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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Am I being neurotic or do I have reason?      Home login  
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 Wicked_Cricket
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 2
Am I being neurotic or do I have reason?Page 1 of 1    
who cares? if he doesn't call, someone else will. You're young - don't date ONE man at a time that way, if one stops calling you still have a date on the weekend =)
Be available for this man but not TOO available - men like the chase, not a pushover.
They like a challenge - watch men play video games - a game that is easily won soon bores them.
Have fun and keep it light - if he's interested, he'll call and if he doesn't you really haven't lost anything - keep fishing =)
 Sun_Devil_92
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 4
Am I being neurotic or do I have reason?
Posted: 10/17/2009 5:05:16 PM
OP, without knowing your deformity, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it had nothing to do with it and everything to do with that he was a young man in his 20's (a guess on my part) and basically was only in it for sex. Note not all guys in their 20's have that motivation, but let's be frank - a sizable population does.

I agree with your conclusion; if he wanted to carry on in a relationship, then he would be trying to contact you and make it work. It doesn't sound like that is his motivation. Just cast your line and go back fishing; not all of them that are caught are keepers.

 Sun_Devil_92
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 6
Am I being neurotic or do I have reason?
Posted: 10/17/2009 5:14:09 PM
OP, I'm sorry, but now you are scaring me. I understand that you have romantic feelings for someone, but if they don't want to hitch to your wagon, then it doesn't matter. Don't you want to be with someone that wants to be with you? If he did, he would be making a strong effort to be with you. It sure doesn't sound like he is.

This is a part of dating that you have been missing; it is great when there is mutual interest, but when that is gone, it is time to move on. It hurts, but that is the unfair thing about love - sometimes great sadness follows great happiness. You put your trust out there, and it gets crushed in return. All that means is that the person doesn't have your best interest at heart, and thus now you need to find someone that does. Don't you think you deserve that?

edit:

I would also add that he is 28, and so would at least be somewhat more mature than a 20 year old.

It still is the 20's. I hate to break it to you, but for many guys, they don't grow out of it until their mid-30's.
 FuzzyWuzzyCreature
Joined: 7/12/2009
Msg: 7
Am I being neurotic or do I have reason?
Posted: 10/17/2009 5:18:22 PM
Mademoiselle, you're a beautiful girl. And its really the 'internet effect' that you're experiencing. Most of the times a girl, who guys would otherwise drool over in the real world, becomes 'average' when she joins a dating site. Its really the lack of your presence that is at play. Men love the smell of their women. And on the internet, we're smelling our stinky selves. So its us, and not you.

As for dudes, the more you run away from them. The more they run towards you. Why? Well we don't get called stupid for nothing :D That and its human nature. What you can't have becomes more attractive. Similarly, the person who dumps is generally less depressed then the one who is being dumped, both will be depressed no matter what but atleast one of them gets to enjoy the dumping part.

As for this dude, don't bother. No guy is worth losing your sleep over. Besides guys like women who are happy and smiling and confident and don't need them :D If you become 'too responsible' in a relationship then you become the 'sole driver' of the relationship. And that's not what you want, it'll wear you out pretty quickly. Give him time. He's not going anywhere. He'll be back for more. What you don't realize is you hold the power and he is hooked. So you call the shot. Play a little hard ball. Cancel a couple of dates and he'll be back into his senses. You shouldn't put up with this crap. You have to be in a relationship on your own terms.

If you feel uncomfortable playing hardball, communicate. He is not magically going to know what he is doing wrong. You'll have to talk things out. Again, I always say, keep these talk nice and short. Average attention spam of a guy is 10-15mins, tops 20. So know what you're talking about ahead of time and get your point across and then repeat it to him. Go for an icecream after that... oh aint love grand!
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Am I being neurotic or do I have reason?
Posted: 10/17/2009 5:18:57 PM
Yeah, it's over. You know that.
You met and slept with a guy within 30 days.
You had no commitment, just sex and hanging out.
He'll show interest when he feels horny but the fact is, he's already lost interest.
 Sun_Devil_92
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 10
Am I being neurotic or do I have reason?
Posted: 10/17/2009 5:56:02 PM
To Sun_Devil_92 - why do I 'scare' you? I'm confused. It's only be the last couple of days he hasn't been interested, which is why I am only asking questions now.
It scares me that you are trying to make something out of nothing.

Ok, then riddle me this: why does it take him three days to get back with you? Now, if it was only one, then that would be fine - but three? Why did it make you think twice?

We know the answer. Speaking as a guy, if I was really into a woman, I would be trying to get in contact with her - and a lot sooner than three days later. The only thing that would stop me is if I was knocked unconscious by a speeding herd of pack mules and I was in a coma ...

edit:
Let me ask this - did he contact you more frequently or less frequently *before* you had sex?
 central_scrutinizer
Joined: 10/11/2009
Msg: 11
Am I being neurotic or do I have reason?
Posted: 10/17/2009 6:06:46 PM

It just seems strange though to go from being interested to suddenly perhaps not being interested, that's why I am unsure. It HAS only be 3 days that he hasn't contacted me, which isn't that long, although it has made me think twice.


