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Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 3
Are introverts only attracted to introverts?Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I consider most extroverts on the shy side, but I could be wrong. As long as they warm up eventually!
Anyways, I always found it hard to hang with them because I am an extrovert. And I enjoy meeting new people and talking with them.
Joined: 4/18/2007
Msg: 4
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Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/21/2009 8:37:49 PM
It never has been that way with me.I'm an introvert and have dated most women who were extreme extroverts.I find it so easy easy to talk to these type of women.Every woman I have ever dated has been with women that approached me.With a introvert woman we are both quiet and that doesn't work for me.
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 5
Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/21/2009 8:38:59 PM
WOW! lotta issues here.

First off, I don't think there are any hard and fast rules, about what attracts what and who attracts who.

Personally I think mix and match is best. This is a similar issue as 2 beta's marrying, between them they can't decide what to do, since no one is a leader.

Here you would have 2 introverts, who would make first contact? Who would ask who out first? You'd have a similar problem sometimes with 2 extroverts, each trying to keep center stage.

On top of that though, we are attracted to who we are attracted to. While you may seek an introvert, you may just get WOW'd by an extrovert. Chemistry clicks and its off to the races.

As for you OP, because you feel safe behind your computer, doesn't mean your gonna find them here. Maybe yes, maybe no. Most people meet IRL. It's possible to meet here, he11 that's what we're ALL doing here. But you have to keep your options open or you could be disappointed.

Think about it.
Joined: 8/5/2009
Msg: 6
Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/21/2009 8:41:03 PM
Introverts most often tend to be comfortable with other introverts. To them, we extroverts seem noisy, like Hell's Angels riding through their living room, and all we have to do is smile and say a cheery "Hello!"

To extroverts, introverts usually seem cool, aloof, and disinterested in other people. In truth introverts are very interested in other people. They just prefer getting to know other people by being in close proximity and getting comfortable with their presence without the "demand" of having to talk or interact.

It's most comfortable for people to be with their own "type." Being with a different type personality, though, is challenging, but if you rise to the challenge, the resulting growth ultimately more rewarding.

It is possible for introverts to develop their extroverted side, though, and vise versa.

Just a few stray facts on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). There is a lot of information available on the net - just search "MBTI" and go from there.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 7
Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/21/2009 8:52:54 PM
Remember the "opposites attract" rule.

My older sister is kind of introverted, and she ended up marrying a boisterous type of guy. They have been married for 15 or so years.

So, no rules!
Joined: 11/13/2009
Msg: 9
Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/21/2009 8:58:58 PM
I was a mix of intro/extro, not overly on either one. My recent 12 yr relationship was with a very shy introvert.
Over time I changed, I became just like him, very quiet, reserved, not shy, just very calm and controlled.

Him... He dumped me. .. he said we became complacent (a nice way to say boring).

Me... I'm trying to revive the extrovert part of me ...
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 10
Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/21/2009 9:07:08 PM
Extroverts are former introverts who got over it.
I can't tell you to "get out there" if you're not willing to OP.

But you do need a picture or two on your page.
That helps ALOT!
Another introvert would be more skittish of contacting you without one.

Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 13
Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/21/2009 11:10:11 PM
Are introverts only attracted to introverts. No. I know guys who are introverts who have extroverted gfs. If you have two introverts its tougher to communicate and get the ball rolling initially so I think you will find more mixed introvert/extro couples. I'm outgoing and I love the shy type of girls who keep to themselves, once you get someone out of their shell they are no longer an introvert to you anyways.
Joined: 9/15/2008
Msg: 14
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Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/21/2009 11:28:17 PM
I am thinking....magnets here.... positives and negatives
no forget the physics ...

how do introverts even attract?..I mean...think about they even go out? they have the capacity to be socializing enough to finding another introvert?

is there a club for introverts?....okay...let me think about this clubs....okay....sure.....I can see that.....introverts will find each other in these quiet, tucked away places.

are they introverts or people with under-developed social skills?

anyhow...people will find each other...and mesh....some may go outside their comfort zone to bond with an 'opposite' I guess.
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 15
Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/21/2009 11:35:24 PM

Extroverts are former introverts who got over it.

