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 Cape Sunshine
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 2
I'm too old to have a babyPage 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
You not too old to have a baby. I had my daughter at 38. Sure, there can be complications but I wouldn't worry about that.. Your 36 you have time...
 Malice From Wonderland
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 4
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 11/24/2009 6:28:15 PM
I do not so much see you NOW as too old to have a child; what concerns me is how long (or should I say how SHORT of a time) do you plan to date and marry (?) a man before having a baby with him? I mean unless you are looking to meet a guy and get pregnant right away (Gawd please tell me no) you may be closer to 40. Which is not out of the question. But why not find a man closer to your age who feels the same way and date for a while.
 olive2read
Joined: 8/25/2009
Msg: 5
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 11/24/2009 9:01:50 PM
I'm 45 and have a healthy 5yo. I also have a healthy 15 yo, 13yo and 9yo... There is some bad information out there.

There is also info that says one drink while pregnant can cause downs syndrome. If you research long enough, you can get data to say what you want it to.
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 6
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 11/24/2009 9:11:36 PM
Frankly, I have to wonder if it was really ignorance. It is possible. But it is also possible the 28-year-old lost interest and saw the baby issue as a good excuse; the 35-year-old may just have wanted a 20-something, and also used the baby issue as an excuse.

Sorry if this ounds cynical, but in my experience, guys who are just dying to have kids are RARE. That you ran into two such guys in quick succession seems implausible to me.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 9
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 11/25/2009 2:51:03 AM
More women are waiting.
My niece (I was an aunt at 4 so don"t think I am 100)

Had her first child after 35 and has had another in the last few years.

My stepdaughter s first was after 30.
They both went for higher education and finding the right man first before having a baby and are more stable and settled.

I think you should make your own decisions as to when you are ready.

If you research long enough, you can get data to say what you want it to.


Yes, when I was pregnant with my son, the doctors said smoking was ok except for the last 2 weeks. I know better now.
 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 10
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 11/25/2009 4:12:35 AM
They could have been playing you or they could have been serious. If I were a young male (under 40 for childbearing purposes) and having children were a 'definite' I would want someone under 30 or so too.

At your age, having children is more 'optional' and 'be nice if we do, fine if we don't' sort of thing. That's where I am now. I may still be able to have babies now, but I don't think I'm as fertile as I was in my 20's. So if anyone wanted to have kids with me, they may have to accept that fact that it might happen, or it might not happen. If they 'definitely' wanted children and didn't really want the option that it might not happen, then I am not the woman for them. Personally I would like someone who was 'open' to having children without it being a definite no or yes; and would be happy with it either way it went.

This is not to say that you can't have healthy children over 30, only that the chances decrease and the 'option' of it not happening are greater. The older we get the more chances of things like menstruation problems (ammenorhea - little to no periods, or menorragia - heavy or excessive periods), fibroids, polycistic ovarian syndrome, cancer, endometriosis, and other womb problems. Our wombs are also more sensitive to stress - either because of age or because of being exposed to it for prolong periods.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 16
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 11/25/2009 9:36:32 AM
Some women do have healthy children after 35. The statistics they speak of is older women are more likely to have a child with autism, downs and such.

Its just a chance they take. That's why I had the laser surgery(tubal).

It also depends on diet too. Women who smoke, drink, or do drugs while pregnant are definitely more likely to have a disabled child. Also consider as we get older do we want to start all over with pitter patter of little feet, unless it's our grandchildren? I don't feel like it at this age.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 20
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I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 11/25/2009 12:24:19 PM

Ok AGAIN...if a 28 year old man wants a family and thinks a woman in her mid to late 30's can't give him that, why is HE asking them out? He already knows his game plan for the future - kids and marriage then don't askout women who you feel can't give you that.

How should WE know?

Why not ask HIM?

Besides, it's not like you go around with your age listed on your forehead... So he didn't know you were 36 until after he'd asked you out; presumably it was something he found out during date #1 or #2, i.e., after it was too late to undo the having asked you out part.

