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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?      Home login  
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 jules.
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 4
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People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?Page 1 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
I laugh at the number 30. I am well over that number and I have never been married and I have no kids.
Why does it make you an outcast for implementing control? I have had many attractive prospects yet, I wait for the one.

The man who waits for the one, is in it for life. Not for the half decade.

I just think that I am not a freak for waiting nor should anyone be.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 5
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/14/2009 1:23:53 PM
Over 50 and single (and looking)? Maybe.

Most over 30 are just smarter and don't date just to date, male or female. What's more alarming is someone over 30 that can't be alone for two days.
 myrgth
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 6
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People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/14/2009 1:26:44 PM
Haha, that's not what they say about men. It's what they say about women.

Men aren't considered damaged goods until after 40.

Typically.

I don't share either opinion in general.
 CoolGuy1972
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 9
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/14/2009 3:42:25 PM
I'm 37 and still single. But I swear there is nothing wrong with me. I am a good catch I swear. You gotta believe me! I have a great job, a nice apartment, a nice car, -- I have lots of material possessions (I'm very very materialistic! -- lol, just kidding). I don't leave hair in the sink, I put the toilet seat down, I'm a good guy. Really, I am! I've never been married and never had kids. Both things I've always wanted. Just sometimes things don't go according to plan in life. Some people arrive to the show early and others late. I'm sorry I'm late -- but if this is the new thing people are doing,... to judge someone by their age, then that seems pretty shallow to me. I mean, I could see if I were in my 50's or 60's and never made it happen, then maybe it just wasn't meant to be. I totally get that. But I'm only 37 years old. And to make this even more complicated, I don't even look 37. I think that confuses women who are my age. Anyway, age or no age -- or whatever other rules are trying to be forced onto society for dating/relationships -- I am determined to lob a pass in the end zone in the final 2 seconds of the game on 4th down and goal for the win. I know I can do it and I'm going to make it happen.
 sam in TO
Joined: 5/21/2009
Msg: 11
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/14/2009 6:54:39 PM
I agree that everyone has a story. Sometimes it's as simple as having several long-term relationships over the years and then realizing that the person who is best suited to you was not among them. Some of us learn our life lessons at a slower pace.

Someone needs to show me where the expiration date has been stamped on my body so I will not waste my time any longer.
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 12
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/14/2009 6:58:12 PM
^^^^^ Alanis Morissette went blond!!!!
 CoolGuy1972
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 13
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/14/2009 7:04:51 PM
You got that right JWL1, you never know someones story until you ask. I wish more people thought about that.
 GQSunset
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 15
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/14/2009 7:55:07 PM
It's ironic that not settling for disfunctional behavior and using self control as well as being reproductively responsible means you are branded as undesireable or worse that there is something wrong with you.

There are times in your life you have found that perfect person for you.

But you may not have been perfect for them.

Or they may have realized you were perfect too late.

That's life, rage against the dying of the light.
 Ironica
Joined: 11/9/2009
Msg: 16
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/14/2009 9:24:10 PM
Hey! That comment resembles me.


Personally, I figure we are all functioning with a certain set of deficits and assets. The goal then becomes finding the perfect FIT not the perfect person.

We are all flawed, regardless of age. Older people just tend to know that about themselves.


~Ironica
 m14shooter
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 19
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People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/15/2009 12:07:46 AM
I have wanted to settle down for quite a while but haven't found the woman that is holding the perfect little mold of what her man is going to be that actually fits me.
 hotrodius
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 21
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/15/2009 4:45:11 AM
You can never judge anyone there are always reasons for everything that happens in life if we are lucky to find someone at a very young age and stay with them till we are old and grey that is the dream but as i said things happen you read about folks finding eachother at 80 ( god i hope i dont wait that long) it really all depends most Men and Woman that dont have kids look for someone that does not have kids and there are plenty of other situations . It is realy not that cut and dry but one thing we will all agree on all the folks on here are on all the other sites too and 20 percent want to find the one and 80 percent did not figure it all out yet. I hope we all find the one soon !!!!
 whothehellknows
Joined: 7/23/2006
Msg: 22
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/15/2009 8:18:48 AM
Well I am 41 and I must say that most of the reasons I am single have to do with me. Not that much of a big deal, especially when I meet some women who either have a HUGE baggage collection or in some insane desire to find a husband NOW!

Most of the time I am just to lazy to put forth the effort into a serious, long term relationship eventually leading to marriage. I can be the best boyfriend/casual dating partner anyone wanted, but once it gets more serious, it's just not for me. One marriage was enough for me and have no desire to go down that road again. No problem being monogamous or committed, but marriage just isn't going to happen. Obviously that is a deal killer for many women.

