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 Elisabeth77303
Joined: 8/22/2009
Msg: 1
TrustPage 1 of 1    
I have a question and appreciate your answers
When you first meet someone and then while dating, you may hear words that sound right, but the person's actions don't seem quite right. As they say, "actions speak louder than words". This often proves to be true. How do you know if you can trust the person you are dating?
 blazeon56
Joined: 8/9/2009
Msg: 2
Trust
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:40:47 PM
You don't...trust takes time...and patience. And I agree, Actions + Words that match = less frustration
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 3
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Trust
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:41:19 PM

How do you know if you can trust the person you are dating?
You don't. Trust is earned over time when their actions and words consistently match.
Trust
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:44:36 PM
There is a difference between trust and risk.
When you hardly know somebody, but you decide to assume their words to be true, you are taking a risk rather than acting out of trust.
Trust is something you should develop over time. When you know the person well enough, after you've seen many times that their actions correspond with their words.
 SassySky
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 5
Trust
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:56:02 PM
Trust is to be developed over time.

I believe in the saying time will tell... I like to wait and see how things will play out.

Someone can tell me anything they want to if their actions don't work hand in hand with their words I tend to not believe the word.
 jbking2
Joined: 1/22/2009
Msg: 6
Trust
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:04:49 PM
You don't, ever really if you think about it. Trust is given, usually in small amounts initially and increased over time if the responsibility is handled well. If the trust is violated or broken, that's another story but it is your choice as to how much you trust someone.

How do you know you can trust your friends and family with whatever you tell them? Same applies to someone you are dating, IMO.
 *lilacwine*
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 7
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Trust
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:08:33 PM
Usually you can trust your gut. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 8
Trust
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:29:05 PM
like the poster below you, you don't trust someone out right, i mean you give them enough trust to actually go out on a date, but first meeting someone and liking them and giving them a certain degree of trust is all you can expect.
yeah actions do speak louder than words, and trust takes time.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 9
Trust
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:30:58 PM
When you are dating, people will often “say” the right things at the right time, but what you may “hear” is something rather different. Ex., a person says “I love you” after a month of getting to know you, do you really think they truly love you or rather, feel very close to you? Yes it's a very fine line but a very important one none the less.

You can't know if you can trust the person ahead of time since it is only while you get to know them better and better that you will get a better idea. Of course, if things just don't seem right, you should be ready to simply say “goodbye” and leave it there.

I know that some people will REALLY want it to work with them but ultimately, that may very well be there own demise. The mere fact that you are here asking us sure is telling us something... guess what that it?
 louise1359
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 10
Trust
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:52:05 PM

The mere fact that you are here asking us sure is telling us something... guess what that it?


I agree; so, OP, trust yourself. If you are just dating and something about actions just doesn't seem right, just go, move on. Do you really want to be more involved with someone when you've already noticed this discrepancy? Don't ignore that little nagging voice telling you something isn't quite right; there are too many people out there who will be trustworthy and you won't find yourself asking this question about them. Best of luck!
 LD44
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 11
Trust
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:34:21 PM
If it says I am a duck. and doesn't quack or look like a duck. it's not a fkng duck. nuff said
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 12
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Trust
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:23:19 AM
I imagine you can take trust two ways.

1.Earning it over time which is really just the end result.

2.Or you can trust from the start, and wait till someone gives you a reason no to trust them. I choose the second option because it all leads down the road to the first option anyway and if you choose not to trust from the start, just when do you change your positon.

But always trust your own insticnts
 deborah815
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 13
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Trust
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:37:08 AM
I tend to trust people until they prove otherwise. At the same time, I can't afford to be gullible. I was born at night but not last night. If something doesn't line up with a person's words, then I talk to them about it, talk to a trusted friend about it, and listen to my "inner wisdom".
 Concerto de Tucson
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 14
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Trust
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:48:32 AM
When words and actions seem to conflict, I trust the actions.

When someone's words support their actions, then you have come into the presence of integrity. If you experience it consistently from another, then that helps in building trust.
 feistyredangel
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 15
Trust
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:53:02 AM

When someone's words support their actions, then you have come into the presence of integrity.


Very well said :) Their integrity and your integrity levels have to match. If they do, then there are no issues.
 HappyHeart777
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 16
Trust
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:35:11 AM
Awww the word integrity. Somthing not found often.
Provocted a question for a date (not the first though maybe 2nd I dont know maybe first??? There I am being flakey again. Ok the question:
What is integrity to you and give me an example of using it in your life. LOL
Ok not good, sounds like an interview question. Need to think on this for a while.
Did this make anyone smile???? LOL
 OpenHeart928
Joined: 10/12/2009
Msg: 17
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Trust
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:48:18 AM

the person's actions don't seem quite right.


You do not trust someone beyond where their actions lead your instincts into trust.

When warning signs are going off, heed them. That's true of not only mating-type relationships but family, personal, business, etc.

As soon as you determine someone untrustworthy, the only option is clear communication to see if there's room to restore trust. If not, do yourself a favor and RUN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 18
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Trust
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:05:25 AM
I agree with all the others, it's also what you're trusting this person with.

Start with small relatively insignificant things. "I'll call you on Thursday to make plans". Sounds silly, but I've never known it to be different, if someone isn't paying attention to the small things, they'll blow you off on other more significant things. It's just showing they're inconsiderate of your time. Just dropped someone like a prom dress recently because of this, it was only a few weeks. He didn't understand, I explained, he apologized okay....guess what, yup he did it again.

Trust with small things, then step by step to more important things.
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 19
Trust
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:11:35 AM
OP: People will say what they think you want to hear. Therefore, DO NOT go by their word alone.

Their actions/consistency is what you need to take into consideration.
 *lilacwine*
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 20
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Trust
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:15:03 AM

Trust is earned over time when their actions and words consistently match.

This is the physiology of trust. When the words do not match the behavior, your brain gives you that funny feeling that something isn't quite right, no matter what the mouth is saying. After dating guys who did and guys who did not give me that funny feeling, I've learned that this instinct is reliable.
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