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 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 1
Multiple children by multiple partnersPage 1 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
Why do people do it? My two are same father oldest is 11 yrs old and my 6 month old.

I know of one woman where I used to live, on kid number 7 father number 7 does not know who the fathers of the kids are either. But it seems this happens a lot, multiple children in a family where each has a different father, how do you explain to the kids?

Why would someone knowing the person has this many kids with different fathers go ahead and even have sex with the person knowing this? Aren't especisally the men afraid of being on the hook for a child they may not want? Like Duh, if you can't tell what they are like with 7 kids all different men, then there is something wrong.

I feel its not fair to the kids at all. If my mother or father for that matter had kids all over the place, I think I would lose respect for them.
 mandanj
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 2
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:10:07 PM
Why would someone knowing the person has this many kids with different fathers go ahead and even have sex with the person knowing this?


Because apparently they just don't give a crap...


But it seems this happens a lot, multiple children in a family where each has a different father, how do you explain to the kids?


It's probably not explained to them, it is just their reality. Sad yes, but don't see an end in site when yahoos will continue to have sex (unprotected for that matter) with little thought to anything else.
 carterscutie85
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 3
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:34:59 PM

Why would someone knowing the person has this many kids with different fathers go ahead and even have sex with the person knowing this?


Because they don't care. It's just another peice of ass to them.

I also find having multiple children with multiple partners unnatractive in a mate. It's part of the reason I do not want any more kids-because I don't want 2 or more children with 2 or more people. Not that there's anything wrong with having 2 kids by 2 people, it's just not something I want to do.

I don't think I'd date a man with more than 1 child by more than 1 person. Can u imagine the drama it would create when both women found out about me? No thanks.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 4
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:36:39 PM

I know of one woman where I used to live, on kid number 7 father number 7 does not know who the fathers of the kids are either. But it seems this happens a lot, multiple children in a family where each has a different father, how do you explain to the kids?


Shhhhhhhhhh......

.. you shouldn't bring this sort of thing up, 'cause all the single mothers will jump on you for mentioning something that might put them in a bad light....

 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 5
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:37:58 PM
Judgmental much?

And why are women always defined by their relationships and how those relationships turned out. Having more than one kids by more one father is always counted as a negative for a woman. She's a whore, a slut, sleeps around, not discerning about her partners, can't keep her legs closed, didn't use birth control, allowed herself to get pregnant, used poor judgement, and a host of others.

Yeah, now you can talk about how bad it is for a man to have multiple kids by women but the initial posts is about women. It's always about women.

Rant over. Maybe... maybe I'll come back and try to answer the question. But some folks don't want questions answered, they just want to pose someting demeaning about another group in the form of a question to make it look like discussion.


<div class='quote'>I feel its not fair to the kids at all. Riiight.
Yeah, its always about the kids. Everybody always feels for the kids. That line can be used to explain everything from 'I won't marry them because they are different races' to 'well my lama is sick but I'm just worried about the kids!' That's the line of the day. Overused like hell.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 6
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History
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:40:12 PM
Well I guess you can call my home situation, a blended family. Without going through too many details. My ex-wife has our son (daddy 1) and a half-sister by (daddy 2). My son just turned 4 and the little girl will turn 3 next week. How we explain it to them is that we're all family. My son calls Daddy 2 by his Christian name, as the little girl calls me by mine.

Why would someone become involved with someone with multiple fathers, because they think that this woman has loose morals and low self esteem. Therefore, they can use them for sex, and control/use them. Sad reality of life.
 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 7
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:47:46 PM
NapypyKat,

My thoughts weren't with the ones who had long term relationships, mostly meant in regards to ones such as in this girls situation, each child is maybe a year apart, she is with the guy for a few months, gets pregnant, kicks him out, as she is got other guys on the go to, then has the baby, and starts the cycle all over again.

Wasn't meant for the ones who had a child with one partner and were in a relationship that lasted more than a few months as those ones aren't out having kids with anyone who happens to stumble in their web.