LOL...I like that

I personally couldn't handle another me, on second thoughts an introvert would be too quiet for me...hmmm need to think about this one.
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 19
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Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/22/2009 6:17:17 AM
I would probably be labeled an extrovert and yet there are times when I can be quite shy. If you want to spend your life watching the world move around you and are comfortable with the life you lead as an introvert, you have nothing to worry about.

If you would like to have more social interaction I think the only way to do so is to make yourself. I have a friend, the most extroverted person I have met in my life, 3-4 years before he met me, painfully shy and never talked to anyone. This came up when I asked him one day if he ever goes anywhere without running into someone he knows, lol.

He decided he wanted to change things and literally forced himself to converse with everyone he ran into. Clerks at stores, people in line, etc. Some people never become comfortable with it, I don't think he even gives it a second thought now.

I suspect if your profile lets people know you are shy and a homebody there is someone else out there who is the same. I also think there are some introverts that are quite comfortable pairing up with an extrovert because when in social situations, the introvert can sit back and relax, do more observing than participating.
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 20
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Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/22/2009 6:41:26 AM
I normally don't believe in "opposite attracts," but I've definitely noticed with my introverted self that dating (or even befriending) another introvert almost never works, because we end up saying nothing to each other. It seems I need an extrovert to balance out my quiet nature. All 3 of my longterm relationships were with extroverts, one of them so extreme that if I wandered away from her for a minute, I'd come back and find her in intense conversations with complete strangers.

Of course, the real question is, what did SHE prefer? Her current fiancee' is somehow even more extroverted than she is, so it's possible she didn't really enjoy being in a relationship with an introvert. I can see that: it would make sense that extroverts would prefer relationships with other extroverts more so than introverts would prefer relationships with other introverts. A lot of introverts aren't even comfortable being introverts, so why would they be comfortable with other introverts?

My best friend is also an extreme extrovert, who for some reason married a guy who is a bigger introvert than I am. He stays at home pretty much all the time when he's not at work while her life is constant tangle of social events and night life. I'm really not seeing how that works out (actually it barely is) -- the difference between me and her husband is that I actually like going out a lot and I'm never home -- it's just that when I'm out, I don't really interact with other people (except the person I'm out with). So, yeah, in that sense, I suppose I agree with those who point out that "introvert" and "extrovert" aren't necessarily extremes. Her husband and I couldn't be more different types of introverts.
Joined: 11/13/2009
Msg: 21
Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/22/2009 7:35:58 AM
OP, I admire you for asking this question. I think success depends on the big picture. We are not just intro or extro or "just shy or life of the party". We are many things... tolerant/intolerant, generous/selfish, angry/happy and more. Balance or imbalance is important.

People attract regardless of type, even good matches fail without effort and acceptance of each others differences.

Your profile is short but you have things going for you that are bound to attract the opposite sex.. in real life.
educated > things to talk about
jack of all trades > (some) women admire a handy man
athletic > meet women at the gym or sports stores
beach > women go there too
parks > women like parks
walking > women walk
talking > women like guys who talk (don't forget to listen)

You say your're not comfortable in the real world. But... You are out there more than you realize and one day, a sweet young lady, probably an extrovert, is going to notice you, so... what will you do then. (SMILE)

Google Dancing wedding video forever, to see a video of the dancing married couple, Are they Extroverts??

Warm Regards,
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 22
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Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/22/2009 9:23:27 AM
OP, I googled 'dating introverted people' and found a link which contained the following snippets about *us*. Many view introverts as shy/unsociable/live-in-a-cave/Howard Hughes types. *We* know that isn't always the fact that form of introversion is on the extreme end of the scale and pretty uncommon.

Introverts have an inward focus and aren't usually the life of the party.

They have a strong sense of self that can make them feel highly self-conscious around other people – making walking into a crowded room a little nerve-wracking.

Introverts have a hard time being goofy in front of the camera and telling jokes to more than a couple of people at a time, but they can be extremely witty. They're less "Larry, Curly, and Moe" and more Woody Allen - but that doesn't mean introverts' personality traits are neurotic.

Introverts process their emotions, thoughts, and observations internally. They can be social people, but reveal less about themselves than extroverts do.

