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Joined: 6/13/2009
Msg: 1
Am I being too pushy?Page 1 of 1    
I have been talking to a guy on POF for a little over a month now. We have great conversations and have a lot in common. Last weekend he asked me for my number and asked me to go out on a date this past Friday. He never called me and then said he was sick the day we were suppose to have our date. I asked him why he hadn't called and he said he was a little shy and this whole online dating thing was new to him. I told him that I felt like he was giving me mixed signals and that was the whole point of go out on date and get to know people. I also told him that I didn't want to be strung along either. What is the "proper" time frame for going out on a date after talking on the computer? Am I being too pushy?
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 2
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Am I being too pushy?
Posted: 10/10/2009 1:10:36 PM
You probably are for HIM, assuming he's telling the truth about being shy.

Of course, he might just be terrified he'll meet you and be disappointed (as you might be with him), and that it will be a very uncomfortable situation. That's part of the gamble here, just as you are gambling that he will perk up and actually ,meet you, now that you've thrown the gauntlet down.

As for your other question, there's no 'time frame.' EVERYTHING is up to the participants in this interaction.
Joined: 7/29/2009
Msg: 3
Am I being too pushy?
Posted: 10/10/2009 1:13:29 PM
No, not after a month, most men will want to go out for a date after a few days to a week of chating, he was either painfully shy, using fake pictures and never want to meet in person or dating other girls he rather go out with and just comfirmed the date with someone else on the date you were suppost to go out.
 Up In The Wind
Joined: 9/24/2009
Msg: 4
Am I being too pushy?
Posted: 10/10/2009 1:20:45 PM
Your not being pushy at all.
One month on the phone is way more then enough.
It could be that, He is in his make believe relationship with you on the phone.
If/When you meet. The chemistry will not be there.
Just having good communication on the phone with a woman can be very satisfying.
That's better then a bad date. Then losing you.
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 5
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Am I being too pushy?
Posted: 10/10/2009 1:26:33 PM
Are you being too pushy? Not at all. He was the one who asked for your number and for a date, then he backed off. Who knows why, maybe he's married, maybe "he" is a "she". Some people just want a make believe relationship as up in the wind pointed out. Let him make the next move, if there is one, meanwhile keep "fishing". Good luck!
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 6
Am I being too pushy?
Posted: 10/10/2009 1:35:06 PM

i aggree, keep fishing.
Am I being too pushy?
Posted: 10/10/2009 2:14:17 PM
I am going to echo Igor's response - you might be too pushy for HIM. But in the big picture, no, I don't think you're being too pushy at all.
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 8
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Am I being too pushy?
Posted: 10/10/2009 2:22:03 PM
He's probably just another liar.
1- talked online for over a month
2- took him a month to call you
3- stood you up on your date without the courtesy of a call
4- claims to be too "shy" to treat people with common courtesy or respect (yeah right)
5- claimed to be sick the day of your date (yeah right)
6-online dating may or may not be new to him, but picking up the phone to back out of a date (or appointment or business meeting) isn't a new concept.

If distance isn't a factor, people should make plans to meet within 10 days or so if they're in regular communication.
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 9
Am I being too pushy?
Posted: 10/10/2009 2:24:04 PM
nope you are not being pushy at all as for me I only give it 2 weeks of email and a few phone calls. if a meet cant happen by then I just put them in the pen pal zone.
Joined: 3/5/2008
Msg: 10
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Am I being too pushy?
Posted: 10/10/2009 4:15:17 PM

What is the "proper" time frame for going out on a date after talking on the computer?

Personally, I like to me within a week or week & a half of making initial contact.

Am I being too pushy?

No! In fact, I admire your willingness to call him on his blowing you off (sick - no call, etc.). The bottom line is, YOU have to decide if you think he's telling the truth about being shy and whether you want to try & meet again. If he really does seem like a good guy otherwise, I'd be inclined to give it another try. If he blows it again, then just move on.

Good luck!
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 11
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Am I being too pushy?
Posted: 10/10/2009 4:16:33 PM
You are absolutely not being too pushy.