And yes its about the kids. I wouldn't want to tell my kids, thats your dad, but not your brother/sisters dad, that each of you has a different one....
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 8
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History
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:50:23 PM
I knew a guy that had a SCUBA biz in the Philippines that had loads of kids the oldest being in there 40s (back in OZ) and one less then two not sure how may mothers in the mix, but at least 4. Every one of his kids loved and looked up to him. I meet a few of them and they were happy and doing well. He seemed like a stand up guy to me and he was living the deam life, diving every day living on an island with a hot girlfriend and kids that loved him, so I looked up to him too. You know I bet he would not even care what you are, at least he would have better things to talk about.
 mandanj
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 9
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:51:56 PM
wouldn't want to tell my kids, thats your dad, but not your brother/sisters dad, that each of you has a different one....


Well, I don't think that is necessarily an awful thing in all situations...

I am not going to not have more children because I am worried about what others will think, including my first child. If I am lucky enough to have another child with a future mate, that child will have a different father from my daughter.

I will not be ashamed just as I am sure my ex is not ashamed that his daughter has a sibling that has a different mother.

Though, we are talking about two kids, not seven. My original post was directed towards your specific example...
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 10
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:55:55 PM
why do you feel the need to judge the choices of others?
 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 11
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:01:54 PM
ya it was the number of these children that kind of got me, the girl is maybe 27, been popping them out once a year since she was 19-20.

Nothing wrong with having the children within a relationship and if it doesn't work out that's different.

I would be embarassed if I were in this woman's shoes...

Just because one gets a new boyfriend every few months doesn't mean she needs to procreate with everyone of them.

I see it all too often, my sister is even that way, 6 kids, 5 fathers, none of them involved at 24 thought she would have gotten fixed by now, but refuses to as she says next boyfriend might want a kid. Hmmm I wonder why she thinks that when the previous 5 didn't stick around. Actually both of my younger sisters are like this. The other one, does not have custody of any of her children, for once they were right in giving the fathers custody, but she continues to try to get pregnant with any guy she meets.
 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 12
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:03:42 PM
well its all in the soul,

They are the ones that make the other single mothers look bad, where do you think the stereotype came from? Wasn't just pulled out of thin air.
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 13
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:22:44 PM

They are the ones that make the other single mothers look bad, where do you think the stereotype came from? Wasn't just pulled out of thin air.


That anyone thinks anything about them personally is the issue of the one thinking it and doing the judging, not the person who is being judged.....

I do not care about stereotypes, they do not apply to me and I know this. People who openly support them do me a favour....I can easily see those that I would not want to relate to in the real world.

Being open of mind is a very freeing......

If a woman is a good mother, is that not what really matters? I mean, if you really have to judge someone, is it not better to judge them on how well they parent than the number of partners they have that created the children?
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 14
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:29:09 PM

Stupid people DO seem to breed faster than more intelligent ones....


Funnily enough, statistically, the more education a person has, the fewer kids they have....

... ergo, the thicker a person is, the more kids they'll squirt out when compared to someone who has more than a couple of brain cells to rub together.

Yay, humans!

Yay, future!

 KarmicEvolution
Joined: 11/22/2008
Msg: 15
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History
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:39:54 PM
Baby making factories!!

If you can support your children I could care less if you have 20 kids by 20 fathers. If you can't support them and just keep breeding and living off of Welfare then you ought to have your tubes tied. Although theyre still better then those who use abortion as a form of birth control.

I only plan on having one more so I will (hopefully) have 2 kids by 2 fathers, Im ok with it as long as both of my children get the love and respect they deserve and arnt treated differently Im not bothered by the 2 father thing.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 16
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History
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:49:50 PM
^^^I would say that the likelihood of the being treated differently is great. I've noticed that my ex favors the little girl over our son, because it is the child of her most recent relationship. Daddy two is in a weird position of not being the dad of my son, but, being somewhat responsible for him. Thus, the difference in my son's treatment.
 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 17
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:30:56 PM
NapypyKat,
My thoughts weren't with the ones who had long term relationships, mostly meant in regards to ones such as in this girls situation, each child is maybe a year apart, she is with the guy for a few months, gets pregnant, kicks him out, as she is got other guys on the go to, then has the baby, and starts the cycle all over again.

