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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?      Home login  
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 bobbajobba
Joined: 4/28/2009
Msg: 1
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time? Page 1 of 54    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
interesting question, no?
possible reasons:
(1) the more beautiful the woman, the more they realize they can have any number of
men, why settle for one for very long? i.e., s*x-lib has changed everything.
(2) modern men have not kept up w women's needs, and they get bored quickly? i.e.,
women have changed, and men have not adapted in a way acceptable to women? If
so, why have men not changed, and further, is it realistic that they can? Is it
feasible that they do so? Or would men lose more than they would gain by making
the supposed needed changes?
(3) men refuse, or are unable, to see the red lights she is flashing months in advance,
leaving her to be the one to finally say "bye"? male ego might be the key in this
possibility. But this begs the question: implicit in the fact women do the breaking up,
is the idea that it is the women who dislike committment, not men (every divorce I
have ever seen it is not the man who wants to break up, it is the woman, have seen
this five times just in the last two years, most cases also before that). Is
this in turn a function of modern societal conditioning whereby the woman has
accepted the modern premise that women should not want men? With the resultant
outcome that women have a subconscious discomfort with any relationship from
the start (or at least soon after it begins) that serves to utlimately bring the
relationship to an end, albeit, in a way neither the man or woman truly
understand? move on to the next one, repeat "self-destruct" process.
(4) "singleness" (% people who are single) has risen dramatically in the last few
decades. In turn, there are far more people of both genders available for flings,
thus increasing the temptation to wander, putting pressure on relationships that
once would have been a lifetime "done deal". The s*x-lib culture=single culture,
creating a far more difficult atmosphere for monogamy than was the case , say,
60 yrs.

There are other possiblities of course, these are just a few. I suspect it is a combination of these things in many instances, who knows? Please know I am not saying women are "wrong" to leave a relationship, of course a woman should have that right. Am only asking "why" this appears to be the case so that men can gain better understanding of women.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 2
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:10:17 AM
Is that 80% a fact or your own experiences? Most divorces I know have been equally desired.
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 3
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:18:21 AM
It's the divorce lottery in some cases. Abuse in some cases. Percieved abuse in others. Boredom, grass is greener syndrome, affairs. A whole host of reasons. Same with men. Though sometimes it's "cheaper to keep her"
 BunsofSteel
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 4
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:20:45 AM
WOW. this contains more falsehoods, made up statistics and more mis-information than the Bush administration.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 5
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:30:23 AM

...so that men can gain better understanding of women.

Isn't riding in on a white horse hoping to rescue women from the clutches of villainous men just a bit archaic?

Not to mention silly. Many women believe they want marriage when all they really want is a wedding (think of bridal magazines). In other words, they want to get married, but have little idea how to be married, at least partly because this is no longer part of the way young women are brought up. All the charm schools and finishing schools closed decades ago. Not even the more traditional religious types stress a woman knowing how to be a good wife (the very idea makes lots of people bristle) -- think Promise Keepers corraling men, but not women, for a day of admonishing on how to be good/better husbands.

The common pattern is that women are the first to want into marriage and the first to want out, but I don't see why only in the latter instance is the blame placed on men. The divorce and child support industrial complex gives women many incentives for abandoning perfectly acceptable husbands. It's like cashing out stock options.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 6
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:53:15 AM
I think it depends on if you're talking about the breakup of a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship as opposed to a marriage breakup. There are generally many more considerations to be taken into account when there's an actual marriage: kids, financial implications, etc. In a marriage, men likely won't initiate because they are afraid of being taken to the cleaners and women will because divorce laws are often "perceived" to be more in their favour (in reality, here at least, it's more of a 50/50 proposition with things being split as evenly as possible).

When it comes to men and women going in and out of relationships that don't include mairriage, I tend to think it's a fairly even percentage. Men may tend to drift away and not discuss a break up and just not come around or call, whereas many women want to discuss it to death as they break up, which can very well stem from the dwindling of interest by the guy and she may be the one to say she's had enough of it - which makes it, in the end, a shared cause/decision and not so much one who initiates it. As far as cheating goes as a reason, I'm thinking that's pretty much relatively even nowadays and, again, probably close to even as to who choses to call it quits when the crap hits the fan when it's found out.

