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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 I-am-Rei
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 4
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

When you dishonor your marriage there is nothing left of it but the lie, and that's not a good home for raising children. They would be better served having a pod of amorous adults carousing the hallways late at night making strange noises than being stuck in a house of lies with two estranged parents presenting a false front and an example of deceptive hypocrisy.

I'm not a purist but I was wondering, what moral values can you teach your kids with that arrangement? Can you really tell your kids it's right to have lovers at home? Can you really say that you have not dishonor your marriage? Can you honestly say that because the parents and the kids are still together but living in that situation, will you still call it a HOME? Just because it works, does it follows that it is also right?
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 5
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 10/11/2009 8:43:08 AM
I thnk farceur nailed it. Dishonesty is the root problem, and if can agree that this is the best solution, the dishonesty is avoided, as is the sense of betrayal. However, few couples are capable of dealing with this pragmatically, as the issue is too emotionally and socially charged.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 9
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 10/11/2009 8:53:15 AM
...and when people divorce for reasons such as incompatibility? They should stay in it too and live their life feeling miserable for the sake of children? Some people can accept an affair(s) and regroup - most can't. It makes them miserable and it's a trickle down effect which, in turn, makes those children miserable. The end result is a dysfunctional family unit - in "most" cases.
 startle
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 11
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 10/11/2009 8:59:56 AM
this thread made me stop and think....i feel this should and has been considered throughout history and in different cultures...divorce would be a hard road to hoe for a young women with small children...a realistic attitude could save that women from a life of hardship...in all our lives we need to accept life as it is....this not a choice it is a neccessity is some womens lives...
 Stafford_Jim
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 17
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 10/11/2009 10:17:26 AM
In today's world where so many people have STDs like herpes, or in my area are HIV infected it's something I really hope whoever I were to marry would not think along these lines.

I was married once and let me tell you, on top of dealing with the hurt of infidelity there was nothing more scary and disgusting than to go and get my faithful and committed self tested for STDs once I found out my ex-wife was sleeping around.

It's a real shame that you can be in a marriage, remain faithful, and still face the possibility of at the very least a life altering STD, and at the worst a death sentance.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 37
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 10/11/2009 12:57:18 PM
Hey OP - maybe your wife feels the same way you do. Maybe she's bored with your lackluster performance in the sack and she'd like a little "strange" on the side as well.

As much as you'd like to think she's turned on by watching you sit in your recliner all night eating Cheetos and watching reruns of Bay Watch while she's probably tending to those children you claim you simply can't leave - strangely enough, it probably JUST ain't doing it for her anymore. Crazy, I know.

Have you let her know you think it's perfectly fine to seek outside play partners? Maybe she'd like a playmate herself - for those times she's not busy tending to your kids, doing your laundry, cleaning your house, cooking your food, and probably working a full time job on top of everything else. What a lucky, lucky lady.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 43
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 10/11/2009 1:42:11 PM
It's not whether WE accept affairs, its about if you AND your spouse AND your lover accept them, and to hell with the rest of us.
 fafafuhi
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 48
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 10/11/2009 3:00:46 PM
you are the reason STDs continue to spread. Grow up.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 50
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 10/11/2009 3:35:10 PM
You're just yanking our chains here, right?
You accept what you want, don't ask for my vote for your nonsense.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 52
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 10/11/2009 3:56:00 PM
Accept affairs? This person REALLY has no morals. Seems morals are a thing of the past anymore.

Marriage is a commitment. If people want to screw around don't get married in the first place. What happens if an affair ends up with pregnancy? Sure do you want to raise someone else's baby who is the product of an affair? The child suffers.

Let's not forget AIDS will really run rampant.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 53
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 10/11/2009 4:24:58 PM
Why would I want to accept an affair? Look, if a guy is going to cheat on me, why would I stomach being able to trust him in other issues? It'd be a snowball chance in hell before I would "accept" an affair. I have zero tolerance for liars, cheats, and thieves. It doesn't matter if it's a marriage, engagement, or exclusive dating relationship.
 WasabiGal
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 57
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 10/11/2009 8:27:58 PM

Affairs have a long tradition in the history of marriage.


oh please. Slavery has had a even longer tradition. Gimme me a break.

This is a bit of troll post, as the poster, like so many before him, thinks that he can actually change the thinking of POFers. He is a married man looking for a sex partner, and is probably having some trouble finding partners here. hence the foolish post (try a different website..like ashleymadison; or pay for a prostitute)

some couples agree to having an open relationship, they negotiate the terms... the problem with affairs is that one half of the couple has not agreed to it....and the deceit is rampant

Cheaters will lie when confronted....that is the pattern. The spouse will ask...the spouse will have his/her suspicions, but most cheaters will lie...and will begin to accuse the spouse. You have issues, you are insecure, you're crazy, you're the one that must be having the affair....

