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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Found the one and the it fell apart      Home login  
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 rainman12
Joined: 10/18/2007
Msg: 2
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Found the one and the it fell apartPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
This is why you should get a divorce first....wow, I can't wait to hear what other people have to say.
 Malley
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 4
Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 12/17/2009 12:35:12 PM
Okay, so to reiterate, you've been on this site for approx 35 days, have met 3 and fallen head over heels for one of them. To top it off, you are both currently married and living with your respective spouses.


I think I have screwed everything up.

I fail to see how!?!
With any luck at all, she'll find a way to inform your husband and then you and her husband can ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.

Now, on the plus side, we now know what hang out is code for.

I'm off to put on some popcorn to munch while I sit back and watch the sparks fly over this one.
Wine anyone?
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 5
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Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 12/17/2009 12:39:24 PM
Victoria, oh dear, there are a couple things...

1. NO you did NOT find the one... The one would be divorced, over the divorce, and after math of the emotional trauma...

2. You are married as well, no over the divorce, and after math of the emotional trauma...

3. His wife is NOT to happy that he's out screwing around, thus he has to figure out if he wants to stay or go, have his cake and eating it too never works out real well in the end...

3. Drunk dialing, that is something you do when you are NOT mature enough to let things smooth out, OR even give a guy who IS single a break.... Trust me, men like to feel they still have their freedom until they are ready to be tied down again; this guy is ALREADY tied down, so he's not ready to get untied, and then tied down again...

4. It has been two days and you are about to die... For real??? Let me tell you about agony, I just put my sweet dog to sleep yesterday.... I feel dead inside... You was there, protected me, went everywhere with me, bit people, ate my lipstick, and yeard mushrooms... BUT she loved me unconditionally... THAT is a feeling of about to die....Not all the way because I have kids, and a husband, but damn after 11 1/2 yrs.... We went to hell and back a couple times...

I am NOT trying to guilt you, but rather get you to see that a hand full of dates does NOT make a life time commitment...

5. Drunk calling and getting the wife is a really bad thing, and generally puts what you thought was blossoming into the bon fire...

Do yourself a favor, get divorced, then look for others that are divorced, dating while still married is a sure fire way of heading for troubled waters...
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 6
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Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 12/17/2009 12:50:40 PM
Sorry about your dog, nexthyme. I know you'll be ok, with the wonderful man you have in your life and everything. But it's sad to lose a beloved pet.
 Malley
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 10
Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 12/17/2009 3:34:41 PM

???? Wow....I thought I had read it all before....

Nope. Not possible!
Just as ignorance knows no bounds, there's no limit to the depths some will stoop to.
This place is far more informative and entertaining than Peyton Place could ever be!
 anunu
Joined: 10/21/2009
Msg: 13
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Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 12/17/2009 5:36:10 PM
Is this a joke?
"The one" is your husband
 *lilacwine*
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 14
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Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 12/17/2009 7:36:04 PM
I think I've heard everything now.
 dbedazzling
Joined: 6/1/2009
Msg: 15
Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 12/17/2009 7:47:41 PM
My question is "Why r u two up on a dating site n ur both married" u did say u met him here right" pffffttttttt

What the heck did u think would happen???
 bumponnalog
Joined: 7/14/2005
Msg: 28
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Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 12/18/2009 3:38:41 PM
Disgusting!! No sympathy for either of you. Your poor spouses! Oh, yeah, sure I believe you have a Masters 'cause you're so intelligent...not
 ~Sexiest User~
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 31
Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 12/20/2009 9:42:45 AM
Hey OP,
A married WOMAN like YOU, gives all the rest of us a bad name...no sypathy for you!!
YOU made your bed lay on it!!! Merry Christmas to everyone..
lea in west tn
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 32
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Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 12/20/2009 10:06:10 AM
Yeah, this is fascinating alright, like most car wrecks with casualties. There's no question in the OP, nothing to respond to, and given the profile of the poster, I'd categorize this as a Troll post.
Whether she's completely conscious of it or not, she's here looking for more married men to "hang out" with. Either that, or getting her ya-ya's out bragging about it. At least, that's what I think when I read this mess.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 38
Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 12/21/2009 4:02:32 PM
I want to meet your husband.

I want to have sex with your husband.

I want YOU to find out.

I want you to be crushed like he is going to feel when he finds out.

