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 boinkboinkboink
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 2
Start off as the new partner, then become their parentPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I have experienced in the past the Type A personality who posesses the strong tendancy to be very exceptionally overbearing, entirely dominating in the conversation, and tending to always need to be right - never, every under any circumstances willing to admit wrong because this is interpreted as a weakness. I'm not suggesting this is you. I am only expressing my experience.

I am generally a gentler personality type. In most cases, I will distance myself from your type unless I absolutely must get along with you - partner, employer etc. Perhaps, you can help me. What is the best way to deal with your type?
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 3
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Start off as the new partner, then become their parent
Posted: 11/18/2009 3:56:35 PM

No secret I have the extroverted Type A personality combined with hyperactive adult ADD
Some people like the passion of Type A personalities, but eventually the passion dies and becomes confrontational. Like everything else in life, we look for balance in our relationships, too.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 4
Start off as the new partner, then become their parent
Posted: 11/18/2009 4:10:23 PM
There's a fine line between "assertive" and "overbearing."

This appears as if you have a tendency to cross it, so that it rapidly becomes easier, for pretty much everyone, just to go along with you.

I have absolutely no idea what to do about that.
 joemac356
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 5
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Start off as the new partner, then become their parent
Posted: 11/18/2009 5:31:10 PM
Try hooking up with a woman who is a raging type A with her own adult ADD and submit to her for a while; sort of get to know how the other half lives for a while.
Hey, you just might like it.
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 6
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Start off as the new partner, then become their parent
Posted: 11/18/2009 5:58:51 PM
I think its not personality type but a cycle being relived in the relationship. Maybe the partner who you are being a surrogate parent should tell you something. They may have unresolved issues with one of the paretns, sounds like she needs a therapist to see why she is so needy.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 7
Start off as the new partner, then become their parent
Posted: 11/18/2009 7:45:39 PM
I am having trouble understanding how becoming comfortable with another to would be "child like". You have a dominate personality type and you are finding women that are comfortable with that and will allow you to make decissions concerning the both of you. In addition they are affectionate and have problems with physical intamacy. I don't necessarily see that as being "weak". Maybe the problem is not in personality types, maybe it's that you have a problem with intamacy. Not saying you do, just pointing out a possibility.
 boinkboinkboink
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 10
Start off as the new partner, then become their parent
Posted: 11/18/2009 9:22:42 PM

I attract those who have an obligation to worry about me, instead of looking after their own life.



Guys like you would have used a 12 gauge on yourself long time ago if you'd experienced 1/4 of what I did.
Got it?


And with the above two statements you have made your problem very clear. You spend way too much time feeling sorry for yourself.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 11
Start off as the new partner, then become their parent
Posted: 11/18/2009 9:50:40 PM
Lord help us! is it too late to delet this thread?
 TyraJade
Joined: 5/15/2009
Msg: 12
Start off as the new partner, then become their parent
Posted: 11/18/2009 10:43:20 PM
Is it SOO terribly hard to 'see' the red flags right at the beginning of a relationship before letting it move on into the 'comfortable' stage? There is obviously something you overlook at the start, thinking it to be a minor red flag, and it turns outs to be a WAY bigger flag than you originally thot? Just try not to see too many of these flags or you end up eternally single like me! LMAO!
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 13
Start off as the new partner, then become their parent
Posted: 11/18/2009 10:57:11 PM
Gee I haven't had this happen to me since I dated 18 year olds. My God that was so long ago, must have been 4 or 5 months ago!!

Wake up chief and smell the coffee! So some people are passive, some are aggressive. Some introverted, some extroverted. Pick an aisle and walk down it and make a selection, then stop complaining.

So happy to help.
 Argentum Crinis Philogus
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 17
Start off as the new partner, then become their parent
Posted: 11/19/2009 5:40:53 AM

Have you hooked up with anyone after a few dates, have this person become a regular in your life (boyfriend/girlfriend), and over time, it sometimes seems like you have become their mother or father?


The relationship you are describing is classified as "complimentary" and essentially reflects a balance in personality styles, yin/yang, if you will.

Someone mentioned that some Type A personalities tend to dominate conversations, need to be right and in control at all costs. This personality type compounded with ADHD tends to amplify these characteristics many times over. So much so, that someone with a Type B personality, which is the average personality type, or the Type AB, might simply tire of expending the energy and don't feel a need to compete for attention or the spotlight.

