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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?      Home login  
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 Jazzzy7
Joined: 1/24/2009
Msg: 3
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Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Yup....your overreacting.
 merelymortal
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 8
Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 11/29/2009 9:17:53 PM
Would you be worried if your boyfriend was watching a film about crime that he wants to stage a heist, or if he was watching a disaster film that he wants a tornado to hit the house or an asteroid to hit planet earth?

I'm guessing you wouldn't

Guys watch porn to similar reasons why guys like to watch movies about other stuff...

& I mean really, look at the title, if you think a guy is going to pass certain crazy looking links without seeing what happens when he clicks it, you should check his pulse or worry why he didn't check it out
 merelymortal
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 9
Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 11/29/2009 9:21:31 PM
let me add that most of the adult entertainment I look at isn't even for erotic reasons, but for humor and the scene of the spectacle...

& I was in the navy, so I know other guys pretty well... half the porn I've watched was cause of "hey bro you have to see this/that! its crazy/funny/nasty! lol"
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 14
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Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 11/29/2009 10:26:36 PM
Yes, you are over-reacting. It's just filmed footage of people engaging in choreographed sex. Men are visual creatures, just like women, and porn provides visual stimulus. It's the fast food of erotica. Quick easy, not really satisfying, but fills a need.

As for a threesome, it is most likely a fantasy that he may enjoy daydreaming about, but would never actually engage in. You are not denying him something, just because he fantasizzes about it doesn't mean he actually would do such a thing. The fact of the matter IMO(from my male friends and what they have said) is most guys feel like they barely know wenough to satisfy one woman in bed, they feel AWESOME if they can make that one woman come. Why would they up their chances for failure by adding an unknown element to the equation?

I think you need to look inside yourself for why this makes you feel so insecure. You're young, and that means that you may not have as broad a perspective for reference as other posters might. It is okay to feel insecure, but how you deal w/ your insecurities will determine how you handle things in your relationship.

If you are afraid you aren't enough for your partner sexually, talk to him about it. Heck watch a porno w/ him and ask what his thoughts are on a scene or take a trip to the adult bookstore together. There are many ways to have a sexually fulfilling relationship, the main things needed are trust and communication. Good luck.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 21
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Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 11/30/2009 4:42:49 AM
Listen to what these people are saying to you OP......


I honestly think your insecurities are more of an issue than his porn is.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 22
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Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 11/30/2009 4:55:13 AM

I really don't buy all that "guys are just visual creatures" crap. I mean, I know it's true, but I think the real issue here is that I know he just finds the women in porn more attractive than me and would rather have sex with them than me. Sure he likes me and likes having sex with me, but I obviously am not enough for him sexually/attractiveness-wise or he wouldn't still have porn. We have sex twice a day and he still looks at porn, so obviously I am not meeting his needs.

What part of this -
it's old and I just downloaded a bunch of stuff and haven't watched it in forever
didn't you understand??

You found it, asked him about it, he answered you (presumably) honestly, and you STILL don't trust/believe him?? He didn't freak out at you (from your accounting of the situation anyway) or tell you to stop snooping (which you admited you weren't.. plus he was in the room with you, right?) or get all shy and embarassed about having it. He (presumably) looked you in the face and answered you.

And you contradicted yourself. You don't believe men are visually stimulated, and yet you say you know it's true. How do you know he still looks at porn? Have you actually SEEN him doing it, or are you assuming he is because he has it on his computer?


Meanwhile, I don't even think about other men sexually, at all. Not because I think it's "immoral," just naturally when I am really into someone, my sexual cravings for other people dissipate.

I understand this. I was like this too, still am to a large degree.... MINE!!!! Hehehe..


It really makes me sad. I wish I could be like the majority of women on here and have an open mind about it and even participate in it with my boyfriend, that would be so much easier, but I can't help my feelings.


Your feelings are YOUR feelings. Own them... don't let them own you.

