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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???      Home login  
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 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 3
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???Page 1 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Well I have never seen my "standards" as low nor overly high at any age. I have always had my stuff together from an early age..my choices in partners has proven to be questionable at times but none of us is perfect..lol. We had a larger pool to fish from in our youth and with age our thepond seeems to be a bit dryer and somewhat fished out now.

I dont see it that we should lower our standards as we age but rather that we should be more realistic in what we seek vs whom we seek. After all I still see a number of over 45 ladies who are still looking for a prince or knight in shining armor to carry them off to their castle on the hill. So this rules out the most of the land who aren't royalty.

 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 4
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/14/2009 9:24:09 PM
Side wise, maybe, lol! Looks were never very important to me. Even less so, now. When I was younger I wasn't at all interested in a possible mate's spiritual path ~~ now, it's a sine qua non. Have always adored bright. Bright and funny is without price. Kind has always been important; now, it's vital.

 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 6
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/14/2009 9:32:26 PM

I dont see it that we should lower our standards as we age but rather that we should be more realistic in what we seek vs whom we seek. After all I still see a number of over 45 ladies who are still looking for a prince or knight in shining armor to carry them off to their castle on the hill. So this rules out the most of the land who aren't royalty.

I rather agree with this. My standards, such as they are, have been pretty much the same as long as I can remember. I am realistic, though, I can overlook physical flaws in him as long as he can overlook scars from a couple c-sections and stretch marks (did I really say that?).

Never was interested in knights in shining armor - armor tends to rust, and I know who'd get stuck trying to keep it all nice and shiny. And from what I've heard and read, castles are drafty.
 Free-At-Last
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 7
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/14/2009 10:14:18 PM
Standards?? Oh...I guess that's my problem..
Since I can't even live up to my own standards, how can I possibly expect anyone else to live up to my expectations??
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 8
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/14/2009 11:05:38 PM
Standards, expectations.......now I see my problem, I guess that's what I'm doing wrong.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 12
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/15/2009 1:28:21 AM
[qoute]Since I can't even live up to my own standards, how can I possibly expect anyone else to live up to my expectations??[/qoute]

Indeed the presents a huge problem for me as well.. Besides most people think I am a slave driver..

But I am not expecting more than I am giving after all.

thecatsmeoww
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 13
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/15/2009 4:15:57 AM
There are many different ways to look at this.....
If I put the focus on myself.....and look at my attitude, character, strength and weaknesses.....then chances are I am going to meet someone that mirrors me in every way. If I find that I am meeting people that are having many red flags then I need to look at myself. So have my standards gone up? My standards in myself have gone up. I expect to keep changing for the rest of my life and hopefully continue to better myself. So yes my standards have gone up.........
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 14
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/15/2009 4:43:29 AM
I figure that standards change in the light of past experience. Since I have had a life that is pretty good in most ways, I guess my standards have been pretty good as well. No need to lower them, and while they can always be raised, no particular need for that either.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 16
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/15/2009 5:33:11 AM
While I think "screwed up" is not an appropriate description of anybody, I do think it is true that when you run into a 50-something, 60-something or older person who has already spent a good number of years by themselves, its not very likely that anyone who comes along is going to meet their list of requirements for a relationship. You get too comfortable living by yourself and resist anything that would disturb your tranquility using the mechanism of "standards" to keep others out.

On average, there is nothing really wrong with anybody who gets into their 50s and 60s. They have made a life for themselves, are capable of keeping warm, dry, out of jail and fed. If you look at any of them you can always find a red flag or something that just does not please you as a reason to push them away.

