|Divorced/unemployed/foreclosed, etcPage 1 of 2 (1, 2)|
|Talk is cheap. Most people will say that things such as a good job and money don't matter. I often hear "It's what's in the heart that matters." While that sounds nice, and makes for good prose and poetry, it's not reality.|
Back before I decided to go back to college I had a great job, a nice car, money in the bank, traveled often......all of that good stuff. And guess what? I never had the need or excuse to use an internet dating site.
Fast forward.......I have used most of my savings to fund my education, I drive a 20 year old car, live in an apartment the size of a shoe box, and driving 5 miles to Philomath is a what I consider a big trip these days.
I'm still the same person I was before I decided to go back to school. I'm no uglier, dumber or have less of a heart. But, I do have much less money. The result: I'm on this site, and as you might guess, I'm not exactly so busy answering my e-mails that I don't have time to read and write on this forum.
I'll earn a good paycheck again eventually, but that day is in the future. I guess one thing has changes about me, though. I'm far more cynical now and will likely never believe anyone who says "It's what's in the heart that matters."
Posted: 12/3/2009 5:50:24 PM
|Perhaps I should elaborate.....I'm cynical about dating. I'm actually quite happy and content with most other aspects of my life. I like getting up each morning, look forward to going to work, I like the people I'm around and I am excited about the future.|
To hit the ball back into your court.......do you know anyone who likes to be around a person that criticizes them?
Posted: 12/5/2009 9:22:09 AM
What ever happen to Ok times are tough, but we can do it. No I don't see that any more times get tough and it is time to go. Not in the old days, 90% or more stuck it out.
Is it possible that things were pretty rocky before 'times got tough?' It seems to me that if you take care of your relationship when times are good - keeping the foundation strong, the love healthy, and the romance going both in and out of the bedroom - then chances are it will survive the tough times. However, if your already on rocky ground, times getting tough may be the excuse to bail???
Posted: 12/5/2009 9:27:47 AM
|Having gone through a layoff, back to school, and realigning my life, during the recession of the 80's, I found that my perspective often impacted other's impression of me. When I viewed myself as an unemployed, single mother, living in my parent's basement while going back to college to get my degree - I was persona non grata! |
I realized that I was beating myself up and changed my 'self description' to a successful college student, retraining for a new career with a definite plan for the future. I found that I started talking about my vision of my successful future, rather than talking about my past failures!
I think that there is a rush to be 'honest' about where we are in life - and that often comes across to someone that doesn't know us as "homeless with no future" and they never get to our vision of where we are going.
Personally, if I met someone that was 'self supporting' (even if that was unemployment benefits), working on a definite plan for the future, and a positive self image - that would spell 'successful' to me.
There are many ways to have a terrific date without spending a fortune. But - there is no way to get past someone who is stuck in their own misery! I can't remake your life - and most women (and men) are wise enough to know that.
Posted: 12/5/2009 1:29:29 PM
I commend you for trying to date and putting yourself out there. I have been involved with a man who is pushing me away because he "has nothing to offer." He is about to lose his job, his house, his parents are requiring a lot of care and one is close to dying. I'm here, trying to offer support, love and encouragement, only to be told to "move on."
There are women out there like me. In my book, it is easy to fall in love when life is great and things are going wonderfully, but if you are blessed enough to have someone that wants to journey the bad times with you, you should grab hold and enjoy the ride back up together.
I look to the measure of a man rather than what he has for "stuff." Does he have integrity, intelligence and humor? That's my guy.
Posted: 12/5/2009 1:38:29 PM
I have been involved with a man ....................."
Judging from your profile you have either already given this guy the boot, or will do so once you have found a new man. If it's the latter this post seems a little hypocritical. But correct me if I'm wrong.
Posted: 12/5/2009 10:38:50 PM
|My profile is hidden from searches. And the fellow I'm referring to hasn't been in my life in 7 months. We only touched base briefly recently when I was given the "word."|