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 StatlerandWaldorf
Joined: 6/1/2009
Msg: 3
Living expenses and pride..Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

I said he could pay 100.00/wk


And then what did he say?

Maybe he's just waiting for you to ask. But you haven't so he thinks you didn't really mean it and don't need the money. He's being inconsiderate, to say the least. But you're letting him get away with it.
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 6
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Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 7:47:42 AM
Well, you're exactly right. Part of being grown up is showing responsibility for your obligations. He should pay you without being asked.

Another part of being grown up is: When someone is taking advantage of you, you call them on it. You've got to confront him over this issue, or else he's just going to continue to freeload at your expense.
 anunu
Joined: 10/21/2009
Msg: 7
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Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 7:51:41 AM
Pay up or get out
 ncdamsel
Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 9
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 8:04:55 AM
He is useing you, get rid of him and then read "Better Single Than Sorry" as fast as
you can. good Luck
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 10
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Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 8:19:36 AM
Msg.1:

There some men that if they can get away with anything, they'll get away.. Wow!! he can't find a $400.00 a month rent,utilities, food plus SEX....

I have a guy renting one of my facility, every end of the month ,I had to ask him,by begging,drama,threatening ect.......LOL
but in your case you have let a lover move in with you, it is not a case of landlord and tenant
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 16
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Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 8:46:18 AM
I have met some women that are living with out the benefits of marriage , it was split 50/50 on finances,( tallying expenses as in bookeeping) and they are happy, I guess it has something to do that they are middle class people.. Though I am not thinking on marrying ,I don't think I would want to move in with a man or vice versa.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 18
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 8:49:48 AM
OP, why are you willing to settle for so precious little?

Is this the guy you posted about who acts as though he has NO sexual interest in you whatsoever - unless you're willing to give him oral sex where he doesn't have to lift a finger NOR reciprocate??? And you claimed he's not selfish at all. Is this the same guy?

You also said in that other post that he has a 12-hour job that makes him tired and maybe THAT was why he was so uninterested in you physically - so obviously, he's earning an income. Sounds to me like his ONLY interest in you is using you for a free meal ticket.

Any guy who'd mooch off a single mother whose working TWO jobs to keep a roof over her and her children's heads and food on the table is an utter LOSER.

You also claim, "When he's not working he does go above and beyond taking care of the house, the meals, the laundry etc." I'd be willing to bet the farm that when he IS working he does NOTHING to contribute around the house and is happy to let you do it all - 2 jobs and all.

You may find it "difficult to ask anyone for anything" because of your pride, but obviously this man has ZERO pride since he thinks it's just fine to leech off you. It seems to me that's all this guy DOES is take, take, take -while bringing NOTHING to the table. Absolutely nothing.
 WasabiGal
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 20
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 8:58:40 AM

s this the guy you posted about who acts as though he has NO sexual interest in you whatsoever - unless you're willing to give him oral sex where he doesn't have to lift a finger NOR reciprocate???


yup

OP, do you keep posting in the hope that you'll find your backbone in the forums?

why is this loser living with you? You said you knew him for 3 months...and 2 months ago he moved in...soooooo you knew him for 1 month before he moved in?

Are you so desperate to have a boyfriend? Is your self-esteem so low?

also, in the previous thread, you defended this guy and described him as "generous"

Not sure where he is generous...

Why are you incapable of discussing the most basic relationship questions with him?
 pamsfl
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 22
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 9:02:10 AM
Sorry OP. You are just too old to be this dumb.
 anunu
Joined: 10/21/2009
Msg: 23
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Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 9:08:02 AM
Wish I could live somewhere for $400 per month
rent, food, utilites, toiletries, Yep, that would be the life
 WasabiGal
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 24
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 9:09:48 AM
gawd

it just occurred to me, in my feverish state, that perhaps the OP is one of those people who complains about their bf or gf, and when others start bashing, she becomes more protective of the bf.... So that posters, by stating the obvious (this guy should be paying for all his costs, and in a timely manner), are only strengthening the OP's resolve to stay in a unhealthy relationship

'cause that's what this is looking like

and it's not pride.... Healthy adults are able to be assertive, to ask for for what they need and are entitled to in a non-confrontational way. You should start practicing this valuable life skill.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 25
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 9:16:33 AM
Healthy adults are able to be assertive, to ask for for what they need and are entitled to in a non-confrontational way. You should start practicing this valuable life skill.

