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 longhorn9901
Joined: 10/9/2009
Msg: 1
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?Page 1 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Ok, so you search the profiles, make contact with another person, start chatting, maybe some phone calls, and then that person (who has the same needs and desires as you) drops a mental illness bomb on you. How do you react? Do you just run away and not respond to the person? Are you up front with your fears about the illness? I tend to think that media portrayals of people with mental illness (anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, bipolar, etc...) as individuals incapable of navigating the world as everyone else does has pretty much shaped the way society thinks about it. I guess the other question is if people with mental illness can truly find success with online dating when having to eventually disclose before ever actually meeting someone. At any rate, what are your thoughts on the abovementioned?
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 2
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 12:48:51 PM
yeah, being with a mental person is hard work and you have to have strength you cannot believe. i say this because i grew up in a household with someone and it was rough, It's to hard to balance, some people can handle it but I can't, I still i have to kinda watch out for that person now. Remember mental illness don't go away, its something you have to deal with for life, i have a hard enough time keeping myself afloat.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 3
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 12:52:47 PM
There are different levels of mental illness I personally would not equate anxiety with schizophrenia. It all depends upon what you as a partner want to deal with day to day.
Certain illnesses requiring daily meds, therapy or hospitalization on occasion would be far more than I would want to have in my life.
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 4
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:54:01 PM
I'm going to say something some people might think is just terrible, but here it goes.

I've never dated a woman with a mental illness, but I have had friends with such problems. The trouble is people with mental illnesss are often esxtremely needy, even smotheringly so. They have few friends. They demand every spare moment of your time. Their problems are far beyond your ability to deal with. Inevitably, you begin to resent them for always needing so much and giving so little.

Does this mean people with mental illnesses are doomed to lonliness? No. But it takes a very special type of person to have such a relationship.
 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 5
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 4:06:37 PM
Scare me? No, I like crazy folks. I think EVERYONE is somewhere to the left or right of normal.... that is if you can even find 'normal' on the the line at all.

I always attributed this quote to my grandfather... because he was crazy as a sonavagun and I know somebody in my family said it

'It's better to be crazy and know than to be crazy and not know it.'

That's true. Those with the real problem are the ones who deny ever having a problem. But if you know you got a problem, then you are able to better control it and do something about it - if you want too.

I knows I ain't got all my marbles and I live with it jus fine. So I ain't ready to really change anything.

I'm in denial of having a problem

What? Me crazy??

So is your momma.
And yo daddy.
And erbody else.
 wayfarer4you
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 6
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 7:08:56 PM
I did the bipolar express and wanted a refund, after six years of all the up's down's no med's more med's , the late night fright fest's and the who will meet me at the door when I get home stuff .
I had enough and got the hell outa there .
If the person who has the illness and has a handle on it then fine, no problem's , when thay decide to go off the med's ,stop going for the help thay need then it's time to check and see if everything brought to the table is worth it!!!.
It's not a deal breaker ,but you have to look long and hard at what the problem is and are you willing to deal ,with all it entail's ( I do mean look long and hard at it all, long term and short) because like Bipolar it can get worse with age and not all time's but most in lady's as thay hit the Big M......Jmo.....
 myrgth
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 7
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 7:19:25 PM

I tend to think that media portrayals of people with mental illness (anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, bipolar, etc...) as individuals incapable of navigating the world as everyone else does has pretty much shaped the way society thinks about it.



I disagree. You will be hard pressed to find one person who hasn't dealt with some type of mental illness in the form of a friend, family member, co-worker, neighbor, etc. It's not the media portrayals, it's the real life experiences.
 longhorn9901
Joined: 10/9/2009
Msg: 8
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 7:21:27 PM
SO, is trying to cultivate potential long term relationships through online dating the wrong way to go? What if folks are not experiencing ups and downs on a continuous basis? Most of the comments suggest that "normal" people would not want to date someone with a mental illness. Is visiting online communities, such as true acceptance, dbsa, or nami which are geared for people with mental illness the better route to take?
 Sherlock101
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 9
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 8:54:33 PM
This is a tough one. I think it depends on the degree of said mental disorder. I've known people that were bi-polar that weren't as bad in many ways as some with ADHD. It depends on how sever the illness is. The bi-polar people I knew and know are on meds to help them.
I dated a girl that had pretty bad ADHD and I thought she was just quirky and she was a lot of fun. When she found out she had ADHD she didn't do anything about it and not long after that I found out about her, well let's just say dark side.
All in all it's something to think about and although it may seem ok at first, you never know what direction it may take.
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 10
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 9:19:11 PM
I think scare is a strong word. Maybe makes you more cautious before entering into a relationship. There are varying degrees of illness. Some are mild, easily treatable and hardly noticable. Others are thrill rides in extremes. I think a person has to weigh what they want/see with what they can handle. It can be kind of scary if you thought you were dating a fairly normal person and then suddenly had no idea what you would encounter from day to day w/ that person.