Introverts need time to think before responding to a situation, and develop their ideas by reflecting privately.

Introverts' personality traits can be passionate, but not usually aggressive.

Introverts can focus their attention more readily and for longer periods of time, and they aren't easily swayed by other people's opinions. An introvert's personality traits aren't necessarily tentative or hesitant, but introverts do prefer to think before they act. When introverts are ready, they take action!

Introverts tend to get their energy from within, so being with people is draining. After a day filled with people or activities, introverts tend to feel exhausted and empty. To recharge their batteries introverts need to be alone reading, daydreaming, painting, or gardening – any solo activity fills them up again.

Introverts' traits include increased blood flow in the frontal lobes, anterior thalamus, and other regions associated with remembering events, making plans, and problem-solving. An introvert's brain is literally wired differently than an extrovert's!

In response to your original question, OP, I have always seemed to lean more toward extroverts. It does make breaking the ice much easier when the other person is comfortable broaching topics of conversation first. This sort of takes away from that uneasy feeling of needing to be 'on' or 'interesting' in initial stages, and allows me to be more comfortable and thoughtful. Often though, I am able to engage first and 'be' sociable although it does take a concerted effort. It's gotten easier over the years especially being in leadership roles in the workplace, conducting meetings, giving presentations, etc.

I would suggest researching introversion (if you haven't already) and learn more about yourself rather than just thinking, 'oh well, that's just the way I am'. I think it could help you and your approach to relationships.

Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 24
Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/22/2009 12:14:31 PM
My ex is an introvert and I am an extrovert. I believe the intital attraction was the differences between us. Unfortunately over time I became to much for him.....
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 27
Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/22/2009 1:22:19 PM
You can make anything work depending on how you look at it. As long as one doesn't constantly require the other one to act exactly the same or have everything in common, both can exist.

In extreme cases, if there has to be cohabitation the extrovert can go seek social activity and the introvert can enjoy the peace and quiet alone while that happens once or twice a week. Sounds like a fit to me.
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 28
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Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/22/2009 2:00:26 PM
If the introvert and the extrovert "fill gaps" in each other, like Rocky and Adrian ("I'm dumb, you're shy") opposites can indeed attract and be happy, because each possesses something the other lacks: The introvert a loud, boistrous set of social skills, the extrovert a certain tenderness and sensitivity.
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 29
Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/22/2009 2:05:45 PM
~OP~ I was married to an extrovert. It was a definite "opposites attract" situation. It was all sorts of fiery and fun ~~~ for a while. After time, I got so wretched sick and tired of his need to see and be seen that I thought I'd puke. There was no peace from it. It was a constant barrage of his outgoingness and that trait eventually lead me down the road of "I can not do this anymore." I have read much in the past 10 or so years about the opposites attracting theory and I have to agree with those who state: Opposites may attract, but similarities last. It might just be me, but I am no longer willing to invest time/energy/emotion with those who simply can't fathom life in terms such as I do. Only you truly know what/who you can or would be happy with. JMO
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 30
Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/22/2009 2:07:00 PM
I'm pretty sure their are. I have been out with women who are "extroverts" and it went ok i guess, although i always have been a fan of the mysterious girl in the corner. with being said i say it depends, because like how you have all types of men, you have all types of extroverts and introverts if you can understand that, lol. Like although I'm introverted,I am comfortable in "social" situations like , or you are introverted but not really comfortable in a social setting. you have different extroverts too. I seen this old couple the wife was very outgoing and loud, but the man was very silent, so it's depends upon the person, if you say it won't work, it won't work.
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 31
Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/22/2009 2:28:05 PM
Yes, introverts can be attracted to extroverts. I am an extrovert and I have have had introverted men attracted to me.
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 32
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Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/22/2009 4:07:03 PM
"In extreme cases, if there has to be cohabitation the extrovert can go seek social activity and the introvert can enjoy the peace and quiet alone while that happens once or twice a week. Sounds like a fit to me."

