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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?      Home login  
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 LaineeJ
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 1
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?Page 1 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)
I recently met a guy on another dating site and we seemed to get along. I have now been dating him for two months. His profile stated that he is 38 years old (this site updates age as time goes by). I happened to notice on his licence that he was born in December of 68. I didn't say anything to him about this until a couple of days ago when he was discussing his upcoming birthday. When I asked him his age, he admitted that he'll be turning 41. I could care less that he is 41 since I would date someone up to ten years older than myself but I am a little put off by the fact that he shaved two years off his age. He says that he was getting matched up with ladies in their late 40s and 50s and wanted to meet women with less baggage. He also made a comment about how lots of people lie about their age.
Has anyone had this experience before? If so, did the person who lied about age lie about other things? He seems like a nice guy and I don't plan on breaking up with him over this....but should I be concerned?
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 2
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He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:09:15 PM
You've allowed him to lie about something trivial. When you reward bad behavior, strap in and expect more.
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 3
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:03:29 PM
We live in a world where so many people are concerned with loosing their youth... I understand why people do it... but I don't like it.

You have already answered your own question. Obviously, by your reaction, it's already tainted the relationship.

You just can't do it... it's a lie.
 luvNjoyOC
Joined: 11/4/2009
Msg: 4
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:09:40 PM
Personally, I don't trust men well to begin with. They have to walk their talk for awhile to prove that they have integrity and good character. This takes time. A little lie like that right off the bat sets them back at the start. It erodes the fragile base of trust I afford each man when I meet them. Trust is very hard to rebuild. If he's tell a white lie like this, what else would he lie about? Where does he draw the line? I lie about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny to little children, but I always tell the truth about my age and never say how much I weigh.
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 5
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:35:00 PM

I have done the same. I am 47 but are down as 44 and its because I was being missed by males that I usually date ( 40 ish). I was being in a search category that seemed to encourage older men. I do not look my age and decided being in the under 45 range got me better viewings. But I do come clean straightaway.


- I understand what you are saying, but you are probably going to hurt yourself more by doing this than if you just answered with your correct age to start with. It still makes you look like a lier. When I was dating, I met several women who did this... it did lower my trust and respect for them a little bit... that's not good... in order to have the highest possible levels of love in a relationship, you must first have the highest levels of trust and respect... these things are all directly tied to each other. I'm not trying to beat you up, sweetheart, I'm just telling it like it is.

This is a very good thread.




I lie about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny to little children


- that's not good either believe it or not... obviously, you don't want to run around telling every child you see and steeling their childhood dreams... but if I were a parent, and my kids asked me, knowing what I know now about the power of honesty... I would have to tell them... very gently... and very carefully.. the truth. And then I would have to immediately take them to Disney World for the weekend to make up for it, LOL! (but the real stories behind the holidays mentioned, stories about Jesus, can be equally interesting to children... that's food for thought.)

I don't believe in sharing all the past transgressions of your life, your dirty laundry, with loved ones, other than counselors... but openness and honesty are two different things.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 6
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:20:46 PM
When I was dating online I had a guy who is 5 years older state on his profile he was the same age as myself. He did come clean right away, however, in the first contact. His reason was that he was afraid women would bypass him because of his age and think he was posting pictures of himself that looked younger, when the posted pictures were recent. He looks younger (well did at that time), than his chronological age. I gave him the benefit of his explanation. In actuality, he was a pretty honest guy, just screwed up in other ways - poor guy. Some people just can't win for losing. Internet dating...any dating...is much the same principal as buyer beware. Lord knows there are any number of things people write in their profiles, other than age, that are fabricated or at the very least an unrealistic view of themselves, but their perception is their reality. Be perceptive and use your own intuition on a person by person basis.
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 7
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:23:41 PM
.


"It's a woman's PEROGATIVE to lie about her age"



I understand the "inferred search results" part of dating websites..

I suppose it would have been best to tell you on the first real date. To come clean.

