Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What h      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 1
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
This is not a gender related question. I have met men and women that no longer desire affection nor do they give affection. Sex is a different story but the affection that we showed whenever we were younger is gone. What happened to it?
I had been seeing someone for awhile. We were on the subject affection. He told me he doesn't desire affection. He doesn't mind giving me some affection but that closeness to another human being mystifies him. And he doesn't desire to touch, caress or hold another of the opposite sex very often. And he doesn't need that holding, caressing, or touching. I have heard this from others my age. Women and men. Remember this isn't a gender issue. For my friend I was at odds over him a couple of weeks ago. I desire to hold, touch and to feel another human being and sex is part of that. To me this act of sex without it is just sex. No passion, no caring, giving nothing of myself to another human being. I want someone to feel as much passion about me as I do about them. I want them to be the only one that I can see amongst the crowd....I want to be able to lock on to their eyes and know they are just for me a look can also be full of passion. He says he cares. But I didn't say a word because I already knew the answer to his question but needed the right words to tell him how I felt. I can't have a relationship lacking affection. That burning desire. So human being and friends. How does affection work or tell me how it doesn't work for you? And what part does sex and affection play into for you. And if you use to have it in the younger years and lost it why?
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 2
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 1:33:16 PM
I was just locked in a long embrace with a man that I truly adore.. I did not see him coming since he approached me from behind. It was such a wonderful embrace and so I turned to see who it was .. When I saw it was indeed my shining knight I just grabbed him and held him for sometime.. I really missed him..

And if we were both born in another time and place this could have ended with a kiss.

thecatsmeoww
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 3
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 1:42:44 PM

I desire to hold, touch and to feel another human being and sex is part of that. To me this act of sex without it is just sex. No passion, no caring, giving nothing of myself to another human being. I want someone to feel as much passion about me as I do about them. I want them to be the only one that I can see amongst the crowd...


Passion is alive and well and you know that so you are the lucky one.. Go find someone that you can share that fire with..

Sorry about my previous post but there is fire in them there woods that we both have to douse.. But it tells me I am still alive and well.

thecatsmeoww
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 4
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 1:44:25 PM
It sounds like primitive instinct...perhaps with stranger...
 louise1359
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 5
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 1:47:38 PM
I sure hope this is NOT the norm for people over 45, b/c I will be extremely disappointed. It was the norm for my ex even when he was young, however, so it is probably NOT an age thing at all. . . I would think you would gain pleasure in affection as you grow older, knowing how precious each moment is (and not in a maudlin, we're-nearing-death-way, but just because many of us have learned the joy of simple pleasures as we mature), not lose it. I suspect your guy NEVER had it, OP, and yeah, are you still with him? If so, WHY?
 indefatigabilis
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 6
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 1:50:52 PM
I'm pretty much done with all of it. Maybe he got to that point. It comes down to choosing to be frustrated or forgetting about it. The way women are at this age, affection seems like a distant memory. It doesn't fit in with the seething rage, the revenge and the animosity that are so prevalent. I could see myself in a month or two, looking back and wondering what the hell I was thinking even looking to women for anything at all.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 7
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 1:51:28 PM
My second husband told me I used sex and humor to pull people in and then as a wall to keep them out and that if i wanted to have a relationship with him, i had to be me or he was walking away...lmao i straighted my ass up right away!
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 8
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 1:56:43 PM
I have had several women that tell me they also no longer desire affection. I don't want to become one of them that can take it or leave it. With the right partner I need that human touch....and desire goes along with it.
My friend is a wonderful man. Honest to a T. I had been on the fence about this relationship and wasn't totally sure about it until last night. I have tons of desires for the right person....I can be pretty silly with someone that I am crazy about. But I wonder about those that have dealt with these kinds of issues. The kids today hug whenever they see each other. They are open and loving and accepting of one another. I love seeing that. More affectionate than my friends whenever I was growing up. I am taking a clue from our younger generation and following in their foot steps..........
 quatrecinq
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 9
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 1:57:29 PM
Sounds to me like it's more of a gender issue than you claim it is. I'm having a hard time imagining a woman in this kind of situation.

