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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!      Home login  
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 hotsycakes
Joined: 10/27/2009
Msg: 1
Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
My name is Sia, I have been actively dating online and off also. I recently met an amazing (?) guy here on POF and he lives 90 min away and offered to drive up to see me and take me out. I picked a moderately priced, but nice restaurant and he announced he was wearing a coat and tie, so I also got tricked up. When we met he seemed to really like me ! He wasnt TOO cute, but nice personality and very respectful. I liked him more by the minute After dinner he took me out to his truck and presented me with EIGHTEEN white, pink and red roses in a beautiful china vase with a handwritten note attached announcing "you are special" We went to a cigar/wine bar for some wine and closed the place down ! He was sooo cool !! Then he went to get a hotel room (which he already told me he would) but didnt act like he expected me to come up (I was afraid he might). I suggested we hang out in the jacuzzi - and we did til five am, just talking and having a blast. He then said we should have breakfast the next morning before he goes home. So we have breakfast at the restaurant and a wonderful time again. He gave me a nice peck on the lips and a big hug and said he wanted to see me soon. When I didnt hear from him a few days down the road, I emailed him on his yahoo, but didnt hear back. So I wrote him on POF and he READ it but didtn reply He hasnt called and I was so jaded I cried for three days and deleted by POF profile, but then tried to post on the forums and couldnt, so I just created this one.I dont think this is working for me, God help me what did I do so wrong ? If he didnt like me,why not haul ass early the next morning ? I actually kept him waiting for breakfast, was 30 min late he couldve ate without me ! I"m not even a breakf person, just wanted to spend time with him. I DONT UNDERSTAND.

Also : Last night I went to the club and this guy ( I couldnt tell if he was cute or not, as he had on a costume ) he won a prize, it was a nice collection of stuffed animals, me and other ladies were cheering him on, and suddenly he motions ME to come up to the stage where he received his prize and handed me one of them. ( He left soon thereafter and didnt give any to any one else ) But he never asked me for my phone number or even to talk ? Why do guys give you stuff and then bail on you ?
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 2
Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:09:14 AM

Why do guys give you stuff and then bail on you ?

Why do some women figure if a guy does something nice in a material way that it's more than just some guy being nice in a material way?
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 3
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Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:03:50 AM
Why does a guy giving you a gift or spending time/money on you make you think there is an immediate relationship? Some guys just like to give things, others give w/ intentions, either way it is not indicative of a relationship start until you have a relationship talk. Hell, I had gay "boyfriend" who gave me flowers and cards every birthday and Valentine's Day-never expected the gifts, or a relationship from him. The guy who you spent so much time w/ may have been expecting something, or he may have enjoyed your company but decided the distance/expense was too much for an ongoing thing and pulled a houdini. Either way, your best bet is to learn from it and move on.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 4
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Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:10:45 AM

"A guy who rents a hotel for the first date is clearly expecting sex."

Read her post again... he was 90 minutes away and offered to drive down to meet her near where she lives. Unless she was planning on having him stay the night in her place, where did he expect to be staying/sleeping?

I know after dinner, drinks and talking... the last thing I'd want to do is drive 1.5 hours away, back home... late at night with any modicum of alcohol in me. Renting a hotel room to spend the night is not unheard of, and doesn't always mean sex.

He DID tell her up front that he was going to rent one anyway, so she had advance warning to back out if she felt it was uncomfortable.

There are still nice, gentlemanly guys out here who aren't trying to get laid at the end of every date. I know, shocking, but true.
 ed9417
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 5
Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:24:48 AM
Just be glad he showed his ass early. he saved you alot of time and emotion by bailing on you. He was stuck anyway and couldnt drive home after drinking. Plus he may have thought that he was going to get lucky.

