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 AUTHOR
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 4
Convenient RelationshipsPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
My thoughts are your story is a great example of someone dating who feels they have to, even when they don't want to or there aren't any good prospects. Why bother?

Unless/until you meet someone that you'd actually want to go through all that trouble for I don't see why you'd want to go through the motions.

If you're happy as a hermit - then I don't see why you'd force yourself to be somene you're not happy being. *shrug*
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 7
Convenient Relationships
Posted: 12/10/2009 7:26:14 AM
You want your cake and eat it, too.

This is how I read your post:

"I have a business partner with whom I have sex. She is happy with the situation but I am not--so, basically, I am using her for sex to fill the gap in my life that I would like to fill with another woman. I fool myself by saying that my relationship with my "partner" is for the convenience of us both and no one will get hurt, but hey, she is ok while I search for
the person who more than likely is the right person we [I] probably should be with



Actually, its more-so me who thinks this.
translates into "She thinks things are fine, but I'm looking around."

The problem is that I can't find a woman who will make me the center of her life. They are are all egotistical, mixed up, crazy ****es carrying way too much baggage--while I have none. Well, yeah, there IS the business partner, but that is only for convenience, despite that we
We both shared the same views of not really wanting a partner, too busy to want a partner, too difficult to get along with anyone, hard finding common interest and so on. So... we decided it was all good, nobody got hurt and everythings fine and dandy. We get on extremely well, the sex is great and given that we spend so much time together we have an enormous amount of stuff in common. We are almost like soul mates to each other really and we've helped each other learn and grow through many of the really tough challenges we've faced in life.


But ya know, I would dump this "soul mate" if I found another woman who would cater to me."

Dude, the other women aren't the problem, YOU are.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 11
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History
Convenient Relationships
Posted: 12/10/2009 8:00:08 AM
Troll???? Yes actually you sounds like you have exactly what you want, however somewhere in your mind you know she isn't going to continue to put up with the bull shit, and will leave not looking back...

After all you seem to have everything, you lament not having with all these ladies you are chasing, only to find that they can't compete with the woman who you have been with, and looks the other way that you are out trying to find someone better....

Another thing, it doesn't sound like you really want to get to know another person, in particular a woman, just because it is way to much trouble, and you aren't willing to expend any more energy then you have to expend...

So what are you doing here? What are you really complaining about??? People are people, they have drama, they have their wants and needs, they feel good with what ever they feel good about, family drama very normal. The real crack up is it appears YOU carry the my way or the highway attitude, yet you complain if a woman has the same attitude... Why, is it because it clashes with you own???

After reading your dismal rant, I find it very hard to believe you are one of these "happy people, who could PROBABLY be a hermit the rest of your life... If you think women get more out of a relationship then you, perhaps be a switch hitter and see how it is to date most of the modern day male.. You may see a LOT of your own attitude, and find out why so many relationships don't work, simply because people what all the GOOD STUFF, and whine they may have to put up with real life....
 girlred228
Joined: 6/23/2008
Msg: 15
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History
Convenient Relationships
Posted: 12/10/2009 8:55:28 AM
I think everyone has summed this up accurately. The problem is you OP... like you said you are difficult.. and you not willing to take relationship risks... so you are getting exactly what you put into it... next to nothing... and finding something wrogn with every woman you come in contact with is a reflection of you..you are looking for reasons not to do anything.. the effort you are putting is haphazzard.. so you may as well not do anything like you said. The only common denominator is you. Look in the mirror and get honest with yourself.. stay with convenient because right now you are not about exposing your vulnerable side.. stay safe and stay unsatisfied.

MY twopennies..
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 18
Convenient Relationships
Posted: 12/10/2009 9:19:00 AM
What are you? Brain dead? It sounds like you and your business partner/lady friend have a great relationship. Just because it began due to your daily close proximity with each other doesn't make it a 'relationship of convenience'. You truly enjoy each other's company, get on extremely well, have great sex, a tremendous amount of common interests and consider each other soul mates. What more could you want in a relationship? It sounds like you have everything you'd ever want right there. Why look for someone else? No other woman is bringing you the satisfaction and happiness you find with her. If it ain't broke, don't fix it!
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 19
Convenient Relationships
Posted: 12/10/2009 9:37:23 AM
OP
there's this principle...it's called leaving well enough alone AKA if it ain't broke don't fix it.
Cindy O
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 20
Convenient Relationships
Posted: 12/10/2009 9:57:53 AM
These relationship don't SOUND convenient if you have to FORCE yourself into them--go be a happy hermit. No one cares what you do, really, until you bring them into your drama.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 24
Convenient Relationships
Posted: 12/10/2009 11:15:23 AM

