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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?      Home login  
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 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 3
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Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?Page 1 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
As I recall, dating in my 50's wasn't tough at all. It was much easier than now, that I'm in my 60's.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 5
Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 10:39:23 AM
I dunno, lol! Never dated. What I seem to have done, the whole of my life, is to have met people. Hung out wit' them. Made connections. Sometimes the connections would lead to inviting them to dinner. Pretty much the same now, 'cept the hanging out is over the internets. No difference really ~~ the time and space for souls to disrobe enough that they become clear. I do know that when I disregard the lead-in time, the getting to know each other time, that some unpleasantness is the result.

But on the whole I *really* like other humans, being. They are fascinating to me, their stories are fascinating, and how they deal with the world is also. So no loss in the getting to know one, ever. Where the loss comes in, and it does, sometimes, is when our paces are a BIG mismatch, and I let myself be propelled forward before I'm ready or interested: *that* is a waste of time for both of us.

I can't say I've regretted *any* relationship in my life. Nope. They haven't all turned out wunnerful. I, like any other breathing critter have gotten singed on occasion. Even a few broken spirit bones. But *all* without exception have taught me something of myself and the world that it was necessary to learn. I try practice learning more gently, but don't always succeed. Nevertheless, I am enormously grateful for the opportunity to keep trying, keep learning.

 MondoVman
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 6
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Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 10:42:28 AM
Finally, another Thread For All Seasons. Thanks OP!
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 7
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Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 11:19:26 AM
It's tough if your a man looking on the Internet, easy if you're a woman.

It's no easier for women. It just depends on where you are, how old you are, what you're looking for, what you're willing to do or not do. And a lot depends on your own attitude. Personally, I enjoy making friends wherever they are. I like finding out about other lives, their likes and dislikes. It's a good thing, because that's mostly what I do, no dating. Not so far, anyway. That's not to say I wouldn't like to find someone special, but that isn't very likely as long as I live where I do. I know some people, old friends actually, who would be more than happy to share the rest of their lives with me and I'd be just as happy with them. The problem is distance - they can't get here from there, and I can't get there from here.

PS: This is not intended to be whining, complaining, or bitter. It's just a realistic view of my life. Reality is infinitely easier to deal with than being disappointed by one fantasy after another.
 MAGIC_MARCO
Joined: 11/16/2007
Msg: 8
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Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 11:32:14 AM

It's tough if your a man looking on the Internet, easy if you're a woman. When I send a message, there's a 95%-100% chance it won't be answered, even if I match the description of the man she is looking for to the tee. At least this site is free, so why pay for a site to get no answers, such as Match? The best I can figure is most guys are over 6' tall in California and resemble Johnny Depp or George Clooney, because a sincere normal working man doesn't stand much of a chance. At least there's still the real world outside of cyber dating! Besides, I have a good life, so there's not that much of a loss.


Gotta be careful here, bud. Comes across as whiny and negative, no matter how true.

This IS a true story:
Last winter sometime, I was on POF on a weekend night. I thought I might try a little experiment.
I left my profile completely intact; age, headline and all.
All I did was replace all my pics with one of George Clooney in a t-shirt. I then forgot about it and clicked onto other things.
About 90 minutes later , I went to my email. There must have been 15 messages from POF- ers . There were at least three from women who I had written to before and never heard a peep out of.
"Is that really you?"
" How did I miss you"
" I love the look "
"Can I get on your date list?"

Remember now. Same age , same write up I always had.

Some women caught on right away, and asked what I thought I was doing, getting them all worked up like that. I told them I was doing a study on superficial women tonight. Do you want to participate?
One woman from Seattle wanted to come down here and meet me . After I filled her in, she demanded to see my real pic. She said she had guys all over the country wanting to date her, so I should hurry the hell up.
I wrote back a couple of the locals .They acted like they knew what was going on and were still interested , but fizzled out in short order.

So , no lengthy philosophy here . Just real life POF experience.

Take from it whatever you care to.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 9
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Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 12:04:22 PM
^^^By 'easier' I meant that you will at least get replies and inquiries at a much higher rate than most men. With those kind of odds, which sex has an easier time making a choice? With that in mind, which has it tougher? Personally, I can't see why a woman would be on this site for years, as some are. Make your pick and delete your account, that's what I will do.

LOL! You are living in fantasy land, for sure. Want a little cheese with that whine? Most of the messages I get are those from the youngsters saying in a variety of ways "wanna f*ck?" Not someone younger than my son, that's for sure

There are plenty of men around me, but their criteria excludes me, and I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone than end up with one of them, thankyouverymuch.

