Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > My son is a "deal-breaker" because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 1Keith7
Joined: 10/19/2009
Msg: 1
My son is a "deal-breaker" because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
So I am trying to understand why a person will break-off a relationship because of the race of a kid. I recently dated this lovely and seemingly nice caucasian woman. For a couple of months, everything was nice and dandy. We clicked on so many levels. Yes she knew I had a 7 yr old son (who was on summer holidays at his mum's in Europe).
Now flash forward 2 months - my son returns and she meets him. She is shelled-shocked when I introduced him. Well, she played nice that evening but told me the next day that she'll have difficulty with the fact that my son is bi-racial. What? Now it was my turn to be shell-shocked. She said I should have told her from the start that my son is bi-racial. I showed her a couple of pictures of him and me so I am still at a loss.
Its not that he has a disability that will require her to spend any of her resources on. And in parting, she told me that most caucasian women will have a problem with it and that I am playing "naive"! So my question(s) is:
1. Does one have to categorically state this fact?
2. Is it also true that most Caucasian women see this as an issue?

Please help me understand.
 001-100
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 2
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/1/2009 10:01:20 PM
She probably already wanted out of the relationship, but even then, this is a very sad excuse to give. Move on. I don't believe for one that most women (caucasian or black or whatever) will have a problem with a kid's race.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 3
view profile
History
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/1/2009 10:02:44 PM
nah, I really can't imagine most women giving this a first, let alone a second thought.
 makeba
Joined: 9/28/2009
Msg: 4
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/1/2009 10:15:00 PM
In as much as we all want to believe that this world is nice, the reality is NOT so. I have a caucasian female friend with a lovely bi-racial daughter. And so far, most caucasian guys avoid her like a plague. She is very beautiful and at least a couple of the white guys she dated made it clear like day and night that she is a "liability" of a sort because she has a bi-racial child.
So yes, there may be some truth in your experience - it is definitely not an isolated case, neither is it perpetuated by only females.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 5
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/1/2009 10:20:43 PM
Any person, male or female, who would break off a relationship because the other person had a bi-racial child, isn't worth worrying about. She is a real piece of work and the two of you are so much better off without her. The problem isn't with her being Caucasian. The problem is with her being a racist and bigot. You don't have to be Caucasian for that. There are racists and bigots in every race. I'm so sorry you ran into a woman like this. And NO, it would not be a problem for every Caucasian woman. I would hope that the majority of women wouldn't think twice about it. A child is a gift from God and the skin color doesn't matter in the least.

BTW, I just read your profile and I like the way you laid it out regarding your son's heritage. Any young woman who captures your heart will be lucky indeed.
 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 6
view profile
History
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/1/2009 10:25:36 PM
It's sad to say that in the 21st century, people actually have this sort of attitude.

What's scary is that I don't know what's worse - the fact that the objection might be because:

1) OMG you did it with a dirty ethnic person and now you want your genitals to TOUCH mine??!!

or

2) Their overall attitude toward people can best be summed up as "Ein Volk! Ein Reich! Ein F├╝hrer!"

or

3) Both 1 and 2.


Sometimes I wonder if the concept that we evolved from primates is an insult to other primates.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 7
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/1/2009 10:47:13 PM
OP- "She" isn't worth a second thought. Be glad you found out who she was early and move on. There are plenty of women who will accept your child as he is. Those are the women you want anyway.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 8
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/1/2009 10:56:42 PM

Sometimes I wonder if the concept that we evolved from primates is an insult to other primates.


That is hilarious NotElvis..........I think they are definately insulted!!! If people stand too close to primates at the zoo, they fling their fecies at the humans watching them.
As if to say..........eat shyte, you bunch of loosers.

Thanks for the laughs, Buddy.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 9
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/1/2009 11:01:52 PM

1. Does one have to categorically state this fact?

Apparently...if you want to avoid bigots.