He is not worth you time dont worry about it.

on the other hand, the guy that gave you an animal my be being subtle. he will more than likely look for you when he returns to that establishment.

men are dogs, you just do your best to find one that you can keep on the porch most of the time.
 hotsycakes
Joined: 10/27/2009
Msg: 6
Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:12:13 PM
OK, i did NOT sleep w/ him. We didnt get it on in the jacuzzi, and I never even made it past the hotel lobby, and we damn sure didnt do anything THERE ! He did mention he had a boner though...and would need a cold shower which remark I pointedly ignored. Yall dont get it though : Why'd he stick around and wait on me to have breakfast ????
 hotsycakes
Joined: 10/27/2009
Msg: 7
Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:13:36 PM
Yank style date culture imho makes dating a billion times harder for you guys than it actually is. You put so much concoction and preciousness about something as unremarkable as genitals in the way of something so damn simple it's ridiculous.
All of you, my advice is go sex up ten men randomly immediately and get over what you seem to think are your better selves. Then date. OUR CULTURE IS VASTLY SUPERIOR TO YOURS IN A LOT OF RESPECTS. IF MOST MEN THERE ARE LIKE YOU, GOD HELP THE WOMEN !

Cripes, sad is the nation which believes the human soul is genitals. Firmly believes it. Jesus would puke HE WOULD PUKE AT YOUR SORRY ASS, THAT HE WOULD
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 8
Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:22:15 AM
Nobody knows why the guy disappeared after that. Disappearing = not interested in pursuing. Everyone is going to be more picky if someone lives far away enough to have to get a hotel room to see them. Disappearing is just a common way of brushing someone off, whether it be during emailing someone new, chatting, or after a first date. Just because he was cool and nice doesn't mean he was ga-ga about you. He was having a good time.

He could have had a good time with you if you weren't his type. I think the false premise people make is that they'd have to be really wanting to be with you and date you if they had a good time spending time with ya on a first date they travelled to.

Now, you do have to take in consideration something... He drove all the way out there, yes, he was wanting some action. He wasn't going to push it, he was polite and cordial, but yeah, that doesn't mean he wasn't expecting it. Whether or not you guys hooked up isn't really the question. The bottom line was that you weren't SUCH a catch that he'd want to continue things being 90 mins away, so ending it right then would be better than dragging things out... especially if he knew he was susceptible to dragging things out "to be nice".

I'd say don't have expectations -- that's your problem. Don't have visions of being with someone before or even after your 2nd date. Take a more grounded but not bitter approach. Additionally, it's obvious he was looking to hook up, even though he did respect you.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 9
Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:10:38 PM
I believe he did give you a sign, signal....hint, AND slap upside the head. Just in best gentlemanly fashion: *after* he was out of range. . . . It may be that he genuinely didn't make the decision until he was on his way home, or later, after he'd slept on it. It *does* sound like he was counting on getting a bit o' honey, and was likely disappointed.

That said, only a horn dog would mention his boner to his date, and first date at that, lol! *THAT* seriously was when you needed to make a run for it. . . .

You have an additional problem in that lotsa American/European men do a lot of fantasizing about Suzy Wong, and her world. Or what they imagine her world is like. It's going to generate a lot of extra interest in you, but on your part, a lot extra sorting.

Good luck, little one. May the force be with you.
 flbiker
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 10
Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:19:23 PM

There is nothing wrong with a fling...it does not always have to lead to a relationship but if for you it does, don't sleep with men too early in the "relationship-building phase"...hold out for some form of committment.

Taken, I have a serious question for you, what kind of committment are you talking about here? To be exclusive? To get some kind of promise that he is planning on being with you for the rest of his life? I really need to understand this because I have just met a woman, she says I turn her on, and she wants to make love to me but can't because she needs some kind of committment. I could lie to her but I won't, I am recently divorced AND had a crappy "rebound" relationship with someone that I really thought was going to be "the one" that I would be with for the rest of my life. I may be a little jaded, or just over cautious, but right now, I just want to date around. Doesn't mean I want to sleep around, just meet other women to date and get to know. Can you tell me what "women" mean when they say they want "committment"?
 SmoothC
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 11
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Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:38:32 PM
You sound like overly prude to me, maybe thats why hes ignoring you now.

Listen to the others who mentioned you act like a girl in highschool or jr high. They hold weight.

He probally liked you, but couldent get over the feeling there was something weird. When he finally got home and had moment alone to think what it was he realised how immature you where and decided to leave well enough alone and that you wernt it.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!