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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Cicciolina
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 1
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I recently started communicating with this man from POF. I find him very attractive and funny. We have spoke a few times on the telephone. In a recent conversation, he referred to black men as animals, called them illiterate,ill dressed and he said, he really didn't like the species.
That shocked the heck out of me. Since, clearly I am black...

He has a graduate degree..I thought he was different to be fair.
Things started smoothly and cordial...He started out talking about traveling, art & culture. That impressed me.
A few days later, he was talking about Indian men smelling bad. Then, it was the asian men having small peckers.. No one wants to date them. Next, he was complaining about irish people being ugly,havng bad teeth,nasty houses and the southern irish people. He is from North Ireland. I thought he was joking about some of his statements. They were just so out there. I thought he was perhaps jealous or something... since, I told him..I dated a man from India and a man from County Cork, Ireland ( South Ireland) He asked, if I dated a black man... That is when..He started all the black bashing talk. Then, after bashing everyone.... He said, "He would be the best man"..I would ever date in my life...

It seemed like whatever guy, I dated in the past...He attacked racially or ethnically. Is he a racist or sarcastic??
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 2
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 8:24:56 PM
OP.......I would never date a racist, who wants to feed into all their negativity and stupidity, ignorance downright utter nonsense.
 Malice From Wonderland
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 3
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 8:27:14 PM
I hope you opened a can of ghetto on his azz....gawd. What a jerk. A lot of them. Trust me. I have met my share. Off line from now on for me. You are gorgeous and will have no trouble meeting anyone.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 4
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 8:30:02 PM
It's hard to tell without actually hearing it from him. He might think he's the next Lisa Lampanelli, who cracks on everyone, but is genuinely not a racist person, just an insult comic. That isn't for everyone, but she's even-handed about it with all groups.

Does it really matter, though? Even if he's joking, he fails to understand that you have to actually be Lisa Lampanelli to get away with this - and even she gets a lot of hate mail from people who do take her schtick seriously. She doesn't call people animals, either.

In sum, it isn't acceptable behavior whether he's serious or not. Even in the best-case scenario, you wouldn't be able to introduce him to anybody.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 5
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 8:44:16 PM
It doesn't matter if he was trying to be sarcastic: his bashing is racist. There is an old saying that many a "truth" is spoken in jest, and even if he says he is joking, it doesn't cover up his racism.

In addition, he has low self esteem. He bashes other men because he sees them as threats and seeks to "disarm" them.

Pay attention to what your gut tells you and drop this man.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 6
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 8:47:29 PM
MY GOD!!! She's dating Archie Bunkers love child!!!!!!
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 7
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 9:06:28 PM
It seems to me as though the issue is his level of insecurity. He's looking for anything he can find to tear down other people. On top of that, he's not even intelligent enough to be creative about it, choosing to use racial stereotypes, etc...


In a recent conversation, he referred to black men as animals, called them illiterate,ill dressed and he said, he really didn't like the species.
That shocked the heck out of me. Since, clearly I am black...


He's already attempting to alter and control your perceptions.... I'm guessing if you do start dating him, he'll never cease to remind you how "lucky" you are that he's even willing to be with you, given that "he doesn't think much of your species" in the first place.


He said, "He would be the best man"..I would ever date in my life...


That actually made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.... You haven't even met in person yet, and already he's trying to 'groom' you into a willing sycophant.

Please don't underestimate how damaging it would be for you to get involved with this person.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 9:15:15 PM
Hon, you're nearly 40, what he is or isn't doesn't matter. You don't want to be around it and he just saved you some time and perhaps misery.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 9
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 9:20:11 PM
Does it matter? Either choice would be a bad one.

Just because someone's educated doesn't mean they get a pass for being an ahole.

Does he truly know that you're black?

I went out with a man who told me that I'd be an "honorary white woman" while dating him...needless to say he never saw me again.

Don't allow someone to diss anyone--whether you've dated them or not. ANYONE that insecure needs to be left to his or her own devices.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 10
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 9:27:23 PM
I thought he was perhaps jealous or something... since, I told him..I dated a man from India and a man from County Cork, Ireland ( South Ireland) He asked, if I dated a black man... That is when..He started all the black bashing talk. Then, after bashing everyone.... He said, "He would be the best man"..I would ever date in my life...

It seemed like whatever guy, I dated in the past...He attacked racially or ethnically. Is he a racist or sarcastic??

who gives f%$#, he's a prick.
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 9:37:33 PM
I am shocked you are still with him. I dated a women who was also racist, it was a short relationship.
 Cicciolina
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 12
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 9:37:58 PM

OP, are you kidding me.... you sat by just listening to that crap... TWICE? Omg, gurl, you need HELP! After the first disparaging comment about other races I'd have hung up the phone or walked away from that **stard.


I sat down for a few minutes to regain my composure. Then, I called him back and calmly asked, "Are you prejudiced/ racist"? He said, "Of course not"... "I know you are black".
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 13
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 9:47:58 PM
On a more serious note, than my first post. It is disheartening to me, that this kind of thing continues to exist. That we cannot get beyond this issue, despite the fact that our country has elected it's first black president. We continue to get emails, poking fun at Obama, for his color or name.