Reality check here for a second. In *fantasyland* all relationships are perfect.. loving, supportive, respectful, all the flowers and gooey stuff we all want, right? No one cheats on their partners. No one gets divorced. There's no abuse. Evah. The reality is that bad things do happen. So you can go into a relationship believing the worst of someone, which will impact on how you relate to them, will hinder your ability to trust them... or you can recognise that those horrible, awful things happen and deal with them head on as they happen.

Think of it this way. You have a beautiful pair of heels. Your favorite, go with anything, super comfortable, gorgeous pair of heels. You love those heels and wear them all the time. Your best friend just bought herself a new pair of heels and when you saw them, you couldn't help but have shoe envy. What are you going to do? She's wearing Christian Louboutin or Jimmy Choo's... something you can't afford right now. Can you admire the shoes for what they are without having to have a pair for yourself?

When I was married, it used to drive my ex nuts that I would stop and look in the window of the jewellery stores all the time.. oohing and awwwing over the pretty rings. He took it to mean that I was unhappy with my ring and wanted something different. I didn't. I just like to look at pretty shiney things.
 CallmeKen
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 23
Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 11/30/2009 5:15:09 AM
Don't sweat it. It's just porn. Guys will masturbate to just about anything. Heck, I just finished masturbating to Azalea7's profile pictures. And it was good. Oh, yes, it was.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 24
Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 11/30/2009 6:14:47 AM

Am I overreacting? I realize I am making this personal and it could mean absolutely nothing, but for some reason I'm upset and that surprises me. I got over it today and we had good sex, then I got home and realize I'm not over it and it's bothering me.


Sweety, we know your history of posting where you have come across as over possessive and clingy. Men watch porn. It is normal. And just because we see a threesome doesn't necessarily equates that we want that in real life. And let me explain. When I was younger I had a couple of three somes. They were great, but there were not in relationships. Right now with my gf, if the opportunity of a threesome came about, I would not be interested at all because all I am interested is in MY relationship with her. See what I mean.

So what you need to do is one time watch the porn with your boyfriend and relax and enjoy, even watch each other masturbate.
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 25
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Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 11/30/2009 6:50:02 AM

I think the real issue here is that I know he just finds the women in porn more attractive than me and would rather have sex with them than me.


This speaks volumes about your self confidence and insecurity issues. Just because some one notices another person's attractiveness or looks by no means indicates they want to have a relationship w/ them. Has he said he would rather have sex w/ them? I doubt it, I also doubt he would engage in sex w/ a porn actress from one of his pornos. Just because you are in a relationsip doesn't mean you stop noticing attractive people, it just means that you notice them in passing, and don't put much more thought into it than "wow, they look nice/hot/sexy" and move on.


I obviously am not enough for him sexually/attractiveness-wise or he wouldn't still have porn.


Why should one(being "enough") have to rule out the other(having porn)? That's like a woman throwing out her toy box because she has a man. Kind of ridiculous. His porn in all honesty has nothing to do w/ you or your sexual relationship w/ him. It's just a visual aid for his alone time. Again these are your issues screaming for attention. He has even told you it was old stuff he hasn't watched recently. Has he in any way indicated you aren't enough for him? Chances are he hasn't even hinted at that.

OP maybe you should look into some counseling for your esteem and confidence issues. Not being mean but if you are having this much trouble w/ feelings of jealousy or inadequecy over something as benigh as filmed erotica(which includes women that are in no way a threat to you or your relationship-he isn't meeting/hanging out w/ them) you will have other issues in this relationship down the road. You may also need to start looking for why you feel that a BF/GF has to be everything to their partner, because that is a heavy burden to place on any one person.
 GSwift77
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 28
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Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 11/30/2009 7:58:23 AM
My ex-wife had a problem with me looking at porn. I don't check out porn very often, but I'm not gay, so porn is good. My ex would actually snoop in my computer files, trying to catch me, as if I were doing it in secret and she wasn't always invited to join me. She would throw this huge temper tantrum and call me names. Then she would do strange things like buy VHS porn movies and leave in our mailbox and pretend she didn't know where they came from.

