Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 3
view profile
History
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the datePage 1 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)
Well, if what you expect in a relationship is that, eventually, you both start chipping in equally, then I would think it's an important discussion to have. If she expects a relationship with a guy who will always pay for everything, then it's best you find out sooner than later.

For instance, if you want to make a movie date, you can call her up and say "I'll get the tickets and you can buy the food." If she balks at the suggestion, then it's clear she's not the woman for you.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 4
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/19/2009 10:33:45 PM
Stop going out with her.
Next time, when you start dating someone else, tell them from date one.
"this one is on me, next time you pay"

You never mentioned anything before, she needs to know you want her to pay her way.
If you keep paying she thinks you can afford it.
Some men want to pay for everything, maybe she went out with one of them right before she met you.
 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 5
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/19/2009 10:39:54 PM

Well, if what you expect in a relationship is that, eventually, you both start chipping in equally, then I would think it's an important discussion to have. If she expects a relationship with a guy who will always pay for everything, then it's best you find out sooner than later.

For instance, if you want to make a movie date, you can call her up and say "I'll get the tickets and you can buy the food." If she balks at the suggestion, then it's clear she's not the woman for you.


Well said PirateJohn...

It's rather appalling that you should have to say anything at all to her about contributing her share to your dates. If you are interested in having a REAL partner, you might want to avoid women with entitlement attitudes...
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 6
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/19/2009 11:04:50 PM
If these suggestions don't work for you, have one more date with her. When the bill comes, if she stares into space again, excuse yourself to the bathroom and just leave. She'll get the message.

Have a nice evening!
 PCTCONE
Joined: 11/8/2009
Msg: 8
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/19/2009 11:24:55 PM
It's gonna be kinda' awkward, but just bring it up with her.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 9
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/19/2009 11:25:10 PM

So should I have a talk with her and tell her she needs to start paying when we go out?

Not if you're going to say it like that! Issuing orders is no way to resolve a problem. Then you'll be fighting about that, and never get to the matter of who pays at all.

But it's completely okay to ask. And yes, since it's bothering you, I think it's a good idea. When you're setting up your next date, something like, "How about we split it this time?" would be fine, and her response will be informative one way or the other.

Don't tell her what she needs to do, though. That's just bossy. And if you want to be the boss... bosses pay, it's part of the job.
 CountIbli
Joined: 6/1/2005
Msg: 10
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/19/2009 11:35:00 PM


Anyways, this chic doesn't even offer to pay!!


When you were ordering at the coffee shop you should have made it clear to the cashier that it was separate orders. Please tell me that you've at least had sex with her already.
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 11
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/19/2009 11:36:40 PM
You have past the 4 date rule...here you go...

If your "dating" a female and after 4 dates she has not at the very least offered to pay for the tip, or some of the bill, then it may be time to hit the road. Unless of course you like paying all the time and your trying to show it off. Then you really cant blame the women for sticking around and getting free dinners all the time....
 *november babee*
Joined: 2/19/2009
Msg: 12
view profile
History
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/19/2009 11:39:23 PM
i definately think you should mention her paying for part of the date BEFORE you are actually out on it, as if she is the sort that expects you to pay for everything she may not even bring any money with her...

but to be fair you should have hinted or asked her before now,.... somehting along the lines of ,' i will get in the queue for the movie tickets why dont you got and get drinks/popcorn while im here..' or if you were in a bar, 'im just going to the gents do you want to get more drinks while i go ..'

if you feel a first date should be the guys responsibility to pay for all of the date then the 2nd or subsequenat dates should be at least shared in part....
for me, i would never go on any date, first or not, and not offer to pay for something while on it... and not just a weak, 'oh would you like me to get that..' but a firm , 'lets go to another place for dessert and its my treat/turn this time..'
 Minau
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 13
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/19/2009 11:51:52 PM

if you want to make a movie date, you can call her up and say "I'll get the tickets and you can buy the food." If she balks at the suggestion, then it's clear she's not the woman for you.

This is good advice
 CrumblePie
Joined: 1/11/2009
Msg: 14
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/20/2009 12:03:48 AM
say it however you feel it. seriously, if you actually mesh, she's be able to deal with your communication style, your natural communication style.

Dump yourself on the line as much as possible at the start. If you have a lot s/he's interested in, s/he'll either ignore that part, or try to wrap their heads around it. you've been out 4 times. no reason to be hinding your feelings from her anymore.


im using s/he because ultimatly the advice is gender nutral.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 16
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/20/2009 12:20:28 AM


if you want to make a movie date, you can call her up and say "I'll get the tickets and you can buy the food." If she balks at the suggestion, then it's clear she's not the woman for you.

This is good advice


Yeah, I like this one, too.
 TodaysCatch
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 17
view profile
History
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/20/2009 12:38:43 AM

Maybe picking up the tab in the early stages of a relationship is just one of those instances where it sucks to be a guy.

Yes, mryln.

OP, you're already Gold Digger-sensitive, according to your profile, so Los Angeles is not going to rub you the right way. Women here have come to expect that a man will pay for everything, and will dismiss you as cheap if you propose an alternate financial arrangement. You can't win, so suck it up and pay, or stop going out with women here. The best advice was from the guy that suggested her attitudes toward money were a good way to tell if she's partner material.

Some of my personal anecdotes:
I've been in relationships with several high net-worth women here, and not one volunteered to pay for anything while we were together.

This year, a friend (not a date) invited me out for my birthday, and then she allowed me to pay when I half-heartedly offered. Afterwards, we went by a market where she proceeded to purchase two bottles of their most expensive wine - for herself.