Wasn't meant for the ones who had a child with one partner and were in a relationship that lasted more than a few months as those ones aren't out having kids with anyone who happens to stumble in their web.
First, thanks for remaining civil in your reply. A seemingly angry rant will often garner angry replies and accusations so I appreciate that you reponded in a civil manner.

I know of one woman where I used to live, on kid number 7 father number 7 does not know who the fathers of the kids are either.
I can not speak for this particular woman (or anyone really) but I will will venture a general opinion on it...

Why would someone knowing the person has this many kids with different fathers go ahead and even have sex with the person knowing this? Aren't especisally the men afraid of being on the hook for a child they may not want?
Someone already said 'for a piece of ass' and I concur. Single women with with multiple children may be more desperate for a man or relationship so may have lower standards - landing them with some unsavory guys. These guys aren't that discerning about the women they sex and may irresponsibly make children with these women. People don't realize it, but guys who lack love, guidance, and physical affection in the home will seek it out through sex also. So anyone that is easy prey to be used for sex and that instant 'feel good' feeling will be used for that. So that's how some women get GOT. Child support has served to be it's own birth control in some situations, but if guys ain't payin because they ain't got a job then pinning them for CS won't help. They don't worry much about the kids they leave behind before they figure a woman will do whatever she gotta do to take care of them.

Why do people do it?
I don't think having kids by multiple partners is exactly a planned endeavor. Men and women start off in relationships young and often those relationships don't work out; so they go through a series of serial relationships. Birth control can be used but it isn't used 100% of the time, and sporadic use of BC can leave one vulnerable. And you have no idea how easy it is get preggers after just having a baby. You can start ovulating is as little as 2-4 weeks after a baby, especially if you aren't breastfeeding, so getting pregnant within 1-2 years of having a baby is kinda easy for some women. And some women may lapse their birth control or take a break from BC immediately after having a baby. I did - and could have just as easily went back to my 6 week check-up check up pregnant. So there are instances where some of these short serial relationships can leave one with a child a two.

And then it's a self-defeating cycle because the more kids they have, the more they think they are unwanted as a potential partner so they settle for someone less-than-ideal.

Other things that can you suceptable to multiple babies with multiple daddies -
drugs and drug addiction. Being stoned can make one sexually vulnerable and irresponsible. And exchanging sex for drugs breeds sexually vulnerability and irresponsibility.

Alcoholism - leaves you sexually vulnerable and irresponsible.

needing doctor's permission - because hormonal bc requires a doctor's prescrip and people don't always go to the doc on time to get their bc. Failure to keep doc appointments could be lack of transportation, no insurance, need parents permission, bc too expensive, etc.

Previous and prior abuse (sexual and physical), neglect, and being a child in the system can cause one to be sexually vulnerable to multiple men and leave one with one multiple kids by different men.

And sometimes, shit just happens.
One girl I know has 7 kids by 4 guys. Her first she had at 14 by a guy. Then she got married and had 3 more kids. He died. Then she winded up having 3 more kids (including a set of twins) by 2 different guys, the last of whom she is still with and has been for two years.

So please don't try to paint all these girls and women as irresponsible whores who don't care. Might I remind people that you can be a non-caring irresponsible whore who doesn't have the kids to show for it. Only those with evidence of their discrepancies (i.e., children) are those so judge. Men are so less judge because evidence of their discrepancies are not so readily available since kids normally reside with the mothers.

How do you explain it?
- just like you said before and it's easier than you think. Eventually all the kids come to learn who their real father is and that real father is not their sister's or brother's father. It's usually not a problem until one father is taking care of his kid and that kid the materials to show for it, and the other kids' father isn't there and they have nothing.

