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 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 1
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper? Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Women on POF are often frustrated by the number of men who only seem interested in NSA/FWB relationships. I understand their frustration.

But it raises a question: do FWB relationships ever lead to anything deeper? I ask because I suspect at least some women enter into FWB relationships in the hopes this will happen. However, I see no incentive for men in FWB to ever let this happen. For men, FWB is the ultimate win-win situation. They get frequent sex with a woman they like, plus the companionship her friendship offers, without having to shoulder any of the obligations of a committed relationship.

What do people think?
 ~Prelude~
Joined: 8/23/2009
Msg: 2
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:04:20 AM
I've heard of it happening...but it's never happened to me. I think most often you are just using each other for sex and companionship until someone comes along that you do want a relationship with. Or the FWB slowly fades away with time as you date other people and maybe find a new FWB to replace them with.

By your explanation, Im the female exception to the rule. I have entered into them because I don't want the obligations of a committed relationship right now. I would tend to agree though that many women (and some men too!) hope that it leads to more.
 soxfan64
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 3
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:10:22 AM

For men, FWB is the ultimate win-win situation. They get frequent sex with a woman they like, plus the companionship her friendship offers, without having to shoulder any of the obligations of a committed relationship.


win win? please speak for yourself and not men. I want more from a relationship and won't settle for less.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 4
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:21:30 AM

For men, FWB is the ultimate win-win situation. They get frequent sex with a woman they like, plus the companionship her friendship offers, without having to shoulder any of the obligations of a committed relationship.

Trust me, for an intelligent woman,it works the exact same way.
Make no mistake, I am not "promoting" FwB as "better" than committed relationships.
And here's another point; in a GENUINE FwB, there is the obligation of friend to friend. Friends care about and help each other, might share an activity...
To me, the crucial pont is that a FwB isn't SUPPOSED to lead to something deeper. It's for when your life just doesn't permit the effort and committment of a longterm relationship,or a person who is a good friend and a good lover but you can clearly see that there are incompatibilities that would make a close,committed relationship untenable.
And yes I'm sure there are FwBs that lead to more, but anyone who counts on that happening is a fool.
Cindy O
 verityone
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 5
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:24:28 AM

do FWB relationships ever lead to anything deeper?

I doubt that more than just a trickle, do. Otherwise more people would be openly agreeable to them.

As important as sex is, in a relationship, sex is no gaurantee of a relationship.

It's fooked, I know....
 SASSYN89178
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 6
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:29:24 AM
For me at least, it seems that the FWB is just handy until something better comes along.
I think some women are deluding themselves when they say they're not emotionally involved with the man they're having sex with.
Our chemistry is different than men. You can't fight the hormonal, evolution thing. Although you can try.
 XOthermic
Joined: 9/12/2009
Msg: 7
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:40:28 AM

But it raises a question: do FWB relationships ever lead to anything deeper?


If they do lead to something deeper it's because both people involved determined that something deeper was what they wanted with each other.


I ask because I suspect at least some women enter into FWB relationships in the hopes this will happen.


Your suspicions are based on what you believe, and are your opinion, that doesn't mean they're accurate.


However, I see no incentive for men in FWB to ever let this happen.


I would speculate that this is also based on your own feelings and not the view point of all men who enter FWB's.


For men, FWB is the ultimate win-win situation. They get frequent sex with a woman they like, plus the companionship her friendship offers, without having to shoulder any of the obligations of a committed relationship.


This is again, in your opinion, you've arrived at your own conclusions about what other men get out of the agreement.

If you're basing this on your own experiences then state that.

But to tell all of us what it is others are taking away from their personal relationships and experiences is...

Well, enough said, true?
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 8
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:42:14 AM
chitownguy,thanks for your question, I've read in a book authored by 3 professional men that the first time a man met a woman he already decided on what relastionship will be>>> a NSA/FWB/ one night stand/ stay for while kindna relationship,or a life time partner,thru thick and thin...........