it is this horrible horrible dishonesty that destroys the relationship... Many spouses have said that they might have been able to deal with the sex, but the lying, and the DENIAL was too much to forgive
 partyyeah
Joined: 6/15/2007
Msg: 61
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 10/12/2009 1:25:53 AM
Ladies n Gents we are all adults and at the end of the day we do what we do because we either need it or want it.Affairs , infidelities or plain flings are what gets the heart racing.It's not for every one, however one should never judge another human being when it comes to affairs of the heart , it's between 2 people.I had an affair and have never told my wife , but I gotta tell you it was the best thing ever, for me and my partner.we were both married and then when it was all over we went on our merry way , no one got hurt and if anything I was coming home with a voracious appetite.I dont see the need for proffessional ladies as its just not my scene,for any one out there saying I should spend the night with a prostitute.Oh and another point never say never as one day the Affair fairy may come a knocking and sprinkle some "Get it on dust" and you will succumb LOL then again you may not.............Have an open mind is all I am saying, and ladies n gents for those who don't approve that quite OK as well, as I said we are all adults cpapble of free thinking

I shall step down from my soap box now and let someone else pick up where I left off, no doubt I shall be shot down in flames soon enough
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 64
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 10/12/2009 5:09:15 AM
If 2 people get married just for the sex, then sexual fidelity is going to be of extreme importance.
Which flies in the face of how unimportant sex is supposed to be ?

Isn't marriage supposed to be all about the commitment of partnership and joining of 2 souls in immortal bliss ?
Almost everyone claims that sex is only a small part of the whole relationship.

Yet the slightest roving eye sends people into a frenzy of panicked jealousy. It seems too many people get married for the purpose of exclusive sex. Sex is really what the marriage was all about to begin with.

If sexual commitment is really that important then write it into the marriage vows.
" To have and to hold, for richer and poorer, and screw only you, till death do us part ".
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 69
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 10/12/2009 12:09:28 PM

isnt it about time we accepted affairs..

No.
Cindy O
 StevieCashmere
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 72
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 10/17/2009 1:39:04 AM
Affairs are self-failures of respects for one-self & one's relationship
Acceptance devalues realtionships
~sc~
 Thorrin
Joined: 10/13/2009
Msg: 74
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 10/20/2009 10:45:47 PM
Try swinging and having some fun for a change in your relationship. In the end, you'll still go home with the one you got and you both know you just had some fun. This might just strengthen your relationship by bringing back that old feeling of adventure you once had when you two first started off. We all know we change over time. It's how you handle the changes that can make or break a relationship.
 seajaydee
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 75
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 10/21/2009 4:43:56 AM
Wow, you appear to be a seriously selfish individual, and somewhat delusional to think that children in a family would be better off with parents cheating than going through a divorce. My choice of being single all my life; I saw a lot of my friends marry at a young age and be very unhappy. As it turns out they also came from families where the father was a cheater.

Go figure.
 NYCman530
Joined: 7/6/2009
Msg: 77
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 10/21/2009 6:37:46 AM
An affair is almost synonymous with divorce, because in more cases than not, either the other person finds out or the adulterer in question eventually fesses up. And once that occurs, trust goes out the window. And trust is imperative for a solid relationship. And even when the other party doesn't find out, the marriage more often than not will continue to go downhill. Whatever the cause of the affair, the one doing the straying usually is afraid to communicate with their spouse what needs to be improved in that facet of their lives.
 TitusBreast
Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 84
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 10/30/2009 6:26:39 AM
No, it isn't time we just accept affairs. If I didn't have a conscience, I'd have all of you shot at dawn. Every dawn. What they need to do is make it damned impossible to get married. Maybe you fools would take it seriously if that were the case. Yes, impossible to marry without a pre-nup. I think it's time we accept that. Love, Titus
 sonofabiscuit2
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 86
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 10/30/2009 10:18:27 AM
As someone who was cheated on and tried to make it work, I can say it never will work. We fought incessantly after the first time she cheated. The third time she cheated she got pregnant and resented me because I wouldn't raise another man's child and to stay with me she gave the child up. We were never happy together, but now we are happy separately, the kids are adjusting but they seem to be doing well too. I don't yell at her or the kids, because I'm not stressed out about what she's doing with someone else. I no longer have to worry about diseases or unwanted pregnancies from my wife, which means the only thing I worry about now is work, bills and taking care of my kids.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 87
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 10/30/2009 10:26:09 AM
Why maintain a lie? Children are worse off in a bad marriage where there's cheating, conflicts, no love, than single parents that are trying to be happy. What you are doing is finding your own justifications, your own excuses. Why don't you just get a divorce.
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 97
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 1/27/2010 7:46:37 PM
a person has no ballz if they can't confront their spouse and end it.
a little cheating and lying doesn't hurt anybody..
what you don't know won't hurt you........

wimps Ewwwweeeee!!!!Yuck!
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 99
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 1/27/2010 10:10:48 PM
Ummmm, no. I think it's way past time that we accept personal responsibility for ourselves and our actions.
I hear Europeans believe as the OP does. Move there!
 Happinesstoo
Joined: 11/16/2007
Msg: 108
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 1/28/2010 11:27:16 AM
NO its not time to accept affairs, not only do you cheat yourself your spouse but if you have kids you are cheating them.
Kids learn what love and relationships are from their parents. Kids need to see more love, repect, accountability and yes even physical playful hugs and kisses between their parents.
We have enough lack of accountability in this country, whats funny is when everything starts going to crap people wonder why!
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