Many women my age have their biological clock kicking their ovaries and they don't want to waste time with someone who isn't looking for marriage or children. Others have their own issues and drama, but reflect it back unto men and whole groups of said women get together and talk about how "good men are hard to find!" There are plenty of good men out there, just very few live in castles and run around riding white horses while dressed in shining armor.

People are looking for perfect in a imperfect world, and wont waste time with someone whose flaws are basically equivalent to their own.
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 25
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People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/15/2009 2:28:58 PM
"It's ironic that not settling for disfunctional behavior and using self control as well as being reproductively responsible means you are branded as undesireable or worse that there is something wrong with you."

Well said GQ Sunset.

OP,

We [men] are what we are. In the end its not age, station, nationality, or legacy that makes us worthy of your measure. Its something far more personal, inside. Its fine to have expectations, but its imperative to never succumb to ludicrous stereotype and reduce a man to anything less than an individual.
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 32
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People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/15/2009 8:25:56 PM
Sorry but this concept cracks me up. Yes, I admit that for some people over a certain age it could be a sign of serious flaws. For others though it could just be the are just not ready to settle, they were responsisble enough to not make some of the mistakes they saw others in their age group making(divorce, multi-babies w/ multi partners, having to live on welfare/parents, etc.). It could be that they were to busy erasing any possible regrets that may have occured to settle down early and miss out. It could be that they are not desperate enough to cling on to anyone one just to be "married".

As others have said you don't know until you ask, being responsible for your life and it's choices, and using your time to make yourself some one you like are not flaws. They are assets.
 CoolGuy1972
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 33
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/15/2009 8:56:43 PM
I just thought I'd share a little story for anyone who is buying into all this - "over 30 = bad" thing. A very good friend of mine recently met someone. He is the same age as me (37). He was single for a long time but remembered a girl he had a crush on from his high school years. He wondered how she was doing so he looked her up on a popular social networking site. He wrote her a message basically telling her about how he had this crush on her (I'm not sure exactly what was written but something like that). Anyway, yadda yadda now they've been in a serious relationship together for probably about a year now and living happy lives together.

So keep the faith. It can happen for anyone.

The point is, I think all of this has more to do with dating sites than actual dating or relationships. I'm starting to think that maybe dating sites are more for people who are only interested in quick hook ups. If you write a profile that makes it seem like you might be looking for something long-term, serious, then that seems to scare people away. It's really weird too because stupid me, I thought that was the whole point of sites like this. But I guess not. Anyway, the BEST way to meet someone is the good old fashioned way -- by talking to people and meeting people in real life and making real connections. It doesn't matter how old a person is. If two people like each other, then they like each other and nothing else will matter.
 CoolGuy1972
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 34
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/15/2009 9:10:55 PM
I have one more point to make about this stigma being more specific to dating sites than to real life. I have a profile. When someone looks at it, all they see is a 37 year old guy with bad pictures and cliche' words. There is no possible way for someone to be able to get to know a single thing about another person this way. I'm pretty sure that no matter what pictures I put up or what I write that it's all going to look the same as every other profile. So someone looks at my profile, they see what's there and probably think, "Ok, this guy is 37, never been married, no kids and wants a long term relationship. Something must be wrong with this guy". Next. Game Over for me, please deposit 50 cents to continue.

On the flip side of the coin, let's say I was out somewhere and a conversation started between me and someone I was interested in. She would see me, not some grainy bad picture. She would hear my voice and my spontaneous words. Not some pre-thought out speech about how great and wonderful I think I am. And I could do the same with her. Sometimes we read things the wrong way in text. With voice and actual words, something said can take a whole new meaning.

So my point is, I don't think there is a problem with being in our 30's. The problem is depending on dating sites to meet people. We're all chasing our tails with this.

And that is all I have to say about that.
 sammylg
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 37
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/16/2009 7:39:33 AM
I have a theory, which was from my other post.

People who are good looking, established and between 35~44 have alot more options. They can date the 20 something that wants to have fun while she develops her career. They can date women 10~15 years their senior without looking creepy. Or they can date established women in their 30's who either act like they are in their 20's (looking for fun and a great time and no commitment) or have a ticket biological clock timebomb and is looking for husband material.

So while I am fairly average looking, I too have found alot more options in my 30's and I am capitalizing on them while I got the chance, which includes a lot of travel and buying things that I couldn't if I were married with kids. Is marriage an option? Sure, I plan to start looking when I am 40 something.