I can remember my first relationship, back in high school. It was very passionate and there was lots of affection. The affection reciprocated and to be in love for the very first time was just the most intense feeling. When that relationship ended, a part of me died, and that part of me was the part to feel an affection on that level ever again. Probably not the same for others, but this is how I felt.
I think after many years, people get desensitized, expectations are lower, and to show affection means lowering your guards. We've built up our defenses now, to avoid that pain from our partner. But if we have children, then that affection sky rockets for our children, the reason why is obvious.

In my opinion:
Sex is just sex. To me, it's just having fun. After it's over, you don't really feel any better, just felt good in that moment. You could get the same results masturbating.
Affection + sex = making love, a lot more powerful, and once it's over, there's still a connection, that intangible feeling called love. It's almost as if sex becomes a matter of putting your trust in someone else to handle your body and mind.
 rosebuds57
Joined: 1/21/2007
Msg: 10
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 2:05:23 PM
I can understand (almost) a person losing their desire for sex, but losing your desire for affection? Seriously? I just can't fathom that. The desire for touch, which is what physical affection is, is one of the most basic of basic needs that a human has.

I may go through long periods where I don't experience affection, with the exception of those loving hugs from friends and family, but if I went through the rest of my life without physical affection, I would think that my life would be very, very sad.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 11
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 2:15:14 PM

I can remember my first relationship, back in high school. It was very passionate and there was lots of affection. The affection reciprocated and to be in love for the very first time was just the most intense feeling. When that relationship ended, a part of me died, and that part of me was the part to feel an affection on that level ever again


A very normal feeling to experience.. But do not think you will never feel it again.. You look like a young man from just glancing at your photo.. Give it time and surprises do come when they are least expected. When it happens trust me when I say this it will feel like the very first time..

thecatsmeoww
 quatrecinq
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 12
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 2:21:20 PM
I sure hope you're right, thecatsmeoww.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 13
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 2:26:36 PM
Personally,,,I have found that I that my need for that "human touch" is greater today than before. Probably has something to do with the lack of it in the days gone by??????

I do agree with the OP that "some" our age are losing the need(or would that be,,,,"burying" that need???) for the "true" affection of another. Giving,,,and even,,in part,,,receiving "affection",,,,requires part of our heart. At least I find that with "true" affection. It requires emotion,feelings,,,and giving part of yourself "up" to another. After awhile,,,some just don't have much left to give?????
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 14
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 2:29:37 PM
I'm not over 45, but I think it's just a matter of a person's individual taste. There's no acceptable or unacceptable level of affection. It's just a matter of two people having the same level. If it's uneven than one will feel smothered and the other will feel alienated.

I was raised by a family that wasn't affectionate. I'd say I missed it, but honestly I'd have had to know it as a child and lose it to miss it. Instead I am just someone who has a lower threshold. I enjoy affection in the moment when with someone, but I don't crave it or miss it or seek it out when it isn't.

I guess I can take it or leave it - but not in a bad way. I don't push it away unless it's really constant and suffocating, but I don't hunt it down. I go with the flow. It's just more foreign to me than anything...but it's not something I think is wrong or have negative opinion about.
 mirabelle13
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 15
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 2:36:10 PM
Op,

I desire affection and being touched. Heck, I hug my pets all the time, and I think they're a little tired of it.

There are some personality disorders that don't need human touch. It's as simple as that. However, this does not mean that everyone who doesn't have my same need/desire for touch is disordered.

There are lots of reasons why each of us some of us are more affectionate than others. BTW, "next".
 younowho
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 16
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 2:38:49 PM
I my view's this may well be the top post I have even seen on this site..

She's displaying the Aquarian mind at work.. I too shake my head after long discussion about this every topic with male & female. Of course not worded the same..

she used this statement
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I want to be able to lock on to their eyes and know they are just for me a look can also be full of passion
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is what I find to go over must peoples heads. Few have a clue of just how meaningful this is... A simple touch. a look.
These are all a form of SEX.. We all hear about " making love using your eyes"

But have any of you ever been there .. I mean to the point or almost the point of orgasm ?

From what I know, As long as a person See's Sex as a mechanical function, This word affection, will be just that ... A word..

most now days will accept that the Brain is your largest or greatest sex organ. What does that mean... To you. How do you use this ??

