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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > Looking for opinions and input: No children a requirement?      Home login  
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 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 1
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Looking for opinions and input: No children a requirement?Page 1 of 1    
I'm seeing this coming up here and on "that other site", where some beautiful, intelligent-sounding, seemingly emotionally and mentally fit women will list their needs and wants on their profile, including that they're family-oriented, want to have children and love playing and having fun with their own family's nieces, nephews and whatever.

...but as a potential partner of theirs, you must not have any children of your own! Period.

The trend seems to be growing too... and by that, I mean women who previously didn't specify, now clearly state "Children: No" under their wants and needs in a partner.

Wouldn't having a child, being an upstanding, attentive, present source of moral structure and love in a child's life be a good sign in a partner? Wouldn't that be a good indicator that this father is capable of rearing a child if the relationship grew to that point with you? If you want children, wouldn't knowing someone who feels the same way, be seen as an attractive quality, not as baggage?

It's somewhat depressing, especially since the holidays and the "stay-in-because-its-cold", nesting style of weather is upon us, and without someone warm to spend those cold nights with, it can get pretty lonely. I'm at something like 3,400 "Removed Profiles" on that other site (can't do that here), because all of my searches are turning up people who previously were a match, and now no longer are.

I realize this is not specific to women searching for single/divorced men without children; there are plenty of men searching for women without children as well, so please don't think I'm genderizing here. I'm only applying this to my own cross-section of searches across two well-known, very popular online dating sites (here and "that other site").

I'm curious to hear from the women here who may be searching for exactly that: single/divorced men without children, and why .

Thanks in advance for any input or insight.
 TheWeekdy
Joined: 10/13/2005
Msg: 2
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Looking for opinions and input: No children a requirement?
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:05:50 PM
It's the one crap part about dating as a single father. I have seen single moms date more than they did BEFORE they had a kid whereas I see single fathers get thrown under the bus time and again. I have no idea why guys are more accepting initially than women when it comes to single parent dating. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that it seems that every woman my age and up has a kid or two in a joint custody thing?

It's preference. It sucks, but you really can't do much about it.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 3
Looking for opinions and input: No children a requirement?
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:13:46 PM
I guess some women are learning another thing from the guys. Men have been doing this for years. The logic apparently is that the person wants children, but only their own.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 4
Looking for opinions and input: No children a requirement?
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:37:28 PM
When my kids were small, I was only interested in dating single moms anyway:

1) There was no way I was going to start another family that would leave my kids feel left out.
2) Non-parents can't be expected to understand the priority kids have to take.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 5
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Looking for opinions and input: No children a requirement?
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:11:49 PM
All good points and opinions, but I have to single this one quote out:


"I think most children have been through enough and don't need to be exposed to dad's love life."


For a child to see their father alone, without love, without someone to share a hug or sit down at a meal together with, is not a pretty sight, especially when that same child sees the love their mother shares with another man in mom's house on the "other side".

Why should we subject kids to THAT? Aren't we supposed to be teaching them these life skills? To teach a child that mom gets to continue loving someone else (NOT the father) while dad has to stay alone, is not healthy at all.

(note: this comes from professionals of the court, Family Relations, not just me)
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 6
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Looking for opinions and input: No children a requirement?
Posted: 11/1/2009 8:54:55 PM

"As far as men vs women in this matter. Don't forget, that usually the children are awarded to the custody of the mother. Some single Dads can almost date as if they were single! I've seen it! If they are particularly deceptive, they can almost certainly pull this off! It's like they set up another life, seperate from the first. I think it's rare for a woman to do this!"

IMHO, any father who accepts anything less than roughly 1/2 access to his own child/children, isn't fighting hard enough.

It took me over 2 years and countless thousands of dollars in court and legal costs to get to where I am with my time with my own daughter, and she's only just turned 5.

The day or two a month that isn't leaning in my favor is more than made up by visiting her every day at school on days when she's not with me, and calling her every night on the nights she spends with her mother to talk to her, ask her about her day, wish her goodnight and so on.

I won't ever give up on my daughter, and I can't imagine a father walking away with only weekends or a handful of days a month and feeling content about that arrangement. She needs her father in her life just as much as she needs her mother, despite what I might think about her mother's choices in life.

The fathers that are ok with this, should just give up custody, since they're not really being a father at all. Obama has a great quote on this point:

"We need fathers to step up, to realize that their job does not end at conception, that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child, but the courage to raise one."
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