2. Is it also true that most Caucasian women see this as an issue?

No...it's only true of Caucasian women who are bigots.
 goldneyes
Joined: 8/20/2007
Msg: 10
view profile
History
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/1/2009 11:05:42 PM
Maaaan that is sad, really sad! I am sorry to hear such a thing. I don't know of any woman (in my circle of friends or aquaintances anyway), caucasian or not that this would be an issue. I myself could be a little biased though, I have 2 great nieces who are bi-racial and even if I didn't have them in my life, I still do not believe I could be so shallow! I am happy for you that more time with this woman was not waisted before seeing *her* true Colors!

Please don't let this unfortunate experience tarnish your views on caucasian women, she just happened to be a (very) bad apple out of a full bushel.
 MaxDuo
Joined: 12/19/2005
Msg: 11
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/1/2009 11:08:22 PM
I agree with 001. She probably already wanted out. Generally women seem a little more accepting about the kids than the men.



Also I would've assumed this came from the south at first, rather than Canada O_O


And the thing about you being naive..... I really think she's just trying to end it. That really sounds like she was tryign to pick a fight there.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 12
view profile
History
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/1/2009 11:16:03 PM
Some people still have issues with bi racial, as well as who you date and marry....

I have gotten rather nasty e mails about my husband who is bi racial... I personally don't see people as a race, but that they are a package around a spirit...

Be glad that things didn't progress further because she is narrow minded, and self centered... Apparently she has some ideals, that creates a lack of care about people who don't have racial problems...

I am sure there are more women like her, but personally I don't think she is the majority... By the way, I also have bi racial kids, two of them, latino and Native American, they are wonderful people with my oldest getting hammered with racism from both Latino's and Caucasian... One day I hope people figure out that people are just people, but that will happen when people realize they are not better because of their race...
 curiousaboutu77
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 13
view profile
History
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/1/2009 11:49:29 PM
I'm glad she isn't in you and your son's life because you don't want people like that molding the thinking of children regardless of whether your child is bi-racial or not. You want your kids to be surrounded by people who have respect for other people and get to know people for who they are instead of subscribing to stereotypes. For your son to see the look on her face of shock, i hope it didn't hurt him as he may have picked up on it. You don't need kids confidence to be affected by narrow minded people whether it be other kids or adults.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 14
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/1/2009 11:51:51 PM
No she's just ignorant and predjudiced. My son is half Mexican! Yes people have a problem with that too
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 15
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/1/2009 11:57:19 PM

Some don't want to be with someone who's been with another race in an intimate way.

I have a suspicion that this was the real problem, and that she was (literally) faced with it in a way she hadn't been before by meeting the child. It's one of the sneakier forms of racism - generally well-meaning people are often unaware themselves that they harbor it until or unless a situation such as this presents itself.

IMO she went on the attack because she is ashamed of herself for this reaction, as well she should be.

To the questions:
1. No, but doing so might help to weed out the "secret racists" like this one.
2. I certainly hope not, and I don't think so.

I'm shocked, too - and very sorry you were forced to deal with this. I hope it was a sufficiently casual meeting that your son will not be wondering why he doesn't see her again.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 16
view profile
History
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 12:26:49 AM

And in parting, she told me that most caucasian women will have a problem with it

...which only showed she's a bigot AND an idiot; then again, if you're a bigot, you're already an idiot. . Frankly, I was surprised to see this from someone in Toronto. I don't expect attitudes like that in Canada. We don't like bigots here. She's not anywhere near the norm.
 Super_Eve
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 17
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 12:37:15 AM
Dearest Op...most people are going to say it is BS...because it is.

I hope she only met your son the one time, there lessening his exposure to bigotry.

As has already been stated, but reiteration may be necessary for the masses...not all women feel this way...
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 18
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 1:09:02 AM

Last time I checked...women (on the average) couldn't give a flying f*ck if it was bi-racial, tri-racial, interspatial, homo sapien, Abe Sapien, Abe Lincoln, Judas Priest, Maxi Priest, white, green, black or yellow, limbs intact, limbs missing, extra limbs added...it was a kid...and it should be loved.

