Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Is it still cheating...with no sex?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 1
view profile
History
Is it still cheating...with no sex?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I know we all have different takes on "Cheating" and the pain it causes but is it still cheating even if there is no sex?

Not like cyber-sex...more like:

I was involved with a man who lied to be with an ex. He would travel great distances to see her as a "friend" and her traveling here to see him. Now I know this sound silly but I do know there was no sex or even the thought of it...But to hide phone calls to eachother, to stay with her for a couple of weeks at a time (twice for 2 weeks each time, that I know of), without a word to me.
When confronted, more lies or I didn't tell you cause you would get mad...not true if there was nothing to hide.
I'm I wrong in calling him a cheater?
Is lying a form of cheating?
Can one be a cheater without sex?

P.S. Sorry for my spelling...my bad!
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 2
view profile
History
Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:55:10 AM
There are a lot of forms of what people call cheating... He may be emotionally cheating, and why there isn't sex is odd, especially since you don't know all the details to these two week stays...

As well the hidden phone calls, et al, that is all a lot strange for nothing going on...

Just saying...
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 1:06:57 AM

how can you ascertain there was no sex?

Like I said as silly as it sounds...this I know.
Perhaps this is why I have such a hard time with this...or as he said "I did nothing wrong, there's no sex she is my friend"
Yes...you lied to be with an other women sex or not...
I know it made me feel like I was cheated on.
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 1:43:31 AM
Anytime you're doing something you wouldn't reveal openly to a significant other ... it's cheating.

To say otherwise ... well, that's called rationalizing. :)
 sinlov
Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 6:35:11 AM
Dah.. lf I am suppose to be with you and I lie and say I am other places, and go hide and have phone calls to someone else, probably won't even answer when you called.
Somebody is "getting cheated", and it's not me.
To lie... cheat same thing
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:04:07 PM

Sorry Cynderella but you're awfully naive to think you're 'so sure' that this guy wasn't sleeping with his ex.


Not Naive...as strange as this sounds, I know this...


also hope you're not considering giving him a 'second chance' because you're trying to justify what he did as "not really cheating."


Nope not a chance, I already gave him one chance the first time (I did step back), when it happened again...he sealed his fate.
I ask because he seems to think...I'm Wrong" of course I think he is wrong.

So I asked my many POF forum fishes...who's really wrong.
Trust is gone how can you move past lies and cheating...YOU DON'T!!!
 C2H5OH
Joined: 4/13/2009
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 2:48:25 PM
If you know for sure he wasn't having sex with her,it must be because he couldn't have sex with you or anyone other woman,man,or inanimate object.Who in the heck would travel a long distance to see an ex for 2 weeks and not have sex?

Give me a break!

 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 3:08:53 PM
Ok, I can't help be curious, but sex as in intercourse??? There are a heck of a lot of ways to have sex without intercourse, and it is a lot of the same as having sex... Unless of course you subscribe to the Bill Clinton idea of NOT having sex...

Unless this woman is in a full body cast, then he's able to get jiggy in some manor...

HOWEVER that seems well beyond the point, he's been having secret conversations, trips for two weeks... I just can't imagine where any trust would exist, let alone think it is rebuildable...

There is a LOT that is missing in your story however I would say that there is just to much distrust that has been established, and if you two are departed, then being right or wrong is merely semantics ... or just a need to feel right and vindicated for the choice you made.

At some point it will not matter because these things never really matter, or make a difference as to who is right or wrong, BUT rather, how you handle things in the future, with the desire to be right and him wrong...
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 4:52:29 PM
Whatever he was doing he was lying to you to see another woman. Lying is not something you do to someone you respect and care about. It might not be cheating in bed but it is cheating on your trust. He still needs this woman a lot. If you feel you cannot just let them be friends and see each other, then you must feel there's something there. You don't trust him. Whether it's because he's fundamentally untrustworthy or because you are jealous is something only you know. If he just wanted to see her as a friend and there was truly nothing more, he should have talked with you about it to resolve matter. If he tried that and it can't be resolved, then he is not the right man for you.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 10
Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 5:04:24 PM
I am glad to see that YOU see him for what he is.

Very disrespectful to you and your relationship to even
think that you would accept this from him as I am pretty
sure he would never accept this from you.

I have had this happen and it is beyond me that they actually
THINK we are so stupid as not to know what is going on.

Good luck to you and continue to have no contact with him.

You deserve so much more than some guy who has a need to lie
to you - like you were not worth the truth.
 ~Sexiest User~
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 11
Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/25/2009 7:11:45 AM
Was he defensive when you ask him about it??
lea
 mcbobly
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/25/2009 10:08:07 AM

If he wanted to see her as a *friend* why didn't he invite you along? Sounds as if he was emotionally involved with her and it's cheating just the same. Lying, hiding things, etc....he can't be trusted.