Don't be so prickly about these guys having wasted your time, because you've wasted their time, too. It's just a time-consuming process.


He wants a young womb!

P.S. - it's a young egg, not a young womb, which is important here.
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 21
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 11/25/2009 12:56:24 PM
I asked a question earlier, and I think it bears repeating: why we should we take these guys' claims about wanting kids at face value? Isn't it possible the 28 year old just lost interest and used the kids issue as an excuse? Couldn't it be that the 36 year old just wanted a 20-something anyway, and also used it as an excuse?

I say this because, in my experience, men who want children that desperately are RARE. That two would have arrived in one person's life in relatively quick succession seems unlikely. With few exceptions, guys are just not that into having kids. In fact, I'd bet more relationships end because men don't want children than becuase women can't have them.
 jhanland
Joined: 10/24/2009
Msg: 22
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I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 11/25/2009 1:35:35 PM
You are not to old to have a baby, actually if you see in the majority of countries in Europe the average for have a baby is your age, them don't worry, this guy lose you..... for idiot
 sockknitter
Joined: 2/26/2008
Msg: 24
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I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 11/25/2009 5:38:02 PM
If YOU would like a child, you are not too old. There is higher risk, but don't let that stop you.

My doctor told me, "sure, you have a 1-in-42 chance of a child with problems, but you have 41 chances to have a normal healthy child."

I took her advice and have a lovely little daughter who is 22 days old today, and I am 43. I had no problems getting pregnant and no medical intervention to get that way.

If this is something you want, go for it, I have no partner and doing it alone and I would not change that fact. It is also interesting how many men are messaging me and are thrilled I have a baby. I thought it would scare them off, coupled with the fact that I am currently not looking... it didn't.

Just get checked out to make sure you are healthy, get all your prenatal and SIPS tests and enjoy. I didn't even have morning sickness!!

Good luck in finding your dreams, as dreams are attainable

~ Sox
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 25
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I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 11/25/2009 7:26:37 PM
Flyboy-thank you for pointing out there are more options out there than just the old fashioned notion of conceiving for a family.

There is adoption, surrogates, foster parenting, mixing(stepchildren), in vitro. Just because someone says they want kids and a family at some point by no means indicates it has to be done through the "bibical" means.

Honestly OP it sounds like a passive blow off from those guys. It's just another way for them to say "I don't see a future w/ you." And dating is a process to help eliminate the options out there until you find the right person for a relationship w/. Kind of like shoe shopping-you try on several styles, even if you aren't going to take them all home.
 kanebrake
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 26
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 11/25/2009 10:23:50 PM
My sister had her daughter when she was 37. There were some minor age related complications, but it all turned out.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 28
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 11/27/2009 3:04:30 AM
Our doctors trll us the risk of women over 35 having complications and such. I know mine did,even when we choose birth control methods they warn us about the over 35 crowd.

I saw in Chicago Parent magazine how Autism seems to be on the rise. Vaccines they thought were possible, but who knows what really causes it.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 29
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 11/27/2009 3:17:36 AM
I think ,too it's all in genetics. My father was 32 when I was born. I have no mental impairments, however, he was 33 when my brother was born. My mom is 9 yrs younger than my dad. When I think about it I think we have where 1 in 3 children in the family seem to be mentally ill (not challenged or retarded, ill) My brother does perfect sketches of people

My mother is the youngest of 3, seems she has always had anger management issues. My younger brother is bipolar, psychotic, schizophrenic. My sis after him was ok. What went wrong we'll never know. My brother will never be able to live a normal life let alone care for himself.

My issues have nothing to do with anger management nor are they genetic really. I have anxiety from when she was still married to my dad. She was abusive
 ligonmaximus
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 30
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I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 11/28/2009 6:08:35 AM
I agree with Fishnet and Chitownguy40. I think these guys were just using EXCUSES to not continue to date you. Obviously Fishnet read the classic book "He is just not into you" and she is right.

