Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > New guy      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Steambath
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 1
New guyPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Ok I've been dating this girl for 2 years. We have been happy, rarely fight (and no serious fights, just stupid little stuff we get over in like 30 minutes). But now she started to volunteer, and she met a friend there, a guy. I was fine with her talking to him, but now its kind of going overboard. After every night of volunteering, and now going to church with him at night. They sit in her car for about 3 hours...talking, at night, alone in a parking lot. I want her to quit seeing him but I dont want to be a possessive boyfriend. As a last note of issue, she lately spent thanksgiving with him instead of me. So, what should I do?
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 2
New guy
Posted: 12/4/2009 8:41:11 AM
Ahhh...the good old "church" euphemism. I used to have a neighbour who called it having a guy over for "coffee" - with a wink of her eye.
 *Eiledon*
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 3
New guy
Posted: 12/4/2009 8:51:00 AM
Not to be rude mate, but how many smacks do you need from 'the stupid stick'?!

If her priority is spending THAT much time 'talking in the parking lot' with her new 'friend' rather than working on her relationship with YOU, WHAT does THAT tell you?!?

Walk away like a Man and don't look back..



Sorry this happened to you.

KAT
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 4
New guy
Posted: 12/4/2009 9:41:45 AM
We're all judging a person we haven't met.

But, the point is....confront her on this. Talk to her. As the others have pointed out...you may not have anything to lose, that you aren't already losing. Give her an opportunity to break up w/ you, if that's what she's planning.

ORRRRR...maybe she's just missing something from you. this could be a great opportunity for her to tell you what it is...if you ask her about it, and let her know you wouldn't like her to just fade away.

Maybe she likes the good feelings that come out of volunteering, and she can talk about it w/ him b/c he does the same thing, and you do not so she can't talk to you about it. Or maybe there's something else going on. But, open up the channels. Talk, and then, be ready to listen. Most people can handle the talk part, but can't seem to get to the second part. so, open the mouth...then close it, and open the ears.
 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 5
view profile
History
New guy
Posted: 12/4/2009 10:18:52 AM
After reading all of this thread...Simple OP, say "Buh-Bye" before she does.

And Happy Fishing!
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 6
view profile
History
New guy
Posted: 12/4/2009 10:31:45 AM
It sounds like she's dating him and not you. Her actions are rude and insulting to you, I would break up with her, although I think she's already broken up with you.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 7
New guy
Posted: 12/4/2009 10:39:12 AM
Hate to say it Bro, but it's time to let go, to let her go. Part now while you can avoid drama. It's not you, she has just found some one with whom she seems to have more in common. Doesn't mean she was looking, it just happened.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 8
view profile
History
New guy
Posted: 12/4/2009 10:53:45 AM
Ask her why she prefers to spend time with him rather than her and have you considered volunteering yourself? Maybe one of the things she likes about the guy is that he gives his time and energy and maybe she would actually prefer to do that with you, but you aren't going to know anything unless you sit down like an adult and talk to her.

Tell her, hey, I don't want to be the jealous idiot but I am really uncomfortable with the amount of time you are spending with him and I was really hurt that you spent the holiday with him rather than me. If she felt like you weren't putting the time and attention in and she wants to stay with you, this gives you an opportunity to do that. If things are over for her, it allows you to figure that out by what she says or doesn't say.

You're both young, you may have grown apart or she is so young she doesn't know how to ask you for what she needs and without intentionally doing so she may be getting the closeness, the friendship she once had with you from him. Either way, do something, don't sit and wait for things to just sort of go to shit on their own.
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 9
view profile
History
New guy
Posted: 12/4/2009 10:57:16 AM
Dude, you need to work on your communication skills. Not with this lady, but with your next. You clearly haven't spelled out appropriate relationship parameters. If you can't discuss what's wrong with her neglecting you and investing herself in spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and possibly physical intimacy with another man, you'll never get far in a relationship.
 HD Red Lantern
Joined: 11/16/2009
Msg: 10
New guy
Posted: 12/4/2009 11:02:05 AM
Fishy.

She and that guy.

Did I use the right word?
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 11
New guy
Posted: 12/4/2009 1:35:42 PM
Ok I've been dating this girl for 2 years. We have been happy, rarely fight (and no serious fights, just stupid little stuff we get over in like 30 minutes). But now she started to volunteer, and she met a friend there, a guy. I was fine with her talking to him, but now its kind of going overboard. After every night of volunteering, and now going to church with him at night. They sit in her car for about 3 hours...talking, at night, alone in a parking lot. I want her to quit seeing him but I dont want to be a possessive boyfriend. As a last note of issue, she lately spent thanksgiving with him instead of me. So, what should I do?

roll with it or get rolled over, i say that because no matter how you put it, you will be painted as "insecure" and "possessive" "too jealous" if you don't want her around him and eventually she will run into his arms. so you have an 2option deal with it and try to be "his" friend too until the plot thickens or haul a#$. personally, if I was ever in a situation that made me uncomfortable and the problem isn't solvable I pretty good at end things.
 oceaneyess
Joined: 2/21/2008
Msg: 12
view profile
History
New guy
Posted: 12/4/2009 9:44:31 PM
Two years of dating and your girl is spending so much time with another man and spending Thanksgiving with him and not you..That's a pretty big deal. So sorry,sounds like she's moved on...you should too. Take the high road and end things before she does more to hurt you.
 DanZX9
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 13
New guy
Posted: 12/7/2009 2:31:59 PM
Let me tell you something hombre. (First this disclaimer: not all women do this. And men do this too. That should shut up most of the gender nazis). Some women don't want to be alone. Ever. So, they make sure of the next one before they get rid of the last one. Men do this too, although it's usually to keep having sex, and not so much on an emotional level.

If you really want an explanation, it's simple. He's giving her something you're not. Maybe you are fvcking her really good, and he's the 'cuddle-bitxh'..listens to her, lets her vent, etc.

OR its the other way, which is much worse.

Any way you slice it, you don't want her. So you have 3 options. You could pull a Dexter and make him disappear. You can be a man and tell her it's over. Or, as has already been suggested and I recommend, give it to her the way she's dishing it out. She doesn't have the decency to tell you face to face its over? Then she doesn't deserve the courtesy of a face to face when YOU dump HER. You get to walk away with dignity (after about 22 years old, don't do this anymore) and she gets to run to church boy who will quickly distance himself from her since he never really wanted her full time. She may even knock on your door and want to come back.

I'd like to say you'll stand tall and tell her to go soak her head, but you're only 19 and you'll take her back. It's ok. You can make these mistakes now.
 DIVISION77
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 14
New guy
Posted: 12/8/2009 5:29:17 AM
Are you blind to the redflags or what, Steamy?

If she was "in to" the relationships she'd be spending most of her freetime with you, not some church guy in a vacant parking lot alone.

What more is there to see?

She's emotionally checked out of the relationship and is just biding her time before you figure it out.

It's time to move on.


Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > New guy