Sorry to hear that happened to you OP, but this comment is totally correct, even if there wasn't any sex involved, as you state, the cheating is still there and anyone that has to or feels the need to hide anything like that clearly CANNOT be trusted, ever! Time to move on to someone that will appreciate and respect you.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/25/2009 2:55:56 PM
When I thought I needed the answer to this question...I was second guessing myself. Not really who was right or wrong...I already knew the answer in my head...it's my heart that needed the answer...

Forgiveness really is for ourselfs, to lift the burden off our shoulders...
For me I thought I could believe Lying was like a disease.
He would lie about the stupidest thing...for no reason but to lie.
Not understanding himself as to why he does this.
After excusing this behaviour (for way to long) I unearth the trip to his ex...
I forgave, but with the only hope of the relationship surviving was professional help.
His action spoke he was doing it...
Then off the wagon he went...An other trip...all lies to me.

Just a note or as they say alittle insight;


<div class="quote">His ex remarried and her husband was included in the event as was his adult daughter...everyone knew about this trip but me. When ask why he didn't take me? "You and my ex have animosty towards eachother".
I tried to be this women's friend as I excepted their friendship right from the start. It wasn't till she started playing games...she was losing his attention, it bothered her (all before her husband). I could see what was going on and voiced my opinion...thus being left out.

I unearth many lies between them once my eyes were open...

The part of this that nagges me is this...His Words: "Why can't you get over this, I never slepted with her".

It's the emotional cheating that I can't get over...He just doesn't get it.

I could have gotten past the lying with proper help...years of it I'm sure.

I feel I was cheated on even if there was no sex...I can't get passed the hurt, the feeling of not being valued...DONE!

I have to move on...no choice!
 MyFunIsAnArtForm
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 14
Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/25/2009 6:19:03 PM
The Jerry Springer Drama Alarm is piercing my ears!
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:35:10 PM
Thanks everyone for your kind words...Everyone deserves Respect and Lying hurts no matter how you look at it!
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 5:58:14 PM

First of all...past tense...you were..involved...so why should you care...unless you have MORON tattood on your forhead....ohh...and you keep believing " i do know there was no sex..or even the thought of it ".....you need to get a clue...quickly....but perhaps...you feel safe in your ..."fantasy world "....


Nope no "MORON" sign tattooed...but I could wonder the same...

I wrote if one cares to read:


His ex remarried and her husband was included in the event as was his adult daughter...everyone knew about this trip but me. When ask why he didn't take me? "You and my ex have animosty towards eachother".
I tried to be this women's friend as I excepted their friendship right from the start. It wasn't till she started playing games...she was losing his attention, it bothered her (all before her husband). I could see what was going on and voiced my opinion...thus being left out.


He didn't have sex with this women...(sounds like Billy C...I know)

He is a liar and by this thread a cheater but he is not an adulter.

Still nothing excuses "Bad Behaviour" if it is done outta lack of "Respect"
 Verissa
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 17
Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 11/10/2009 8:28:20 AM
As well the hidden phone calls, et al, that is all a lot strange for nothing going on...

BTW " Et al " means "and others" referring to people not applicable in this sentance, sorry I had to say something it just bothered me.

He shouldn't be hiding anything if he wants to be friends with this woman he should be upfront. He wants his cake and eat it too even if there is "no sex". Been there done that. My husband was a**** for the first part of our marriage but he always told the truth even if he should have kept his mouth shut. You deserve better than to be lied to.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 12/15/2009 9:43:18 AM
Thanks for all your help...cheating and lying sure can break your heart!!!
 parry10
Joined: 1/14/2006
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 12/16/2009 11:12:37 PM
Any time a partner shares intimate times with another person in any kind of romantic scenario it is cheating...sex or no sex.......it doesn't matter.........your mind should always be on your partner for your fulfillment and not on someone else......I don't mean times spent with family and friends........we all know the difference.......... this guy is clearly cheating behind the OP's back.....he's got this other woman "in his mind" and that's all that it takes.
 *lilacwine*
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 12/18/2009 5:44:36 PM
is it still cheating even if there is no sex?

Yes, if it is being hidden.

I was involved with a man who lied to be with an ex. He would travel great distances to see her as a "friend" ...But to hide phone calls to eachother, to stay with her for a couple of weeks at a time (twice for 2 weeks each time, that I know of), without a word to me.
When confronted, more lies or I didn't tell you cause you would get mad...not true if there was nothing to hide.
I'm I wrong in calling him a cheater?
No.

Is lying a form of cheating?
If it is to deceive one's partner about activity with a member of the opposite sex, yes.

Can one be a cheater without sex?
Yes.
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Is it still cheating...with no sex?