past ... (my ex was cheated on by his first wife .. I was his second wife and he cheated constantly). In essence, there is on reason to ever cheat on a mate and it is my opinion that 85% of cheaters will continue to cheat.

Final note .. I would not date a cheater.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 32
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/9/2009 4:46:43 PM
Msg63:

A lot of holier than thou going here. What about the couple of a sexless marriage? Other than sex she is absolute great person,wife and mother ...


That happened to a lots of men that their marriage become sexless, and they know where to go when they need it .

It is not a matter of *holier than thou*.. It is a matter of dignity of a woman who only being use for gratification of banging her, and then this good husband will go home to the sweet decent wife and the mother of his children like a perfect model loving husband and father.. I don't think a woman would want to be used like that ,unless she on the business of providing sex for sale...
 RUmPsHaKER
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 34
Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/9/2009 4:53:56 PM
i wouldn't date

a cheater cheater...i liar liar pants on fire...a crybaby.....a wimpy wimpy wimpy....a sporty mullet....or sumone who wants to try on my nighties....oh wait!! have you guys seen that show "Cheaters" hahaha one time the Host Guy got knocked out...
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 36
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/9/2009 5:09:30 PM
Arabianangel, I agree with you, but I have a few friends that sex become grossed to them, they already have kids,when we are having girlie talked I joked >>>Why do you hate sex,did you concieved your 3 children as a virgin?? LOL they are defensived.. I guessed perhaps it has something to do with, changing their mood as getting older,or their hormones or clinical problem.. If fact I know 4 of my girfriends ......
 moosegal
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 37
Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/9/2009 5:11:29 PM
Cheaters are liar and liars are cheaters ... I wouldn't date liars either ....

As for burnt out druggies or excessive drinkers ... not on my life. If a guy uses recreational drugs and I know it ... I would stay clear away.
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