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Show ALL Forums  > Manitoba  > I need advice on the custody issue      Home login  
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 SmartAlec
Joined: 2/8/2005
Msg: 7
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I need advice on the custody issuePage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
after age 12 the children have a choice - maybe that will work for you?
 Belle Requin
Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 12
I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 10/27/2009 7:06:08 AM
Oh, leave the "don't judge" me at the door. If you don't want to be judged, don't post on an internet forum.

As said, you don't seem to appreciate what is and isn't evidence in a court of law. Your lawyer has an obligation to assist you, but not to the point where he loses his credibility with the court by doing things that no self respecting lawyer would do.

Again, you seem to think that because their his kids too, that if you don't want them for a day, he should then be willing to drop everything he has for YOU. Taking the kids when you don't want them isn't about the kids, it's entirely about you. It is doing you a favour. Taking the kids a few days extra when he asks for them, is TOTALLY different than you saying "I need a break, can you take the kids?" Widows don't get an ex to take the kids when they need a break, they have to call a babysitter. As I said, you're treating your ex like a babysitter. Why would he be pleasant if that's how you treat him?


YOU dont need to see evidence. Youre not a judge, lawyer or part of any jury.
Ah, but I am! :P And as I've said, I haven't seen/read anything that is considered evidence in a court of law.
 susan_cd
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 13
I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 10/27/2009 1:34:20 PM
self respecting lawyer


??? self respecting lawyer ??? that's like saying " honest politician"
 quickstop
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 15
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I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 10/30/2009 7:58:26 PM
How old does a child have to be to be allowed to choose where they want to live?

Legal aid lawyers do suck! They don't care about thier clients thats why they have to accept legal aid.

I hear you 2cold! I have had my children for almost 12 years and now the jerk wants to share custody cause he has some female living with him and she does everything. So will he win? It will cost thousands to find out. Is it worth it when the childrens lives are totally disrupted?
 Tin_Man
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 16
I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 10/31/2009 12:09:00 PM
A father's perspective anyone?

2cold... I will readily admit that I do not know your ex, nor am I aware of the obviously painful circumstances surrounding the break up of your marriage.

However...

While he may have agreed two years ago that he could not keep t he children half time, it would appear that his situation has improved over time, just as yours has. Otherwise, even if child support were his primary reason for doing so, he would not be able to apply for joint custody.

It may be, however, that he has come to the conclusion that seeing his kids every second weekend just is not adequate. How would you feel if you were only able to see your children every second weekend?

Also, there is obviously an issue surrounding him taking the children "extra days". He may feel that if he is being asked to look after the children frequently, then perhaps a reassessment of the situation is in order. It would also add some clarity as to when he should expect to be looking after the children.

As for the legal aid lawyer.... The cold hard reality is that a legal aid lawyer is given X amount of dollars to look after your case. Whether he/she spends 5 hours or 50 hours on it, they get paid the same. So there are some who will do as little as possible.

I know this because this is the explanation given to me by the legal aid lawyer I had many years ago to explain why he could not be bothered to address an issue that arose between myself and my ex-wife. It has been confirmed to me by a few other lawyers over the years.

If this is the type of lawyer you have, and you can show that he is not adequately representing you, you can ask legal aid to assign you a new lawyer. There are no guarantees that the next lawyer will be any better than this one however.

The alternative, is to find the very best lawyer you can afford, and pay for it yourself. It can be extremely difficult, financially and otherwise, I know. However, the effect of what happens now will be felt for a long time. No matter how much it costs, if you can find a way to pay it, it is worth it. This is my opinion as a result of hindsight.

As for the safety of the children... The courts take a rather narrow view of what actually is risk to the welfare of the child. A person can be a lot of things... but as long as the child has a roof over their head, food in their belly, clothes on their back, and are not actually physically assaulted, the court considers them safe. It also takes significant evidence to show that any of these are in jeopardy.

The issue of child support payments is obviously one that of concern to you. It is also one that I personally don't think the courts address very well. It is unfortunate, but the adversarial court system we have seems only to make these kinds of things worse for all involved.

However, if he does end up with the children half of the time, does it not seem reasonable to think that his support payments should diminish or be removed altogether?

Last.. but not least... It is important that you take the time and make the effort to heal from the emotional wounds you have incurred. And, now doubt, since your divorce is not final, there may be a few more "wounds" to revcover from. Divorce tends to be that way. This is not an easy thing to do, but it will help both you and your children now (while you are going through the divorce), and in the future.

Best of luck to you all concerned.

T_M
 Tin_Man
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 18
I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:50:46 PM
2coldalone:

Please do not construe my comments as to suggest that I think you are soley responsible for a bad situation.

After all, in the words of family counselor I once knew, there is no such thing as an innocent party in a divorce.

It seems to be an unfortunate reality that divorce has this way of causing otherwise sensible human beings to behave in ways no one, not even themselves, would ever dream of.

My comments were meant simply to provide some perspective... something hard to come by during an emotionally trying time, for anyone.

Another unfortunate reality is that no matter what you do, there will be those who will find a way to construe it badly... whether they are correct or not.

And be aware that since you still "negotiating" the divorce... Although you may not enjoy the process... and neither will he for that matter... If you and your ex can not successfully discuss and resolve issues, which it appears you can not... Then the more clearly the final divorce documents spell out who is responsible for what, when, and how much, the better all we be in the end.