I'm sure for women in our age bracket, it is the same thing.
 Ironica
Joined: 11/9/2009
Msg: 39
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/16/2009 2:52:23 PM

1. finishing one's education
2. finding a lifelong CAREER (not just a JOB)
3. Establishing oneself
4. Dating/sampling to find out personality types that FIT you
5. Establishing financial foundation
6. Establishing good life habits.. Health, fun, decent friends
7. Learning one's sexual identity
8. Becoming self-sufficent, aware, worldly
9. getting youthful one-time curiosities and their mistakes out of the way..

Makes them "FLAWED" and somehow DEFICIENT?

Fascinating concept..

What seems to be wrong are ALL of those who think the above list is somehow FLAWED.


Only one thing about this sticks in my craw ( if that is a word)

Who says you have to get "worthy" or "good enough" to have lasting committed relationships? We do it with our folks and kids all the time. You just... cope.

Somehow in our society we've gotten it all confused. At this rate ( by the time I accomplish that list) I'd be "ready" to have a life parter about the time my life is over.

Who wants to travel the road "there" alone only to get "there" and finally find someone to enjoy "it" all with? What "it"? By then you've got a brain full of memories. The joy is in having someone to share those memories with.

Sorry to rain on the parade, but even though I am doing the alone thing, I still don't believe it is somehow a necessary part of my existence, or even a good part. It just is what it is.
 Ironica
Joined: 11/9/2009
Msg: 41
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/16/2009 6:09:05 PM

I didn't see getting "worthy" or "good enough" anywhere in that quote/post.


I reread his post and tried to tease out where that came from for me. I think it was in the first few lines that talk about people married and divorced by 24 with a series of losers in their lives. Coupled with my sensitivity to being told over and over again by well meaning friends that it's ok that I'm single because "he will come along when you are ready" and my personal favorite, "You're just not ready for a relationship right now."

I guess this is an example of how experience colors perception.
 Ironica
Joined: 11/9/2009
Msg: 43
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/16/2009 6:35:06 PM
I see you've provided a list of mistakes that young men might make. Young women make mistakes too. So do older people... all people make mistakes. The best relationships I have had in life were with people who watched me make some pretty serious mistakes and loved me anyway.

and yep... some of those are my most joyful memories.
Life is what you make of it.

~Ironica
 CowboyEnuff
Joined: 2/14/2008
Msg: 47
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/17/2009 7:23:06 AM
OP,
Thanks for bringing this up. I had on another occasion posted something like this asking it of women and I guess the world and POF are not ready to make women look less than perfect on this site.

I think it is simply an issue of We guys n.. n...nnnot having met a woman who inspires a US to desire more than the status quo with her!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 48
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/17/2009 7:31:49 AM

Dying alone isn't such a bad thing is it?

I hope not. If so, we're all in trouble. There's no other way to die - even if you kill someone at the same time, chances are you won't go the same route.
 JohnEDeep
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 57
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/19/2009 10:12:27 AM
Pretty ironic question coming from a 38 year old woman ...

The only thing wrong with me is that I have yet to find a woman capable of joining me on my chosen path. I spent my 20's and most of my 30's wandering the Earth, seeking adventures and experiencing Life in as full a manner as possible. Not many women choose that path, so I've finally settled down in a small mountain town that makes me happy, though alone.

Needless to say...dating in a small mountain town is problematic. Not many fish to choose from, and even fewer that appeal to me. I have met some fantastic women over the years, but timing and circumstances have gotten between us.

My question is: Would y'all feel better about me if I'd grabbed any opportunity to get hitched, followed up by a divorce when the disparity between us became too much to ignore? Perhaps have a couple fatherless children to my credit, too? That would've been pretty easy. So easy that even a caveman could do it. A good reason not to, IMHO.

I refuse to settle. If more followed my example, divorce rates would be much lower. I'll be the last sibling to marry, and the last to divorce...both my sibs have been there, done that. Perhaps I'll be the only one to do neither. I'm okay with that.
 scrumptious_fish_bait
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 58
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/19/2009 9:37:38 PM
There is nothing wrong being over 30 and single. As long as he's happy, who gives a ****? Maybe he's waiting for "The One", maybe he's not done playing in the field, maybe he's not finacially-established, whatever reason it is. It's better than getting married in the early 20's and get a divorce in the late 20's. I wouldn't say there is something "wrong" with the man. Unless he's a commitment phobe, too picky, or has baggages. There are many reasons behind it, and you have to talk to the person to find out why (although some of them should give you a red flag).
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 60
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/20/2009 12:09:56 PM
I am over thirty and single and have plenty wrong with me.Does that mean I should crawl into a hole and never come out? We all have things wrong with us. No one is exempt. Just because none of us are perfect does not mean we should stop looking for love and for someone to want and accept us as we are.
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