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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?      Home login  
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 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 5
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How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I think that if you'd rather get drunk with friends, then alcohol is the problem. Getting drunk is a thrill for kids. Adults get thrills other ways. If the booze is a bigger buzz than the partner, that's trouble.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 7
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How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/16/2009 8:10:06 AM
New Years Eve? You spend with your partner and all friends are welcome to join, its that kind of the more the merrier type of holiday. Christmas Day? That is for family and your partner too, but friends are welcome to drop by.
There is nothing wrong with going out for dinner or drinks with friends during the holidays we all do it but is seems to me as if he considers you not to be his friend. That is a huge issue. He's a little old to be getting wasted with the boys on NYE.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 9
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How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/16/2009 8:21:21 AM

I do think he has an alcohol problem anyway

Good lord, woman! I thought you were a teenager or something! If a middle-aged man still thinks getting drunk with his buds is more fun than being with you on NYE, then he's still an adolescent. If you think he's got a drinking problem, then drop him and try to find someone who doesn't. Alcoholics are no fun. Sure, you get on well when you're miles apart, however were you to live together, it would be a disaster.

So ask yourself if you'd rather continue a relationship with someone who is probably a very bad bet for a long-term partner cut your losses now and spend your time looking for someone who's not got big issues.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 16
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/16/2009 9:21:47 AM
Christmas depends on family traditions and how new the involvement is. That's very individual.

New Year's Eve is an automatic date if you've reached the point of seeing one another exclusively, which I believe is implicit in the use of the word "partner."

I'm a little surprised to see the question as, really, everyone knows this. You might be able to get away with skipping Valentine's Day - although, probably not, but some do pull it off - but, New Year's Eve? Uh-uh. If you're partnered, that's a date and that's that. Your guy knows this. He knows.

If you would rather go out and get drunk with your friends, you and your partner are pretty darned sick of each other. Or, you are, at least. Better to break it off now before you risk being given something major for Christmas and then having to break it off after that.

Since in this case, it's your partner who doesn't want the unimaginable hassle of having you around on New Year's Eve, and you prefer to wait on deciding whether or not to break up, here I strongly suggest you give him nothing of any emotional importance for Christmas. It will not be appreciated and you are probably about to break up anyway.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 22
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/16/2009 11:16:52 AM
^^^That's what I was thinking - I'd just widen my circle of friends to include my SO and his friends. With my crew though, the more the merrier...
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 23
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/16/2009 11:23:17 AM
Christmas Day I go by family, New Year's Eve I stay in BECAUSE of the drunk idiots out there.

I would say include your partner, but don't have to change your whole life for them.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 26
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/16/2009 11:58:15 AM
I know people close to me that have a hard time deciding on rather they want to spend New Years partying with their friends, or spending time with their S/O. I suppose can be a hard decision to make.

Things like this sorta makes me glad that I'm single.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 27
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/16/2009 11:59:06 AM
It means that you are looking for validation for your selfishness.

If being with friends on the holidays is more important to you than being with your partner, then you should live with, have sex, and do everything else with those friends.

If I were partnered with a man who wanted to do what you want to do, I would very soon be unpartnered!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 33
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/16/2009 4:51:07 PM
I guess your guy got used to kissing others when the clock strikes midnight and he wants to keep that tradition alive and well. Not much fun for him if you're there. I can see if a person has always gone out with a certain group and wants to keep the tradition but to deliberately exclude you, as his partner, is pretty cutting and I'd have to wonder about motives. What a slight. I'm amazed at your age, which indicates he's likely around the same age. I'd certainly be questioning if I wanted to further a relationship with a grown man who has the mentality of someone who just aattained the age of majority and felt boozing it up with buddies on a night that comes once a year is more important than including you in on the festivities. I'd kick his a$$ so high out of the picture he'd look like his own fireworks display.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 36
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How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/16/2009 5:13:48 PM
I used to go out with my friends on New Years Eve but now that I am in a relationship I would choose staying with him at the house or including him in the partying. Unfortunately he may have his kids that weekend and not be able to spend it with me. It is a LDR too and we spend as much time together as possible. I agree with the post that said he must want to do things he shouldn't like kiss other girls. He should want his SO to be there.


hmmm, sounds like he's up to something.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 37
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How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/16/2009 6:09:25 PM

It means that you are looking for validation for your selfishness.

You should try actually reading a post before you load up on mud to hurl. She was posting a hypothetical - it's her BF who doesn't want her around.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 41
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How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/16/2009 7:58:00 PM
I hope that post is a joke.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 43
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How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/16/2009 8:59:47 PM
If this is someone you are seriously dating and expect to go out together on major holidays, etc., then you are dating the wrong man. Don't get into a big debate with him, he's told you how it is if you are with him, and it is not what you want in a relationship, so you know what you have to do...or you could stay with him and be miserable every time he treats you like less than. It'd be different if this was alright with you, but it's not, so don't pretend having a bad relationship with the wrong person is better than being alone or finding someone you'd rather be with. It's hard, I know, but really, do you want to be with someone who treats you in a way that hurts you, I hope not.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 44
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/16/2009 9:03:52 PM
From the story you tell, you are only talking about existing together.

If you have ever been in love, you find ways to be together, not apart.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 45
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How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/16/2009 9:12:35 PM
Quote [From the story you tell, you are only talking about existing together.

If you have ever been in love, you find ways to be together, not apart.]


