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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Whats it like being single over 30?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 2
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Whats it like being single over 30?Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
It's a lot less stressful than the alternative. That's my perspective.

I really enjoy my single life, eating, sleeping, traveling and recreating w/o having to answer to anybody except my children. I read more books, see more good movies, have greater ability to travel spontaneously, and I've seen more of my own family and friends post-divorce than I did for *years* when I was married.

Single life ... I'm an advocate. :)
 CityGrlNCountry
Joined: 3/27/2009
Msg: 8
Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/9/2009 12:15:17 PM
I honestly hate it. After being zealously single on purpose for most of my 20's, I'm now 32 and so beyond tired of being single.

It seems to be that the biggest problem is that most of my friends are in relationships or married. It didn't bother me when I was 25 and never had a problem finding people to do stuff with. Nowadays though, when I want to do something, I have to DRAG my not so single girlfriends out with me or tag along as a third or fifth wheel.

I'm ready for a period in my life where I'm a stay at home mom. I have an 8 yr. old and I want at least one more before my daughter gets too old. I love to cook and "take care" of people and want to settle in and do that full time for a few years.

On the other hand, most of the people I know who are in relationships are not in happy relationships. That makes it harder to even allow myself to want it.

It's kind of a vicious cycle.
 GQSunset
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 12
Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/9/2009 6:17:06 PM
I love the freedom of being in my late 30's and single with no kids, no alimony, no child support, no baby mama drama, ahhhhhhh.

However it would be nicer to share the good times with in a relationship with someone who deserves it.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 16
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Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:24:47 AM
On the positive side I can go where I want, do what I want and the remote control is all mine. I can travel, take courses and try some art and cooking classes or I can sit down quietly and read a good book. The negative is it's nice to have someone to go out with and share your thoughts and feelings with, so I continue on the site and maybe I'll find that special someone.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 18
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Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/10/2009 7:14:23 AM

I had to talk for almost an hour, the question was " whats it like being single?"

So are you saying they don't use Rorschach inkblot tests anymore?

My question back at them would be "compared to what?".

It's a dumb question, like asking "what's it like being you", or "what's it like being X?" (X = "male", "a white person", "155 lbs", etc.), so I think I would have just stared back at them blankly since I'd have no idea what the question means or is supposed to elicit. IOW, I'd be a difficult test subject for them.
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 21
Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/10/2009 10:20:19 AM
^^^^^You're the SHIATTTTTTT, Bad Monkey!
 slybandit
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 24
Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/10/2009 11:33:27 AM
It's hard to separate life into hermetic compartments. How am I supposed to say, *this* part of my life is due to being single, *that* part of my life is there, single or not. It's also a hypothetical-- I'm being asked to imagine what being in a relationship would change in my life, without specifying the person that I'd be in a relationship with.

One thing I do notice is that the women in my age group generally seem a lot less "open", for lack of a better word. This is a gross overgeneralization, and not intended to be a negative comment. A few examples help.

1. They may be professionals (no, the other kind of professionals, you dirty minded types) or have time-demanding jobs and getting together at all is a game of scheduling. Not complaining about this, it's my problem also.
2. Having hit 30, if they're never-married, they are on a very unsubtle biological/social clock. If you're not very enthusiastic out the gate on the subject of marriage/kids, you're very quickly written off. The problem with this is that it makes a relationship feel rushed, like you're on a committment timetable. Finding out if someone's the right person takes time, like it or not.
3. If they have previous marriages or L/T relationships, ex-bf and/or ex-husband drama enters the picture. No matter what, you're compared to the ex-. Sometimes that's a good thing...depending. If they have kids, you now have to be acceptable to the kids as well.
4. Money matters. It's the final taboo to even discuss it, but if you don't make more than she does, you're yesterday's news. Job loss, for example, becomes an e-ticket to dumpsville. Seen plenty of examples-- the more vociferously it's denied, the more obvious it becomes.

With both older and younger women, these issues tend to disappear. With the younger ones, #1 is rarely a problem yet. With the older ones, they tend to be more secure in their jobs/positions, so this comes up less.

As for #2, if they've done the marriage-and-divorce thing, the pressure is off. Same is true if they're in their early or mid twenties-- plenty of time left. The kids/ex drama tends to disappear once the kids are past a certain age, or the previous relationship was a while ago. However, the pet drama enters the picture. You must be acceptable to Fluffy, or you are yesterday's news.