That can also lead to problems. My best friend and her husband fight frequently because he won't leave the house and she won't stay in the house. Sure, relationships are all about compromise, but forcing someone to do something someone doesn't want to do under the guise of "compromise" usually isn't a good idea. And they don't force each other to do what the other wants to do. In less honorable couples, that probably would lead to affairs -- God knows how many fun extroverted guys she meets during a typical week out on the town, while he stays home and "chats" with other introverts online. Heck, I'm certainly no threat (though I have known her longer than he has known her), but I go out with her more than he goes out with her. In fact, I took her and her kids to a movie last night! We offered to take him, but as usual, he had no interest in leaving the house.

That's why I'm probably a better "brand" of introvert for the typical introvert. I'm pretty far from being the life of the party, but I like going out and hate being at home. Ironically, I'm not the jealous type at all, so I don't really have issues with my SO doing things with other people when I'm not around, but in my case, she wouldn't be doing nearly as much without me as she would be if dating other introverts, because I like extroverted activities. I just don't like saying anything at them.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 33
Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/22/2009 8:55:20 PM
^^^I agree that in extreme cases where one's NEVER home and the other NEVER goes anywhere it's different. Typically tho couples should be able to compromise most of the time and take one or two days a week to do what works best for them.

I happen to be a mix of both, so I can't really deal with people who are at either extreme constantly - for me someone has to be social to some extent, and also know how to be at peace with themselves and enjoy relaxing and down time as well (whether it's with me around or not).
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 35
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Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/22/2009 9:56:00 PM


It's complicated isn't it?

No, not really.

"Know thyself"
"To thine own self be true"
"yadda yadda"
"etcetera etcetera"
"badda bing, badda BANG"

Joined: 8/5/2009
Msg: 37
Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/23/2009 8:25:27 PM

Extroverts are former introverts who got over it.

Not quite. Introversion and extroversion are *by definition* where a person looks for the source of their energy. Introverts look inward, extroverts look outward. There is no "getting over" anything. American culture is extroverted, and Indian culture is introverted, so it just depends on where you are as to how well you fit in. That's why Americans tend to see introverts as somehow "lacking," though, or being misfits.

As to I & E being on a bell curve or sliding scale, that is entirely possible, but not necessarily accurate. There is long-standing debate over whether any or all of Jung's psychological scales have a midpoint disconitinuity. I used to be convinced that there was, but I look at it differently since working at developing my introverted side. I Iused to dry up emotionally if I had to be without company for very long, because I was so heavily extroverted. Since I worked at developing my introverted side, I'm happiest to be with other people, but I can also be content to be by myself.

Just a little technically accurate info for anybody who is interested, because the terms have become so popularized that everybody thinks they know what they mean, when in fact very few do. The real definitions are different from the common sense definitions. FWIW.
Joined: 8/5/2009
Msg: 41
Are introverts only attracted to introverts?
Posted: 12/24/2009 12:14:05 PM

.... personality inventories and the attempts to quantify the related variables has always been IMO lacking in validity because of the difficulty in accounting for all variables, and then the difficulty in intrepretation and the resulting misuse & misinterpretation - especially as "popular science" of inventory results. Certain inventories can yield useful information to help us understand ourselves - most obvious that comes to mind, of course, M-B, but still it's not hard & fast....oh you must not be judemental because you're not a "J." no. no. no. that's not what that means!!

Thanks, Barbyann2. People get overly excited about personality inventories & put entirely too much faith in them, whereas Jung himself once stated that the classification of personalities means nothing at all. He himself used the eightfold classification system just to help couples learn to communicate more effectively, and then of course there are worlds of problems converting ordinal level scales into nominal level categories.
Funny you should bring up the "Judging" thing and the political nonsense associated with it. Anybody who does not judge or discriminate at all will drive on either side of the road, depending on what his feelings in his solar plexus tell him at a given moment. If no lady on here never "judged" any man, there would be millions more "heartbreak" posts. It's just ludicrous. Research studies have shown that the main effect of the fad of making prejudice "un-cool" is to change "old racism" into "new racism." BTW, "new racism" is claiming, "I'm not a racist." LOL Those are very solid social psych findings, so anybody is free to blow it off at will, at the expense of displaying their own ignorance.
Thanks for the sensible conversation on the MBTI. I never realized how many experts on it post here, and how much their knowledge is at odds with everything written about it by Jungians. Go figure.
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