Exactly.
 sweet_n_heart
Joined: 1/31/2007
Msg: 47
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/16/2009 10:41:37 PM
I agree with Nevaehs. The partner should have a option if want to join or not. Unless you and your partner are married, each partner ususally would reather spend day of Christmas with their families or at least take turns for each year. As for New years, some want to go out party, drink and dance and then some just want to stay home doing whatever. I would certainly hope my partner and i could agree on what we will do for New years cause it would be him i want to spend it with and the one i want to kiss at the stroke of midnight.
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 51
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How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/17/2009 12:31:41 AM
I wouldn't put up with this. The obvious thing for him to do is invite you along. I hope my boyfriend doesn't ever try to pull this sort of crap. I'm already annoyed when he doesn't automatically invite me to parties that he's been invited to by his friends. (He feels like they have to explicitly say bring me, in order for him to even consider it...whereas they are usually assuming that he would automatically invite me). It's something we're still working on. And still comes up. But I think he's a little better now. But we don't live together, so we're still working on developing our relationship. He seems to need a lot of time for these steps. If you two are living together, you should be beyond this sort of stuff, and know how to compromise to make each other happy. For example, he can invite you, and you can try to let him cut loose and not try to keep him from drinking too much or things like that. If he wants you not to be there because he wants to flirt with other women, then that's just not acceptable.
 867love
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 52
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/17/2009 2:21:37 AM
christmas is a time when all should get together and enjoy each others company, certainly doesn't mean leaving your s/o home. you should all be together, - that is if you two haven't made separate plans.
may be a better idea for all to meet for dinner etc, then you two split off from the crowd and have your own christmas celebration...

if your completely being ditched -maybe its time to make a single new years resolution...
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 54
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/17/2009 3:48:21 AM

I have told him how I feel, so the balls in his court now and if he doesnt hit it the right way he will find me walking right out of the door.

So do I stay with him and see if he sees me next New Years Eve ??????


Oh goodie...a passive aggressive ultimatum!!! Nothing says I love you or else better than what you've just written sweetness. If you're gonna leave, then LEAVE. Do not play the "I'll wait because I don't want to be alone for New Year's Eve when everyone else is all lovey dovey" game. You already know he's made up his mind to be with his drunk ass friends...do you REALLY want to be with someone who'd make THAT choice????
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 61
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/17/2009 9:42:24 AM

Im now going out with my mates and certainly wont be worrying about him, looking forward to actually having a night out with my two best mates, who fortunately for me are single at the moment, havent been out with them for ages cos I spend every weekend with him. Maybe I may use this opportunity to start getting my independence back and seeing more of my mates. In fact I think I will. Theres no rule that says I should spend all my time with him, and from now on I wont. I will look at this in a positive light that I am now free to pursue my own interests and goals too.

That sounds like a good idea. And maybe spend less time living there, too. You may love him but the writing is on the wall - this is the beginning of the end. It makes sense to start revving up other areas of your life in preparation so that you will be busy when the inevitable happens.

'Cause here's the thing: He's never going to be able to take it back. He knows that and he doesn't care. So it's all downhill from here. But that ride doesn't have to be all bad, and starting to spend more time with friends, and doing other things outside of the involvement, is an excellent way to handle it IMO.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 66
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How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/17/2009 10:15:26 AM
I'd be angry, too. These are occasions to spend with those closest to you. Alcohol problem aside, I'd say this speaks volumes about how he really feels about you.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 67
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How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/17/2009 10:41:15 AM
Depends on whether the partner has an invite to go along. I can't imagine being friends with people that would wish me to exclude my partner. Christmas to me is family and at home time, either mine or someone else's, family or friends so I can't imagine going out on Christmas. Unless you are excluded from tagging along I would imagine some compromise between quiet time at home and going out could be reached.

Now, if the dude is getting plastered and you aren't invited or you don't want to go be around a bunch of drunks and he won't cut his evening short in any way, then you probably have different priorities and need to find a different boyfriend. At your age, this shouldn't even be an issue.

Looking at your reposts, and given that he seems to just really wish to blow off some steam, why don't you act like a grown-up and have your New Year's celebration on a different day, he has his time with his friends, you have your special time to usher in the New Year. New Year's in particularly is a holiday designed with the exception of Valentine's Day to make someone without a boyfriend or who can't spend it with him, feel like they are sooo missing out as if that one day defines a relationship.

Did you not have a life before he showed up, how do you ordinarily spend your holidays? I suspect those people still have a seat at the table and it is your choice whether to rejoice in their presence or moon over one day that you are not seeing this guy.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 72
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/19/2009 10:39:14 AM

The reason I was so upset is because we have been together a year and live together from Fridays to Tuesdays, so I am an official girlfriend.

But point taken, maybe its time for me to take a step back and pursue my own interests and goals because if he isnt going to take US seriously then neither will I. So reassessment has been done and I will play it differently from now on. Looking forward to going out with the girls now on NYE.

What will be will be, if we are meant to be together things will work out if not, then so be it. I have been told there are plenty of other fish in the sea if not. LOL. Albeit I love the fish I have now, but if it dont work out, Im sure there will be another ickle fishie. LOL. x



Sister...please go out with your friends and think long and hard about this. If you love this man and he supposedly loves you...shouldn't you BE together that evening???

I am seeing someone who lives an hour away...we don't get to see each other often but you know what? He asked me out for NYE. I was surprised because I figured he'd be out with his friends or with his daughters. But he said he wants to see me. And we're not dating seriously...

So...if a guy who I've seen twice in the last 2 months because of work, school, family, etc., can manage to take me out for NYE, why can't this man you love and live with off and on do the same?

You need to really stop and think about it.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 73
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/19/2009 11:16:56 AM
How do I think Christmas and New Years should be spent? It's lame but however I please.

If she is my wife I have some serious thinking, but if she is just my lady friend well it depends.

If I have always had a "ritual" before my partner, she has to deal.

I rather go out and get pissy with my friends, well that's what i want to do everything does not have to involve my girlfriend.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 75
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 11/13/2011 9:50:59 AM
i think some time together as well as some time apart is only fair
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