As for #4, the older ones either have their own money or never really cared about it. The younger ones basically enjoy recreational dating they could not pay for themselves, but it does not really go beyond that, because relatively few have really contemplated the damage going on maternity leave or taking a few years off to be with the kids does to a conventional career track.
 rat-7
Joined: 2/10/2009
Msg: 27
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Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/10/2009 12:09:42 PM
It is pretty much loke it was when I was in my 20s, and what it is now that I am over 40s
The only thing that changed are the numbers that mark my age, and nothing else
 Svetlana Blue
Joined: 6/23/2009
Msg: 29
Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/10/2009 1:25:16 PM
Life is very simple. My home, is my home. No one to answer to. I do not have to depend on anyone but myself. I know if something needs to get done, it is up to me and it will get done right. Peaceful.
 Elmenreich
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 31
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Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/10/2009 8:33:52 PM
Dating in your 30s is like dating in high school, only you're more popular.
 SeatownMatt
Joined: 9/13/2009
Msg: 32
Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/11/2009 5:28:44 PM
Being single and over 30 has been both positive and negative. A positive is that I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, etc... However, I do miss having someone there to share things with and the like. Most of my married friends say they are envious at times that I am single, but I'm not too sure about that.
I've noticed that the amount of never married women without kids has gone way down from my 20's, but that is to be expected. I don't have a problem dating a divorced woman or a woman with kids, but it seems to be the norm now in my age range. I like being single, but hey, I'm on this site for a reason.
 untamedspirit009
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 43
Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/13/2009 3:19:36 PM
Not from a male perspective...but,

it is wonderful!!!! I will be 40 next year and I don't have a problem with being single. There is the difference between being 'lonely' and being 'alone'...many confuse the two and have a hard time being in either catagory. I am happy with who an where I am. I am most times alone (an prefer it this way) to being 'lonely' and "needing" another to make me happy. I can have all this by myself, as anyone can yet, companionship with another to share it with is enjoyable but not a necesity, just a want. It isn't that hard to figure out just many seem too 'want' another to experience what ever...whether it be happy, sad, drama, intellect etc....

I wish you enough.

spirit.
 ProudToBeArmy
Joined: 10/26/2009
Msg: 44
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Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/13/2009 3:48:21 PM
I'm new to this "single" thing. My divorce will be final in just a couple months. We were together for 8 years. I'm 34 now. I've gone down the marriage road and two beautiful little girls because of it, so getting married again is not on my priority list. I'm not looking just for hook ups either, so I'm kind of in the middle in a small club. Most females are either looking to get married and start a family eventually, or just FWB. It's not easy finding someone in the middle club.

It's real nice, though, having a place to yourself. No more nagging, no more getting yelled at, I can wash the dishes when I feel like it, not make my bed, let the clothes pile up in the hamper, watch whatever I want on TV, and hang out with my buddies again.

On the other hand, the bed is always empty, there's no laughter in the house, and I don't get to play with toys anymore.

It has its plusses and minuses.

I'm at a prime age right now - 34. I can go out with a 24 year old or a 44 year old. Pretty much any woman older than me or my age I can get. I can get most 28-34 year olds, and some 27 and younger. I'm sure it will get harder as the years go by, so I've been combatting that by exercising or working out every day, usually twice. I have abs you could wash clothes on and still have all my hair. I have a few faint laugh lines, but that's because I smile all the damn time.