I want you to feel what he feels. I want him - for just one day to have
no character, integrity or honor towards your marriage.

I want him to see in me what he cant see in you and that is a woman
who treats her marriage like shit.

OP- you got used. He treated you like he treats all the women he cheats
on his wife with. He could care less if you are hurting. He has manipulated
you into believing that you mattered.

I suggest you beg your husband for forgiveness
and find a good divorce attorney.
 northerndreamer
Joined: 6/30/2009
Msg: 40
Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 12/22/2009 3:07:19 PM
You came to this site as a married woman intending to cheat on your husband. You allow yourself to fall for somebody, then mess his life up (but he messed his own up as well) and then we are to be sympathetic because you are sad? I presume you have kids. What about not only their sadness, but their devestation if they knew about your disloyalty and hurt you bring upon your family.

What about the values you are conveying to your kids. What kind of role model do you think you are? Are you so selfish that you don't care about anybody but yourself? Guess so. If you're so miserable, get a divorce. Better still- get some counselling, grow up, be a responsible woman and mother- and learn a little selflessness. I can't imagine sacrficing my son for my own happiness. Parenting is about realizing we are nothing compared to our kids' happiness and well-being. How you can leave such a legacy and a mess for your kids to sort out for the rest of their lives?

I can't believe this post. I thought I had seen everything on here. But there are some clearly very stupid people out there.
 northerndreamer
Joined: 6/30/2009
Msg: 42
Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 1/19/2010 1:10:35 PM
Looking for happiness. What a self-centered attitude. Happiness at someone else's expense. There are many ways to find happiness and if your marriage isn't bringing you happiness, then maybe you shd work on your marriage. If that is too much trouble and your kids are so insignfiicant that damaging them through divorce doesn't matter, then at least leave before screwing around. but don't look for sympathy here. You are just selfish and trying to rationalize your bad behaviour.

Remember the Cat's in the Cradle. For all those who push aside the needs of their kids, don't be surprised if one day they do that to you. After all, you modelled that behaviour, didn't you
 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 46
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Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 1/22/2010 6:26:02 PM
Pondering whether the OP does doggie-style during her sexcapades at sleazy motels?? When two married people meet up for a secret rendezvous ... who gets to be on top?? Is there some unspoken rule?? Just askin' ...

The OP should've banged Tiger Woods. At least she could then sell her story to National Enquirer for some $$. No such fulfillment here on POF.
 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 47
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Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 1/23/2010 11:48:04 PM
Compassion is for wimps and sissies.
Compassion is an excuse used to deflect the consequences of someone's actions.

It's good to see someone, other than myself, who understands

Oh how noble.

what your all responding to is that these two have a relationship on some level. nowhere does it say it was sexual, but one can infere from her profile ( available lunchtime), that some of it feels clandestine

So I wonder why YOUR compassionate views are somehow deemed to be correct while everyone else's scathing views are wrong?? Since the OP hasn't returned to the post to clarify ... people will make judgments based on the original post ... just as YOU have. But somehow the compassionate lot is above the rest of us?? Methinks the sainthood of the two posters above me is over-rated. So please spare everyone your "ol' so much wiser" opinions.
 northerndreamer
Joined: 6/30/2009
Msg: 48
Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 1/24/2010 6:44:44 AM
We'll see how compassionate you are when it's done to you.

People who require affection can get it from many places- or they can work on their marriages, or they can leave. We've all been through the phase where the marriage isn't so great. That is where emotional maturity kicks in and we have to remember it isn't just about us. There are other lives which will be hurt while you seek out your need for affection. Volunteer at the local out of the cold program. Those people are starving for affection and maybe people like the OP can learn that the greatest meaning and satisfaction is in helping others.
 northerndreamer
Joined: 6/30/2009
Msg: 49
Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 1/24/2010 4:08:05 PM
She posted her for feedback. What should we say? It doesn't matter to me what her reasoning is. We have all been there. Life is about choices. And accepting responsibility for them. If the outcome isn't what you want and you ask what people think, then you'll get what they think. I hate cheaters- whatever your reason. It's selfish. Plain and simple.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 50
Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 1/26/2010 3:35:49 PM

It's good to see someone, other than myself, who understands

Maybe you two should bottle and sell the understanding and compassion to the unsuspecting spouses. (Just a thought.)