Type A personalities tend to be easily irritated, have little patience and are challenged with self-control issues, when the management skills for these behaviors are not acquired as a child.

The problem, it seems, is not with the other person as much as it is with the Type A personality and how it functions and is or is not, self-managed. If this is a pattern (the OP has not indicated whether or not this is a frequent experience), then the issue has everything to do with his how he interacts with others and how they respond over time.

If he wishes to alter his interactions and relationships, he will need to examine his own behavior and make adjustments so that his behavior does not become dominant and controlling. This will be necessary to sustain a collaborative complementary relationship.

The complaint of becoming like a parent to a partner is simply the result of the person adjusting to the lack of balance in the relationship. After a period of time, the partner's adjust their way of being with the other person to achieve balance. Thus, when the Type A dominates and controls, the Type B, or Type AB, takes on the role that rebalances the relationship to accommodate the Type A behavior. These, however, don't typically end well. Especially when the other is a Type AB.

The OP might even subconsciously seek out these types of partners and when they adjust to balance the relationship, he doesn't care for how it is rebalanced, which is again, perpetuating the cycle of dominance and control. Because it is subconscious, he doesn't realize that it is his behavior that is the catalyst for the shift in the relationship and believes it is a character or personality flaw in the partner who makes the balancing adjustment.

If he wishes to change the pattern, he must change his behavior.

Regards,

ACP
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 18
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Start off as the new partner, then become their parent
Posted: 11/19/2009 5:51:07 AM

assertive, rich and complex personality


Says you. Sometimes it is far easier to go along in order to get along. What you may see as healthy debate or assertiveness becomes an annoying urge to control the situation.
For type B's like myself we honestly could give a sh1t what movie we see or restaurant we go to, who makes the decision for something so banal is not that big a deal to us.
 boinkboinkboink
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 23
Start off as the new partner, then become their parent
Posted: 11/19/2009 7:20:36 AM

To the others, been said before.... your existence here is to merely sh!t on anyone for asking a question about something they cant figure out ...


OP, THINK about what you are doing, right now, with this statement. This is the pattern. A partner doesn't dare stand up to you, disagree with you etc., because you simply start feeling sorry for yourself and whining about how you're being mistreated. This is so childish. How can a partner get along with you except to submit to you? Actually, they are the ones who should be treating YOU like a child. You need a spanking. You need to be sent to the corner. You need to be ignored until you stop your crying and start behaving like an adult.

You're upset with the majory of people replying to you because they are treating you in exactly the way you deserve. You deserve to be treated like a child until you grow up.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 25
Start off as the new partner, then become their parent
Posted: 11/19/2009 10:37:53 AM
Forgive me for thinking this is really funny...

The OP messaged me describing a specific situation related to this; I gave him my opinion, which was that he was overreacting, and added my sympathies. No matter how self-created, this is still hard, and I do feel for him.

He wrote back, then blocked me, then deleted his account... and in his reply, referring to the person he'd been describing initially, instructed me to "look up passive-aggressive on the Web." O, the irony!

 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 28
Start off as the new partner, then become their parent
Posted: 11/19/2009 5:01:12 PM
I was my ex-husband's surrogate mother for 25 years. Even when I left him, my sister said he married me so I could "take care" of him--not monetarily, he made good money, but every other "need" and want in his life.

I had a long-term relationship with a much younger man after my marriage ended, and the naysayers all said I was a mother figure to him. I NEVER mothered him like I did a man my own age.

The only way to avoid it is to not let it start, but for someone who really seeks a parent, I don't know that will even work.
 boinkboinkboink
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 30
Start off as the new partner, then become their parent
Posted: 11/19/2009 6:38:26 PM
He deleted himself??? Wow!
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 32
Start off as the new partner, then become their parent
Posted: 11/20/2009 10:03:49 AM

OP will be back.

Ha, I bet you're right.

Wonder how many other respondents he e-mailed besides those who've mentioned it? Apparently he was nicest to me!
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 33
Start off as the new partner, then become their parent
Posted: 11/20/2009 11:52:20 PM
Ladies and Gentlemen, Elvass has left the building.
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