I want to know the opinion of other men on this.. I know that there is always an exception to the rules like Prince Charles married Lady Camilla his mistress of 20 years.. Thanks , Vannili
 pro-filer
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 9
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:47:09 AM
I've had two FWB relationships in my life. One led to a long term committed relationship of 7 years; the other, he would have liked it to lead to something more but I did not. So my experience is that 100% of FWB relationships have the potential or actually do lead to something more.

I see no incentive for men in FWB to ever let this happen. For men, FWB is the ultimate win-win situation. They get frequent sex with a woman they like, plus the companionship her friendship offers, without having to shoulder any of the obligations of a committed relationship

As someone else pointed out, the same "benefits" are available to women who enjoy FWB relationships, and that "friendship" has obligations as well.
This is also a stereotype that men see women only as a means to sexual satisfaction and have no desire or need for a deeper emotional connection. My experience has been that many or even most men do want more than "friendship" with a woman. My sweetie told me that his first forays onto POF were to find an NSA or FWB relationship, but he discovered he wanted something beyond that and changed his profile accordingly.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 10
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:47:30 AM
They aren't supposed to lead to anything deeper. I'm sure in rare cases it happens, but the whole purpose of an FWB is to get laid by someone you know well and trust without all the strings of a relationship.

A lot of people tend to think this is the door to more when they agree to it and that's why it gets a bad name. If people were more honest with themselves that the point is to avoid a relationship or decline if they know they can't handle one life would be easier for people involved.

If one ever leads to something deeper, it should be because both discuss and agree that it should become a dating situation, despite not planning it. It shouldn't be expected or a goal to eventually make it more than it is.

And trust me I've seen a LOT of men agree to an FWB thinking it was a good way to get a woman to get attached when she clearly wants nothing but sex from a good friend, or become attached despite thinking they wouldn't. Women aren't the only ones getting the concept wrong by a long shot.
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 11
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:51:25 AM
Let me interrupt here for a minute and ask a technical question. Can someone think of some way to make clear that when, for example, someone speaks about "men" or "women" they are speaking generally and not categorically.

Soxfan64 urges me to "speak for yourself and not all men." Excuse me, but isn't it obvious I wasn't speaking of every single solitary man on planet earth? How could I be? Obviosuly, there are exceptions. I swear, every single thread on this board gets bogged down in this nonsense. Use common sense, for Pete's sake.

Maybe what I need to do is write, "YES, I KNOW THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS!!" every other paragraph or so.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 12
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 12:13:10 PM

To me it's like asking: If i put the cart before the horse , can i still get to town ?
I'm sure you can, but it's going to be a wild ride !!...

Isn't there properly supposed to be a cow and some milk somewhere in this metaphor?

I just thought I'd bring it up now because it's bound to sooner or later.
 Consigliori
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 13
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 12:38:21 PM

To me, the crucial pont is that a FwB isn't SUPPOSED to lead to something deeper.


If one half of a FWB is looking for something more, someone is being manipulative.
 CookieLady66
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 14
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 1:03:27 PM
I'm currently in a FWB relationship that has been going on for YEARS! It suits us both perfectly & we're both really happy with it.

Maybe someday when all our kids & sick parents are out of our homes we'll make it something permanent, but why mess with what's working....
 soxfan64
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 15
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 1:08:34 PM

Soxfan64 urges me to "speak for yourself and not all men." Excuse me, but isn't it obvious I wasn't speaking of every single solitary man on planet earth? How could I be? Obviosuly, there are exceptions. I swear, every single thread on this board gets bogged down in this nonsense. Use common sense, for Pete's sake.


Common sense huh? Well where your thread runs into problems is your supposition that you know how men feel about fwb's. You make the supposition that since I don't agree with you then I am an exception because somehow you KNOW that an FWB relationship is what men ideally want.

I think that most men and women would not be happy in a long term fwb relationships. In a true fwb it is sex and friendship only which means that both parties can be with other people without the other person knowing about it or even caring about it. Reading the threads out here I don't think many people would be satisfied with that arrangement and one party or the other will eventually want to attach strings.

You blanket statement that its a "win win" makes assumptions that true common sense would prevent you from making.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 16
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 1:31:46 PM

If one half of a FWB is looking for something more, someone is being manipulative.

