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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > why do people feel like they need someone in their life .      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 2
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

I feel like I need someone to love and do things for.


Careful....

... nope, too late, I hear the pitter-patter of ickle female feetsies rushing over here to correct you....

... QUICK! Before it's too late! Repent! You're about to lose your Chick Card!

 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 3
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why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/19/2009 8:01:15 AM
Deep existential question; No, not really. We're a gregarious, social species. What's the mystery? We form bonds between groups and individuals. We bond, seek comfort from one another. This our nature. We have evolved in this fashion like many of our primate relatives. Do you wish somehow it were different?
We are what and how we are. I personally choose not to over think it. I just accept it.
 Puppydog54
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 7
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/19/2009 9:08:58 AM
Hello OP... I know my comments won't be popular here, and I know this isn't politically correct, but I'm with you... I really need a significant other in my life to feel REALLY complete. That doesn't mean that I'm miserable without one in my life - far from it - but I know I'll be much happier when I find one (not that I think she will MAKE me that way; I just WILL be).

I'm not sure when the philosophy of "I don't NEED someone; I WANT someone" began... or when it became uncool to NEED to be loved and cared for.
 pamsfl
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 8
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/19/2009 9:10:48 AM
Op, you are asking the wrong question. The question is why do YOU feel the need to have someone in your life? If I remember some of your other posts, I think it is because you are looking to fill the void of a relationship that ended badly for you. If you take some time to heal, you might find that you want a man in your life, but don't need one to feel fulfilled.
 LovinLife_01
Joined: 4/1/2009
Msg: 9
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/19/2009 9:11:34 AM
When you WANT something, you wish you can have it, but you can live without it.
When you NEED something, you HAVE to have it, it's essential. And you can't live without it.

Do I NEED someone in my life to complete me? Nope!

Do I eventually WANT someone to grow old with? Yep!

I, also call it, a CHOICE!



Hmmm... I'm surprised you could hear the pitter-patter over the thunder of your own clodhoppers racing to get in here FIRST..




BTW: LOL OP, I really wouldn't pay attention to those who YELL redundant thread.......for THEY are the ones who usually come in the door sliding sideways, spraying gravel everywhere, just to post exactly that! God love em!

People, People... ALL threads are pretty much redundant to those that have been on the forums for any length of time, but if they weren't started.... how the hell would we entertain ourselves then.???
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 13
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/19/2009 9:33:57 AM
Why do people feel like they have to have someone in their life to be complete.


I don't desire a man to "complete" me. I desire one so that WE can share/enhance our lives together.

I am not consumed by this, but I do want it nonetheless. I think most humans want/need to be loved/desired, and share their life with another.


ADDENDUM:
Careful....

... nope, too late, I hear the pitter-patter of ickle female feetsies rushing over here to correct you....

... QUICK! Before it's too late! Repent! You're about to lose your Chick Card!


Oh GAWD....lol!!!!
 LovinLife_01
Joined: 4/1/2009
Msg: 18
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/19/2009 10:56:25 AM

Umm...how about going out on a date?

Oh...that's right...that's not really what this web site is for...duh...I forgot...silly me...


This site is for DATING???? :Gasp: NO WAY! Silly ME! Sheesh! I never get the memo's!
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 19
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why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/19/2009 11:10:46 AM
I have no idea why you would need to give up your chick card because you want/need someone in your life and not be alone, but not everyone does, there's no right or wrong way to be when it comes to wanting a relationship or not. I think it's normal biology for humans to want to be together, it's part of the reproductive process for humans. We are social beings who mate and are suppose to raise our young as a team. When I was younger I did feel a need to have a man in my life, I married twice had a couple of serious relationships without marriage and then stood back and looked at what a mess I had made and decided to look into what I was doing wrong. I have found that I'm pretty much a loner and am not a good wife/girlfriend. It's not that I would treat a man badly, it's that I love my solitude more than what is usually workable in a relationship. You want to be with someone even though you have a good life without someone, I don't find that unusual or uncommon at all, it's how you feel, I wish you luck in finding that special person.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 21
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why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/19/2009 11:40:21 AM
Some people exist better alone other people are more attuned to living their lives as a couple.
Just as some people are more introverted and others extraverted, I have a friend who says there is a line on how much of a 'relational being' people are.

Interdependence requires that people be balanced between being independent and ALSO willing to be dependent on each other. That's healthy, not needy.

Unhealthy = Independent
Healthy = Inter-dependence
Unhealthy = Dependent

Some people have a strong need to be with someone out of an 'in order to' get or be something they are afraid they couldn't be if alone. Generally, they are what we call needy.

Some people are so driven by the need to be independent that they are closed off and won't/can't share their lives out of the fear of losing their autonomy. In present times, this rigidly independent stance is more socially acceptable, but it is as unhealthy as the needy people they (for the most part) distain.