Ha! I laughed so hard at that I teared up a little. Maxi Priest, even... and, so true.
The woman encountered is definitely anomalous.

Also, "with pole in hand," heh. Though I don't know if it's a bad place, exactly...
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 19
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 5:05:02 AM

Please help me understand.


You don't need to understand really.

She is an idiot. The world is full of them.


Its not that he has a disability

That doesn't make you sound so bright either.

 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 20
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 5:34:56 AM
RE: Msg, 17 from Maximus
Like I said ignorance shows it's face and people in America still show their narrow-minded ways of thinking and operating.
Check the OP's profile... this happened in Canada, not the U.S. Of course, that certainly doesn't mean it couldn't or wouldn't have happened here, but THIS time let's not blame America. Stupid, cruel, and ignorant things happen around the world, not 'Only in America'.
 001-100
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 21
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 5:37:45 AM

I get it now... That same woman could leave me because my daughter is disabled and that would be OK in your book, but how dare she leave because "you" have a bi racial child...
Wow..!! Where did the OP said that? I believe what he meant was He will understand if SHE didn't want to spend HER time and resources on caring for his disabled child (if it were so). If she has to change jobs, lifestyle, expend her money, etc etc, then that is totally different. And of course, not all disabilities will require one to do so.
And interestingly, the OP didn't come across bashing this woman (as he should has done and as some posters has suggested).
 anunu
Joined: 10/21/2009
Msg: 22
view profile
History
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 5:46:46 AM
This world is so screwed up. No matter how far we have come with change , it is not far enough.

Racism, prejudice and bigotry are still alive and kicking strong. My ex is mixed. White and Chinese. When we first got together it was very difficult. His windows were bust out of his car, the house was egged and plenty of insults were hurled. Not to mention all of the dirty looks we received when we went out together.

Out of the marriage we produced 2 biracial children. So far, it hasn't been a problem with dating. I've had one guy have a problem with it, but then we didn't make it to a date either!

Don't let the ignorance of one woman get to you.
There is no reason you have to disclose your childs nationality up front.
In the end, it is still a child. Either like it or leave it.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 23
view profile
History
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 5:52:43 AM
Lots of women and men have issues with it not a caucasian only issue too. Why would you want to hook up with some one like that any ways. First words out of my mouth would have been "wow I did not know you were so fvcked up in the brain bucket or we would have never gone out in the first place". Grow some balls. I love hearing people make statments or jokes about racial stuff and then say well my kids are half that and then see the look in there eyes. Almost every time they try the I did not mean it, but from time to time it goes up to the next level. That is cool too.
 gracengracie
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 24
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 6:06:16 AM
I believe she is simply a racist woman.
Sorry for this comment but back in the early 80's I heard in a conversation at a wedding in Bostin that Canadians were most racist. I didnt know any better.
By the way I have had many Canadian friends and realized its not true....so I figure you just run into one outdated racist woman.
If anything any child is just precious...even is he a mixture of 10 races or pure as snow...or black as ebony or brown as myself.
In the other hand at least you found out before your boy was a victim of the sick mentality.

Good luck to you, consider this an isolated case....not a general feature in women of any race.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 25
view profile
History
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 6:15:49 AM

Keith, you are absolutely right it is and should be a 'deal breaker' for YOU.....

Amen...All the love and support available here is due you man. I'm biraracial and my daughter is too and we both have had to deal with a certain amount of this bullshiit.
All I can say is that let your son always know who he is and that he's loved and cherished no matter what and he'll have an unshakable sense of himself that no racist crap can touch.
These fools have yet to catch up with all the current anthroplogical science that soundly repudiates the antiquated concept of "race". Until they do enlighten themselves,(Or not)take the high road and remain above such stupidity.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > My son is a "deal-breaker" because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!