~OP~ You'll get no sympathy or empathy from me. Sorry. I was on the receiving end of that silliness. If your husband feels as I felt, tell him what you've done. I'm certain he'd be thrilled. You will no longer be a thorn in his side. Now, if he doesn't realize you are out screwing around and falling in love, he'll be devastated and you'll have to live with that. I think that's the karma we all speak of. I'm happy to read stories such as yours, for one reason: maybe all of you home-wreckers/cheaters will stick together and stay out of the dating pool. (One can dream!!)
 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 52
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Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 1/27/2010 6:35:06 PM
^^^^^
<div class="quote">EVERYONE HERE RESPONDING IS PROJECTING THEIR OWN CONCLUSIONS ON INSUFFICIENT DATA. NOBODY KNOWS , BUT THE 4 PEOPLE WHAT REALLY HAPPENED
Their conclusions are based on similar experiences in the world of relationships. I think it's safe to say that when two married people have clandestine meetings without the knowledge of their respective spouses ... those are usually illicit affairs. If they're not affairs ... then why so secretive?? The OP should've invited the guy's wife to any lunch get together while bring along her husband. No?? I can't imagine the guy's wife saying to the OP ... "pick up my husband at his workplace for *whatever*."

<div class='quote'>I went to meet him for a day and picked him up from his work - a friend of his wife saw him in my car! She addressed it with him and he denied it
Do you sense some secrecy here?? Don't hurt yourself thinking too hard about it.

<div class="quote">I would rather be trusting, then not trusting. I would rather everyday, be given the benefit of the doubt ...

and CHOOSE to be friendly and open minded
Being overly trusting is the mental state of a child. There's a fine line between trusting and naiveté. For a 42 year old man, you certainly are.
 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 54
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Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 1/27/2010 7:44:33 PM
EVERYONE HERE RESPONDING IS PROJECTING THEIR OWN CONCLUSIONS ON INSUFFICIENT DATA. NOBODY KNOWS , BUT THE 4 PEOPLE WHAT REALLY HAPPENED

Their conclusions are based on similar experiences in the world of relationships. I think it's safe to say that when two married people have clandestine meetings without the knowledge of their respective spouses ... those are usually illicit affairs. If they're not affairs ... then why so secretive?? The OP should've invited the guy's wife to any lunch get together while bringing along her husband. No?? I can't imagine the guy's wife saying to the OP ... "pick up my husband at his workplace for *whatever*."

I went to meet him for a day and picked him up from his work - a friend of his wife saw him in my car! She addressed it with him and he denied it

Do you sense some secrecy here?? Don't hurt yourself thinking too hard about it.

I would rather be trusting, then not trusting. I would rather everyday, be given the benefit of the doubt ...

and CHOOSE to be friendly and open minded

Being overly trusting is the mental state of a child. There's a fine line between trusting and naiveté. For a 42 year old man, you certainly are.
 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 55
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Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 1/27/2010 10:52:48 PM
you should know that I lick the windows when i go past an ice cream shop when im riding the short bus

Just make sure the temperature isn't too low or your tongue will stick to the window, my child.

Your suggesting my mental state as childish, might be a very intuitive statement on your part, or just an attempt to undermine my creditability

I only see the reality in things. I don't try to bring reason to something when there's none ... and I can't undermine credibility that doesn't exist.

You can't see my perspective, but I understand yours, better than perhaps you do, as your vision is clouded with your own agendas

Your perspective is giving the OP the benefit of the doubt. How hard is that to understand?? You're not speaking rocket science here and I have no agenda. If you understood my perspective then explain this (from the OP) ...

I went to meet him for a day and picked him up from his work - a friend of his wife saw him in my car! She addressed it with him and he denied it


i can objectively look at this

Objectivity is based on facts. How objective can you be when you ignore the above quote from the OP??

I fully believe she was lonely, that her marriage was in a state of disrepair for reasons not given

If her marriage is in a state of disrepair ... then either fix it with marriage counseling OR get a divorced rather than sneak around meeting some married guy off the Internet. Once divorced, she could fool around all she likes and people can only half condemn her ... if she's sleeping with a married guy.

I'm technially married for another week or so. I have dated a lot, and my wife could give a darn, or I could be lying about it

Dating while the divorce paper's ink is still wet makes you no better than the OP in mentality. I mean ... clean up your life before moving on, bud.

