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 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 1
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Love,Quality of life and who paysPage 1 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
I was disturbed by what I heard on a forum so thought I would put this to the readers.
A guy commented regarding women and quality of life. It went like this, if you cant provide for her why should she stay around. As sadly a statement as it sounds, I come to agree in many situations, men have no chance at a successful relation if they cant provide finances, stability, and other check lists many women have regarding essentials for a relationship. I cant help to think are we as a society that shallow, bypassing good people for holding out on material gains, and loosing characteristics, chance at love in the name of materials?
I realize there are some that have inner fortatude and dont succume to that, but I cant help realizing that many bypass what they value as meaningful to a succesful relationship.
What is your view on the topic?
 ~Pedro Sanchez~
Joined: 10/5/2009
Msg: 2
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:39:44 PM

men have no chance at a successful relation if they cant provide finances, stability, and other check lists many women have regarding essentials for a relationship

I agree. There's no fun in being broke...no money..no honey. Its a fact of life. We've come to a point in time where both parties can contribute to the well-being of the relationship in terms of finances. The least I can be is not be dependent on the partner for anything, and isn't that an awesome feeling? To have a say in all things you do.

If one of the two is not working then, I think it can survive for some length of time. But let's be real, there's a point when it stops being fun...especially in a case of dependency.

The 1950's is well and truly over.
 blue.eyed.honey
Joined: 11/5/2008
Msg: 3
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Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:43:01 PM
I can only speak for myself in this situation. I need to know that the man I commit to has the fortitude to hold a job, not how much money he makes. this tells me that he is dependable. maybe some gals are out to find someone based on how much money and playthings a guy has. not all of us are that way. if you're not stable, dependable, and loyal, then you have no place in my life. JMO
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 4
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:08:32 PM
Men that can provide finances and stability tend to be confident men....So is it REALLY the material things that women are attracted to OR is it confidents?
 Snotsure
Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 5
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:10:29 PM
^^^ HA HA HA HA HA

Wow! All I can say is that comment is why there are stereotypes about women and carrying a shovel....
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 6
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:23:36 PM

^^^ HA HA HA HA HA

Wow! All I can say is that comment is why there are stereotypes about women and carrying a shovel....


You can laugh as much as you like, the fact is...Men that are NOT succesful tend to be less confident than men that are succesful. Most men DO measure their self worth with financial success. Confidents is sexy in both male and female.
 Hearttune
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 7
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:29:04 PM
There are those women though that find it very important to be a stay at home mom and wife. I can understand this very easily as well, as I had two children. With the way the world is today and the knowledge our children need to have. Parents need to be a MAJOR role player in their lives. In this case, yes it would be very important that a man make enough money to support the family.


This is true. Somehow children again got left out of the equation. Aren't we adults yet? I would think a woman would want a man whom she felt confident could sustain in meeting the needs of a family, contribute to making a good life for a family. Children's lives are at stake.
 singleagain66
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 8
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:29:58 PM
If a female looks at me and see that then she is not a woman I want to be with because am all about 100% / 100% and nothing more.

AKA . . . . I think thats another way of saying thats a gold digger or _______
 yew4ic
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 9
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:55:11 PM
Being a provider is a good thing. Women and men are both capeable of doing it. It's a good attribute for both genders to look for. Who wants to be with someone who is lazy? Really...what's the problem?
 lilemilyem
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 10
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:10:05 PM
There will always be shallow people, and those that live by the comfort others provide. I've never known such a life, never had child support and earned my own way. I definately don't understand people like that. I've always been a fool for love.
 notmeinsc
Joined: 9/20/2009
Msg: 11
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:15:51 PM
I don't care how much money a guy had, I could never depend on him to take care of me. I've been taking care of myself for too long to leave it in someone else's hands.
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 12
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Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:17:46 PM
It's nice when both parties bring something to the table, and one doesn't have to depend on the other.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 13
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:21:45 PM
I have always felt that way, I want to be able to take care of my woman and do nice things for her, not because it's really required but I want my woman to want for nothing. The way things have be for me personally i would not want to drag someone I care about down that road with me why should we both suffer? So I would rather stay single and struggle to survive than have a woman at my side struggling with me, that just makes the weight on my shoulders unbearable. Honestly people bypassing good people for material things, as sad as it may sound people have the right to do so, if they feel materials will make them happy.
 1tabigsmile
Joined: 5/7/2009
Msg: 14
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:37:48 PM
Just finished a great book by Steve Harvey, (yes-the comedian) Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.... I encourage all Woman to read this book.... and men if you choose to, go ahead.....
The idea that the book held, was that we as woman have stopped allowing men to be MEN, and then we criticize, put down and mentally castrate men for not doing what they shoulda/ woulda or could do....
Then we buy into the idea of the GoldDigger - or whatever else the man uses as a sell out excuse for not being the man that his father and his father's father tried to be.. or should have been.....
The provider - does not always means a financially.... if your car breaks down, maybe he cant get you a new one, or even get yours into the shop, but a REAL MAN will call and search and do what he can to make sure that his woman has her ride.... Even if he goes without.....
The real issue is..... as woman have we also lost the art of being grateful and appreciative of what our man does.....
Have we - woman become so focused on what men aren't doing that we have become unclear of our role and what we truly want.... how can we expect something of a man when we are so unclear......

