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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > how to get over it!      Home login  
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 oceaneyess
Joined: 2/21/2008
Msg: 2
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how to get over it! Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
The best way to get over a man..is to get under another. :)

Seriously... Don't let the immature behavior of the e-mailing ex and his gf get to you..Obviously they aren't focusing on each other if they feel the need to focus on you.

The best revenge on them both will be to see you happy.
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 3
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how to get over it!
Posted: 11/15/2009 2:29:27 AM
I do not have any answers on how to get over it. I am still trying to get over it after 4 and a half years.
I can say, I really do know your pain, hurt and hell.
I do beleive we will all get over it when we get with someone new and get in a real relationship again, but that has not happened for me, so I am not over it, after 4 and a half years. There was one time I thought I actually met someone, which made me beleive I was finally over my ex, but that new someone was only a one time meeting, that I had in the last 4 and a half years, but it gave me hope that I could get over it if only I could meet someone I can have a real relationship with again. In a way, I did give you and us all an answer.
Good luck to all of us.
 ~Sexiest User~
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 4
how to get over it!
Posted: 11/15/2009 8:14:21 AM
Accept the fact that it's over.. go to No Contact to heal yourself ..keep reminding yourself that you will get through this..focus on yourself..you are going through tough time right now so take extra care of yourself..forgive yourself and go on.. nothing you can do to change the past, but you can affect your future..what matters is moving on forward and get back on the track to healing .. people come into our lives for all different reasons. And each touches our lives usually comes bearing a gift and generally that gift is in the form of a lesson we need to learn and to understand life around us.
lea
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 5
how to get over it!
Posted: 11/15/2009 8:57:45 AM
Anicca and her post here is heaven sent to you.

I could not have said it better myself.

Not you. Him. Someday you will look back on this and try to figure out what you saw. You saw nothing.
All lies and manipulation and if its any consulation many of us have been where you are standing. Even us older, should know better girls.

Read her post over and over.

No contact. Heal. You will replay it and that's all part of healing process.

Missing him or not understanding why this has happened has nothing to do with how much you loved him but just means how sensitive you are and how his behavior has affected you.
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 6
how to get over it!
Posted: 11/15/2009 9:44:08 AM
- Spend at least 30 minutes each day, being grateful for the things, that are in your life now. (kids job family pets)

go somewhere and pick up a small “grateful rock” - put it in your change purse (mine sits on my desk) when you see it it reminds you of all the things in your life to be grateful for.

- Realize the focus is on NOW - not yesterday (stop trying to live in the past - your life is right now)

- Reframe all negative thoughts into positive thoughts (this is very important and works)

change

“why am I so sad/mad/hurt” to “what all can I do to improve my outlook”

“why am I so fat/skinny/ugly/mad” to “what all can I do to look more like I want to look”

- Read uplifting information (lots of ebooks available)

- Do something productive - it gives you feelings of accomplishment.

- Don’t pick at the scab

- Spend the time (that you don’t waste thinking about them) on improving yourself / your thinking

- Get a hobby that you think is fun.


------------------------------------------


Spending time thinking about him/them = they win.

Forgetting all about it and focusing on you and yours = you win.

Take the high road.

-----------------------------------------

I got so busy, I did not have time to think negative.

I also stopped rationalizing. For 20 years she gave me condescending looks / words / actions.

OP personally I got very deep into reconstructing my self confidence - self pride - self worth - self esteem.



WE ALL NEED TO REMEMBER THIS ..............

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. : Eleanor Roosevelt

(stop giving people your consent - it is as simple as that)
 DoubleParked
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 9
how to get over it!
Posted: 1/30/2010 4:50:37 PM
He'll end up with someone like this fiancee who is as creepy as he is. Maybe you need to eat some ants to get the nasty taste of him out of your mouth!
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 10
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how to get over it!
Posted: 1/30/2010 8:44:45 PM
Well, obviously you need to change your email. That's the easy part.
The harder more practical part, is that you have to detach from him emotionally and otherwise. That you CAN help along by directly working on it. As you develop a relationship, you one by one, connect various parts of your psyche to the other person, to a set of future goals, to expectations. You've already begun the basic physical part, by moving out. Further, you need to completely rebuild your life apart from him, as you are no doubt doing, but don't forget the inner details. When I visualize my connections to people I care for, I see them like an old-fashioned telephone patch panel, like they show in old movies: full of cables connecting parts of me to the other person. When a relationship goes bad, just as I made those connections, one by one, I now have to pull them back and resolve them back to myself, one by one.
Seeking revenge actually has the problem (among other things) of MAINTAINING those now painful connections to that other person. As others have said, you need not worry that he seems to be having undeserved fun. By taking the road he has chosen, he has limited himself to darker things than you can achieve. No matter how much he and his new thing may glory in it, they are wallowing in the slop of a world built of lies and deception. Leave them to it.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 12
how to get over it!
Posted: 1/31/2010 3:48:25 PM
You have to focus on getting him out of your mind. The more you consume yourself with "what was I thinking?!", "How did I not see that?!", "Dammit! What an a$$hole!", etc., the more you're linked about him.

Change your email. DON'T BE IN CONTACT WITH HIM. If you want to be in contact with him by any means, or want to hear about how he's doing -- you're not over him. You need to WANT to get truly, fully, 100% over him. You know a guy you liked for a good while but it never worked out, and you were bummed for a bit? Probably a long time ago. Okay, great -- that's called being over something. :)
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