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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Starting Over and Over Again      Home login  
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 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 8
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Starting Over and Over AgainPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Maybe you should find someone that responds to your love language. It is pretty simple, if you are seeking out the same type of women or there is some type of common denominator, this will repeat itself until you do something differently.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 10
Starting Over and Over Again
Posted: 10/14/2009 12:29:03 AM
If I may exaggerate to make my point.

Let's say you met a woman. She loved you so much she would not separate from you and followed you everywhere actually stepping on the back of your shoes. You wanted to get a newspaper and she put the quarters in before you had a chance to and pulled the newspapaer out and gave it to you.

I know it's an insane example, but I'm just trying to make a point. Maybe you need to ease up some. If you are looking for feedback. didn't they give it to you? Again and again they said "I can't give you what you are giving me".

Maybe Faceur is right (he usually is). Wait and you will find someone that fits what you are now. But maybe you need to take a look in the mirror first. Be objective. Ask some friends. If it's possible ask an old girlfriend for more details.

Good luck.
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 12
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Starting Over and Over Again
Posted: 10/14/2009 3:18:39 AM
Find some outside intrest so you dont smother her. If you give her only half your time,then possibly she will appreciate it more. People just dont like smothering. Its odd because it seems ya have to walk a fine line. Women stop seeing guys just for the opposite reason, they complain the sizzle and romance stops after so many months because the guy turns normal again(backing off with the lovey dovey stuff). So as a guy there isnt any way to understand them even though they say thats what they want. We can only go on being us and if they cant accept us for who we are then they too will also be dealing with single life just as we are because, for every single guy there are equal or more single women.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 19
Starting Over and Over Again
Posted: 10/14/2009 7:06:43 AM
Simple, OP.

Make sure the women dating you are doing so becuase they are as into you as you are them EARLY ON. Make sure they are not hanging in there because you're so good to them that they are hoping to fall for you down the road.

If they aren't nuts about you now, chances are they never will be - all the pampering and queen treatment in the world doesn't matter for a woman who kinda likes you.

Maybe dial down the need to impress and the grand gestures in the beginning and try and get a sense first if she's really into you before you try to impress her/win her over. In fact, if you have to win her over at all, that's probably a red flag.

Based on your own post, 150% is an awful lot. Try 75% and see if she meets you with enough to at least make 100%...
 PiggyT
Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 20
Starting Over and Over Again
Posted: 10/14/2009 7:11:36 AM
You have said it yourself. YOU are the common denominator! You need to have a good look inward and ask yourself why this happens to you.

I think you already answered your question when you mentioned you give 150%. Unless someone else is willing to give that much, the scales will always be out of balance. SLOW DOWN.... get to know the other person and as hard as it may seem, curb your enthusiasm.

We all like the chase. We all get a little weirded out if the other person seems TOO into it.

Balance. Practice being balanced. If you find yourself falling hard and fast then find ways to slow it down.

I can only say this because I have been guilty of doing what you have described, and just like you, it ends poorly.

Be cool.... think of the movie Pulp Fiction.... EVERYBODY BE COOL
 girlred228
Joined: 6/23/2008
Msg: 24
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Starting Over and Over Again
Posted: 10/14/2009 12:57:57 PM
Sounds like he hit the nail on the head for himself. He needs to focus more on himself.. I mean realistically you are meeting "The One" every year... taking your time to not rush; to see if the person is really who they say they are; takes time. Maybe you are in love with being in love. Take some time; like you have said you would and be true to yourself... figure you out. Then pursue what you need at the time.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 31
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Starting Over and Over Again
Posted: 10/14/2009 10:52:39 PM
You don't want to change who you are and you sure don't want to become an asshat, there are enough of those already and women dump them too, so it wouldn't fix anything. Obviously if this keeps happening then you must take a good look at who you are dating, the type of women you are attracted to and yeah smothering, just makes many of us run for the hills, it's not a good quality it reeks of insecurity and control issues. If you really want to change how things are going, get professional help and work on you before you try dating again.


Funny thing is, when you are really really into someone, they couldn't possibly smother you.


That statement is downright cringe worthy.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 35
Starting Over and Over Again
Posted: 10/15/2009 6:49:44 AM
I had bad relations with my gerbils when I was young. I don't think I've ever recovered.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 37
Starting Over and Over Again
Posted: 10/15/2009 8:19:28 AM

TMI we really don't want to know what you did with your gerbils. WTF dude I think you are on the wrong forum.


Now that is funny.

But why is it that the mention of small rodents and people immediately assume they were taken out of their cages. Good grief!!

Back to the subject.

Dude, Stop being so nice. Some times the best thing you can do in a relationship is let the other person do something for you. Let them prove themselves to you. What you will realize is that actually validates them and makes them feel good. When you are too much of the giver, eventually they will take you for granted. Notice that there's also a pattern to when this happens in your relationships. At the what? Six month and then the over the year patterns. Usually, the six month is the place where you go from "I like you," to "I love you." You rush that, and she will book, out of there. The one year cycle is when you start becoming more intimate, where you go from seeing her maybe a couple of times a week to seeing her all the time. Again, you rush it, she will run. Let it flow naturally, in fact, let her be the one pushing for more intimacy, and you will be better off.

So good luck to you.
 Chris1103
Joined: 3/31/2009
Msg: 39
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Starting Over and Over Again
Posted: 10/15/2009 9:29:00 AM
OP. Give yourself time and find a way to make yourself happy first. There is nothing more emotionally or mentally draining than having someone who constantly looks to you to make them happy.
Good luck to you.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 40
Starting Over and Over Again
Posted: 10/15/2009 11:07:50 AM

Having a significant other means that there is one person in your life who is your partner and best friend, but is not someone who is your be all and end all, the center of existence. It's too much for most people. They feel smothered.

Yep.
OP, I think you need to come to an agreement with yourself, to spend some time learning to be complete as a single individual,instead of constantly trying to rescue your self image by being half of a couple.
So your exwife cheated on you. That was HER bad. Do not let it continue injuring YOUR self esteem.
A healthy couple are there FOR EACH OTHER. Sometimes it's an even 100%/100% split, but generally it tends to shift back and forth. In the end, it pretty much evens out WITHOUT any conscious "scorekeeping".
If one partner is insecure and over gives, or is fearful/angry and over demands, trouble is guaranteed if the other partner is of reasonable emotional health.
You need to take a break and become your own person, so that you do not continue this pattern of investing in a relationship as if your very life depended on it.
Cindy O
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