A lot has to do w/ how in control of their illness a person is. If they are in total denial, it will be a nightmare, same as if they play med games or are out of touch with their illness. Those variables will definately temper how one approaches a relationship unfolds.

If some one has had a bad past experience w/ a mentally ill person in their life, you can't fault them for being gun-shy. If you get burned once you avoid the cause for it after. Just the nature of the human beast.
 tgif2005
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 11
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 9:46:14 PM
A very close friend of mine married a woman with a borderline personality disorder. It was a disastrous marriage. She had serious issues which got her in trouble at work. They finally split after a very costly divorce. Their children are now teenagers. The children seem to be healthy, but they hesitate to bring anyone home to meet their "crazy" mom. When they were little, none of their friends wanted to come play at their house because of her unpredictable behavior.
Don't inflict that nightmare on yourself or your kids.
 TracieBabie
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 12
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 10:38:00 PM
Sorry, mental illnesses scare me and I would never date someone with any type of mental disorder. Again. About five years ago I dated a guy who was a paranoid schizophrenic. Tried the whole supporting and loving thing. Didn't help as he didn't get better even with meds. He was diagnosed when he was younger but even at 18, he was hearing voices, seeing/assuming things. It was completely unbearable. Needless to say I left the relationship within 9 months. two years later I dated a guy who had one of the "minor" mental illnesses. His situation was NOT any better as he was socially awkward, always depressed, swore he took his pain meds when he didn't, turned to alcohol abuse and so many other things. There came a time where I had to look away from dating people with mental illnesses and I have been running ever since.
 Puppydog54
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 13
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/15/2009 6:18:53 AM
To me it would depend on WHICH mental illness it was. Theres an enormous difference between, say, depression and schizophrenia. Each illness has its own symptoms, and some of them can be extremely debilitating. Others are fairly easily controlled w medication. So it's an individual thing, IMO.
 mayoroftempe
Joined: 6/30/2009
Msg: 14
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/15/2009 6:27:48 PM
mental illness is much the same as any other illness/disease. There are many different levels of severity...

A violent paranoid schizophrenic is a much different person than someone who has minor anxiety.

So, in context to the original OP, it really matters what we are talking about? Some mental illness is manageable, other times its completely debilitating.

Also, there is A LOT of misdiagnosis in terms of mental illness. Depression is thrown around like a frisbee by some psychiatrists/psychologists. What is enviromental or chemical? Is it from a physical injury or years of mental anguish?

The stigma of mental illness is what needs to be overcome; if we have a broken arm we put it in a cast and try to heal it. When we have strep throat we take antibiotics. Therefore, if someone is truly suffering from mental issues, the idea of medication shouldn't be viewed as a taboo just as much as we might medicate for a cold?
If your brain is not firing right its not as simple as telling it to get better. I can't stare down my cholesterol level nor can I outwit a panic attack, or at an extreme level something like alzheimers or epilepsy? Or autism, etc. People who do not suffer from mental issues are in for a rude awakening when they do have that first panic attack.

I have a theory that we are all about 5 minutes away from a complete mental breakdown? take away your family, your money, your health... it can go downhill fast.

Now, someone in mental anguish might not be the best for dating, but it shouldn't be an immediate disqualification? Case by case... use judgement in terms of your own happiness and also SAFETY.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 15
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/15/2009 6:28:15 PM
For me personally it would depend on whether the person was being treated and following a program. Mental illness can be treated in most cases and if that is the case then why not? If they are not being treated than I would not want to go there as I am not qualified to fix anyone mentally. I am too old to honestly believe that one can fix mental illness with a dose of love and common sense. Can think your diabetes away?
 Gunn12fan
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 16
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/15/2009 6:54:58 PM
As long as they take there meds there good but if they don't take there meds I won't mess with them and I make it a known fact that the need to have there meds with them in case something should happen
 Asmoochiepoo
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 17
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/15/2009 9:30:47 PM
Sad to say but many people with a mental illness have a hard time in a relationship. There are many side effects with the medication they may not be able to get an erection. Sometimes people with mood disorders are difficult to understand and getalongwith dueto their mood is constantly changing. Also at times they are sexually promiscuos because of their moods.
 Asmoochiepoo
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 18
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/15/2009 9:48:03 PM
Many mental illnesses are temporarily controlled on medication but when they dont take their medications{ which is usually because they dont like the side effects] These people can get paranoid and dangerous. Many people look everybody else some are very attractive but be careful you could be dating someonewith a mental illness. If they seem hypertalkative and energetic be careful because usually downside to them one to where they may not be able to get out of bed andgo towork.
 robfish
Joined: 11/14/2006
Msg: 19
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/16/2009 2:29:19 AM
It depends on the type of illness and its severity. For example, I can't imagine myself in a long term relationship with a woman that suffers from severe depression because i'd feel inadequate and helpless in that situation. I would feel responsible in some way for her sadness instead of just accepting it as a symptom of the illness which would in turn affect the way I acted around her.
 Sunsation1
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 20
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/16/2009 12:21:22 PM
I think I would draw the line at mental illness...
 thatnickguy
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 21
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/16/2009 12:59:25 PM
Speaking as someone that has to drop that bomb on people that I date, I'm understanding if it's not something they can deal with.