If you're dating and you find it's the women breaking up with you over and over again to the point it is 80%...maybe there's a reason that takes some looking in the mirror before your personal statistic is taken as true for everyone.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 7
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:38:57 AM
Filing for divorce is not directly related to who ended the relationship.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 8
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:43:13 AM
One significant factor I suspect is that other states are like Texas, they will not grant even a temporary order of child support unless it is as a part of divorce proceedings or a paternity suit.
 MsStackhouse
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 9
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 12:15:43 PM
Did ya'll know that 98% of statistics are made up?

 bobbajobba
Joined: 4/28/2009
Msg: 10
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 12:28:09 PM
(a) according to National Center for Health Statistics, women file for divorce at twice the rate of men, 61% of the ime or thereabouts. However,
(b) I am also including somewhat of a guesstimate for all relationships. In my own personal experience, I usually did the breaking up, except for once when it was more or less mutual. However, what I have witnessed, and seen in researching numerous sites, is that the consensus is that most of the time non-marriage breakups are probably initiated by women 75-80% of the time (varies), maybe you've seen the opposite. Of the five divorces I have seen in the last two years, in every case each was initiated by the women (which is why I was doing some research), all were long term marriages (over 14-25 yrs), and in no case was abuse the cause. Your own experiences and research may not jibe w/ mine, fine..that's why it's a forum.
At the very least, however, it is not merely subjective to say that women file for divorce twice as often as men, look it up (don't know about other countries and how it pans out overseas). And this correlates closely to exactly what I have seen for many years.
The question, and it is a good one, is "why". Judging by the number of people who want this thread deleted, this must hit home in a meaningful way. Which is why it should not be deleted :)
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 11
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 12:38:03 PM
Hm, 80%. Hm, "initiate"? A pretty nebulous question to ask, but I'll give it a shot.

My opinion is that men don't want to be the bad guy. I think it is more socially acceptable for a man to get dumped than for a woman to get dumped, so , in a way, it's nice that the guys are "letting" us do it ("making" us, is more like it, though, from my perspective).

Lots of times, in my experience, the man has checked out of the relationship--stopped trying--long before the woman dumps him. The woman will give him chances to rectify, but if he doesn't want to, nothing on earth--no cajoling, no pleading, no asking, no demanding--will ever get him to. Then she dumps him. Then he acts all surprised and wonders what the hell happened.

I think men are more willing to settle for "one in hand"/any woman they can get, while women seem to want a SPECIFIC man out there.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 12
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:08:41 PM

At the very least, however, it is not merely subjective to say that women file for divorce twice as often as men, look it up (don't know about other countries and how it pans out overseas). And this correlates closely to exactly what I have seen for many years.

It's two different conversations tho'. If you want to discuss why women initiate the divorce proceedings more frequently than men do (for which there is ample hard evidence) I would suggest that the current divorce laws, child custody and support laws would make it much more advantageous for women to file sooner than men.

If you want to discuss why women initiate the break up (of which there is no hard evidence regarding the ratio between male/female) it's a subjective conversation that could lead us down many different speculative paths. One of which is, do women initiate break ups more than men? Do men have a greater sense of duty or responsibility that keeps them in loveless or non-workable relationships more than women? Is that sense of duty inflated or ego based? Do men stay because they do not want the associated failure of leaving first? Are women more flakey/fickle/quitters compared with men? Lots of opportunity for wild azz speculation.
 sonofabiscuit2
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 13
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:20:29 PM
Well I can only answer for my marriage, we both thought about divorce, we were both headed in that direction, she just beat me to the punch. No worries, neither of us was happy and now I'm happy and she's depressed so I'm not too worried about it. Honestly though, I didn't apply for the divorce because I wanted to ensure that she and the kids were taken care of, if she needed me to be married to her, I was going to continue doing so, even if it meant we didn't live in the same house.
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 14
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:22:23 PM
An astonishing 70% of adultery victims are women. A survey taken by MSNBC revealed that 28% of married men have had cheated on their partner. Of these cheaters only 2% of cheaters have been caught by their partners, with 60% believing they totally got away undetected by their spouse. Only 6% of cheating men actually came forth to confess their misdeed. (http://www.infidelityman.com/statistics-on-men-cheating.php)

If these statistics are correct than is it any wonder that more women initiate the breakup? I believe that true dignity and strength comes from those that leave rather than cheat...
 sonofabiscuit2
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 15
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:28:07 PM

An astonishing 70% of adultery victims are women. A survey taken by MSNBC revealed that 28% of married men have had cheated on their partner. Of these cheaters only 2% of cheaters have been caught by their partners, with 60% believing they totally got away undetected by their spouse. Only 6% of cheating men actually came forth to confess their misdeed. (http://www.infidelityman.com/statistics-on-men-cheating.php)


Wow I'm in the 72% of men that didn't cheat on their partner. Wait, 28% cheat, 70% cheated on? Those numbers don't work.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 16
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:30:34 PM
Edit for Biscuit: married [28%] vs all men [70%, although I still don't believe that, either]
===========
To be fair, though, there are no stats on women cheating in that link. For all *I* know, 50% of married women cheat.

Also, what a friggin' weird site, anyway?
What to do if your BF, who is locked up in prison, cheats? There seems to be a bit of an agenda with this website, don't you think?
http://www.infidelityman.com/cheating-inmate.php
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 17
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:30:47 PM

Wow I'm in the 72% of men that didn't cheat on their partner. Wait, 28% cheat, 70% cheated on? Those numbers don't work.