^^ Either stance is unhealthy as both are born from a mirror image response to fear.

Some people mistake the desire to be in relationship as "needy and desperate". Sometimes it is. But it seems to me, society is overly focused on worshipping at the altar of independence these days; and it doesn't make for a particularly healthy society.

Some argue the sunset is just as beautiful if you are alone as when you are with someone you love.
I don't know about that.
Seems to me that my first instinct is to turn to the person beside me and say "oh gosh, look at that, isn't it breath-taking?!!!"
Great if it is a friend, even better if it is my sweetie. Sharing any experience with him makes it richer than when I was alone.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 22
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/19/2009 11:52:38 AM
Well I can't speak for you OP, but us guys need someone to remind us what dogs and losers we men are. We some times forget.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 23
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why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/19/2009 11:54:41 AM
Want. Need. Bleh!

While I can be quite happy alone, I need companionship to be completely happy. I want a loving relationship to fulfill that human need.

I hope that's acceptable to the nitpickers!

Anyway, humans are social critters, and in general need companionship to be fulfilled. Pair bonding satisfies this urge very effectively.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 26
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/19/2009 12:50:33 PM
personally I never felt the "need" like i would die if I didn't have someone in my life, well some people have that "insatiable" need to be with someone it's nothing wrong with it, it just comes down to what makes you comfortable i guess, don't worry about it just continue to have your life and look in the back of your mind. someone will mosey on in your life one day.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 27
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/19/2009 1:16:33 PM

I have a life but always in the back of my mind I am looking for that person.


So am I.
Not ashamed of it at all.

I can have more of a life with the right person.IMO

Don't let anyone make you feel that is a bad or weak thing to say. Screw 'em.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 28
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/19/2009 1:36:58 PM
Why is it that one of the most universal forms of torture happens to be "Solitary Confinement"? Ever wonder about that?

We humans are social creatures. Language, learning, IQ are attached to things we do to COMMUNICATE. Most humans then need interaction with others, they feel validated by how the affect the outcome and influence a group. Take a look at a group like this. We are all in our own private bubbles but are almost addicted to the need to express and to share. Interestingly enough, those that are able to handle being completely alone, in silence, with no communication, require a tremendous mental strength such as those of monks.

So embrace your need and desire to communicate and to connect.
 LovinLife_01
Joined: 4/1/2009
Msg: 36
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/20/2009 6:54:30 AM
ZenBeth




So I don't feel that I have to have someone in my life to be complete. If I am not whole and happy alone I wont be whole and happy with someone in my life.


I really like this, it sums up exactly how I feel.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 37
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why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/20/2009 7:11:02 AM
I think this is again one of those things that either extreme is probably not good. If you think you need someone in your life, you are probably going to find someone you are not suited to. If you totally don't care, you aren't going to be out there to find someone with whom you are compatible.

If you really feel this way, why not volunteer, particularly with kids, there are many, many of those that need someone to love them and do things for them. Perhaps you would meet a quality man with the same mindset that way.
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 38
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why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/20/2009 12:12:34 PM
Well OP...for me, I learned what a good relationship really was (ironically after having decided I was a big girl and didn't believe in fairy tales anymore). Since he died - well, I would like to believe that maybe, just maybe, lightening can strike someone twice in a lifetime. Do I NEED someone in my life? Certainly not...I can live and find joy in my heart over many things...I can breathe and exist. And "someone" is just anyone...not good enough. But I WANT to find that special someone, sometimes desperately. I've found many people, in the last five years - most of whom I probably could have still been with today - who would have adored me, and loved me...who looked at me with it all in their eyes...and I felt like I was cheating them, because I couldn't give that back. SO - if I NEEDED someone - I would have someone. When I find the right one, the one that it's truly over the top, for us both - the relationship I WANT - then guess what? I will need him...

There's nothing wrong with needing somone, love isn't a disease or a mental illness. I don't know when it became a badge of honor to declare yourself untouchable.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 39
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/20/2009 2:14:26 PM
It gets tiresome and very very lonely to always be alone.It's disheartening to know that in all likelihood you will never find anyone who will love and accept you as you are. It is easy for someone with lots of options to say they are fine with being alone, but what if you knew that the chance anyone would ever want you would be next to 0%? Trust me that you would get tired of being lonely even quicker.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 43
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/20/2009 3:06:06 PM

People pretty much attract what they seek. People need to be what they seek. If someone has a positive attitude no matter where they are in life they will attract positive people. Even the disabled athletes I work with, male and female, all have wonderful partners, and its because they ooze great energy.

And even my remote Yukon Alaska friends have found the love of their lives. And trust me when the only way in or out is by small plane, that is remote. Being willing to get out of ones comfort level also helps. Its rare that anyone shows up to rescue someone who is stuck at home and doesnt even want to leave.

