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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!      Home login  
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 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 4
What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I dunno. If he's all those things and he's only seeing you, what's your problem? Enjoy him. You want to live with him and have kids? If so, and he doesn't, don't set yourself up for disappointment by figuring you'll force him to change his stance. He may change on his own over time but you've been "warned" how he feels.
 WasabiGal
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 5
What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/9/2009 1:16:20 PM
walk away.

he is telling you that he is a bachelor.

listen to him

he doesn't have what it takes for a long-term relationship, so he's obviously not the most amazing man on the planet.
 TeufelhundenTowelSnapper
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 8
What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/9/2009 1:28:42 PM
O.P.



What is his relationship with his mother? Is she an active part in his life? The reason I ask is that a Clinical Psychology Journal I recently read stated findings by several reknowned Family and Relationship specialists that revealed that men who were either abandoned by or estranged from their mothers especially at a young age are 5 times more likely to struggle with commitment issues. It instills a deep but not highly visible fear of abandonment by the opposite sex in the male psyche. I was abandoned by my bilogical mother in my first year of life and lived in an orphanage until I was four and was adopted and I used to struggle with fear of commitment myself. So maybe these might be some issues to possibly look into but do not push too hard too quick or you may lose him altogether. Good Luck

 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 10
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What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/9/2009 1:33:00 PM
Someone can be totally amazing yet have different goals. Sometimes, the fascination is even because their thinking is unconventional.

Whatever you decide, do respect his choices and do not try to change him - that is the surest path to driving him away. However, accept him as he is if you are able, and who knows? His perspective could change based on his OWN experiences and decisions.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 11
What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/9/2009 1:46:15 PM
When he meets the one he thinks is "THE ONE", He will change his opinion really fast.

Slow down and back up a bit.

I bet he knows just how nuts you are about him. Don't cling or seem to eager.
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 12
What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/9/2009 1:46:58 PM

I guarantee you if he found the person to make him feel like a relationship would last forever, he'd think differently. You are not his forever girl. Sorry. You are not his "the one". Sucks but it seems you have different views from his. Best you not get too involved or you will the one that gets hurt.


MAN! some women you give them an inch and they take a mile.


OP? why are you trying to change him?
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 15
What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/9/2009 1:55:09 PM

What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!

What you do? You avoid commitment, and dump him for someone who is not.
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 17
What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/9/2009 1:55:21 PM

What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!

What you do? You avoid commitment, and dump him for someone who is not.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 21
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What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/9/2009 2:00:37 PM
You realize how amazing he is, respect that he's not going to commit to you and either have a great friend, a fun lover or walk away and don't whine.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 23
What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/9/2009 2:26:37 PM

he thinks all relationships end in failure sooner or later HELP! What can I do its soooo frustrating! He is just really "THE ONE"

Maybe he can give you a time frame of how long he will be gracing you with his beautiful and wonderful presence? If he doesn't believe he's "THE ONE" you can't make him. No matter how many examples you give him of lasting relationships he will see the glass as half empty rather than half full. I've had long term BFs that used that argument against marriage. It is frustrating - don't even go there with him. If he uses other people's behavior to justify his own, it's really a lame excuse that has probably worked well for him. He has created a self fulfilling prophecy for himself. You don't want to be a part of it unless you are happy with him just making a guest appearance.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 25
What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/9/2009 2:43:51 PM
God, I hate nagging women!!! And I'm a woman! If women would get that stupid notion that they can change men into something other than what they are out of their heads there would be a lot more happy couples.

Hey listen up OP, he treats you like a princess, he says he loves you, he is good to you, he is thoughtful and kind, what are you complaining about? You better wise up and be thankful you have a good man, because there are plenty of ***holes out there who will marry you two weeks after they meet you and then six months later they are beating the shit outta you.

So he's not putting a ring on your finger. Who cares? Be happy knowing he loves you and you love him back. Do you need a ring or a piece of paper to prove he's with you? If so, then you're looking at this relationship entirely wrong.

You better appreciate what you've got, while you've got it. And if you don't, then happy trails. There will certainly be other women out there who will appreciate a good man who treats them like gold but just doesn't see a need to get married anytime soon. Get your priorities straight. Do you want a man, or a ring?

Beth
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 30
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What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/9/2009 3:52:20 PM
Sounds like you're aiming to prove him right again, what with all your frustration, and your inability to accept him the way he is.
Don't ask how to change him, if you like him so much the way he is. No doubt part of why is IS so "caring, patient, bla-bla-bla" is BECAUSE he believes all relationships fail. He's relaxed because he has no fear, just like any dead-man-walking. He loves your company, and can deal with your nervousness, because he has no expectation that you'll be around him freaking out for an extended period of time. He has the money to "pay every time [you] go out on dates" because he doesn't need to save for future education expenses, pay for family health care, etc.
This is the same reason some women think the guy they have an affair with is so much better than their boring husband or S.O. The affair guy is carefree BECAUSE he's the affair guy. This man is the same for you, the only difference is you aren't cheating on a husband with him (are you?).
 RUmPsHaKER
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 32
What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/9/2009 4:39:54 PM
the person you are trying to reach ((mister wonderful))

is currently UNAVAILABLE ((doesn't feel the same toward you))

please try your call again later


 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 33
What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/9/2009 5:12:07 PM
I hate to say this, but "all relationships end in failure" could be his code for "I'm not that into you." Not knowing the man, I wouldn't swear to it. But it seems plausible.
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 34
What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/9/2009 5:15:38 PM

what to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic?