As I've probably said before, there are maybe 5 men within a 200 miie radius I'd consider as potentials for an ltr, and it's just as clear they don't see me the same way. It's that location thing - it strikes again. As for casual dating, forget it. I've had some men set up and plan dates, then not show up. Or even contact me to apologize or make any kind of excuse. It's just the way it is. Real life.

Oh, and as for those inquiries and replies, forget that, too. One inquiry - he was a no show. I'm on some other sites, and have gotten some very weird inquiries from them - like 'got any nekkid pix?' For pete's sake, I'm over 60. Not gonna do that, for sure. 'I have my own condo - want to move in?' That one obviously didn't bother to read my profile at all, where did he think a horse would fit inside a condo? I could go on and on, but I won't. If someone's profile looks interesting, I send a message. Some, mostly those at a distance, have replied and we've become friends to a greater or lesser extent, most by far don't reply, about 5% do but after a couple of exchanges, they go *poof*, just like some of the threads on the forum.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 10
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Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 12:16:09 PM
"I think as single people, there is a growing resentment that we are victims of some crime. That life is being unfair to us."

Wow, do people really buy into the above?

With that kind of attitude dating the person would be very hard indeed.

A fair number of us are quite content with the single lifestyle. We aren't here to collect dates. If we happen to find someone who seems like fun (in real life) then we would date them, but dating may or may not be as far as it goes.

I would date more, if I ran into less whiners.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 11
Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 4:50:40 PM
I didn't come on this site to date or to fall in love. I came on it to find people with similar interested with whom I could do things such as going on picnics or to a play or museum or even shoot a game of pool. I wasn't looking for someone to buy me dinner or take me to fancy places. I've been there and done that. I'd rather be more low-key. I'd rather be with a friend and cook dinner together and watch a movie on TV. Or maybe we'll get together with friends and have a bbq.

By just looking for friends, male and female, I've met some outstanding people who have enhanced my life tremendously. I have also met a wonderful man that I am hoping will turn out to be 'The One'. If not, he will always be one of my dearest friends.

The only expectations I have for my friends is that they are as honest and sincere as I am. No BS allowed.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 12
Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 5:49:40 PM
I find that I meet plenty of nice people who appeal to be willing partners, but there is some form of spark missing, something indefinable that I cannot put my finger on. The result of this is to make me start questioning myself. I think…well I have just met some great people lately and there was nothing wrong with any of them, but yet I don't want to date them, maybe there is something wrong with me?


...Interestingly enough, just last week I had a lengthy conversation with a friend about this very thing. I too have met plenty of nice guys through PoF but simply put, there was/is always something missing. I know instinctively after spending just a short time with them that it isn't going to go anywhere.

Obviously in many cases they weren't feeling anything either ( coincidentally I was with a male friend and he said he knew right away we were destined for friendship) Now why is that? (lol)

So naturally I'm wondering what am I doing wrong?.... Am I not interesting enough, less intelligent, not pretty enough....what kind of vibes am I giving off ? I think I kinda put him on the spot, he had difficulty answering that one for me. His words were that one day someone would come along and "Knock my socks off" (lol)

Who knows what the problem is, but from my experience, dating in my fifties have been tough.

...maeflowers
 MAGIC_MARCO
Joined: 11/16/2007
Msg: 13
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Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 7:15:51 PM

I didn't come on this site to date or to fall in love. I came on it to find people with similar interested with whom I could do things such as going on picnics or to a play or museum or even shoot a game of pool.


FF dear, I 'm not sure I follow you here. By the site, I assume you mean POF in general.

So wouldn't that be like going to the grocery store when you don't need any groceries?
You could stop by the magazine rack; see what Lady GaGa is up to this week, loaf around at the bakery; watch the bread rise . Cruise down the produce aisle and squeeze the kumquats a little.
Oh , look; here's a sale on pork chops. I think I WILL get these and put them in the freezer, as long as I'm here....

Sorry, I just don't get it.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 14
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Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 7:43:53 PM
"Sorry, I just don't get it."

Well, I get it. I am not focused on finding a mate to the exclusion of enjoying what every I can with friends I meet on the way. If I were only here for "the one" I would have missed knowing wonderful people and haven't many great times.

Anything is as tough (dating included) as we make it. Better to relax and enjoy the journey, and the surprises along the way.
 MAGIC_MARCO
Joined: 11/16/2007
Msg: 15
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Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 8:47:08 PM
Well, I get it.


That's okay.
From what I read here, most people don't get you either, so maybe we better wait till FF returns.

