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 MoralStand
Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 1
Why Do Some Seem So Wild When Single Then They Don't Want Sex When Married...Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Should I rephrase...why does it seem (from talk shows, people talking around us etc. that many who are ...say...a college student at a party, or ANY other singles....seem less SELECTIVE with personality (and a persons true VALUE) and anyone attractive SEEMS to do (maybe nice, as well). They seem fast and wild.

On the other hand, you hear from studies and what not... that many people who are married (wether they had been wild or not) , think sex is a once a week thing....or less. Maybe no passion because they chose the wrong person a lot of times?
 soflnighteagle
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 2
Why Do Some Seem So Wild When Single Then They Don't Want Sex When Married...
Posted: 10/10/2009 11:25:10 AM
The truth? Well when you are married there is always tomorrow, you know that you are together, and there is just so much other things to do. Both men and women take their partners for granted, and forget about romance. It becomes work and we are for the most part lazzy animals.
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 3
Why Do Some Seem So Wild When Single Then They Don't Want Sex When Married...
Posted: 10/10/2009 11:58:46 AM
I think there is a widespread perception that single people have more and better sex than married people, and this is reflected in much of the discourse around marriage and sex. But I'm not sure it's accurate. The University of Chicago did a survey a few years back, one of the largest and most comprehensive ever on sexual behavior. They found that the people have the most sex were married people in their 30s and 40s, not single people in their 20s. I thought it was an interesting finding.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 4
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Why Do Some Seem So Wild When Single Then They Don't Want Sex When Married...
Posted: 10/10/2009 1:56:18 PM
You'd have to investigate each marriage to find out.
The problem with generalized studies is that they come to generalized conclusions. There's rarely any useful information in them that you can use to apply to you particular situation.
As for your final question, "Maybe no passion because they chose the wrong person a lot of times?" that's probably the most common gripe spoken aloud during break ups, whether over cooled sex-life or not. There's absolutely no way to say whether it's true or not, AND it doesn't matter, for practical reasons. Worst of all, the FEAR that you've chosen wrong is one of the most insidious and damaging thoughts that eat into relationships like a viral fungus. Instead of working to care for each other, people start looking around for the proverbial BBD (Bigger Better Deal).
Most relationships that last, do so for many different reasons. Most relationships that fail, do so for many different reasons.
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 5
Why Do Some Seem So Wild When Single Then They Don't Want Sex When Married...
Posted: 10/10/2009 4:16:10 PM
Wow, goodone4ya. You're a brave man. It's not every guy who has the courage to admit he can do it 4 times a day, 5 days a week and has women begging him to put it, put it in already!
 boinkboinkboink
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 6
Why Do Some Seem So Wild When Single Then They Don't Want Sex When Married...
Posted: 10/10/2009 5:44:27 PM
Now, now, chitownguy40, just because you haven't had any in 4 or 5 years doesn't mean the rest of us don't leave the women beggin' ...
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 7
Why Do Some Seem So Wild When Single Then They Don't Want Sex When Married...
Posted: 10/10/2009 5:49:23 PM
Because they forget that they are adults and how to communicate so they use sex... or lack of.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 8
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Why Do Some Seem So Wild When Single Then They Don't Want Sex When Married...
Posted: 10/11/2009 8:57:56 AM
Why are there so many jokes about marriage and sex? Because the jokes are based on real experiences in most cases. Many people are mismatched in libido (and otherwise), and many begin to take each other for granted, or other life stresses interfere. Lack of sex in marriage isn't inevitable, but in some cases nothing will fix the issue - that was true with my ex, but not at all in my current relationship.
 Zebra Circle
Joined: 4/12/2009
Msg: 9
Why Do Some Seem So Wild When Single Then They Don't Want Sex When Married...
Posted: 10/11/2009 1:26:13 PM
This is the easiest thing in the world to answer. But here's another way to look at it.