I might be a little sensitive to the subject because I had not 'planned' on having my kids by one partner. I thought it would be the complete opposite and that was I was prepared for. Sometimes - shit happens for better or worse.
 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 18
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:59:37 PM
They are the ones that make the other single mothers look bad, where do you think the stereotype came from? Wasn't just pulled out of thin air.
This is really were confidence comes in.... because who the hell cares who makes whomever looks bad?

I'm black. We got nothing but BAD stereotypes. Hell even for the this thread it's probably a black woman that pops into people's mind about women with multiple kids by different daddies (and not mention being on welfare with the multiple dead beat dads). Hell if I worried about black people making me look bad in eyes of others (especially white folks because a lot of us care too deeply how we are seen in media) I'd drive my dam self up a wall. So I'm like, 'who gives a fock? If I fit every stereotype you have about black women, I don't care. If I don't, then I still don't give a dam (and chances are I'm gonna think it's way condescending for someone to think I'm not typical for being black - like 'oh well for a black woman, you're certainly not like those other darkies. You're different.')
It is not up to me to change your mind, your perception about black people (or single mothers or whomever), but YOU.'

You can't change how people feel about single mothers by being the worse or the best single mom you can be. They will have to change their perceptions on their own - and if they don't fuggem. You just gotta mind yours and make the best care of yours.

Funnily enough, statistically, the more education a person has, the fewer kids they have....
Oh shit, why not just break out THE BELL CURVE why don't we? More education also accounts for several things that decreases the incident of having more children than one can afford -and it has nothing to do with stupidity or intelligence.

Children come from sex. And there are several things that poverty, stress, and trauma (especially if you have all 3 in 1) can bring to a table that can produce sexual vulnerability and irresponsibility in America. Hell sometimes the stresses of being poor can be temporaraily alleviated with sex but wholeheartedly alleviated with lucrative employment. Which ones breeds less babies and makes you happier over the long term - the sex or the lucrative employment?
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 19
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:02:49 PM
My kids have different bio-fathers, so i guess i fall in the "trashy hoe" category.


Why do people do it? My two are same father oldest is 11 yrs old and my 6 month old.
So how is having kids by the same guy that didnt love you enough to be faithful to you any morally different?



I know of one woman where I used to live, on kid number 7 father number 7 does not know who the fathers of the kids are either. But it seems this happens a lot, multiple children in a family where each has a different father, how do you explain to the kids?

You have different fathers. Not that hard.



Why would someone knowing the person has this many kids with different fathers go ahead and even have sex with the person knowing this? Aren't especisally the men afraid of being on the hook for a child they may not want? Like Duh, if you can't tell what they are like with 7 kids all different men, then there is something wrong.

why would a guy want a woman who would reproduce with the same loser over and over?



I feel its not fair to the kids at all. If my mother or father for that matter had kids all over the place, I think I would lose respect for them.

perhaps your kids may not end up respecting you for sleeping with the same man who did not love you enough to stay commited to you and procreating with him not once but twice.



Why did i do it?
Because i was an irresponsible teen and got pregnant from a man who didnt want kids, and didnt protect myself.
I later fell in love and got married and had a planned wanted child with my spouse. I had this brilliant mindflash that if i wanted more kids i should do it with someone who loved me and wanted me to bear his children, not repeatadly pop out kids from a guy who didnt want me or want a family.

But are women that have 2 or 3 or 4 kids by the same lose any better?
I see women both in real life and here on pof lament how they have 2 3 4 5 or 6 kids with g man who is unemployed, was a cheater, abusive, etc, sorry they look just as retarded or maybe even more so than the woman who complains of loser ex's, but yet she still let him blow his jizz in her.

Your ex sounds like a real winner, you have talked bad about him on the forum, so if you picked that guy to get up in your uterus are you really in a lofty position to judge another mother for her choices?
Darling your house is made of glass...........so put them stones down. You dont give 2 craps about the kids welfare, you just want to judge other women, to make yourself feel better about your own choice in a man perhaps.
You are dismissed.