I was not calling you a bad parent... Nor was I suggesting that you did not love your kids. I was simply suggesting that your ex might love them too.

T_M
 Dudleyh45
Joined: 8/4/2008
Msg: 20
I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:56:06 PM

How old does a child have to be to be allowed to choose where they want to live?


According to the handy,dandy booklet Family Law in Manitoba wich is published and distributed free through Manitoba Justice. "The court may also consider the child's wishes. There is no magic age for when a child has the right to decide where he or she is going to live. The court gives more weight to the child's wishes as the child matures. An older teenager's wishes will often be decisive." It's a fun and handy booklet to have.


2coldalone i would assume from your posts that your ex is more concerned with a desire to avoid child support payments than anything else. If this is the case agree to the half time split and watch him drift away from the kids until eventually he doesn't see them at all. Be available to the children in his absence and they will learn who they can and cannot count on in life. You won't get any support payments but will be rid of the larger problem and gain the respect of your children.
If you are or have been harrassing this man to spend time with the children, stop. The time he spends with them after being coerced into it will not be beneficial nor enjoyable for anyone. He would resent you and the children and they would pay the price. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink simply means that you can't make anyone do something they don't want to do. If he is one who has a natural tendency to shirk duty and finds loving hard then let him go and allow the children to learn to live without him.
 Dudleyh45
Joined: 8/4/2008
Msg: 25
I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:10:00 PM

he wanted his son in hockey and said he would take him but I just got word at 9 am that he couldnt make the game at 11 am...so his son is hurt...I get to make excuses for his dad and I get to pay for it all.

Ok so he wants his son in hockey, therefore he must make arrangements with everyone involved to see that he takes his son to hockey. If he fails it is his problem to deal with. Don't make excuses for him or anyone else,let the boy learn to work things out or live with the results. If you keep cleaning up his messes you may as well be his mother too. If he wants him to be in hockey so badly he can make it happen on his own or it doesn't happen.

So if I call him to see if he is taking his son to hockey is that called harrasment?

Maybe not to you or i but to your ex it may be seen that way. It is his mind that controls what he does so if he sees it as harrassment then it may have an affect on how he treats the children and you.
 Dudleyh45
Joined: 8/4/2008
Msg: 30
I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 11/14/2009 10:16:18 AM

It always boils down to the money factor.......I would bet that if he was giving money there would not be a topic here........Very normal for women to do


Actually i think the biggest factor here is not the money but that her ex is still controlling her life and using the children to aid him in that. This not only makes a hard life much more difficult for her but also for the children,especially their son. What the father is teaching is that he can do anything he wishes and it is up to their mother to clean the mess up. The mother is showing the same by cleaning the messes up. The longer this situation remains the harder it will be on everyone to stop it and the more the children learn to not take responsibility for their words and actions. possibly the mother is doing more harm to the girls because she is showing them it is the womans duty to clean up the man's messes.
Although money is important and necessary i think this woman is doing the best she can with what she has. She is volunteering at several events and organizations in her community and getting her children involved in their community. Money can never replace that. She is here for help as she stated and probably needs advice from people who are not from their community. In these small towns everybody quietly takes up sides and getting unbiased help is next to impossible.
As for your comment about bedding down these kind of guys. I doubt she went out of her way to find an abusive drunk to bed down just for sport. We all make mistakes, people change and sometimes we are mislead. You made your mistake, don't condemn all women because of that.
 Heavencalling
Joined: 8/28/2011
Msg: 32
I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 10/14/2011 3:00:57 PM
When it comes to children, it is never too late to step up to the plate for their well being. I would hire a P.I. there is a good one in Winnipeg. Find evidence against him and see where it goes. Look up Investigators and they will give you a quote and some ideas as what you can do.
 edjoecdn
Joined: 5/25/2006
Msg: 33
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I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 10/23/2011 11:52:40 AM
Home assessment.... at his cost, if he wants to see his children half time. Request on "motion" to the court.

Also, kids ages aren't mentioned... but their opinion matters ! and ( in your thinking) worse case ask for an extended trial period of a year and keep a journal.

You may be pleasantly surprised... for if he's turned into a dad and is not "just" a father... the kids will see life from both perspectives.

I've seen poor parenting... and realize each sex has their strengths and weaknesses.. inherent....
 lilacs4ever
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 34
I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 1/22/2012 4:17:28 PM
The judge we had didnt care about what the kids wanted nor any journal...even after 5 years she said he should have a second chance to step up to the plate so I agreed to sharing half time if he would leave the alcohol alone while he has them and he walked out...more wasted trips and lawyer fees. Now its 2 years later and compo has cut him down to minimum wage after paying him $2000/mth since 2004 he hasnt worked other than for cash. Now he wants the child support lowered and is behind on payments...my question is...do I have to get a lawyer again or does maintenance take him to court?
 Belle Requin
Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 35
I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 1/22/2012 6:45:07 PM
maintenance can take him to court, but child support is based on a table for income- if he's making less, you get paid less, it's very simple. And they only look at taxable income, not anything under the table.
 lilacs4ever
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 36
I need advice on the custody issue
Posted: 1/22/2012 8:53:44 PM
I hear of so many situations where the father other doesnt work or hides income just to avoid feeding their children. With that system why wouldnt they lol. If people choose to leave one parent raise the kids alone, I think there should be a set amount of child support regardless what they make. Then maybe they would get off their a$$ and work. Lets face it, its tough raising a family on two incomes let alone one
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