These people represent the emotionally walking wounded and dregs of our society. There is no way to purge them from our society and no way to get them to drop their attitudes and judgements.

OP I hope you find what you seek, from your profile, you are a magnificent woman who offers a truly great catch. All you can really do is drop him and move on. Whatever his reasons for saying what he did, there is no excuse for saying it.
 acuddler
Joined: 10/30/2009
Msg: 14
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 10:21:54 PM
What makes you think he is not all of the above...rude, sarcastic,and racist?
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 15
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 10:22:30 PM

Whatever his reasons for saying what he did, there is no excuse for saying it.

Concurred. There appears to be a consensus on that from all responding so far.

Also that lolamac, being, clearly for all to see, smart, gorgeous, and kind-hearted, can very easily find far better. I agree with that as well.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 16
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 10:42:27 PM
He's just plain ignorant. How does he know about the size of someone's pecker? Did he look or is he a closet homo?
 Cicciolina
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 18
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 11:12:05 PM
The whole thing is quite hurtful for me. I invested my time and cell phone minutes communicating with someone who thought so little of me and my race.
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 19
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 11:12:39 PM

He has a graduate degree..I thought he was different to be fair.
Things started smoothly and cordial...He started out talking about traveling, art & culture. That impressed me.
A few days later, he was talking about Indian men smelling bad. Then, it was the asian men having small peckers..


I don't like when guys talk about other guys peckers!

graduate degree? I don't think so he sounds about as smart as a hood ornament.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 20
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 11:21:37 PM

The whole thing is quite hurtful for me.

Naturally.

I invested my time and cell phone minutes communicating with someone who thought so little of me and my race.

But that's just petty. You're thinking about your cell phone minutes? Seriously? That was your choice. That would be the last thing on my mind if it occurred to me at all, had I spent time communicating with someone who turned out to be a jackass.

You had my sympathy. Totally. I thought that, however wrong he was or wasn't, he certainly didn't deserve the cool person you appeared to be. I am re-thinking that in light of your pettiness.
 Cicciolina
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 21
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 11:35:15 PM
I just really liked him alot... He kind of let me down .. Don't pity me... I just fell for the wrong person. Thanks for all the great advice... I wrote him a email...I told him, I really liked him alot, which I did... (We have been emailing for a few months, then we recently starting calling each other.)Anyways, I told him..I am bowing out, because I can't date a man who doesn't respect me or my race.
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 11:38:49 PM
OP,

Dump him. He is the worst kind of racist; one that doesn't like himself. He is insecure so he has to tear down other races to prop up his low self esteem. He doesn't think he's racist because he dates women of other races. He probably also feels like he is doing you a favor by dating you. After all, he is a "White Man." And, you are raising your lot in life by being with him! ...lol

I once dated a white girl who did not like black women. She always had something negative to say about them. Especially if they were dark. One day she said, "You should be grateful to be with a blond haired, blue eyed woman instead of some kinky haired, ordinary ghetto girl." Yes, she said just that. I never saw her or returned her calls after that night. You'd think she would have caught the hint after I left her at the bar ... to find her own way home. ...lol

Point is, leave him alone. A person can still be racist and date outside of his or race. He seems to be one such person.

Lastly, never confuse a good education with an honest heart or an open mind.

Lateef
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 23
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 11:39:24 PM
Jesus H. Christ on a crutch, what a jerk! I think is both sarcastic AND bigoted. A person's educational level has zero to do with whether or not they are racist. Zero. get away from this jackass.
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 24
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 11:46:32 PM
I hope you opened a can of ghetto on his azz....gawd. What a jerk. A lot of them. Trust me. I have met my share. Off line from now on for me. You are gorgeous and will have no trouble meeting anyone.


Please tell me the the irony of this chick being offended by the way the guy talked to the OP (a black woman) and then saying she hopes the OP "opened a can of ghetto on his azz [sic]" wasn't lost on everyone else.

And OP, at the very least he is socially maladjusted.

Keep in mind that in the first few conversations we are trying to impress you. If this is his "A" game, then it's time to go the other way.

And why the eff are you talking about x's before even meeting? Perhaps you are just as wacky? Just a thought.

In light of the whole cell phone minutes comment, I'm thinking I may have read between the lines.

-8sf8

-8sf8
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 25
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 11:57:50 PM

And OP, at the very least he is socially maladjusted.



did any one else find this statement alarming.??????






The only difference between the monkeys and us is that we dress better.


I clip my toe nails too......


 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 26
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 12:02:39 AM

Please tell me the the irony of this chick being offended by the way the guy talked to the OP (a black woman) and then saying she hopes the OP "opened a can of ghetto on his azz [sic]" wasn't lost on everyone else.

No, that pissed me off, too. I was more focused on responding to the original story, but you are right, and it is tangentially related. That was an awful example of the unconscious racism of the otherwise well-meaning.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?