I think it was really a control issue with her, not a trust issue. She wanted to control how and when and where I was getting sexual stimulation. She certainly enjoyed having a husband that was very sexually active with her, but she wanted me to turn off my sex drive when she wasn't around. She cheated a lot, so maybe she was afraid that my sex drive would lead to me cheating on her like she was doing to me. Who knows?

One other possibility here is that the issue isn't porn, but maybe it's internet porn? Internet porn has a really bad reputation compared to other forms of porn. OP, would it bother you if your man had a Playboy magazine in his nightstand drawer? Or maybe it's not the porn but the subject of the porn. If a Playboy doesn't bother you, then would one of the more hardcore or even fettish magazines bother you?

Maybe it would help you to define exactly where your comfort zone is and what is beyond your comfort zone, then talk about that with you boyfriend. Don't expect him to live inside YOUR comfort zone, but maybe talking about the differences between you will relieve some pressure.
 chrisofpa
Joined: 8/28/2009
Msg: 30
Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 11/30/2009 3:51:41 PM
Hey OP, porn about a threesome is relatively tame. I get a lot of new clients who have screwed up their machines by going to porn sites. In the process of cleaning up the machines, you often see traces of what they were looking at.

So, that being said, porn with 3 humans is one thing. Be grateful that some of the 'actors' were not of an equestrian, bovine, canine, feline or poultry persuasion.

The only dilema I have with that is translating doggie years to people years to make sure all of the actors are over 18. (in human years)..

2 guys and a girl or 2 girls and a guy.. I wouldn't worry about it.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 34
Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 12/1/2009 6:51:18 AM

e watched, jerked to, and enjoyed threesomes, foursomes, gang bangs, beastiality, bukake, dominatrix, rape, furries, hentai, trannies, etc.


Dude, I draw the line with an etc. Etceteras can be nasty, ill tempered and go anywhere.

Just like Yill Brener said in the king and I, and etc, etc, etc.


 Theonly1!
Joined: 5/1/2007
Msg: 37
Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 12/1/2009 8:21:08 AM
Very over-reacting... stop typing responses and try opening your ears/eyes... listen and read...
 GSwift77
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 41
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Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 12/1/2009 8:15:57 PM
Bottom line:

Either you find it in yourself to trust him and think about him as a sexually healthy man, or you don't trust him and think of him as healthy.

Figure out how you feel and base your actions around that.

If you feel bad, then make changes. Leave him and find someone more inline with your views, or accept him or find some middle ground.

You are in control and you need to act on what you want/need.
 MasterFireWalker
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 43
Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 12/2/2009 6:07:54 PM
Hell, yes.

It would mean I had a boyfriend, and while I am a freak of nature, I'm just not wired that way . . .
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 45
Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 12/2/2009 7:08:12 PM

I get a lot of new clients who have screwed up their machines by going to porn sites. In the process of cleaning up the machines, you often see traces of what they were looking at.



actually I have been a computer technecian for as long as people have had computers and long before the internet ...and have found and traced many a virus to its source....and I have never found a virus that come from a porn site .... porn sites are trying to sell you more porn ....they dont want to mess up your machine ..if they mess up your machine you cant download more porn ....

almost well all except one virus that I have traced ..either came from email ...from someone who didnt know they had it ..and the virus replicated itself and sent it to every one in the infected machines owners address book ...or from a site that says click on this you have won something ...and when you click you have just won a virus ...the only exception was a woman who downloaded a religious song ...and she didn't have enough computer smarts to know that ....amazinggrace.exe was not a song..... porn comes in pix files which have an extension of .jpg or .jepg .... or movie clips which are .mpg or .mepg ...and songs are .mp3 or .mp4 or a few less common file types...these are not executable and require another program to open ...therefore they cant contain a virus ... well anyway it is not common for them to contain a virus ... anything may be possible ..but contrary to popular opinion ..I have never heard from any of my tech friends of a virus coming from a porn site ...and I have surfed many porn sites from time to time when I get bored with POF forums ...and I have NEVER caught a virus ...except when I did it intentionally while looking for it ... to trace where a client got it



If it's good I'd want to watch it. If it's better than mine, I'll want to keep it.



touche Manda Kay ...from time to time you come up with a good one ...when you let your sense of humor untwist
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 49
Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 12/3/2009 9:41:03 PM

Now I feel like I'm denying him something he obviously fantasizes about.