They probably were initially were interested in you, but then for whatever reason became not interested in you. Trust me these things happen all the time in the dating game. One party is initially into the other then they lose interest while the other party may or may not have interest in them.

While it is TRUE as women get older their risk for having children with complications increases (think Sara Palin having Trig at the age of 44) the risk is still rare.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 31
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 11/28/2009 8:54:04 AM
Op, when I was 37 I met my second husband...he was 25. He made the decision that in order to be with me he might not have children. I already had two. I feel the guys were using it as an excuse also.

However:
I got pregnant by accident and found out eight weeks later the baby had died, I found him crying about how messed up it was to have had the hope to have a child and then loose it. 5 months later I was pregnant again, I felt something was blessed about this child.

When I had gone to the doctors I was told I was AMA...one nurse said it means Against Medical Advice cause I was over 40 and then laughed and said it was Advanced Maternal Age.

At around 16 weeks I didnt feel that well...went to the doctor and they did more test and then they wanted to do an more. Ends up the baby had a rare birth defect similar to downs syndrome (T-21, mine child had T-17) and no chance to survive.

They told me the best course of action was to induce labor and if the trauma of labor and delivery didnt kill her her lungs wouldnt be developed and she couldnt survive outside of me. You can not imagine the pressure. I asked for time and was told there was none I was almost to far along. I said Ill take my time. I did alot of research and thankfully I lived near a good university. I made an appointment with the head of the genetics department and she told me without a doubt based on my tests that the baby would die..and that no matter what i read on the web it didnt mean it was true..the question was WHEN not if.

90% of the babies died before they are born, I went to childrens hospital and had a female doctor there yell at me about it how horrible i was to bring this baby into the world and how proud she was that she had aborted 5 babies as not acceptible. I accepted my child would die, now i thought about life...everything has a will to live and when the pain of life is greater then it dies, she had a chance to die peacefully inside of me vs going thru the trauma of labor and deliver and then not having her lungs work...I chose to give her the opportunity to live as long as she wanted. I read that the testing is done to pressure people to kill off children who are unacceptible so they wont be a burden on their parents or society. I am not anti-abortian or pro birth each individual has to make their own decision on that, I made mine based on how they described her death.

It was hard, i had people hate on me alot about MY decision. The doctors would shake their heads but the nurses would tell me how much I inspired them. Telling my two kids that their sister wasnt going to live was difficult and I could see the pain in their eyes. I got fired from my job a month before the due date the woman I worked for said that she didnt feel what I was doing was right and that she couldnt stand to look at me for bring a freak into the world. She said she had never been able to have kids and she would have given her right breast for one...she paid alot for it too! Something about that conversation stuck with me...why was I the one to have this child...not her.

A week before her due date they told me I had to have the baby I was endangering my own health...they didnt ask...I was immediately put in the hospital. Dont ya know it was election day with Bush and Gore and nothing decent on tv. My youngest child had gone with me to the doctor and at the hospital she was telling the nurses how special her baby sister was and that she wasnt supppose to live to be born and that she knew that her sister wasnt going to live long but that she would get to hold her.

She lived 45 minutes and it was the best 45 minutes of my life. She was so beautiful. All the doctors and nurses came to see her...people talks about how much love there was in one room for one small baby.

While Joyce might not have lived longer than 45 minutes she was a blessing. She inspires me every day to live my life to the fullest. Two years later I was diagnosed with cancer and wasnt given good odds...watching her fight for 9 months to live 45 minutes to allow her family to hold her I knew there was no way I could give up.

At the time Joyce was born, there was a 17 year old in the hospital having a baby with the same birth defect....

My mother and father had me when they were 39. My kids father was 41 and 43 when they were born. While age is an issue it isnt the issue.