If this is the ONLY thing he misrepresented in the beginning.. and since you started dating it's been all TRUTH.. Look at his character demonstrations in the rest of his behaviors and make a choice.


- I hear you, but I still say it's bad... it lowers trust level which in turn lowers love level/potential, right out of the gate. I understand the logic from a marketing standpoint, but it's still bad news. I really wish there were a way around it, I'd like to believe in little white lies, but I can't. It's dangerous and poisonous to a relationship... and once it's out there, they may never be able to forget, it may limit the level of happiness attainable in that particular relationship forever.
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 8
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:48:49 PM
The problem is, some of those little white lies can and do hurt the way you are percieved by others, how much they respect and/or trust you. If you don't think so, you are fooling yourself. It's a dangerous habit.
 ~Azul Ojos~
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 9
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:02:23 PM

I have done the same. I am 47 but are down as 44 and its because I was being missed by males that I usually date ( 40 ish). I was being in a search category that seemed to encourage older men. I do not look my age and decided being in the under 45 range got me better viewings. But I do come clean straightaway.


I can't remember what his excuse was but there's worse things to lie about. I do not think this makes him a liar as I am an honest person. I think this may bother you because maybe there are other things you are questioning?


That is very generous of you saying it is not a lie because you do it also...

You are NOT an honest person...

A lie is a lie for whatever the reason... It is a Red Flag as to what is to come next...
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 10
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He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:51:35 PM
My question to you OP would be, when does it become a big deal? Shaving 2 years off is OK...now how about 3, or 5, or 10? Lying about your age a bit is often dismissed as just a little white lie due to vanity and insecurity. But lying is still lying and a poor way to start a relationship, and the excuses that everyone does it, and he wouldn't meet the kind of woman he wanted if he hadn't lied, are nothing more than rationalizations, plain and simple.

I'm not saying to give this guy the heave ho because of this. But what I am saying is that is you want to move forward with him you need to sit him down and effectively communicate to him that lying to you in any form is unacceptable, and set him straight that you won't put up with it again.
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 11
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He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:01:30 PM
It seems you are concerned enough about it to bring to this forum. I would think if you state , "He seems like a nice guy and Idont plan on breaking up with him over this." Therefore, I dont see it as a concern for me to put any effort giving my reason which will have no effect on the matter, you already made a decision. Good luck with the relationship.

"Give an inch, take a foot"
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 12
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:45:02 PM
What's wrong with lying???.........People got to date right? Also pics older than 3 years rock as well. Height...weight......these are all things that NEED to be lied about......how else do you expect some people to snare someone they might not have otherwise?
 ~Azul Ojos~
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 13
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:06:44 PM

It doesn't mean much-other than he tried to seem a little younger in order to be accepted by you. This does not make him a pathological liar.

But you'll have to ask yourself this: Will this make you a pathological nagger and constant second guesser?


Wow... So, this is how we now justify the little lies....... Turn the tables on to the person who has been lied too... Extremely clever.... I guess it gets the people who lie off the hook...

I guess some people will buy it........ but not me.... I still see RED FLAGS... NOW I SEE BIGGER RED FLAGS..........


 startle
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 14
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:30:05 PM
do you only date perfect people ..if so dump him immediately...if you a card-carrying member of the human race..i say keep him around for a while...looking down your nose at men for being human will get you no where in life...
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 16
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:53:13 PM
"Has anyone had this experience before? If so, did the person who lied about age lie about other things?.........but should I be concerned?"

No, not at all! Maybe he is just like George Costanza, "It is NOT a lie if you believe is the truth when you are telling it"

Pathological liars lie about anything and everything, they lie about things they really don't even have to, can be about what they had for lunch or about the fact that his parents are alive when he said they were death. Small, lie, huge, same thing. It doesn't matter to them.
You'll find out if this is the case.
Chances are there are a lot more lies to come.
 myrgth
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 17
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He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:57:08 PM

He says that he was getting matched up with ladies in their late 40s and 50s and wanted to meet women with less baggage.