~Beth~



That is a very mary poppins politically correct view of the world. Now the truth of the world is that some people will be looked upon as less then and undesirable. It has nothing to do with attitude or energy. Not all of us are in the position to go outside of our comfort zone no matter how much we would like to. How easy it is to sit back and judge and say "well you are obviously not trying hard enough". Does it get lonely up there on your throne of judgment zenbeth?

You don't know me. You don't know my life. You don't know my struggles and I guarantee that if you would have to life my life in my body then you would not survive it very long. If I did not have the great instinct to survive and continue on fighting every day in the hope that it has to get better someday, then I would of given up long ago.

Don't even bother trying to say that you were not addressing me with this because we both know you were. God bless you zenbeth ,and for yours and everyone's sake, stop judging. Be very grateful for what you have, who you are and where you are in life. Not everyone is so fortunate.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 45
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/20/2009 3:50:36 PM
And I also note that screen names and the profile information play a huge
role in attracting the right people.



Tsk tsk tsk. Can't stop judging can we zenbeth.? I am alone, I am a lady and I am right here. Nothing offensive about that. As for my profile I speak the truth and am realistic and honest about myself and my situation. I don't go into stark details right away, but honesty is always the best policy.Just because you work with disabled athletes and have one friend thousands of miles away who is ugly who found love, does not mean that you know anything at all about my situation. Do not assume anything as assuming usually makes you look like,well I wont say it as it is disrespectful and mean. Disabilities come in all shapes and forms you know.

I wont bother responding to you again and probably should not of to begin with but I am a hopeful,but realistic person and I had hoped to make you see that your judgmental ways will do you and no one else any good. You may get a momentary rush of self righteousness but it is in the end being judgmental is a negative quality.I hope someday you can see the error of your ways. God bless you.


*********************************************************************************

I don't give up on ever finding love.I can't give up on anything ever or I would just lay down and never move again, But the truth is the truth until the end of time. I am realistic after all.I may very well never find anyone or I may get really lucky and find someone great. I would love to find someone to share my life with who is kind, funny, compassionate, non judgmental,sweet and loving. I need that in my life. I don't have family and friends have dropped off due to my,not through my own choice, necessary lifestyle changes. The love of a partner would be the greatest thing I would ever be given.I accept though that it may never happen.
 startle
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 49
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/20/2009 6:28:35 PM
relationships are more involved than just simple companionship or the nice feeling of being in love..there is a feeling of being owned, of having to answer to someone.....it feels like a job .....this person who now "loves" you thinks he can give advice, put restrictions on you, make demands, find fault....i prefer men who know their place, show respect and allow me my space....
 ChicagoStyle
Joined: 5/7/2006
Msg: 50
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why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/20/2009 7:17:15 PM
While, at the mement, I do like being single, sometimes, it would be nice to have someone special. A partner. Someone that can let the cable guy in when your at work. Or someone to call up and tell them you just got that big raise you were hoping for. Or someone just to talk too, on that other, "not just friends" level, every now and then. Or someone that you like so much, that everytime you hear their favorite song, you get a smile on your face thinking about them. Or someone that, when your out shopping, you remember she loves Rocky Road ice cream, so you call her up, ask her if she's doing anything, and if she just wants to hangout, and so you pick up a half a gallon.

Yeah, I think everyone misses someone like that on occassion no?
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 51
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/20/2009 7:42:53 PM
You feel that way for a couple of reasons--one is because that is how women are raised, culturally and individually. Every family is different, of course, but girls learn by example and by what they are told. It began to lessen in my generation, but I was raised with the expectation to be a wife and mother. The examples set for me by older women reinforced this.

Cultural ideology also reinforces this--the media constantly promotes how to catch and keep a man.

Beyond that, humans need other humans. We need to be loved on some levels and we want to be loved on many other. Most of us are pack animals, but being with a pack is not enough: we also want a partner.

Other forums have dealt with the "need" vs "want" issue, but I think most of us desire a partner, but to varying degrees.
 Nightfall301
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 52
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/20/2009 10:44:53 PM
Everyone in this thread is being so deeply analytical about this question.
I propose the answer is blindingly simple in the current political/financial climate.

Two words - Tax breaks.

In truth, some people just want to have something to look forward to in their day - I find the thought of coming home to a living, breathing, thinking, caring female infinitely preferable to coming home to face a flickering, about-to-die, old VDT tied to a computer that is pouring out it's lifeblood of useful computing power on the sacrificial altar of Windows. But then, maybe I'm just weird, that way.
 Genuine_Gentleman_For_You
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 58
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/21/2009 12:59:11 PM
I'd rather have someone in my life. It's just how I am. And it's not so much that I feel that I couldn't exist without someone, but rather that I enjoy having the companionship of someone I love, and knowing that they love me.

Now, I have been surviving without having someone for quite some time, so I know that my life doesn't depend on it. However, not having someone does make me feel sad and lonely sometimes. So it would be truly wonderful if I were lucky enough to find someone.
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