Op, when I first joined online dating I had several men who were younger contact me...all about 40 but didnt have kids, most were resigned to not having kids. I flat out wouldnt date them cause I didnt feel I had the right to ask anyone to not have them. If I was your age I wouldnt tolerate that as an answer from a younger or older man, it would be addressed before a date. Yes you could have a perfect baby or you could be as lucky as me and have a blessed baby. Without Joyce's showing me her courage the cancer would have beat me.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 32
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I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 11/28/2009 11:20:38 AM
Do you WANT to have a baby? That is really the question.
 MagicMan8365
Joined: 11/22/2009
Msg: 33
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 11/29/2009 1:06:12 PM
No your not too old,how ever your heart not into do not have another baby,but if you really like the guy and is Dad worthy. Any man can be a father,but it takes special man to be a Dad,if this guy is worth it do some soul searching on having his baby and sharing your life together,i would suggest some pre marital counseling and may be some parenting classes for him,especially if he is some what younger than you. My mom had me at 37 in 65 yes was some complications, i have 2 older sisters one 13yr older other 9 yrs older that caused us not be close,but she give me lots of love and taught me how to love and forgive people that made mistakes. (Do Not Let Age Be The Main Factor In Deciding)!
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 36
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I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 11/29/2009 7:27:09 PM
Those claims are based on old research. If new research were done, I am pretty sure that new findings would emerge, and would actually prove better reproductive prospects than previously claimed for women of age. More and more women are having successful pregnancies and births at ages previously unthought of.
 Annielikeslyrics
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 37
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 11/30/2009 1:52:39 PM
Chitown guy, that is just weird. I kinda have a thing about younger men and generally will not date them. I have mostly dated men in their mid forties to early fifties...and I have literally been SHOCKED by how many of them were still interested in starting a family or second family. Many of them are not actively, desperately seeking that...but they definitely say things like "I'd definitely like to have another child". And my response to that has always been a very clear "I'm sorry but I've cancelled my subscription to that". And what I always got back was "Hey, you are still young enough to have a baby!!!" And, while I probably COULD...I definitely WON'T. I am not interested in starting all over again; especially from the biological perspective. If a man has children of his own that are younger than mine...fine, they are already here on the planet. Bring on trips to the zoo. For me, most of this stems from my children being almost grown; not from me being too old. (Although I am). It just surprises me how many men want to start over again. Maybe because they didn't enjoy it the first time around and realize what they missed?
 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 38
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I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 11/30/2009 8:32:31 PM
I'm thinking that not only were those just excuses, but they were based on incorrect data.

Now, I can't for the life of me remember WHERE I read this, but I could've sworn that for women, the risks are pretty low, and rise only gradually - then around age 42 or so (maybe 43, 44) that's when you start seeing the probability curve for complications suddenly start rising.
 TooShadows
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 39
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I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 12/1/2009 6:02:12 AM
Most likely he wasn't interested in a relationship and couldn't think of another way to let you down easy. Move on. you're certailnly not too old to have a child.
 lawgeek74
Joined: 3/7/2005
Msg: 41
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I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 12/1/2009 8:27:13 AM
At risk of going off topic, I'm really interested in this topic above. I've seen the bleeding edge studies and there has been much change in what they are saying. Autism is now blamed on the ladies, again and the paternal age factor is now blamed on rare tumors that corrupt the new sperm DNA being created. These age effects are not seen on all men. BIG PLUS Sperm Quality can be influenced by diet and daily sex to improve greatly. All women on the other hand must contend with old eggs. Currently there is no way to refresh them.

I like a sexy older lady as much as the next man but the risks of Downs Syndrome, Autism
and other Trisomies are much greater, than with any man in your age range.


That said, you can still have healthy babies into your forties as long as you know the risks.
 MagicMan8365
Joined: 11/22/2009
Msg: 44
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 12/1/2009 3:33:30 PM
Warped,it take bu coos of money if your talking less traditional or normal methods,I know one couple spent 50k never did get a baby,I hear in news all the time women giving birth now in their 50's!

I'm with the majority,just move on OP.Life is just too short to worry or even wonder.
I say you do meet right guy,talk to Dr about your risks and chances,BOL.
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