Amen.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 17
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 2:10:48 PM
It sometimes does lead to something more, but more often it crashes and burns as one person wants more than the other...


For men, FWB is the ultimate win-win situation.
Really? I find that difficult to believe as I would think that most men actually want a relationship... with the right woman.
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 18
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 2:27:19 PM
As a man, I think we rather quickly assess the initial potential there is with a women. Where as women take a lot longer assessing the potential an individual man may bring them. Maybe thats the equalizing factor in the man/women men can tell if he is dealing with someone hes only intrested in a short term relationship , possible long term, or maybe even marrage material. Men do not discuss this it is locked away in thier head and utilize it for thier own personal management lives. Since men have instant gratification needs, this encompasing choice is before them, so they choose what is available. I guess desire for men overrides potential in that regard. Kind of like when a women states, I am so much better than who he is with. It may very well be but maybe hes not in the same frame of mind looking for someone that would be looking his long term welfare.
 MyPupAndMe
Joined: 1/16/2009
Msg: 19
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 3:00:45 PM
Call me old fashioned, but if a woman has a history of those types of relationships... I wouldn't be too optimistic about her being around in the long run. Maybe I'm just insecure?
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 20
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 3:43:27 PM

For men, FWB is the ultimate win-win situation.



Really? I find that difficult to believe as I would think that most men actually want a relationship... with the right woman.


No doubt, there are men who sincerely want a relationship with "the right woman."

But there are also men who say this and never seem to meet "the right woman." Or maybe they do. Maybe "the right woman" is the one who will agree to a FWB relationship.
 wolftxus
Joined: 2/24/2009
Msg: 21
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 4:01:19 PM
Nope, it doesn't get any deeper. Still 6" like on day 1... :-)
 startle
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 22
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 4:04:52 PM
anything is possible...it is not likely because in your mind you have already started on one path and you will unconsciously continue to travel that path out of habit...you may not re-evauate the relationship or maybe there was something about the person or in your life that makes it impossible to take the relationship further at this time..
 deborah815
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 23
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 4:42:06 PM
If I'm looking for a deeper relationship, I'm not going to settle and then hope for the best. And I avoid any kind of relationship with capital letters.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 24
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 4:51:05 PM

But it raises a question: do FWB relationships ever lead to anything deeper? I ask because I suspect at least some women enter into FWB relationships in the hopes this will happen. However, I see no incentive for men in FWB to ever let this happen. For men, FWB is the ultimate win-win situation. They get frequent sex with a woman they like, plus the companionship her friendship offers, without having to shoulder any of the obligations of a committed relationship.

What do people think?

OP -- I'm surprised your thread survived the redundancy check...

It's no secret that a lot of FWB beginnings led to relationship happenings. It's the law of averages where nothing is truly finite. Most I would suspect end in just FWB beginnings and FWB endings, but there are surely a lot that have gone on to develop into something more tangible between the two. Of those though, I'd also surmise that a great deal end badly once that line was crossed. Started out as FWB, developed into a "relationship" and then fizzled because turns out they were better off as just f*ck friends.

It happens.

As far as the suspicion that some women enter into FWB's with the hopes that it will transpire into something else...I'd gamble that the vast majority of those that enter into one will want that, hope for that, or push for that. Women as a general standard can't seem to separate sex from love, so it's a logical suspicion. Every FWB I've had has always said they just wanted the no strings approach and ended up pushing for a real relationship...which of course saw me kick them to the curb. For me, if I wanted a relationship...I'd have sought one from the start. FWB is FWB to me...nothing more, and nothing less.

And the FWB situation is indeed win-win for BOTH sexes that choose to participate. They get to exchange no quarrel intimacy and some hanging out without the red tape and hangups and social "norms" that burden relationships. It's not for everyone though, and be cautious of those that say they want one...but almost immediately press for something more.

 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 25
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/16/2009 5:04:23 PM
I can't think of anything much more depressing, lonely and desperate than a woman
giving all she has physically to a man who is pretending to be her good friend
so he can have free no obligation sex.
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