You've talked to him here now over a month; gave him your phone number when he asked; accepted to go out with him and then he does what? He never called you and then cancelled.

Now, he could have been sick, lets give him that benefit of the doubt but....I doubt that he was sick.

Now he says he's shy and when last you spoke with him....what was the rest of that conversation? Lemme tell ya sumptin' there OP........zillions of shy people date every day and every day there are shy people all over the world goin' on their first date with someone. See?

And then there's just downright paranoid people who do TRY but it takes them several attempts to do anything.

How old is this man anyway?
What did he say when you said you didn't want to be strung along.
Hell, I know people who live a few hundred miles away from each other that don't take that long.

Actually, if someone wants to meet you they will come out from behind the monitor and jump off the keyboard and proceed with getting to know you in the real world...THAT'S where it's at.......There isn't a 'proper time frame' everyone is different but sometimes you just know when enough is enough time. And if the other person is puttin' on the 'brakes' about just meeting for god sakes then that's up to you whether to accept that or just move on.

I might give him one more chance but that depends on what his comments were when you talked to him about it.
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 12
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Am I being too pushy?
Posted: 10/10/2009 6:12:00 PM

You aren't being pushy at all. When it's right for you that's all that matters.

If it isn't right for him then the 2 of you aren't like minded. Is that by it's self a deal breaker? No but the fact that a date was made and he didn't call could be.

Meeting isn't really that big of a deal. There isn't any obligation and everyone can buy their own cup of coffee or ice cream cone. If they become so inclined they can take it to go. What's the friggin big deal about that?

Just an opinion,
J Mac
Joined: 9/12/2009
Msg: 13
Am I being too pushy?
Posted: 10/10/2009 6:16:24 PM
Sounds like he has a poor communication problem. I've ran into this a lot from people online.
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 14
Am I being too pushy?
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:06:04 PM
you are not being pushy, he's just being a Pus#y.

He's just intimidated by you and you shouldn't ask him anymore for it either, because he will think you are desperate.

Shit, i wish girls would ask me out on a date. lol
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 15
Am I being too pushy?
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:12:35 PM
No, you were fine. Sure sounds like HE has issues though!
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 16
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Am I being too pushy?
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:24:01 PM
No not being pushy. Proper time frame is what ever time it takes for two people to feel comfortable taking the next step. What is wrong from any perspective is not giving a curtiously call if someone needs to cancel a date. He lied about about being sick. Let him know three strikes and he is out, and he has already used up two strike(stating a sickness, then no curtiously call). I think that should shake the monkeys out of the tree. If the guy doesnt want to blow the relationship he will be honest and not put you off after informing him. Men need to be told of problems in order to make adjustments.
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 17
Am I being too pushy?
Posted: 10/10/2009 11:21:27 PM
You asked this in Dating advice too.. isnt this an overpost?
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 18
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Am I being too pushy?
Posted: 10/11/2009 1:15:28 AM
"A little over a month" seems a bit long unless you don't live anywhere near each other, or there are other extenuating circumstances.

Not sure the proper time is the issue here. Problem is: Setting a time and having the other part back down w/cold feet. To me, that's a red flag that this person might not be all he's represented himself to be, and he's concerned his cover is going to be blown.

Tread carefully ...
Joined: 5/11/2009
Msg: 19
Am I being too pushy?
Posted: 10/11/2009 1:33:05 AM
I think the ''proper'' rate is... emails, IM, phone chat/ texting and a little while into it, whether days or the first call, a date can be set up. Usually, atleast a week has to go by before I'll eve consider meeting a lady face to face.,,,(lot's of axe-murderers out there!)

A month is long yet okay. Disregard the guy unless he does some MAJOR 'making up'. What he did was irresponsible and inconsiderate. This kind of inner programming radiates to all aspects of his life and he's not going to take proper care of your heart. It will only end in pain if you let it turn into a relationship.

Walk Away. xoxoxo
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 20
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Am I being too pushy?
Posted: 10/11/2009 2:12:49 AM
shy?it's just proper manners to call.about how long to talk on here i don't know,i guess what you feel is comfortable.
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