 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 17
Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 9:17:25 PM
Re: Msg 33

Marco, when I first came on this site I had just had to have a pacemaker implanted and found out I could no longer work due to health problems that, at the time, were uncontrollable. I wasn't looking to date or fall in love. All I was looking for was a friend with whom to get out of the house occasionally.

I didn't think anyone would be interested in a woman who was 'broken' and I was (and still am) perfectly content living with my son and d-i-l. I did find that there are a lot of men who don't consider me 'broken' and I really appreciate that. I have also made some wonderful friends who do come and pick me up and get me out of my bedroom, since that is where I spend the majority of my time. My health has improved somewhat and I'm able to get out and do more but I am still quite restricted in what I can do.

Finding love was a bonus for me that I wasn't looking for. He found me and I am thrilled he did. But coming here and looking for friendship, instead of love, is very much like going to the grocery store. I may not be shopping for a london broil, but that doesn't mean I'm not looking to find some fresh fruits and veggies. And perhaps while cruising up and down the aisles, I may peruse the meat section and see what they have to offer. I mean, it's hard to turn down a great rump roast.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 18
Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 10:34:56 PM
I think it is like finding a needle in a haystack...

some want to just pick up every single blade of hay and examine it to see if it might be their needle...spending alot of energy and effort and then getting all bothered by seeing how much hay there is still to go thru they come on and whine about how hard it is when they are who is making it hard....

Others want to just dive into the haystack and think that every prick is their needle (he he pun intended :P)

Some come up with scientific approaches, some use spreadsheets, others do other things...but the bottom line is we are who should be in control of our dating experience...we can blame men/women cause SOME men/women date younger or we can look for RED FLAGS that eliminate vs things that mean that person might actually be who we would be the happiest with. Most approach dating from a NEGATIVE standpoint..it is always about what is wrong vs what is right with someone.

Think of the number of threads about online dating, people looking for signs that someone is right or wrong vs getting to know the person and deciding for themselves...

ps. Forumfilly...when you mention that about "broken" I can understand how you felt...I had a guy tell me that no man will really consider me for long term cause I had cancer so I am damaged goods, and that they dont even feel bad about using me and making me believe they like me to get me to sleep with them cause I should just be grateful that someone would give me a pity fvck. While he is extreme in his thought pattern, it exist...the thing is looking past the trees and seeing the forest...he is one person with one thought pattern and while there might be others who feel the same there is also some who wont. It only impacts us if we allow it to. BTW dont forget to squeeze the charmin next time you go to the grocery store!
 SASSYN89178
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 19
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Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/28/2009 9:45:39 AM
Geez, do you go on and on normally in a conversation?

I really wonder about this truly too long posts where people pontificate.
Here's a clue, if you want people to participate in your thread, keep it simple. You don't have to say over and over again the same things.

People don't take the time to get to know one another. Some times people just let any thought that enters their mind come out of their mouth.
Every thing these days is instant gratification. You have to have sex by the 3rd date, if you don't, it's next.
No one wants to take the time to get to know 1 person at a time. If you're seeing more than 1 person at a time, do you think you're really giving them a chance?
Some people are just too critical but yet they don't look in the mirror to see their own short comings. Some people lie ie about smoking and when you meet them, you find out they smoke. Why waste my time?
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 20
Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/28/2009 10:33:46 AM
Depends what do you mean for dating.
Is it having dinner or sex?

Dating means for me...if both partners like each other and are interested in each other...to build healthy relationship.

Dating doesn't mean having sex!

Anyway...dating right person is sweet pleasure...and is not tough!
 WaywardWynde
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 21
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Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/28/2009 10:43:41 AM
A lean, muscular man in his 50's can get dates galore, though less often with the women he has known since he was 13.

A trim women with an hour-glass figure in her 50's can get dates galore, though maybe with more men than she would like who want to show his buddies he "still has it", an attitude that often leaves the woman in question unfulfilled.

A man or woman not trim gets overlooked more easily, even by women/men themselves not trim.
 WaywardWynde
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 23
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Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/28/2009 11:11:27 AM

I have several friends who are trim women with hour glass figures who are in their 50s and they rarely date. None of them have been married, and they are all well educated teachers who seek monogamous relationships. These 3 things seems to not interest most of the men they meet, be in online or IRL.


Forty years a woman, each of them, and none have been married? So, what DO they want to date? If, let's say, they did have the opportunity to date?

There is no trim, muscular man, no trim, hour-glass-figure woman without opportunities to date. They can choose to do or not do anything they wish, but the opportunities are there. Go to any gym and ask any muscular guy with a "two-bagger" face, go to any Pilates class and ask any hour-glass woman with a "two-bagger" face how many hours it has been since someone smiled a wicked, breathless smile at them.
 MondoVman
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 25
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Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/28/2009 11:36:31 AM
Dating online: homework + trial and error + interacting + reading (the good and the crapola of others)
Dating in RL: homework + trial and error + interacting

Potentially speaking, I expected my p*ssy mileage per pound of effort would be much higher.
So much for expectation.