Read it again....I hate numbers but even I figured it out :)
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 18
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 3:01:37 PM

To be fair, though, there are no stats on women cheating in that link. For all *I* know, 50% of married women cheat.


Exactly. Not only that, I have a problem with "surveys". There's no way to measure accuracy, where the respondents were from (and there definitely are different morals in different pocketed locations), etc. - in other words, such surveys aren't scientifically proveable and could have either a high or low +/- accurancy rate depending on many variables. Look at how skewed political polls can be.

I'm still curious, though, if the OP is talking about strictly marriage break up, break up of a dating type relationship, or a combination of both because I'm sure the "supposed" stats would differ accordingly. To hear it from posters who've "knowingly" been cheated on in relationships, it strikes me that as many men have been cheated on as women have. Are married men only cheating wtih single women? Are unmarried women but who are in a relationship only cheating with mean who aren't in a relationship of any kind? Look at the number of people who figure oral sex isn't "sex"...do they then not consider it cheating? It goes on and on...
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 19
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 3:36:02 PM
So women intiaiate 80% of break ups...wonder what the percentage is of men who are glad to see them go.
 bobbajobba
Joined: 4/28/2009
Msg: 20
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:53:49 PM
not a bad answer, Tito. thanks. You are essentially saying that women still need to be protected by men, right? Interesting.
 bobbajobba
Joined: 4/28/2009
Msg: 21
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:56:30 PM
Sorry, Ababian, you're wrong. Today, it is a fact that the woman is just as likely as the man to have scr*wed around. Let's get real here. We're driving at something more deeper than the typical "I'm a woman, therefore a victim" sh**".
Women can, and do, mess around a whole lot (yes indeed :)), so knock of w/ the
poor pitiful hurt angel stuff, 'k?
 curiousaboutu77
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 22
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:10:36 PM
I remember reading once that scientists found all these divorced women and men in different age groups and asked them all these questions about there divorce and believed that their results suggested that more relationships are ended by women because a lot of men don't even realize there is anything wrong with the relationship or there partner is unhappy because they aren't putting enough effort into the relationship and shocked when it ends but nothing about percentages.
 bobbajobba
Joined: 4/28/2009
Msg: 23
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:12:25 PM
thanks div-77, but have to stand by that. Please read earlier posts, women file for d-vc twice as often as men (at least in America, statistical fact) , and what I'm saying is that the 80% number is mostly a hybrid, from (a) personal observations over many years, (b) significant perusal of many dating sites also over many years, gurus (you might call them) who have also seen this to be the case. Maybe not w/ you, but in general, women are leaving men in the dust. Personally, I find it humorous. Question is why are men so clueless:) ?
Accept it: women break up w/ men the majority of the time. Your personal exp. might not bear this out (mine either, I almost always have done the breaking up), but it IS pretty typical. My point is that I think men do not get the clues women often give as to when they want out. Have been nursing a friend thru a divorce for over a year, geez, this guy should have seen the handwriting, he was so history Socrates was recent news. Why do men need to get hit over the head w/ a club?
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 24
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:23:57 PM
Maybe they just weren't happy.

I mean if Ford has to do a recall cus something is wrong with their cars...
they don't blame the customers,
they fix it.

With an 80% return rate,
maybe it's time to look at the product.
...just sayin.
 bobbajobba
Joined: 4/28/2009
Msg: 25
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:39:51 PM
Yes, see your point. Still stand by mine, though. Center For Health Statistics is the source of the idea that women intitiate the divorce twice as often as men, but again, I'm going from my own not-inconsiderable personal experience as well as a lot of research on various dating websites that also suggest that it is usually the woman that initiates the breakup. Regardless of whether it is actually 80, or 60% (whatever), the interesting question here (if you accept the premise) is, why are men not able to see the signs? Studies have also repeatedly shown that women are far more perceptive than men (think twice about coming home w that long, blond hair on your collar unless u can convince her you've been hanging w Greg Allman, ramblin' man) I think most men would agree w that (that 6th sense thing or something like that, if u have it, she has it better:). A corollary would obviously be that men are less perceptive than women. Am not here to quibble over 75, or 70,. or 90, or 71.1 %, this is clearly subjective. If u think men generally break up more, fine. But if u think women break up more (as national statistics suggest, at least w/ divorce), why? I think one of the female posters hit it on the head: they leave (to paraphrase) because they know they can walk right out and find a new man in three seconds flat. With guys like us, Div...it takes four seconds. Entirely unacceptable.
Men have got to get their sh** together and remedy this dire situation. Women need today's men to be the guys they DON'T want to leave. Women are like a great sports team: they do not want beggars, they want competitors, and I think they find waaay to many beggars.
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