Yes, indeed, they will spend the rest of their lives in bed with their computers, and they will have convinced themselves that they have made the right decisions because nobody came along that met their standards.
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 18
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/15/2009 5:34:50 AM
Whenever I was bitter I found bitter....whenever I was angry I found angry. It wrapped itself around me like a long dark night.
Today I don't walk the world with a happy face 24/7....but I do walk around with hope.
And whenenver I was in enough pain only then did I look at myself and figure out the problem I had. My behavior and attitude. If I am bitter I attract bitter, less than truthful well of course this is what I attracted. We seek what we are.....and if they aren't meeting our standards....then the problem is not them it is you and sometimes it is still me....I have to focus on myself instead of looking at what others aren't. Expecting another person to lead up to my expectations is never going to happen because they can't be everything I want or need.....only I can do that. I can tell a bitter person quickly.......and I can remember being in that exact same stage at sometime in my life. I am passed the bitter stage.....yes it should only be a stage not a stuck in a stage forever thing. And I expect most people are human and all of us are going through different stages of life........and most of us have been through those very same stages. I can note if a person isn't doing well. I try not to make a judgement on them just noting if this person can fit into my little square of a life....they don't have to fit my square perfectly just overlapping enough that we have some common ground. I don't have to judge them....I would perfer to keep focus on myself which is hard enough to figure out and to make changes . But if they aren't fitting into my square I don't have to call them anything other than not working. I don't have to judge them. Just noting we aren't really fitting together and moving on.....taking care of myself is a full time job. Sometimes I can't even get my crap figured out and figuring out someone is just to hard.....just do they fit into my little square of life........
 Avalon96
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 19
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/15/2009 5:41:55 AM
If I say that my standards have gone up, it would be just a way of saying that
anyone in my past was substandard in some way.
That would not be true.
In getting older, I have come to realize things about myself and the kind of partner
that I would be compatable with.
I just know myself better now and understand that my incompatability with
somebody is not a blemish on their character.
We all don't want the same things or want to live the same way,
paradise for one, can be hell for another.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 20
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/15/2009 6:07:32 AM

Based on my dating experience, that is a universal truth for the women of pof. The standards haven't just gone up, they have skyrocketed and they want to do much better than whatever their past provided them.
Only in the online dating world could an uneducated waitress with a "few extra pounds" seriously write that she is looking for a younger, fit, professional man.. and have an actual expectation that such a man would be interested in her for a serious relationship.
Some women are destined to spend most of their nights in bed with nothing but their computers...
My standards haven't changed at all.. I expect most women to be screwed up and I am rarely disappointed


Indeed that is kind of neat that you can just write a script and expect someone to click on your profile and fill it..

Well not sure she spends her nights in bed with nothing but her computer.. That would be kind of hard to sleep with.. She most likely has a furry creature she can snuggle up with..

Gotta love those sandpaper kisses..

thecatsmeoww
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 23
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/15/2009 6:47:10 AM

An example of arrogance, at it's finest?


The very reason most of us are sleeping alone..Look at the alternative on some cold night when you are wishing you did have someone special to cuddle with.

thecatsmeoww
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 24
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/15/2009 6:48:24 AM

An example of arrogance, at it's finest?


Not really. There are women on this site and forum who are clearly interested in pairing up and open to pairing up, and you can see it in their attitude. Not only that, as the months go on, they actually do pair up, so it is in no way an impossible goal or a life sentence. There are other women, however, who don't pair up over the years, but have a lot to say about red flags, standards, requirements, lack of candidates and any number of other road blocks to pairing up.

I do think that there is a cause an effect in this correlation. There are those people for whom living alone is not an option, and they don't for very long. There are those people for whom it is an option, and they do for very long periods of time. At any point change is possible, I am just observing that it is unlikely.

As to "arrogance", I don't see the connection here. People who are happy with their lives, whatever their situation, have convinced themselves they are on the right track, otherwise, they would be constantly in a deep depression or struggling hard to change their situation.

What are you trying to say? That a good looking, healthy, intelligent woman with her own house, money in the bank and no dependents,
who lives in a generally large metropolitan region with about 10 million people within a 2 hour radius can find exactly zero eligible males to form a relationship with?

That is somewhat arrogant, to my mind.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 25
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/15/2009 6:54:41 AM

What are you trying to say? That a good looking, healthy, intelligent woman with her own house, money in the bank and no dependents,who lives in a generally large metropolitan region with about 10 million people within a 2 hour radius can find exactly zero eligible males to form a relationship with?


Give me a good looking healthy intelligent male with his own home, money in the bank and no dependents and I am outta here..