Remember the first time you had your favorite flavor of ice cream? Mine is vanilla. Well, after the 10th time I had a scoop of vanilla, the magic wasn't there like those first few times. After a while, it was kind of boring, actually.

The same principle applies when you marry the person. At first, when you two were just dating, those first few times of sex were mind-blowing. But then, probably even before you two married, the excitement of the sex between you two just wasn't the same.

This is why people buy toys and rent pornos -- to try and jazz up that "scoop of vanilla." It's still vanilla, but when you add some sprinkles to it, it gives it a little excitement.

Make sense?
 MoralStand
Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 10
Why Do Some Seem So Wild When Single Then They Don't Want Sex When Married...
Posted: 10/12/2009 7:53:01 AM
It does make sense for certain KINDS who NEED that variety more than anything. I just started this forum to get people thinking and also find out what others thought of this. I personally don't need variety...those people seem best off single.

Lots of good replies though.
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 11
Why Do Some Seem So Wild When Single Then They Don't Want Sex When Married...
Posted: 10/12/2009 8:11:20 AM
OP: Never been married, so I can't contribute any personal experiences. May some fall into a routine when they get married, maybe the "spice" needs to be kicked up a few notches or the "love" is gone.................
 Zebra Circle
Joined: 4/12/2009
Msg: 12
Why Do Some Seem So Wild When Single Then They Don't Want Sex When Married...
Posted: 10/13/2009 7:44:52 AM
I personally don't need variety...those people seem best off single.

But variety is the spice of life -- everyone needs variety. To say that you don't, makes me skeptical.

And I'm not too thrilled with your comment that those people -- who do enjoy variety -- are best off single. Do you really think that everyone who is married doesn't like and crave variety? 'Cause if you do, grrrrrrl, I've got some beautiful swamp land for you in Florida.
 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 13
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Why Do Some Seem So Wild When Single Then They Don't Want Sex When Married...
Posted: 10/13/2009 9:08:59 AM
When I met my wife 17 years ago, we were like bunnies. But, work, time, health issues and age took their toll on sexual desire. We adjust our sexual drives and its frequency as we go on with our lives, but that doesn't mean we fall out of love. You might be able to define love--I can't fully, but I do know: normally, sexual drive diminishes as we age--sometimes more in some people--sometimes less. It depends on the person and the situation.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 14
Why Do Some Seem So Wild When Single Then They Don't Want Sex When Married...
Posted: 10/13/2009 11:27:41 AM
I think we are all guilty. I wish I could say that didn't happen to me but I can't.

But this is what I read. It starts with the way men and women are wired. While men and women have about the same amount of sexual desire, men have to have it, while women could go on for periods of time without having it. So men start to push and not get it, and women start to recede.

Now, look at the things that both did when the sex was good. They went out on dates. They danced. They romanced. They teased each other. They made time. What happens when they are married? They work. Take care of kids. They get home and worry about the finances about this, that and the other. Then the woman starts complaining that He doesn't help around the house to clean or pick up. He complaints that well, she doesn't pay attention to him. So he discovers working late, or a good football game.

Because sex for men is instant, we approach don't get any then pull back. But women have to escalate slowly. Her sexual desire is directly connected to how the relationship is working. If something is not working or she feels that the guy is not putting any effort or taking her for granted her sexual desire goes down. This is where guys, including me fail miserably. Sex starts by washing the dishes, helping her fold underwear, clean a toilet. Cutting the grass does not count because that is guy thing. Grilling for her does not count because again that is a guy thing.
The next thing we forget to do is what we used to be very good at. Set a date. Be romantic, romance her. Make her feel special.
And finally, now that we are in bed, we have our chance, and what happens. We get our needs before hers. It doesn't matter if your lady says that she wants to please you first. Do not pay attention to her. Until she has a multiple orgasms, hold your own.
Anyway, I write this because I know that I screwed up in a lot of these. And it's only in retrospect that I can go. Now I get it.
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