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 Eowyn1776
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 1
FWB expectations..........Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
So if you have a fwb, do you hang out first, then end up at someone's house, would you mind actually hanging out and having fun w/ that person first, or would you rather just go there for your IE, and then get going home?
 cherylbarnes
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 2
FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/13/2009 11:19:08 PM
If you didn't hang out, it would just be 'benefits' and not 'friends'. Isn't the idea that this person is really a friend and the sex is just a perk?
 Eowyn1776
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 3
FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/13/2009 11:20:34 PM
I completely agree ;)
 tjl2280
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 4
FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/13/2009 11:35:11 PM
I agree as well, the FWB you hang out with and it's pretty tough not to keep feelings out of it.(for me at least) The Fbuddy just comes over for sex.
 e*Musing
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 5
FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/13/2009 11:40:49 PM
Daffynitions...

FWB - Friends With Benefits
FB - Fvck Buddy
ONS - One Night Stand
IE - Intimate Encounter...typically the same as FB
OP - Original Post
OPie - Original Poster

Once you start heading towards the FWB, FB or ONS stuff, post again and I'll copy-n-paste a sexual lexicon dictionary so you'll know what's being asked when someone says A2M/ATM or ARG or HBB.

 *~*ChardyGirl*~*
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 6
FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/14/2009 4:04:25 AM

would you rather just go there for your IE, and then get going home?


^^^^ Id say this is more the behaviour of a f*buddy in that that's all they're good for.......you dont really want to talk to them or go out anywhere with them ...........unlike if they were a FWB.
 badmunky
Joined: 9/23/2008
Msg: 7
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FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/14/2009 4:31:11 AM
If you want to get naked with somebody, do it. Figure out the rest later.

Sheesh... people overthink this stuff too much. Me, I try not to think at all if I can help it. Dangerous stuff, thinking.
 Zuglo
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 8
FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/14/2009 5:02:14 AM

So if you have a fwb, do you hang out first, then end up at someone's house, would you mind actually hanging out and having fun w/ that person first,

Absolutely yes!!

If you didn't hang out, it would just be 'benefits' and not 'friends'. Isn't the idea that this person is really a friend and the sex is just a perk?

Well, that's a perfect example of the FWB...Some people don't seems to understand that the "F" stand for Friend..
So you do stuff that you do with a friend..PLUS sex..
 Heptone
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 9
FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/14/2009 5:35:47 AM
Most people on POF seem to get very hung up on the "benefits" side of the equation and can't understand the business of being "friends."

I get hung up on the labels. There are lots of marriages with couples barely
hanging on who aren't even friends and still have the benefits happening. There a ga-zillion and a half one-night stands every night or so where two friends get too cozy -- short duration FWB, by definition. It just doesn't make sense that FWB is a one-size fits all situation in my upscrewed opinion.

I think what is universal is that nobody likes feeling someone is taking advantage of them. Friends having occasional sex or sexual liaisons without much social contact -- it still has to balance out that people feel treated well or tended to in some fashion.
 *Closer*
Joined: 11/5/2009
Msg: 10
FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/14/2009 5:53:48 AM

If you want to get naked with somebody, do it. Figure out the rest later.
Sheesh... people overthink this stuff too much. Me, I try not to think at all if I can help it. Dangerous stuff, thinking.


That's classic.And oh so dangerous.Oh...and women who do this are typically considered ammoral 'sluts' who no one takes seriously when it comes to having a relationship with.But yeah....just get NAKED with whomever...and worry about the rest later! lololol
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 11
FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/14/2009 6:22:36 AM
If you didn't hang out, it would just be 'benefits' and not 'friends'. Isn't the idea that this person is really a friend and the sex is just a perk?