Wading through the many "mostly chat" posts between genuine posts with real meat/meet experiences and positive outcomes/lessons learned.

Extremely little real experience is reported by us, the supposed "wise" ones.

Then WHAM! Someone with depth and guts posts something most useful.

For what it's worth, I have had 5 times more success interacting with women who contact me. Translation: 1 in 5 women I contact respond, while 100% who contact me are interested.

Based on a point made a few posts above, Why do any of us write endless crapola here? (Though, any intention of getting a good laugh is welcome by all.)

Case in point of worthwhile or crapola posting - you decide:

These 3 things seems to not interest most of the men they meet, be in online or IRL.

K.I.S.S., people. Just tell us what works/interests these ladies? (stop the "better than thou" - because we've already read THAT a couple hundred times at least)
 MondoVman
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 27
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Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/28/2009 12:01:22 PM
You are at least the two-hundredth person - in other words, NOT the first - to post the "unmarried-woman-good/ok-figure-cannot-get-a-date-AND-has-ZERO-idea-HOW-TO-GET-A-DATE" argumentive harangue/whine.

(cont'd) "Oh ya, and it's the guy(s)'s fault".

Am I wrong here?

Fish not with guppy bait to catch a shark. Fish not with shark bait in guppy waters. Change your bait, change your venue, but CHANGE something! Then ... write us something NEW. :)
 WaywardWynde
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 29
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Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/28/2009 12:13:05 PM
A good looking woman, like a good looking man, long term without a date doesn't want a date.

Now, they are not required to want a date, but the opportunity to have one exists *if* they want one.

If one does not want a date, one hides in one's home 7 nights/days a week, one wears baggy, unattractive clothing, one scowls a lot, one keeps an ever expanding "laundry" list of must-haves, one never smiles, one says one "will not settle" ...

... and whatever other defence shields one feels is necessary.
 MondoVman
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 31
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Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/28/2009 1:11:45 PM
Ok. So .. (one) has not, correction, can not attract the opposite sex.

Then, why are you posting? on a site about dating? i.e. about your non-successes dating?

If one does not attact, then by definition, one is not attractive in that SPECIFIC VENUE.

Stand naked in a nudist colony with no one approaching, then leave wiser than before or NOT.

F the obvious ... and "feel right at home" with the endless, loser posts.

Can you, and, will you tell us about one single success in online dating?
 WaywardWynde
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 32
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Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/28/2009 1:31:41 PM

If one is not good looking they often cannot get dates in this appearance is everything society we live in.


First off, if you do not know what the term "two-bagger" means, google the term along with "Rodney Dangerfield".

Second, a trim, hour-glass figure IS attractive. Many a woman with a less than attractive face grows her hair long, pulls it in on her face, and works out enough hours a month to get an hour-glass figure.

Guaranteed. An hour-glass figure is noticed positively, unless it is covered in baggy clothing. And trim, muscular men are noticed by the ladies as well. Jack LaLanne is 95 years old, and women STILL comment on his looks.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 33
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Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/28/2009 1:45:39 PM

It's tough if your a man looking on the Internet, easy if you're a woman.


it's only easy for the 10% of beautiful women that every man is attempting to contact.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 34
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Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/28/2009 1:51:17 PM

First off, if you do not know what the term "two-bagger" means, google the term along with "Rodney Dangerfield".

Second, a trim, hour-glass figure IS attractive. Many a woman with a less than attractive face grows her hair long, pulls it in on her face, and works out enough hours a month to get an hour-glass figure.

Guaranteed. An hour-glass figure is noticed positively, unless it is covered in baggy clothing. And trim, muscular men are noticed by the ladies as well. Jack LaLanne is 95 years old, and women STILL comment on his looks.

I, for one, do know what a two-bagger is, along with a one-bagger and coyote ugly - and I don't mean the bars of that name.

By the time one reaches our age, some younger, some never, one realizes that appearance is essentially skin deep, no matter how much one works out keeping fit and trim. What is important is character. Anyone who is shallow enough to prefer looks to character generally doesn't have a whole lot him/herself. That aside, anyone alive with functioning eyes can enjoy looking, they just don't confuse what they see with what may work for them for the long haul. Fine for dating, both genders can enjoy some arm candy once in awhile, but like any other candy, too much gets old as a steady diet.
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