|Why do you want to know about old boyfriends?Page 1 of 1 |
|I will answer from my own experience, backed up by a very recent occurrence of this: |
I was interested in this woman, and we were very friendly (and somewhat physical, though she was still standoffish with me) for a couple of months. Things were maturing very well, and it was getting very comfortable around her.
At one point she asked me if I would get tested. Since I'd only been with two women in the last 4 years (one of them being my wife at the time back in 2005), I knew I was very clean... but I agreed to go and get tested anyway.
Meanwhile, she was off on a random date with this guy or that guy, telling me how they wouldn't work out for this reason or that. She said she went out with one guy that works with her, and they went to the mall to get some boots for her, but it was completely platonic. She said they drove together, he went to do some shopping, she went to get boots and they went back to his house in his vehicle. At some point they ended up drinking, so she didn't want to drive home and decided to stay overnight at his place.
I'm fine with that, as long as she's truthful about the situation. I trust her boundaries and her ability to resist someone coming onto her.
Turns out after a little prodding about her day, she admitted that they both slept in the same bed. I asked her if there was really anything more to add to that, and she said:
"Well, we did some things."
...and I said "Like what?" and she said:
"Well, on the drive back from the mall, he fingered me, and it was wonderful."
(Fingered you!? That's more than platonic!)
So I said "What else then? First you tell me there's nothing, and now he's fingering you in the car on the way back to his house?" How does a platonic trip to the mall turn into getting fingered? I must have a different playbook for my platonic dates than she does.
She said they had some "light kissing and petting", and then told me that at one point in the middle of the night, he had to get up and "jerk off" to relieve himself because he couldn't take it anymore. Take what? I've spent the night at her house a few times, and we've been somewhat physical, but at no point did I feel I couldn't take it anymore and have to get up and jerk off. Something told me there was a lot more to this story than I was getting...
She said she had her hand down his pants at one point in the night, and that this guy "intrigues" her, but they're just friends. Then she clamped up and wouldn't tell me any more about it. She did tell me that she asked him to get tested a few days before this overnight, and he went and got a test the very next day. Why ask someone to get tested, unless you're planning on going further?!
So I asked her for what else happened, and she wouldn't tell me, said it was none of my business and all of that. She claims that since we weren't "dating", I have no business asking, and she doesn't have to tell me.
She repeated the story later, and said "He fingered me in the car and it was amazing, so what?" I don't need to hear that, and she certainly doesn't have to add how wonderful or amazing it was for her.
She's missing the point... if I'm getting physical with her, and she's getting physical with some other guys (MUCH more physical, apparently), then I'd like to know, because if he's not clean (or is questionably clean), and we're physical again, that comes to me.
It's not about being insecure or jealous or whatever. It's about health.
So I went out and got tested, but I didn't get tested FOR her, I got tested BECAUSE of her.
I had them test me for everything, to the tune of $238.00 at Planned Parenthood.
Now her and I don't talk anymore, a mere days after we were looking for an apartment hand-in-hand and talking about spending a lot more time together.