A few years ago my then girlfriend was getting serious, and booked us on a flight back east to visit her mom. I paid for it, expecting that she'd at least cover her ticket. When I asked, she said "In travel, the man always pays".

. . . and I've got a zillion more. Los Angeles women will give you every excuse under the sun as to why they won't help shoulder the load, but I believe the truth lies in their criticism of "cheap" men - they're simply projecting.
 867love
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 19
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/20/2009 2:17:37 AM
If it's something as cheap as coffee or the bill is less than $10 bucks, -no biggie!
However if she hasn't offered to chip in or reciprocate by the second (or so) date -forget that b!tch -she's just taking you and your wallet for a ride... -I've been on about a zillion dates and if the girl hasn't offered to take you out or share an evening on her dime after you have paid a couple times already -she has no plans on being your gal...


-trust me
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 21
view profile
History
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/20/2009 3:41:23 AM
If you find that she isnt a financially responsable individual, then you know she someone you do not want to be dating and dont call her anymore. There are many women out there today that have good jobs and dont consider taking men for granted. We know the norm is if your invited, your the guest and the invite suppose to pay. Best not to be rude about it, and to the manly thing, repress your anger emotion(again) and suck it up. You can go to the gym to work off the frustration after the date. The benefit of dating all kinds educates you on who you want to see for additonal dates or those you just walk away from .

Edit: I read on a few of the posts, that if you make it clear from the first date that you expect her to share, then you establish her fiscal responsability when she sees you.
 WasabiGal
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 22
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/20/2009 3:51:30 AM
This year, a friend (not a date) invited me out for my birthday, and then she allowed me to pay when I half-heartedly offered.


but why did you offer? Doesn't matter that you offered heartily, half, or somewhere in between. You offered. So you can't blame her for saying okay.

When the bill arrived, why not say, "thanks so much for treating me. It's nice to have a woman treat a guy for a change. I really appreciate it"
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 24
view profile
History
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/20/2009 5:15:07 AM
I see you have three choices:

1. Suck it up and continue paying for everything, if you can afford it.

2. Stop going out with her.

3. Ask her nicely how she feels about sharing date expenses.

She's either broke, clueless, or actually expects you to pay for everything, all the time. After 4 dates, now is the time do something about this. At this point, I would have chosen option #2.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 25
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/20/2009 5:18:53 AM

I saw something on TV where the guy said, when the check came "Let's team up on this one"


Landra put it the best.

Honestly, I'm not one of those types of women...I would rather pay than have to worry about the guy thinking I'm a gold digger. The last man I dated seriously did not want me to pay ever--his words were "I have a lot more money than you do so I'll pay" and even then, we STILL would have a discussion about it because it didn't feel right for me.

She's ignorant and selfish. But if she's hot and makes you feel all gushy inside, by all means, keep paying.
 MsStackhouse
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 31
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/20/2009 7:09:10 AM

I think all first meets should be brief, inexpensive and Dutch.


This wasn't a first "meet" it was their 4th date.


believe it helps to set a tone and is The opportunity to discuss how things might be handled on possible dates int he near future. Yes, the discussion of each other's expectations MUST be had.


If someone sat me down on a 1st or 2nd date and had a discussion with me about how our dates would be handled financially they would never see my ass again. Tacky.Tacky.Tacky.

OP, if you can't afford to date, then don't date. I'm wondering, though, that if money is the main issue here. Me thinks if you really, really liked this woman, cared about her, enjoyed her company, etc. that you would be more than happy to pay for her. I'm thinking that you're really not into her so much and are looking for excuses.
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 32
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/20/2009 7:14:28 AM
I'd be more concerned with the fact that you are still meeting her for date four.

If a woman is interested and mentally stable, she'll let you pick her up at her home, starting with the first date (after you have met once).

She is a cereal dater... she is just killing time until somebody she is really intrested in shows up.
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 33
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/20/2009 7:23:57 AM

Of course the women on here are probably going to call me cheap


Not this woman. If she invited you, she should have paid the coffee.

Addressing this could be awkward, but I noticed you got some good suggestions. Try them! If girlfriend doesn't dish out a red cent, then you make your decision.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 35
view profile
History
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/20/2009 7:26:30 AM

Are you the same poster that started a similar thread about the drunk driving fitness instructor?

You paid for a few dates and it would have been fine if she was putting out? But because she wasn't it was a problem.. Hmmmm Because this all sound s too damn familiar.


Yes he is. I am finding it very hard to believe anything the OP has said about this "date".....
 Cape Sunshine
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 36
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/20/2009 7:27:42 AM
I agree with SCD on this....

I have offered to pay on a dates and every time my date has said NO. When I asked them "how come" They have told me that they are uncomforable with a women paying on a date. I dated a man for 6 mths and he would never let me pay for anything. Maybe, it is the age group that I am dating.
 MsStackhouse
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 37
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/20/2009 7:32:40 AM

I dated a man for 6 mths and he would never let me pay for anything. Maybe, it is the age group that I am dating..


I think you're right Mermaid. I had a boyfriend about 6 years ago (wonderful guy - too bad things didn't work out). We were together about 2 years. He told me on our 2nd date (when I offered to buy him a drink at the pub we were at) that he would refuse to let me pay for anything for the first 6 months of dating. After that, we didn't keep track of who pays for what and when. Sometimes I'd pick up the pizza, sometimes he'd grab the chinese food...it didn't matter...

What really sucks is that he treated me so well, that I think I was a little spoiled...
 Cape Sunshine
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 38
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/20/2009 7:38:43 AM
I know Tracy he did spoil me also. I just never been asked or told that I need to start paying for dates by any man but there is always a first time for everthing..... lol
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date