Oh I almost forget I do happen to know one!!! Have to check out if he feels likewise..

thecatsmeoww
 Brownlady1953
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 26
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/15/2009 6:54:54 AM
Just like my age, they have gone UP!!!!!!!
 Free-At-Last
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 27
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/15/2009 6:56:49 AM

Only in the online dating world could an uneducated waitress with a "few extra pounds" seriously write that she is looking for a younger, fit, professional man.. and have an actual expectation that such a man would be interested in her for a serious relationship.

But, but....hey...that's what they make MOVIES about isn't it?

My standards haven't changed at all.. I expect most women to be screwed up and I am rarely disappointed.

(Hmmm...must of got his Masters outta a Cracker Jack box. Wish he lived closer so I could kick his a$$ playing tennis....)

Like most men I have two sets of standards. One is for potential long term partners and the other is for casual sexual encounters.

^^There ya go folks...hypocricy at its best!^^

Oh Oh...I think I hear galloping hooves...
 Free-At-Last
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 32
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/15/2009 7:12:06 AM
I'm just talking to myself. ^^^
Yea well I'm hearing ya..and agreeing....
It's next to impossible to keep any new threads up these days.
Gotta keep on topic people. No chatting. No hurling insults.
Save those standards for REAL life. lol.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 34
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/15/2009 7:22:25 AM

Give me a good looking healthy intelligent male with his own home, money in the bank and no dependents and I am outta here..


Don't know really how to interpret that. Downtown Montreal is so full of these guys you pretty well can't move on a Thursday night. You must either never go out or be beating them off with a baseball bat.

Or more likely, its your "standards" that stand between you and them. Nothing wrong with that, but let us not kid ourselves about where the "problem" lies, if there even is a "problem".
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 37
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/15/2009 7:59:25 AM

Montreal is so full of these guys you pretty well can't move on a Thursday night. You must either never go out or be beating them off with a baseball bat.


Too funny I am all tucked in by 8 pm.. Trust me you will not find me walking the downtown streets at night looking.

By the way I did ask the one I know that is single.. So we decided to go right for the pre-nup.. I told him I wanted to keep my cats, he said fine
I told him I wanted to continue my research work, he said fine
I told him I wanted to move out to the country, he said fine
I told him I wanted sex every night.. he said put me down for Fridays!!!

thecatsmeoww
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 38
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/15/2009 8:07:01 AM

I told him I wanted sex every night.. he said put me down for Fridays!!!


Like I said, "standards" are the issue......

You have to realize that "sex every night" for us older guys is something we only dream of. A couple of times a year is about all we can manage......

Women are so shallow. All this talk about relationships and soul mates, and what they really want is raw physical companionship with no disturbance to the other aspects of their lives.......
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 39
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/15/2009 8:30:19 AM

You have to realize that "sex every night" for us older guys is something we only dream of. A couple of times a year is about all we can manage......

Women are so shallow. All this talk about relationships and soul mates, and what they really want is raw physical companionship with no disturbance to the other aspects of their lives.......

Define "older" - my husband didn't slack off or slow down until he was 62 and so full of meds he barely knew who he was anymore. No drama, great relationship, and one hell of a ride, as long as it lasted. Nothing shallow about it at all...
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 40
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/15/2009 8:38:28 AM

and they weren't good enough...

Welcome to online dating and infinite possibility.


I can't believe I'm the only one with this problem.
I meet guys all the time that I like.
The problem is finding one that I like who likes
me back.
You make it sound so simple. Tons of women tossing
back perfectly good men for no reason at all. That's
not been happening in my case, and I'd be willing to bet
it's not happening to others either.

Nobody looks good dressed in bitter.

Well except for me of course...I look fabulous no matter
what.

 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 42
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/15/2009 9:01:09 AM

< -------------- Now I only date dolphins
And not from the pond.


I had a thing for a Buluga Whale once.. However I was so darn into him I almost covered his blow hole, when I got carried away.. Gotta love that rubbery skin they have..My hands were all over him..

Just thinking about him send shivers up my spine..

thecatsmeoww
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 44
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/15/2009 9:50:00 AM


I don't date republicans anymore, so I guess that means my standards have skyrocketed.

LOL

I have never dated them, which must mean my have always been the highest!

I never bothered to ask about their politics, but if they started talking about it in any way, I was so gone! Boring... more fun to dance or play pool or darts or fishing or just about anything else.
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