My depression, for example, is a form called Situational Depression. Essentially, it means that 90% of the time, I'm a pretty happy-go-lucky, punning comic book nerd who loves exercise, kids and animals. However, there are situations, such as stress with school or something as simple as an insult, that could cause me to doubt myself and plant the seeds for possible down-in-the-dumps, and depression.

When I'm depressed? I assume that everyone hates me, no one wants me around, that I'm a burden to people around me and the world and basically become incredibly closed off. It's the idea of no self esteem taken to the Nth degree. Sometimes, it's been debilitating to the point that I've struggled with school to the point of dropping out (which is why I'm back again, right now).

But contrary to some posters' idea about what it's like to live with it, it doesn't make me a bad person. It sure as hell doesn't mean I can't function in the world. I have some wonderful friends in my life, I'm well respected at my part-time job, been doing well in school (B+ average) and even had some of my short stories published with a possible novel, which is about halfway completed.

With all that said, there ARE people who don't know how to deal with someone that has depression or other mental disorders. They have to understand that it's not a simple matter of "cheering up" or "getting over it". It's a much bigger issue than that, one that takes a lot of hard work (on the person with depression's part, that is), medication, counselling, etc.

It's a disease, just like anything else, and there are ways of dealing and coping with it. It's just as debilitating as physical diseases. I try to tell someone that I'm dating about my Depression sooner, rather than later. If they don't think they can handle it, then they can get out without any feelings hurt.
 startle
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 22
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/18/2009 8:12:44 AM
so who isn't out of his mind....this life is enough to drive anyone crazy....we all get by with the help of our friends....a man who needs me is such a great feeling...anyway...we all get better in time ...so you have that to look forward to...
 Asmoochiepoo
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 23
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/19/2009 9:44:55 PM
Hey the truth is the truth . Mental illness is also genetic do you want your future children being a paranoid psychoprenic? I understand it's a sad disease and this is suupposed tobe a dating site. Be careful who you fall in love with. goodluck finding Mr or miss wright is all im sayin
 wings on my butt
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 24
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/19/2009 10:56:59 PM
You people are the most uncompassionate, uneducated, and unbelievably stupid bunch of asseholes I have ever come across. You all deserve the looser that would pick any of you for a significant other. Shame on all of you. PATHETIC !!!



Your kinda lumping everyone in together there are you not hun? I have read several post so far that say they would date someone with a mental illness seeing as mental illnesses are as varied as physical illnesses. Now would I? Sure, but I guess it would depend on the severity of their illness and if they were taking their medication and dealing with it as they should. Having suffered in the past with my last child with really bad post partum depression then I guess at one time I was mentally ill so I would not want someone to hold that against me. It was a very black time in my life but eventually with help and medication I came out of it.



Mental illness is also genetic do you want your future children being a paranoid psychoprenic? I understand it's a sad disease and this is suupposed tobe a dating site. Be careful who you fall in love with. goodluck finding Mr or miss wright is all im sayin



Well seeing as you have this view point then prior to creating any children with anyone then I suggest you get a full detailed background on their families medical histories. Does breast cancer run in their family?diabetes? Parkinson? heart disease? Strokes?Epilepsy? etc... Better be on the safe side and go for genetic counseling to check you both out to see if you carry and genetic conditions.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 25
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/19/2009 11:26:06 PM
It would take someone with ALOT of patience to date someone with mental illness.

My younger brother has Schizophrenia--it is like he lives a nightmare he cannot escape. He has hallucinations. That Lithium he has to take really messes up his brain.

He is bipolar. Try living life with someone who can be mellow talking to you and 5 minutes later he's throwing a chair at you if he can't get a cigarette.

He cannot have a long term relationship let alone take care of himself.

So in my experience, that would not be someone I could consider.
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