We both shared the same views of not really wanting a partner, too busy to want a partner, too difficult to get along with anyone, hard finding common interest and so on. So... we decided it was all good, nobody got hurt and everythings fine and dandy. We get on extremely well, the sex is great and given that we spend so much time together we have an enormous amount of stuff in common. We are almost like soul mates to each other really and we've helped each other learn and grow through many of the really tough challenges we've faced in life.

OK, here's what I don't get. The above quote seems to describe EXACTLY what most men claim to want...sex, companionship, having each other's back, without a lot of formalities, expectations or "strings attached".
Yet it's still not good enough.
Unbefreakinlievable.
Cindy O
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 31
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Convenient Relationships
Posted: 12/10/2009 11:50:11 AM

We get on extremely well, the sex is great and given that we spend so much time together we have an enormous amount of stuff in common. We are almost like soul mates to each other really and we've helped each other learn and grow through many of the really tough challenges we've faced in life.


Umm, if you don't mind me asking, what the hell more do you want from a woman? What you've described, at least to me, is a textbook example of things a relationship should consist be. Lover-check. Both mentor and sounding board-check. Best Friend-check. Just because this started as something that was convenient for both of you, per your description, doesn't mean it can't or even hasn't already evolved into something more. You find yourself out to dinner with other women and are measuring them against the standard your partner set, and find them lacking? Doesn't that tell you something? Stop looking for greener grass and LOOK at what is right in front of you!
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 35
Convenient Relationships
Posted: 12/10/2009 1:38:48 PM
OP
after re-reading your initial post, I've come to the conclusion that you are deliberately( it may be SUBconscious, but it is DELIBERATE) picking very incompatible and negligible women to date...because you LIKE things the way they are.
And there's nothing wrong with that. There are NO guarantees that even relationships & marriages where the love is very strong will last.
So, if you have time to waste dating women just to provide yourself with unneeded proof that waht you have is a pretty good deal, why don't you quit WASTING that time and do something that contributes to the betterment of your little corner of the world?
Cindy O
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 37
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Convenient Relationships
Posted: 12/10/2009 2:19:04 PM
Wow, there must be some collosal culture problem Down Under with Sheilas uncontrollably lunching at every possible moment.

we both know that relationally we really arent growing beyond our present situation
I don't understand this sentiment. You guys seem like a good match--very compatible--if she's anything like you she's just as egotistical--great match--like a match made in heaven. Why not roll with it and try to check you ego aside instead of using this relationship as a matter of convenience? Honestly, if I were a single and available woman, I'd stay far away from a man who doesn't value solid relationships; a guy who is sexing his business partner yet wants to be available to sex others.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 47
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Convenient Relationships
Posted: 12/10/2009 11:46:41 PM
sounds to me like she may be leaving you or found herself another guy. or maybe that is what you fear? if you want growth, start working on your own inventory--not hers. you can't find in someone else what you need to develop in yourself. sounds like lower chakra sex, if i get what you are saying.

so, work on your "own" heart, communication, intuition and spiritual development. like energy attracts like energy. so work on developing the upper chakras. if you don't know what i am talking about, google it. you "sound" whiney, even though that may not be your intent. good luck!

ps i just checked out your age. i thought you were more like in your 50's given what you were saying. so, to add to the above, you are just "beginning" to grow up. it's a journey. can't force it. just try not to squelch it. ride the waves and be honest, open and caring. again, like attracts like. you have to be strong to be vulnerable.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 50
Convenient Relationships
Posted: 12/11/2009 5:17:09 AM
Ok, you think your business partner/lady friend is too old for you to consider a serious, long-term relationship. You dread looking for an age appropriate woman with which to have a relationship. Ergo, don't do either. No one is demanding you date or get involved with someone. It is strictly your decision and if it's more than you care to deal with, then just don't bother. Why all the drama? Talk about a troll post!
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