If he doesn't call for seven days, then you can start to worry. People in college are busy. You know that. But, honestly, the larger issue for me here (being you father's age) is why you would be having sex with a guy when you're not in a committed relationship. I realize we're living in a post-Christian culture where people don't wait to get married to have sex. That's one thing. But human nature is human nature. And then you have uncommitted sex with a guy, you're going to damage the prospects of a committed relationship if a committed relationship is what you want.
 twinmd77
Joined: 8/3/2009
Msg: 12
Am I being neurotic or do I have reason?
Posted: 10/17/2009 6:09:00 PM
"being interested to suddenly perhaps not being interested", it's called human nature, and probably a hit and run. But you can be wiser for it.
 parklabrea
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Am I being neurotic or do I have reason?
Posted: 10/17/2009 6:13:50 PM
Although everyone is certain this gap in communication indicates a lack of interest, I'd like to offer another theory. Is it possible that he has personal or business issues that are taking up his time right now? Unfortunately, it would be a bad move on all levels were you to contact him again, right now. As suspenseful and tension-filled waiting feels, you can't chase him. The next few days will tell the story.

It's possible he took advantage of your emotional vulnerability. If so, he's a snake. If he's treated you badly please don't let it color your opinion of all men.

Reading your wonderful profile makes it very clear that you're an exceedingly bright person. Not everyone can deal with that - they are overwhelmed by your intelligence. That may help explain your problem getting dates. You're a one-of-a-kind girl. That's wonderful, but may limit the amount of men who have the nerve to approach you.

I'm so sorry you had to suffer as a child. Psychologically as well as physically. I wish you every happiness and I hope the other posters treat you with empathy.
 winteragain
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 14
Am I being neurotic or do I have reason?
Posted: 10/17/2009 6:22:28 PM
I'm korean so I got dibs on good advice. Us asian guys are not like your usual UK Jude Law types that go prowling the streets for nanny's. The guy didn't lose interest, there is no such thing as bad sex as long as he doesn't have to log off the website after he's done doing his thing. You want results? Drop what you're doing and try something that works. If playing hard to get is not working, turn that around and start playing easy to get. Find the middle ground and win his heart, all that matters is you tried. If you tried and failed, it's because he wasn't trying as well. Therefore, it was never meant to be. Take it as a learning experience and find your Jude Law
 Sun_Devil_92
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 16
Am I being neurotic or do I have reason?
Posted: 10/17/2009 6:57:48 PM
A lot of people seem to say to me that guys are probably intimidated by my "intelligence" but god knows why that would be...
Apparently "a lot of people" must be idiots.

As a guy, I'm actually attracted to intelligent women. It is cool to have intelligent conversations with the woman you love. Now I will say that there is a fine line to having to be a "know-it-all", and that has more to do with attitude than intelligence and that can go for guys just as much as gals. No one likes a "know-it-all" attitude (at least that has been my experience) ...
 central_scrutinizer
Joined: 10/11/2009
Msg: 17
Am I being neurotic or do I have reason?
Posted: 10/17/2009 7:05:14 PM
I will hardly ever go on about topics like language morphology, Victorian literature or calculus unless the other person is truly interested.

Is your mother like you? And is she single?
 Blues1963
Joined: 9/13/2009
Msg: 18
Am I being neurotic or do I have reason?
Posted: 10/17/2009 7:19:48 PM
There's one possibility no one has discussed. If a guy spends some time being VERY intimate on an emotional level, he will begin to feel like he's losing his autonomy and pull away for a bit. This is absolutely normal.If you chase him into his "cave", he stays worried. If you let him be there and let him know you're cool with it, he'll start feeling guilty and start to miss you, and presto he's back into your life.

I don't know where you left things, but you could try calling him and saying "hey, it looks like you're kind of busy and I miss you, but I understand you might need some time. Could you just give me a call every few days so i know ou haven't been hit by a bus?" or something to that effect. Once he doesn't feel chased, he'll chill out and come back around. If he still stays away, he's probably gone for good.
 1kindMan4U
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 19
Am I being neurotic or do I have reason?
Posted: 10/17/2009 10:55:31 PM
Ok.. I read your post heading.. then went to your profile before I read your details

You are neurotic. cause you are 21 and on this site asking IF YOU ARE.

THAT makes you neurotic
 FuzzyWuzzyCreature
Joined: 7/12/2009
Msg: 20
Am I being neurotic or do I have reason?
Posted: 10/18/2009 5:10:11 AM

Perhaps you have described the reverse of my situation - I get plenty of messages on this site, but little or no interest in real life.

Well then I'm partly right. You're a beautiful girl and guys notice that. Hence, they line up for you. Take that as a compliment. As for the real world, you just need to smile more often and they'll come crawling in. :)


A lot of people seem to say to me that guys are probably intimidated by my "intelligence" but god knows why that would be...I have never understood why, since I don't feel as if I come across as exceedingly intellectual (although it seems many people say that I am 'smart') l - I will hardly ever go on about topics like language morphology, Victorian literature or calculus unless the other person is truly interested.

Its a myth created by lesbians to boost new recruits, mademoiselle. Don't fall for it. Guys are not intimidated by intelligent women. Truth is, its nice to talk to someone with opinions and who knows what they're talking about but still we want to keep things light. Even though one can be well versed in advanced calculus, but discussing taylor's theorem or homology theory on a date is definitely not fun, unless the guy you're dating is your maths professor. Most guys just want to enjoy their company and have fun. Perhaps talk about personal or random stuff.

p.s. Since you brought up the Victorian lit, I quote you Oscar Wilde, he knows more about women and men then all of us combined, "A man in love becomes shy, and a woman in love becomes bold."
 abby156
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 21
Am I being neurotic or do I have reason?
Posted: 10/18/2009 5:59:29 AM
Ah chemistry! I rather meet a guy I thought intelligent and kind. I want to respect him and have him respect me before the relationship progresses. If one does not truely like the other person there is no basis for continuing further.
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