Exactly - it's a friend you already had so do with them what you'd normally do. The sex thing is the only new part of it.

indefatigabilis, simply saying it's not for you is sufficient. Some are ok with this and some aren't. There's no need to insult those who don't live the way you do. Chalk it up to different and move on.
 indefatigabilis
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 12
FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/14/2009 6:23:47 AM
I would never in a bazillion years have a FWB relationship. I can't have sex with women who are romantically retarded. Even the slim chance that I might be responsible for a pregnancy that resulted in a child being raised by an Adult With Benefits instead of a Mother is too great a chance. I could not do that to a child.
 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 13
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FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/14/2009 11:54:35 AM
FWB goes hand in hand with NO EXPECTATIONS - but if you should happen to hang out - have fun ..... 'cause that's usually how you got to be FWB in the first place - then so be it! Always just go with the flow - never set things up or make plans.
 chidan78
Joined: 10/11/2008
Msg: 14
FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/14/2009 12:21:45 PM
I would think it's a little of both. Sometimes you hang out, go to a movie or dinner or whatever, other times it's meeting just for sex and that's it. If you're really "Friends" then there will be times when you go to a movie and there is no sex.
 badmunky
Joined: 9/23/2008
Msg: 15
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FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/14/2009 12:30:27 PM

Oh...and women who do this are typically considered ammoral 'sluts' who no one takes seriously when it comes to having a relationship with.


"Slut" is a word that only the person using it gets to define. Worry less about others' perception of you, and be comfortable with yourself.

If you like sex, you get to dictate the circumstances under which you have it. If somebody else has a problem with you doing what you want, however you want it, then why would you want to be with them in the first place? Have some self-respect, and hold out for somebody who likes you for who you are. There are plenty of us out there who aren't closed-minded insecure prudes. Stop stifling yourself trying to please those who are.
 TooShadows
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 16
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FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/14/2009 12:35:05 PM
It's what you make of it. I've had FWB relationships where we dated,went for dinner,went to or rented movies and had great sex,and I've had a couple where we just got together for sex when we were both in the mood.
 blowmydoorsoff
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 17
FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/14/2009 12:36:23 PM
Depends on the format of the FWB's. If its someone Uve known ( who is friendly ) thats different, then someone Uve obviously met ( probally online ) Cause their main motivation is the benefits, lol.

But U can impose guidelines, of what U want, vs dont. And if that's to actually be friends and get to know them. Before going to the bedroom with them ( kitchen table, c0unter, against the front door or couch, lol. ) Then that's well within reasonable limits. Though the other person may of course get frustrated, without instant gratification forth coming and bail.

Would say FWB's are almost always sex based and as volatile as the people involved choose to make it. By the way your cute, I can be very friendly. Sighs for real gd luck cutey.

PS,


If you didn't hang out, it would just be 'benefits' and not 'friends'. Isn't the idea that this person is really a friend and the sex is just a perk?


This femme is pretty good at summing it up eh ? Cant really be friends with bennies, if your not fecking friends, lol. feck !!!! Im considering celibacy. Misc note: Fact that your expressing reservations about this proposed FWB deal, seems to strongly indicate, Uve already got reservations. One certainty of FWB is fecking, dont enter into it, if your wanting something more than what it is. Ya'll can start calling me father david, lol. :D
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 18
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FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/14/2009 3:32:09 PM

Oh...and women who do this are typically considered ammoral 'sluts' who no one takes seriously when it comes to having a relationship with.


Only by women that need to judge others to make themselves feel better.....and by men that have Madonna/Whore complexes.......IMO!!

Here is my definition of the differences between FWB and FB.
A FWB is someone you can hang out with and not have sex.
A FB is only concerned with having sex.
 Ependa
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 19
FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/14/2009 6:22:32 PM
Well, if I had an fwb..it would be truly a friend..not just hook up cause that's me. But because of the inevitable nature of men and women, it would truly have to not be someone I could develop a romantic/emotional attachment to or visa versa..that's just asking for someone to get hurt. Trick is finding someone you like enough to bang and are attracted to and have differences or ?? that would prevent even the desire for an ltr with them...and these all have to be mutual.
 NocturnalSweetie
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 20
FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/15/2009 12:32:03 PM
Reading the responses to this post help me realize that I am currently in a FWB, I am quite happy to come across this.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 21
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FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/15/2009 7:04:12 PM
I'm with you BDJ.......
People that have never had a great FWB relationship.....are totally clueless as to what really goes on in one. And judge on alot of assumptions.