Do you watch a couple porn flicks, get after it .. choke down a smoke, then go bowling ??
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 2:42:14 PM
"With the right partner I need that human touch....and desire goes along with it. "

Hence the problem. If we don't see the right partner, then we have no need for that human touch. When the people we meet aren't of interest to us, we certainly have no interest in being affectionate with them. First comes the meeting of a person who inspires us to be affectionate, next comes the affection.
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 18
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 2:43:06 PM
I had been on the fence about our relationship. It was not a full blown relationship. . He is a very very nice person with a lot of great things going on for him. But something wasn't right. I admire his good qualities and I am not here to bash him. He is not on this dating sight. This isn't really about him and I. What it is about is I have talked to several males and females that desire no affection or intimacy unless it is sexual and sometimes they don't desire that either. I know whenever they were younger they weren't that way.

I was raised by a family that wasn't affectionate. I'd say I missed it, but honestly I'd have had to know it as a child and lose it to miss it. Instead I am just someone who has a lower threshold. I enjoy affection in the moment when with someone, but I don't crave it or miss it or seek it out when it isn't.

This is a answer. But these people desire nothing not even a little. This I can understand and digest. But none? Ouch
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 19
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 2:53:25 PM
I should have added that after my husband and I were together, he was always literally in touch with me...my kids thought it was funny but he would move things so that his foot could always touch mine, or he was holding my hand or leaning into me...I really miss that type of connection that you have to drop all your defenses and be completely open.

I have had several guys who say they never loved anyone like they did their first love...they actually guard against loving like that...tis sad to spend the rest of your life protecting against being hurt but in the end hurting yourself and anyone else who ends up involved with you. I guess that is why that song..."The first cut is the deepest" ends with "Ill try to love again"
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 2:53:31 PM
Sex to me is incidental to affection. It is something I savour. It is the expression of love. The very thought of being with a partner that is not affectionate is abhorrent. If I am with someone, I am hers, she is mine and the day is an exchange of little favours, the warmth of a smile, the gentle touch of the hand, the pressure of her body against mine as we sit and read or watch TV, the feeling of warmth radiating from her body as we stand next to each other, holding hands while driving through the night, or the fleeting touch as we separate for the days duties.

What is life devoid of all that? What is sex without affection?

Does not your body cry out for it? Mine does......
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 21
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 2:58:37 PM
[What is life devoid of all that? What is sex without affection?
Said with poetry.....Honestly I wanted to cry whenever my friend said what he said not for me but for him. Think about what what is being missed out on? But I know better than try to show someone just how beautiful affection which is the basis for love can be........its a shame for people to miss out on that basic human need.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 3:04:34 PM
To me, sex is somewhat selfish in that it allows me to express affection, and enjoy that pleasure in the illusion that it is willingly accepted. When the illusion is a reflection of reality, its all the better. It means you can express affection even when you are not engaged in sex, and it will be welcomed and reflected back.
 mirabelle13
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 23
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 3:11:59 PM
Sapphire,

Thanks for the post. I thought that maybe there was something wrong with me in noticing all the people who aren't as open to love as when they were younger.

Rearguard,

Lovely post, as always. Nice to know that touch is not just a woman's thing. . .
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 24
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 3:16:19 PM

Sex to me is incidental to affection. It is something I savour. It is the expression of love. The very thought of being with a partner that is not affectionate is abhorrent. If I am with someone, I am hers, she is mine and the day is an exchange of little favours, the warmth of a smile, the gentle touch of the hand, the pressure of her body against mine as we sit and read or watch TV, the feeling of warmth radiating from her body as we stand next to each other, holding hands while driving through the night, or the fleeting touch as we separate for the days duties.

What is life devoid of all that? What is sex without affection?

Does not your body cry out for it? Mine does......


...Ahhh, I couldn't have said it better..... I can relate to every word. Well done.

...maeflowers
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 3:16:41 PM
"Does not your body cry out for it?"

Today, no.

While I was married, we were extremely affectionate with one another. My body would have cried out for affection it is was denied by a person I loved. Now I don't love anyone, so why would I crave affection with no one.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?