Very true. The OP seems like a very nice and lovely young lady and I was already pretty disgusted with this guy from her other post, where she claimed that he did NOTHING to reciprocate sexually while she was more than happy to cater to HIM orally. Selfish men - in any aspect of life - suck ass.

But to add on the fact that he's also glomming off the OP financially aside from being a selfish pig sexually, that just makes my brain bleed.

And OP please - don't start defending him as another poster said you might do after you've told us the situation in your opening post. Call a spade a spade, ok?
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 29
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 9:31:58 AM

But in reality, after all I've been through, I'm just OVERJOYED that I have not turned out to be a bitter vendictive **** trying to take the world for all I can get. I just need to find that balance of not being taken.

I appreciate some of the insight the posters have given, some of which is hard to hear, but sometimes the truth hurts.




Your already having a hard time making ends meet I think you need to ask your self
what was there to gain by letting some one move in??? this guy is living on easy street.
this has nothing to do with pride but rather dealing with the bad choice you have made by letting him move in?

who's bright idea was that?
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 30
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Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 9:56:13 AM
Some women said they don't care about money,as long as he is a loving man,etc.etc...
My observation to some close girlfriends and reading some threads here that money is no object when it comes to loving a man.. . I was even brandied as a GOLDIGGER here ,of my practicality in finances on all my feedback contributions ...
As a woman, if I gave a $10.00 to a beggar on the street or feed a man with my gourmet cooking,gave him gifts, ( I never (lent)/ give money to a man unless he is a beggar or* a husband*), even he is not THE ONE, I gave it from the kindness of my heart and I don't begrudge it .
The OP's BF moved in with her with her invitation or permission, with the * weak *preposition of 100 a week, finances is not a business deal between them as lovers, not like landlady" versus tenant"" MONEY DOWN""........ The man was thinking ~~Aha!! I found a good woman who loves me and not my money,she'll support me with her 2 job as she supported her 2 kids, ,,,,now the OP is complaining because of the strained of her finances expenses, I don't blame her, it is not easy to support a lover financially .... Now , all the feedbacks coming from women to kick him to the curb ,because he is a &^%$##@ ,,,,,, ,I wonder if there is some truth in what man's think *that women loves only a man because of his money and if he is down he is kick to the curb???? Don't get me wrong ,I am not championing any man, but I will not let a man move in with me and support him when he is down and begrudge it..
Come on you guys,let us give some respect to the guy ( he have a dignity too ,like us ) he did not force her with a g*n point to her head to moved in with her.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 31
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 10:08:37 AM
Have you lost your mind?
You have a parasite that will be hard to remove. In some states after 2 weeks he has squatters rights and I bet he knows it as you can bet your sweet azz you aren't the first to take him in.


I'm VERY prideful to an unhealthy extreme. I find it extremely difficult to ask anyone for anything.


He has free room and board, food and sex. He is the taker.


DON'T get it in writing. He's not a renter, he's a leech. You don't want to create the appearance of a landlord/tenant relationship


Again this will make it worse.
You do not tell the courthouse/magistrate he has been there for more than a week and get an emergency eviction, as in a guest who won't leave. 5-10 days is still the quickest you can legally hope for.

