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Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 1
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BladderCancer,Erectile Dysfunction and RelationshipsPage 1 of 1    
I have been on POF since Sept,2008,and have posted my story on various sites dealing with Bladder and Prostate Cancer,such as Living with Bladder Cancer,Would You Date A cancer survivor, and so on.
Although my prognosis for full recovery is excellent,I still struggle with the issue of meeting women for friendship,possible long-term relationship,while dealing with the issue of impotence as a result of my bladder and prostate surgery in Feb, 2007.
While I am functioning normally,eating normally,except for some bouts with fatigue,the issue of relationships and inability to perform sexually has hindered my connecting with someone who can accept me for who I am and not for what I cannot do.
I have met a cross-section of women on POF, some who I dated for a short period of time,some who felt they could not deal with this problem,and one who has become a friend who I can talk to.
For a long,long time, I felt like I was "useless goods," because I have been robbed of my manhood. It is still a feeling that exists to some degree,especially having been alone for almost 3 years,since I lost someone who I was in a relationship with for many years. It was devastating as she was supportive when I found out about my cancer,and would have stood by me had she lived. She was exceptional and it has been difficult to find someone who can accept me for the person I am.
I am grateful for having been given life,and I don't take this for granted.I try to pass on the little things that used to bother me, and concentrate on staying healthy and strong.
Yet, loneliness is something very difficult to deal with,and there are many days that I get down on myself, and lose interest in many of the things I enjoyed doing.
I would like to hear from anyone who has experienced what I have been going through,especially women who may have encountered this situation,for help and support in moving forward with life. I always live in hope,which has gotten me through my illness. Now I need some support and confidence to deal with the other issues that have held me back from being happy in life.
Joined: 2/5/2009
Msg: 2
BladderCancer,Erectile Dysfunction and Relationships
Posted: 12/19/2009 7:28:10 AM
Aside from the age thing, you sound absolutely delicious! If you live by that beach in your photo background, any woman would be lucky to grab you up.

For hormones sake, get your levels checked. Sometimes that does wreak havoc on your moods and health and "desires". . Desire can be either sensual or just general desire to go out for a jog or bake cookies. That is just general advice for your health speaking. I think that you sound wonderful on And the fact that you were a survivor It would be an honor to consider you a friend on here. (unfortunately your message settings dont go with mine, even though I'm not looking for romance..just interesting people to chat with).

I would like to recommend a DVD and book. It's done by a woman in her early 30's but the information she finds is priceless. The DVD is called Crazy Sexy Cancer by Kris Carr. The book goes with it it's called Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips. She has another one called C...S...C...Survivor as well.

My raging butterfly (Thyroid) is so messed up I'm still working on it. Although I do live a fairly healthy existance, It has presented much problems for my social and love life. It makes for some melancholy holidays and life events, but I just bounce myself back up and try to see the good and go by how I feel that particular day. If and when I find someone, they will be set just for me so there's no rush. I let God decide that. (Ok...I'm usually hanging on His ear like a nag but

Just work on cultivating your Joy in life and be the best kind of guy you would want to be for the right woman. Sometimes even the ones that are just comfortable being your friend May end up later down the road....but let it happen on it's own.

You were in the armed forces?? ....Thank you.
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 3
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BladderCancer,Erectile Dysfunction and Relationships
Posted: 12/19/2009 11:37:38 AM
Say "I just want to be friends". It really is that simple.

You can fill loneliness without sex.
Joined: 11/25/2009
Msg: 4
BladderCancer,Erectile Dysfunction and Relationships
Posted: 12/30/2009 9:15:31 PM
I would hope that your doctor talked to you about various ways to help this problem after surgery, such as pumps, splints, and implants.

I would imagine that a women who find sexual intercourse painful for whatever reason or have lower libidos would jump at a chance to be with you. You would be a breath of fresh air compared to the man who needs to have sex everyday.

For the average woman, just remind them that your tongue and hands still work and there are always toys.
Joined: 12/30/2009
Msg: 5
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BladderCancer,Erectile Dysfunction and Relationships
Posted: 1/6/2010 8:04:15 PM
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 6
BladderCancer,Erectile Dysfunction and Relationships
Posted: 1/6/2010 9:10:16 PM
Docmpg29 I was happily married to a great guy who was disabled and we were non sexual for a decade. Am open to meeting a man even if he cannot have sex. As long as he is smart, witty and interesting why not?

The brain is the major sex organ after all

Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 7
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BladderCancer,Erectile Dysfunction and Relationships
Posted: 1/25/2010 8:56:29 AM
Wishing you a belated Happy and Healthy New Year. Holidays for me were not the greatest,but, made it through.
In February, it will be 3 years that my cancer is in remission, and I am extremely grateful for being alive.
I have made some contacts on POF,nothing serious, and I keep in touch with someone who has become a close friend.
I( will check out the information you gave me. Any book, DVD or word of mouth help is always welcomed.
I was in the Army and served in Vietnam for 1 year. Appreciate your recognizing veterans.
Keep in touch and we can maybe be of help to each other.
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