LOL - you don't have to worry about denying him a 3-some. That's not your issue, and he's actually not expecting one. SERIOUSLY. Every ugy cracks a joke about a 3-some or would love to have one in fantasy land.

With that aside, yes, you are overreacting.

Seeing a 3-some in a video doesn't mean he's any inch closer to having one himself at all. When girls usually don't like porn, it's usually due to some level of jealousy, and yeah, you do need to get over that. If he had horror/gory movies, does that mean he wants to be Jason because he enjoys seeing cheesy/violent scenes? No.

If he's desperately in NEED of a 3-some, you'd know. Coming across some porn with a 3-some (very common) doesn't mean he's in need of one, expecting one, or pleading for one at all. Calm down and relax :)
 life-short
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 51
Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 10/1/2011 5:57:41 PM
I never worried about my husband's porn viewing very much. I figured - guys are guys, they need their thrills. He claimed his commitment to me and our marriage. I believed him. Then, I found out that, not only was he watching porn - he was living it! What I discovered destroyed our marriage. An almost 40 year relationship down the tubes!!!!!

So, instead of looking forward to retirement and the chance to enjoy the fruits of our labours, here I am trying trying to rebuild my life, trying to re-enter the very frightening world of relationships, not sure if I'll ever be able to truly trust anyone ever again. That's what his harmless "watching porn" has done for me!

So - yes - unless you're willing to be accept being nothing more than a warm body when he needs one, someone to fill his daily needs (cooking for him, cleaning up after him, etc.) - you should definitely care. And - no - you are not over re-acting if it bothers you! From experience, I can guarantee you that whatever porn you think he is watching - it's only the tip of the iceberg!!!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 52
Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 10/1/2011 6:29:42 PM

I really don't buy all that "guys are just visual creatures" crap. I mean, I know it's true, but I think the real issue here is that I know he just finds the women in porn more attractive than me and would rather have sex with them than me.


This is the most insecure statement I have heard in a long time. Get a grip. You're overreacting.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 53
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Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 10/1/2011 6:34:28 PM
I'd be far far FAR more shocked to discover I had a boyfriend personally
 dd3va
Joined: 11/18/2008
Msg: 57
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Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 10/2/2011 4:59:12 PM
Watching it together can spice things up!
 snowstorm22
Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 58
Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 4/25/2012 4:17:15 PM
LOL take a chill pill MY GOD.
if i found some, i would ask to watch it with him and than have sex right away.
we would watch porn together all the time
and id join in/
now if it was home made porn thats another story altogether....
 snowstorm22
Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 60
Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 4/25/2012 5:06:16 PM
lol drop the bibles and go look at some ass f**king and p**y f**king!!!
 firstlefty
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 61
Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 4/25/2012 5:18:45 PM
very nicely put, it's just porn and unless youre watching him in it, with your mom or neighbor it will happen again
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 63
Would you care if you saw your boyfriend's porn?
Posted: 4/25/2012 6:30:38 PM

No I don't think you're overreacting at all. Check out this website if you like amazingly enough a man posted it

I think you've got an over-reactive point of view. People who are faithful like porn, people who aren't like porn. People who are in good shape like porn, people who are out of shape like porn. People who are good parents like porn, people who are bad parents like porn.

You can pretty much say the same thing about using credit cards and loans. A lot of people go into debt due to it, a lot of people move forward in life due to it.
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