I'd be more concerned that he wasn't smart enough or was just too lazy to do a search using parameters that he wanted instead of what some site put out there for him.

Everyone seems nice - especially when you ignore all evidence to the contrary. Funny how that works! Nothing quite so grand as self delusion.
 LaineeJ
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 18
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:11:10 PM
Thanks to everyone for your input. I have been told in the past that I am "too picky" and I know I can overreact at times. I am a little wary of him...a few weeks ago, I had invited him to dinner at my place and he told me that he was celebrating his brother's birthday. Well....tonight, he was talking about his brother and he mentioned that he and his brother were born on the same day, five years apart. His bday is in December. I am disgusted right now....
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 19
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:15:36 PM
^^^^Perfect example of why I think lying about age is just ONE lie someone is likely to tell. Lie about something as set in stone as your age and it's likely there will be more lies to come.
 myrgth
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 20
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He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:28:17 PM

he told me that he was celebrating his brother's birthday. Well....tonight, he was talking about his brother and he mentioned that he and his brother were born on the same day, five years apart. His bday is in December. I am disgusted right now....



He seems like a nice guy and I don't plan on breaking up with him over this...


How many lies does it take to be considered not so nice?
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 21
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He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:36:38 PM
Age has such a bad name...Lying is just plain bad.
But together...the perfect storm.
Most feel at an age of muture nature, it is not in their favor...so much depends on selling yourself and like a car a lower mileage better results, as is age...sad but true.
Ask a man...
2 cars everything the same but mileage...?
Picks
Less mileage.
Age is nothing but having more wisdom as we grow.
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 22
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He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/8/2009 3:07:44 AM
Two words: Red. Flag.

If he'll lie so casually about something so fundamental as age, then what else is he misrepresenting?

Be careful.
 1simplyamy
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 23
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:39:14 AM
I am in total agreement with Division77 and several others here . . .
To lie about ones age is pathetic. And honesty is the best policy in any circumstances.
If you lie small you have the capacity to lie bigger or more frequently.

Huge red flag and possibly more than 1 . . .
 sxyvirgo
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 24
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:47:22 AM
yeah, it's kind of a red flag. On the other hand, maybe he's overly sensitive about having recently turned 40 - most of us can say that even if WE don't feel the difference between being 39 and 40 that we've seen how some others react to it!

So be on the lookout, but it might be he's not concerned about age and doesn't feel the need to share that info on a first or 2nd date. In the "real world", I bet you wouldn't ask for someone's exact age quite that fast and you wouldn't be able to prove if they were fibbing or not until a lot later. The online world has definitely changed the dating experience and messed with our expectations....
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 25
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:52:33 AM
I've noticed that when people are casual about fudging the little things, they will also tend to be casual about fudging the big things. But if there is a good reason...well, it's a situational thing. But I'm not comfortable when someone does it.
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 26
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He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:20:06 AM
Thanks to everyone for your input. I have been told in the past that I am "too picky" and I know I can overreact at times. I am a little wary of him...a few weeks ago, I had invited him to dinner at my place and he told me that he was celebrating his brother's birthday. Well....tonight, he was talking about his brother and he mentioned that he and his brother were born on the same day, five years apart. His bday is in December. I am disgusted right now....


Welcome to the fun house OP, the slippery slope where you can't ever be sure what's real and what isn't. Having been married to someone who started out with little lies and graduated to big lies, I know exactly what you're going thru here. It does get to a point where they can't keep track of the lies. It does disgust you, and worse, makes you start to question yourself. I can already hear his excuses (he meant his other brother, or he calls his friend his brother or some expedient evasion he thinks you're gullible enough to buy). Sit him down, cards on the table time and tell him he has one and only one opportunity to come clean about everything, and if he lies to you again after that, you're putting him in your rear view mirror. And make sure you mean it!
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