Communication is the key - Honest. Create your own rules... create your own roles, woman you hold the key.... Get really clear!!!
 joemac356
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 15
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Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:42:45 PM
So, it's not who you are.
It's what you do.
K...
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 16
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:58:05 PM
OP, you posted on another thread that women who need nothing from a guy make you feel you're not needed, so you tend to like women who are more dependent, and that there's nothing wrong with relationship charity. I'm confused - which do you want?

If you don't like a woman who takes care of herself because you feel left out, but you fear women who may require you to spend on them to get anywhere - what's left?
 PeggyI
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 17
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:07:18 PM
I find all these comments from men about gold diggers quite offensive. I assure you that it works both ways.

However, there is nothing gold diggerish about expecting a man to hold up his end of things. If you read my profile you will see that I am seeking someone who is intelligent, articulate and self sufficient. I need someone who is capable not only of being a part of my personal life, but also participating in my public life, which requires a certain degree of polish and presentability. I do not consider this to be anything other than an admission of reality. I would not be able to date someone who was uncomfortable in certain circumstances, was unable to converse with the people I deal with on a personal and professional basis everyday, and felt that he could not accompany me to certain places/events because of a degree of fiscal embarrassment.

And no, I am not going to financially support someone else, although I am quite willing to join forces with someone for our mutual benefit.
 FluffyBrain
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 18
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:18:43 PM
op,
lots of things come to mind. the money issue men don't care for is not much different than the looks issue women don't care for. whatever the currency, it's a bartering system of sorts. anyway, he/she who offers the most, gets the biggest spoils.

in addition, money often represents more than just money to people. it can represent excitement, glamour, ... or even just having something on the ball...etc to people. therein (beyond the basics) lies its draw.......

people rarely are attracted to anything they feel is lesser (there's just no psychological draw)...they usually want equal or better....
 ~Azul Ojos~
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 19
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:30:50 PM
Men that can provide finances and stability tend to be confident men....So is it REALLY the material things that women are attracted to OR is it confidents?


I have always been attracted to confident men, the above statement is so true. I have never consiously thought about material things. For some people material things are not an issue, they are just part of life... Why would you change that...

I have always had the belief you date your equal, better, but not below...

I don't need a man for his finances, but I do appreciate someone who has experienced some of the same life experiences and a quality life I have had. I am drawn to men who have similiar morals and upbringing, its where I feel comfortable.


PeggyI said : If you read my profile you will see that I am seeking someone who is intelligent, articulate and self sufficient. I need someone who is capable not only of being a part of my personal life, but also participating in my public life, which requires a certain degree of polish and presentability. I do not consider this to be anything other than an admission of reality. I would not be able to date someone who was uncomfortable in certain circumstances, was unable to converse with the people I deal with on a personal and professional basis everyday, and felt that he could not accompany me to certain places/events because of a degree of fiscal embarrassment.


Well said. This is real life for some people.
 Shaitan
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 20
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:43:47 PM

no money..no honey.


Damn right!! Not because I want some dudes money, I just dont want anyone moochin off mine.

^T^
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 21
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Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:54:25 PM

I have always had the belief you date your equal, better, but not below...

Now if you're dating better... wouldn't that mean he is dating below?
 Hearttune
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 22
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 8:01:47 PM

Now if you're dating better... wouldn't that mean he is dating below?


OOPS! Now you just had to go and say it, did you now?
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 23
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Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 8:03:34 PM
[Women seem to want to be viewed as the only gender objectified for things other than their "personality", or "inner beauty".

They don't want to acknowledge any double standard that doesn't favour them.

That's fine. In an open forum, they'll get called out on it.]

But, verityone, lest not forget that it was a MAN who started this thread, and a MAN to whose post he was referring. Given the most often undisputed fact (on these forums, at least) that it is men who make first contact, and, aside from sex, choose with whom they want to be, logic would indicate that the standards favor the men.

Of course there are golddiggers, but one can argue (me, from personal experience) that men don't want to be viewed as being objectified as "sugar daddys" because those with cash USE that fact to attract women. There are many differences between the genders; refusal to acknowledge double standards is NOT one of them. You reap what you sow.
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 24
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Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 8:05:59 PM
[OP, you posted on another thread that women who need nothing from a guy make you feel you're not needed, so you tend to like women who are more dependent, and that there's nothing wrong with relationship charity. I'm confused - which do you want?

If you don't like a woman who takes care of herself because you feel left out, but you fear women who may require you to spend on them to get anywhere - what's left? ]


Regarding the post you were refering to I made reference that I had no problem helping a women that was in need, not nessesarily a relationship I want permanent for myself. I believe in charity if you can and have the ability to help but that isnt what this forum is about.
I lived through the late 50s to today and have seen how social norms have shifted for both sexes. Men were once relied upon to be the bread winners and women the homemaker/caregiver but that was in the 50s and 60's and is no longer the norm in todays society. Women have progessed from homemaker to feminism, to equal rights to equal pay for equal job. Finances in most part are two saleries needed to make a household family succeed. Both men and women today can afford to make it alone as single people which is evident by the large number of single households. Men have seen a shift to being less needed to women for support but as equals. As a man what I still see is some women have held on old stigmas that men should be footing the bills which is not looked upon favorably by many men and women. But I still hear it not so here, such as "no money, no honey" and the like. What I can tell is that our society will continue to have its problems and the need for smaller single residences will grow and probably outpace the need for multiroom family residential units as people opt for independece in both the sexes.
 Divorced, Broke, Bald
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 25
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 8:13:50 PM
If a woman dates a guy who is "above," then does that not mean that he's settling? Ugh! What an awful way to view one's self, to say that you only date those who will settle for you.
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