That a friend saw them only means that they were seen together. Even being completely free to date right now, I would be hesitant to give up details

When the married dude denied the facts ... that would seem to indicate they don't have the same arrangement as YOU.

I know I have to be guarded about my wife for 2 more weeks, and frankly.. its not her business to know that information anymore

Not your wife's business to know about your trysts?!?! Are you trying to JUSTIFY yourself here!! You're still technically married. Whether if it is your wife's business or not ... do her a favor and leave before starting another relationship.

NOW we know why you're so empathetic to the OP ... you're sneaking around too. I didn't even bother to read the rest of your dumbass self-validating post. I stand by my evaluation of your character. You are an immature child at age 42.
 northerndreamer
Joined: 6/30/2009
Msg: 57
Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 1/28/2010 7:07:43 PM
You wouldn't have a life of peace if you cheated or were cheated on. You would change your tune pretty quickly. You are just promoting your own lifestyle which you have stated in your last line. You just want permission to screw around and call that non-judgemental. I know your game- you take the moral high horse and say I don't judge you, so don't judge me. And then do what you want under the auspices of being understanding and non-judgmental- what a joke.
 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 59
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Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 1/28/2010 9:31:13 PM
funnyone4you ... you are just a master at dodging and side-stepping pointed questions with your child-like ramblings. I suppose it's all part of your angle of self-validation.

you bore me out

And your style of posting is exciting and a joy to read, eh?? Dream on.

You only know and responded to what i wrote, and know little about me, but here you are passing judgements on me, as if you know my story when you don't

That's all a poster can do ... as do you. Oh ... but you certainly know the full story of the OP, despite the fact she has made no clarifications ... you fill in the blanks to suit yourself. As I've said ... you support the OP because that also justifies your own little story.

this woman was seeking help. If someone is asking for help, you don't say, F U, you cheating whore

That's only your own assumption ... for someone who makes none. How do you know the OP is seeking help here?? She may be looking for validation ... like you. If she is indeed seeking help, POF isn't the place to find it. She (and you) probably could use a good therapist.

I will tell you that these 4 men, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, all wrote stories about a guy, a few years back, and all the persepectives on the same life, were very different. Whose perspective is better?

The perspective that says adultery is a sin. But you side-stepped that one too ... as part of your use of Biblical details.

How can you possibly sentence someone on something that you don't have the answers for, and justify rudeness to someone out of thin air?

I think the Bible which you're pulling little tidbits from is quite clear. You can see your own dirty deeds here .. but is in denial so you can continue your trysts while still married ... praising your position as "enlightenment" through compassion.

In responding, who was your target audience really? was it for you? her? mankind at large?

The target audience would be mankind at large ... but directed at people like you and her specifically.

My intent was to illustrate that we all dont see ourselves as we sometime truly are, and that occasionally you need someone to challenge your belief systems, otherwise how on earth can you ever grow?

Exactly!! You can't or won't see yourself as the adulterous sinner that you and the OP truly are ... and I'm challenging your belief systems so you'll grow out of your immature infantile behavior. So you see ... the "knife of illustration" cuts both ways.

"what about this, provoked my response, and why did it trigger it, and what have i learned about me? " what invokes a little soul searching for you?

Buddy ... you're the one who should be doing some soul searching if you're dating (or sleeping around) while still married. As for myself, no soul-searching is necessary.

It's not my place to sit in judgement of another in the manner that has be exhibited

No ... you are just permissive in your attitude because it's in your interest to do so.

We all have personal responsibility for our behaviors, and accountability somewhere, to another person or spirtually

Certainly we do. So where is your responsibility for the behavior towards your wife ... "Mr. High and Mighty"??

I am not some holy roller ...

or maybe am i just a little too naive?

You do sound like some holy hypocrite with your last two posts ... and still immature and naive to boot.

peace love and happiness

With your lifestyle ... there's indeed PIECE ... as you can only think of your own happiness with that *piece* of tail on the side.
 northerndreamer
Joined: 6/30/2009
Msg: 60
Found the one and the it fell apart
Posted: 1/29/2010 4:41:32 AM
Padawan: This thread isn't about you- but you are making it about you. Says lots about you. You talk about empathy but you have managed to turn this into your own thread. Narcissist.
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