I've had some of the most passionate, sensual encounters with my FWB.
There are nights we "make love"........there are nights we have "hot monkey sex".....
not alot different that committed couples.

Getting real sick of the "internet therapists" we have here that think they have us all figured out and are constantly throwing out assumptions of "issues" that don't exist.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 22
FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/15/2009 7:23:47 PM
FWB aren't one-night stands or booty calls. FWB is ongoing, non-commital, but sexual relationships... You're not dating... you're not just friends...and you're fooling around.

Two ways to go about FWB:
- You already know someone you've befriended. There's attraction, but not ready/interested in a relationship either way. You hang out some, but have a sexual relationship on the side, too.

- You're "stuck" in the Pre-Dating Phase with sexual relations going on, or purposely stay there because you don't want to move into the Dating Phase. Pre-Dating Phase is what everyone goes thru when they first start to go out on dates with someone. You're not a couple yet, but you go out on some dates... and USUALLY decide to not continue, or, actually truly be Dating.
a) Sometimes you can be "stuck" in the Pre-Dating Phase, where you've hooked up on the 1st or 2nd date, and you're both lingering in zone of not moving into commitment. That sort of "kinda dating but not really"... yeah, that's actually FWB by happenstance. It can be temporary, but not necessarily.

b) You both decide NOT to move into a relationship/commitment on any level, but instead of being "just friends", you both decide to just hook up once in a while. This is a purposeful shift, not one by happenstance.

If someone's looking to meet a stranger to be a FWB -- that can be mistaken for an Intimate Encounter. It depends on what they mean when they describe it. Basically, if you go out together, etc, but agree to be just FWB -- that's basically a totally pre-meditated (b) before you even meet.

In the case of being REAL FWB, yes, you hang out sometimes, and it just means hooking up conveniently as part of the package deal.
 Zuglo
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 23
FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/16/2009 4:33:59 AM

My experience is that it never lasts very long. For most men I'm either s stop-gap till the next proper girlfriend which is fine but then I lose a friend, or they (weirdly) end up wanting more or acting really possessive and jealous. Horrible!

I'm not ready for another relationship - I'm not sure I ever will be. I love being on my own, I love my freedom, my independence but I also love men! I love their company, bodies, the way they look, smell, feel, talk ... everything! I just don't want one to live with me,

Wow..I have a twin sister...Woohooo..
I feel the same way..Some old FWB had a class to tell me they want to get serious with someone, and want to see where is goes, others just disappear. And there are those who STILL wants to come AFTER they met someone they think they want to get serious with..That's just wrong..I wouldn't go there..
But anyway, I think the good FWB is realy fits me..Guess I am romantically retarded.
LOL
 milt_n_bradley
Joined: 10/14/2009
Msg: 24
FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/16/2009 5:05:49 AM
If you do things w/ the other person and enjoy their company,it's a FWB.
If you go over,take care of business and then leave, they are a f*ckbuddy.
Easiest way to distinguish between the two.
 Vagabond1975
Joined: 10/1/2009
Msg: 25
FWB expectations..........
Posted: 12/16/2009 3:27:37 PM
.. I never had or was a FWB/FB or something like that...

my ex had a few, one she had a child with...
one she did drugs with, the other ones I don't know about..

but.. a friend with benefits.. I find dodgy...
I know my ex, liked to hang out or party with one of her fb, or fwb.. whatever..

all I want to say is,it's disrespectfull to a current boy or girlfriend, to still be friends with former fb...
sex or no sex...

that's the thing I find disturbing about the whole fwb/fb thing..
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