You become an amazing woman that DOESN'T buy into this phobia!
 sinlov
Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 37
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What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/9/2009 5:37:15 PM
Once a month would be really hard for me if he were all that and a bag of tricks. Wean yourself off slowly girl. Look for what you need and want. You only deserve what you set your sails for. Sounds like he's just got part of it. LOL. As look as your eyes are fixed on that"prize" you won't be able to see the others. Good Luck. If you back off what do you think would happen?
 Ependa
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 39
What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/9/2009 8:14:23 PM
Take every day, one day at a time. And enjoy each other until you don't. And be grateful for each other everyday.

Sounds like a lack of committment , but it's not. It helps you remember to appreciate each other every day. Works for me anyway.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 42
What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/9/2009 10:03:47 PM
*ONCE A MONTH????* Are you crazy? Nevermind. Affirmative.

Short of a witch doctor with creds, you are SOL. This fella's telling you in the gentlest way possible that you are NOT the one. Believe him. He's not lying.

 Spence56
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 43
What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/9/2009 11:43:19 PM
My guess is that if he is unable (or unwilling) to make a commitment, then it follows that he is probably not the perfect fellow that you are romantically building up in your mind. You want him to be, but he just isn't and you are not willing to let go of that fantasy. He just "isn't" the one. Sorry......
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 45
What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/10/2009 11:41:33 AM
Ummm

Baby...he isn't "THE ONE". He is ONE...everyone here, male and female are telling you pretty much the same thing...

1) once a month--do you all live hours away from each other?? There's no way to determine how wonderful anyone is if you see them once a month.

2) He's TELLING you he isn't ready to commit. He has said it in a nice way, and as Rockman has so astutely put it, you ARE trying to find a way around his defense. There ain't one. Wake up and stop it.

Sorry, just because a man has a job, no kids, pays for dates and has a "wonderful soul" doesn't make him any less the right one than one who doesn't have all of that. And that would go for any woman too, lest some of you men think I'm biased.

I think you shuold relax and date this guy--you want to marry someone who isn't ready to do that. If you want to get married, then break up with Mr. Amazing (cough, cough bullshyt) and go find Mr. I Ain't Amazing but I love you.
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 46
What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/10/2009 12:03:14 PM
{"So ive met THE most amazing man on the planet, he is caring, sensitive, mature, hardworking, thoughtful, a gentleman, always pays if we go out on dates, loves my company, has no kids, has never been married, is completely beautiful and has a wonderful soul"}

Building us up so we'll feel for you.........NOT WORKING!! Everyone has their problems and downfalls!! It's a fact. And if he was so damn thoughtful, you wouldnt be posting this crap!



{".... but.... he thinks all relationships end in failure sooner or later"}
Maybe not all but most do!


{"HELP! What can I do its soooo frustrating!"}
Start by helping yourself!! If you want comitment and your obviously NOT going to get it MOVE ON.


{"He is just really "THE ONE"}
NO he isnt your in fantasy land... wake up!


{"im not trying to change him at all"}
LIE LIE LIE to yourself all you want, it wont help.

{"he calls me he comes to see me, and he tells me he really enjoys my company and thinks im beautiful etc"}
Ya he want a handy peice of azz. DUH (and getting it I might add)


{"he has trust issues"}
Who the fvck doesnt.


{"just simply doesnt want to get hurt"}
EXCUSES! No one in their right mind does.


{"we only get to see each other once a month"}
Oh so your really NOT dating.


Your a grown woman and you cant figure this shyt out.... AMAZING.
Go Whine somewhere else!!
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 50
What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/10/2009 1:10:53 PM

All the prespectives are very interesting, believe me when I say I was merely asking a question, not seeming to come across as needy far from it, because im not in a relationship with him I am still dating so all those people that think im desperate to have him and change gim pump ya breaks lol its not that serious!


That's not the impression you gave when you said he's "THE ONE". If you're not interested in commitment, his views on the subject shouldn't be very important.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 51
What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/10/2009 1:19:04 PM
because im not in a relationship with him I am still dating so all those people that think im desperate to have him and change gim pump ya breaks lol its not that serious!


Ummm...yeah...ummm...right...women ALWAYS say a man's THE ONE when they're not all that interested in a guy and they're dating other men.

SISTER...who's leg are ya trying to pull here?? You're not being honest with either us (which doesn't matter) or yourself...which does.

If he's not THE ONE, why are you even asking the question????

EDIT...


I feel he is the one, and if he was ready for commitment I would be too but because I know he isnt, im guarding myself, if he ever wants to take things further then I will too.


You're hoping that he'll do this. You're wishing that he'll do that.

Girl...do NOT spend all your time hoping/wishing/praying that he'll turn into this man that will be yours! Ain't NOBODY worth all that misery.

He is NOT that amazing. He is NOT all that. If he were, you wouldn't be spending so much time with other men and you damn sure wouldn't be pining away for this guy.

Give your time, heart and soul to someone who'll give a damn about you and won't be worried about being committed to you or anyone else for that matter.


Dont get me twisted im not lying just obvioulsy not coming across very clearly!


You are coming across loud and clear. And so is he--are you listening?
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 53
What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/10/2009 1:26:32 PM
He is "the one" - for what exactly? To be the father of your future luv child?
 girlred228
Joined: 6/23/2008
Msg: 54
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What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic!
Posted: 10/10/2009 1:34:50 PM
I think that is the problem with women.. we have the man fitted for his tux.. in a matter of months.. there is no way.. you could possibly know that this is all true about him.. if you jsut met him.. he might have just brought his "A" game.. just like women do... when first getting to know someone..

Relax.. enjoy the ride... he seems perfect and he might be.. but prolly not.. so just relax and enjoy the ride....
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