Your children deserve to see this? What are you doing?
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 33
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Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 10:15:25 AM
He isnt significant until what he contributes shows its significant contributions and from your post hes cheaped out on you for two months after you laid the ground rules. You need to get what is owned and more, 100 covers rent and utilities. Personal items and food is his own expense. You have a leach on your hands and you better find a way to remove him cause he is sucking the life out of your family and taking advantage of your generousity.
 ~*Isabel Kitty*~
Joined: 7/6/2009
Msg: 34
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Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 10:18:48 AM
I don't need to be asked. I pay up/offer. It's the right, responisble thing to do in my opinion. Frankly, if I had to ask for the money i'd kick his @$$ to the curb.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 37
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 10:28:07 AM

When he's not working he does go above and beyond taking care of the house, the meals, the laundry etc.

While that's "nice", that's what anyone who's not working should do, otherwise it's a split deal of chores. What kills me is that you discussed the aspect of the $100 and didn't feel any problem discussing it...it's when it comes to collecting that you have a problem. Before you go grocery shopping, tell him you need the $100 first...in cash. then you can choose where the $100 goes. The deal wasn't for him to give your daughter spending money - that's his prerogative. Giving your daughter money doesn't pay your bills or put food on the table that he helps you eat and, as you say..neither does housework. You say "he's gotten better"...obviously not to the degree required, or you wouldn't have started the thread. Again, as always, what do people expect to accomplish by complaining to everyone else and not opening their mouth to the person concerned. Get some backbone or don't live with someone who costs you extra. Gawd....stomps my foot in exasperation!
 acuddler
Joined: 10/30/2009
Msg: 40
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 10:54:11 AM
If he contributes something in the way of labor, and you consider that a fair exchange, WTF are you on here complaining about? Obviously, you don't consider the cooking, sweeping, etc, he does a fair exchange...so speak up. Tell him to get any job, and pay as close to half the household expenses as he can. Many cultures-most of them black, or hispanic, with some asian-consider it a woman's duty to care for the man...supplying him with money, food, sex, etc. There are even popular songs in which the main theme is "let the woman take care of you". If your man is from one of those culotures, he will resist any demand to pay his fair share, as doing so will undermine his manhood. In that case, enjoy the sex-or whatever-but forget about getting any money out of him. Otherwise, dump the freeloader, and get a man raised in a culture which says a man should pay at least half of the family expenses. It's time to choose. Use your right to choose...between a provider, and a freeloader. Choose as YOU wish, but consier the fate of any children involved, your elderly Mom, etc. Don't worry about what others think. Think for yourself...but with your brain; not your heart.
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 41
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Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 10:57:14 AM
I am a little confused by your post and then defending him. You complained that this person agreed to pay you 100 a week, has not given you a dime. And now ask us what you should do, then defend his actions, I think your not taking the advice given here and playing the part of "Wow is me". Wake up either get whats owed you , have him move out, and make it on y0ur own without his added expense, or allow the leach to live off you(wait a minute thats what your doing now). Hey I have some friends that would be willing to live for free and will do a nice job serviceing you. let me know
 DIVISION77
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 44
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 11:01:16 AM
I feel sorry for you.

There are men out there who would take advantage of a single mother who is having a difficult time raising children on one income........

I really do feel for you.

This guy is obviously not someone who cares about you or he would have no problem paying.........

$100 for rent...............that's basically living rent free, considering the food he will consume.

Obviously you like this guy or you wouldn't have let him move in, but I'd seriously consider re-thinking it.

Any guy who has any self-respect would pay half at least, not including food, but that's just my perspective........and what I'd do if I was in that situation.



 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 45
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Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 11:10:58 AM
msg.47:

Why are you groaning and complaining here at the forum, degrading him about his cheapness ??? I wonder if he read what you said about him ????? Perhaps he will understand you, that you are that kind of a person who has nothing to do and your "fixed" is to shoot people with your malicious venom like what you doing to to *forumologist*..... IF you got nothing to do eat some good bologna and enjoy it. It save degrading your self by airing your dirty and stinky undies, Your thread is not even good topic for discussion and debate..... Vannili

For all I know "forumologist "has a better taste in man than you...