All in all, laugh is pretty good. I haven't been this happy in years.
 Bakapuma
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 46
Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/13/2009 9:02:21 PM
It SUX!! There is not as many single woman as before and to many that are behave as if they are still a teenager :(
 mcalgary
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 50
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Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/14/2009 12:27:57 AM
I agree, it is really hard dating in our 30's. I have 2 kids and am really involved in their lives and I am finding that many woman either want a guy with no kids so they can start a family and not have any extra kids around (I can totally respect this but it sucks for me) or they want you to devote your time to them and make your kids second on the list. I have only been single though for about a year so I may have just not met the right one yet.
 CherylCake
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 51
Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/14/2009 9:09:34 AM
MCALGARY- enjoy your "extra kids" while you have em. You have the rest of your life to date, once they're gone. I'm 53, and have an active dating pool. I plan to have a pool till I croak. Unless some cream floats to the top, then I'll consider a committed relationship. And, girls, a man isn't wired for emotional support. That's what your girlfriends are for. Don't expect that from a man. They're good for other stuff...lol
 mcalgary
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 53
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Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/14/2009 3:00:20 PM
Spumoni, I agree and that is my intention. My children will always come first but I am sure I can eventually find someone to share my time with that understands this fact. Maybe I will have to wait, who knows.
 CoolGuy1972
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 54
Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/14/2009 3:56:14 PM
I'm surprised. I stumbled across this site a few months ago. And then more recently I stumbled across the forums here. My surprise is how many threads there are about single people who are in their 30's and the implication that there is something wrong with it. I don't know if there is something wrong or right with it. I don't even know if it's a matter of right or wrong. For me, I'd rather be with someone than be single. But it's not been easy meeting someone. I think there are a lot of guys out there looking for just hook ups that kinda ruin it for the rest of us who are more serious about meeting someone. But besides all that, my biggest surprise is how many people on here, who all seem to have so much to offer, seem to just remain single. What is it that they are looking for that they aren't finding? Does it all boil down to just material possessions? I've read the posts and I see some beautiful women on here, who seem to have great lives and a lot going for them, but are still single. It just blows my mind that some of these women are still single. What is wrong with our society these days that so many beautiful people, who WANT to be in relationships, can't seem to make it happen? In our society, it seems like it's becoming more and more common for people to just stay single. Why is that? Is this just the natural order of things in this fast paced "me" world we live in now? I guess I'm just a little old fashioned so it's been tough trying to understand this -- but yet it is interesting how this situation even exists.
 wings on my butt
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 62
Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/19/2009 8:57:08 PM
What's it like being single over thirty? It's FANTASTIC!! I feel like I have been unchained from a heavy,clumsy,unmovable and painful rock for many years now. I am free free free! Life is sweet.
 CountIbli
Joined: 6/1/2005
Msg: 63
Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/19/2009 11:47:22 PM
I find relationships stifling. Instead of doing things that I want to do we have to compromise and do things that "we" want to do. Any attempt at retaining personal freedom is taken to be a personal insult. Somehow I'm being mean if my life doesn't revolve around her. There's just too much BS, which the sex can't make up for.
 NotJustMrRightNow
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 65
Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/20/2009 2:39:01 PM
Single and over 30....
I am not particuarly found of being single. I am a relationship type of person. I am not the type to bounce from woman to woman, never have been. I am only single because my ten year relationship didn't go as planned. Is it hard to be single and over 30? My answer is yes. In my eyes I am too old to do the club/bar scene. Honestly I didn't enjoy that scene in my 20's. Being that I am self employed meeting a woman I work with doesn't work for me either. I think that is my biggest problem with being 30 and single, where do I meet the next "right one" for me.
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 71
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Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/21/2009 3:17:20 PM
I think men assume single women in their thirties are preoccupied with marriage and babies, whether they are or not. I find that even if we make no comment about these things the guys get scared that this is our agenda. Myself, yes I would like those things one day, but their not at the forefront of my mind 24/7. Secondly, many of the good ones are already taken and friends are settling down so it is more difficult. In your twenties you can go out and flirt with men and run away from them at the end of the night knowing there will be another one next week. In your thirties this isn't the case. Your pool of available men definately does dwindle and it's pretty scary. I like to think though that if your meant to be with someone you will find them.
 sideshowside
Joined: 11/29/2007
Msg: 72
Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/21/2009 3:24:43 PM
I definately enjoy the freedom of being single and I am able to focus on myself...I guess being selfish. I do miss the company of women some nights but then I remind myself of the drama that comes with dating and the games also. I have no patience anymore when it comes to drama and games.
 Jeeep4Fun
Joined: 7/18/2009
Msg: 74
Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/24/2009 7:24:21 AM

As long as you understand that in 5 years, you’ll still be here and looking, wondering what the hell is wrong. It’s been 8 years for me....


It's been 4 for me, and I'm not wondering what the hell is wrong. I know what is wrong. What's wrong is that I, like bronc, have high standards and am not willing to lower them or settle for less. I've learned the hard way (twice) that settling for less leads to disaster. Oh, in that case, it's not what's wrong...it's what's right!
 Isamajik
Joined: 10/16/2009
Msg: 79
Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 11/27/2009 12:18:19 AM
Coudnt agree with you more!!
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