Clean your own backyard before you go pointing out the weeds in others yards, chica.


I feel its not fair to the kids at all. If my mother or father for that matter had kids all over the place, I think I would lose respect for them.
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 20
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:07:17 PM
NappyKat, I just gotta say it...I love the way you think.....
 KarmicEvolution
Joined: 11/22/2008
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:08:11 PM
Nappy... Growing up in a predominantly white community I cant say Ive never thought that way just because of what ive seen in the media ya know? However, as Ive grown up and expanded my mind ive noticed that most of the single black mothers ive met have it more together then most people black, white, hispanic, asian etc... Their children are almost always dressed impeccably, respectful, family oriented, well spoken (when they choose to be...lol) and many other amazing things, yet they seem to manage to find time for themselves and friends and family. I can only think it must be something culturally that these women are taught that helps them out.

My multiple fathers-single mother-vagina clowncar stereotype is the white trash, dope smoking, welfare abusing, child neglecting, alcoholic smoker who thinks nothing of bringing different men home on the regular.
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 22
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:17:00 PM
My multiple fathers-single mother-vagina clowncar stereotype is the white trash, dope smoking, welfare abusing, child neglecting, alcoholic smoker who thinks nothing of bringing different men home on the regular.


WTF?!!! That was harsh.....

Sure hope you don't plan on having any more children or (gasp) you will be a multiple father single mother if the relationship fails........
 KarmicEvolution
Joined: 11/22/2008
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:28:03 PM

My multiple fathers-single mother-vagina clowncar stereotype is the white trash, dope smoking, welfare abusing, child neglecting, alcoholic smoker who thinks nothing of bringing different men home on the regular.


WTF?!!! That was harsh.....

Sure hope you don't plan on having any more children or (gasp) you will be a multiple father single mother if the relationship fails........


I didnt say that was every case... I said it was the stereotype I see in my head. Not a lot of women fit into my stereotype. If you have 7 or 8 kids all with different fathers and youre having a kid every year there is a problem. As I said in a previous post, if you can support them have as many kids a you want with as many different fathers as you want.

I also stated I wanted another child and that I had no problem being a multiple-father mother. Im adopted and I happen to believe that family isnt the blood youre born with, its the love you live in.
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 24
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:39:33 PM

I said it was the stereotype I see in my head.


Ok, I am glad you clarified that because I missed that.....stereotypes are harsh which is why they are so damaging and cruel to apply to people......
 Guitargal63
Joined: 10/30/2009
Msg: 25
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:28:38 PM
Yikies.. lots of hostility here.. and rightfully so I suppose.

Speaking from my experience as a welfare worker for 15 years this was pretty common place for me to see on a daily basis. I remember one woman who was 29 with 10 kids, 7 different fathers!! When it came down to having to fill out the Declaration for Support and Maintainance forms.. it was a nightmare!! Daddy number 1 was in jail.. was doing 20 years for armed robbery.. Daddies 2-7 were guys "she met a a party and can't remember who they were, where they lived, what their first or last names were.
so.. yeah.. unfortunately the stereotypes are shaped by these experiences.
I also believe that poverty, lack of education and lack of available resources plays a huge part in how this happens.
Women become vulnerable to men who will tell them.. "yeah I love ya baby, I'm here forever" and then piss off when they're done. They become pressured by unfeeling workers who tell them.. "well your kid is 4 now. .go work at McDonalds if you have to. .but get off the system.
It's easy to look down on women who make the choices they do regarding men. It's harder to pin point why it happens.. they're not "sluts" who don't give a sh*t and think society owes them (though there are some like that I'm sure) They want what we all want.. someone to love them and care for them and they'll believe what they're told if its said the right way.
I blame Disney. I"m 46 years old and Prince Charming has NEVER sucked a poison apple from MY lifeless lips and rescued ME from 7 short guys!!!
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