Thank you big Daddy Jinx...
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 46
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 11:27:26 AM
My S.O. moved in about two months ago. We had discussed expenses and I said he could pay 100.00/wk. Which believe me he eats more than that.

OP -- There's your first mistake and second mistake all rolled into one. First, you allowed your SO to move in, and chances are this is a budding romance and I suspect that the 2 months ago includes the bulk of time that you two have known each other. You moved way too fast way too soon. The second part was this "discussion" about expenses...if we assume you're on the up and up and this chat did take place, then you're telling us all that you AGREED that a fully grown ass man is gonna pay a sum total of approx $400/mo to live with you. You, who are a single mom already working not one but TWO jobs to make ends meet (without him). You who should understand that a grown ass man eats about half that $400/mo easy, leaving just a paltry $200 to cover additional expenses.

Sounds to me like you took in a stray and were so desperate for the sense of "being with" someone that you put yourself, and your kids at risk now. Financially at the very least.

Sorry but I find it really hard to pity or empathize with people that are so impulsive as to move a total stranger in with them so soon just so they can "belong".


The problem is, he has yet to offer me the money. I thought the agreement would mean I would not have to ask him for his share. I'm VERY prideful to an unhealthy extreme. I find it extremely difficult to ask anyone for anything.

NO...the "problem" here is, you moved a stranger in for virtually nothing other than his company, and now that you realized this is exactly what you agreed to, you're finding it difficult to pull your head from your ass to let him know he's overdue. Quit blaming pride on this...it's stupidity at its finest and another attempt by the masses to defer personal accountability by blaming an intangible.


You agreed to let him move in with a mere $400/mo. You f*cked up. Admit it.


But I guess my question is, out of respect for yourself and your SO would you have to be reminded to pay your way? If the situation were reversed I would have his money to him weekly without the need to be asked for it. That's just being a "grown up" in my eyes.

This has jack shit to do with "respect" or being a "grown up"...it has everything to do with two people who made an agreement and one is not keeping their end. YOU mistakenly assumed that things would be all hunky dory once your stranger moved in and now that you see that you'll have to chase him (in between working TWO jobs) for the paltry $400/mo that is owed, you expect some kind of sympathy for your plight.

Bottom line is, you need to "remind" him that he is in arrears. He agreed to this sum, as did you, and he needs to keep to it. If he's unable, then it's your choice to keep him there and swallow the cost or boot his ass to the curb. In the case of the latter, perhaps being smarter next time will see you avoid making this mistake again down the road.

You have kids to feed and bills to pay all by yourself. The last thing you need is another helpless mouth to feed just for the sake of "being with" someone. Time to put on your big girl panties and wake up.



I agree 100%. Hon, I understand that this is hard for you, but its not right that he is being another kid by eating up all your food and having no responsibilities. I don't care if the sex is supreme and he whipe's your grandmother's ass with a smile. You BOTH agreed that he would pay you $400 a month for him to live there. So far, he has NOT kept his end of the bargain! Suck it up and ask him for it on the 1st of EVERY month he is living there. That way, he knows when its coming up and that bills MUST be paid.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 47
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 11:33:01 AM

This is the guy that you've been with for 3 whole months who finds sex with you a chore and who only wants BJs?

He won't go down on you and yet he's eating you out of house and home?

Try putting your pvssy in the fridge...then maybe he'll eat it!


What? Oh H*LL NAWW! Okay, OP, I understand that this is from another thread but girl- wtf IS he doing right? If he's not helping you pay the bills, at LEAST he should be laying that pipe! If he doesn't wise up, he's gotta go. Love the joke hehe
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 48
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Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 11:35:19 AM
Call me crazy, but I would never be so desperate to have a man move in with me that I would let him pay less than his part of the expenses when I'm struggling to begin with and then be shy about asking his lazy, using ass for his share. His clothes would be on the curb along with him and his thumb. Are you kidding?

You have children to support but instead you are supporting a bum to have a man in your bed. I have zero sympathy for women who put a worthless man before their own children.
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