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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Telling me what i should or shouldnt do with my child?      Home login  
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 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 3
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Telling me what i should or shouldnt do with my child?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Say something to him. If you keep quiet he will always assume that his unsolicited advice is welcome. As long as you are not dangling your kid off balconies or putting Gin in it's bottle he should STFU.
 justwant2no
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 4
Telling me what i should or shouldnt do with my child?
Posted: 12/29/2009 9:10:08 AM

this person has never had children

These people kill me. I had a huge falling out with a relative over their unsolicited 'advice'. You need to speak up. If you value this person's friendship, be tactful, if not, blast them, but nobody should feel it's ok to offer their unsolicited advice. (Unless you opened the door by voicing your concerns or doubt - that's different.)
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 5
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Telling me what i should or shouldnt do with my child?
Posted: 12/29/2009 9:45:47 AM
I remember the pre-kid days and I had nooooo sympathy for people whose kids weren't behaving in restaurants and elsewhere. While I still have no patience for parents who let their kids run amok, I certainly do understand the difference between a parent trying to get a child to mind and one that is ignoring the little shit while he/she runs all over a restaurant ruining other people's dinners.

You have two choices, you can either tell this person that you appreciate his advice and know it is coming from a place of caring but it makes you feel poorly and frankly he doesn't know crap about raising kids and until he has some, he should temper his comments with considering whether they will be at all helpful.

Or you can ignore him and consider the source, you know he doesn't know what the hell he is talking about but at the same time, sometimes someone looking in from the outside can see things you don't so don't totally ignore what he says, consider it the way you have advice from anyone since you have had a child. You listen, you gauge it against what you know and what you have read, learned, and you either change something as a result or you are reinforced that you are doing the right thing.
 singlesuperdad
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 6
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Telling me what i should or shouldnt do with my child?
Posted: 12/29/2009 4:06:11 PM

why do people feel they need to do that like they know better than you?


this is the norm in the forums
but I'd just tell them to MYOB when it come to your kids.
 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 7
Telling me what i should or shouldnt do with my child?
Posted: 12/29/2009 4:49:12 PM
LOL get me in the right mood and the conversation goes something like this:

Them :"You know you should ( insert their comment here)".

Me: " Really? How does that work for you and your kids?"

Them : " I dont have kids"

Me : ( thoughtful nod ) " Hmmm...Well I have been doing this and it works great, so when you have kids.. you do it your way and let me know how that works for you, but you wont hold it against me if I dont wait to see how that turns out in the mean time because I really can't wait that long".

(final comment on my part is usually finished off with a polite smile )



 singlesuperdad
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 8
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Telling me what i should or shouldnt do with my child?
Posted: 12/29/2009 4:52:51 PM
^ good one

damn it, too short, blah blah, lol
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 9
Telling me what i should or shouldnt do with my child?
Posted: 12/29/2009 5:30:17 PM
Tell them very sweetly that "if i want your opinion i will give it to you."
Its an annoyance that a lot of parents face.
My own mom was horrified that i used pacifiers, my mother in law thinks its ghetto that i dont make my kids wear shoes if they dont want to and visibly blanches when i let them have a poptart or cookie, i have gotten rndom parenting advice from all sorts of folks, unless there is abuse going on everyone can parent as they choose.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 10
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Telling me what i should or shouldnt do with my child?
Posted: 12/29/2009 5:53:06 PM
My SIL thinks she knows everything about kids since she's a ped nurse. She swore up and down while pregnant and before my neice was born that there was no way her child was going to control her, that there would be rules and baby would have to follow them. I see her now, a year later and omg.. baby RULES that household. Has my SIL totally wrapped around her finger. It's freakin' hilarious.

I just sit back and watch... like it's a car wreck.

In my breastfeeding group the rule was.. "listen with respect, but take away only the things that will be useful to you."
 KarmicEvolution
Joined: 11/22/2008
Msg: 11
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Telling me what i should or shouldnt do with my child?
Posted: 12/29/2009 9:58:54 PM
You know what I love the most about this thread... the people who frequent this forum who dont have kids but always have an opinion, have yet to chime in here.

Hmmm... makes you wonder, doesnt it?
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 12
Telling me what i should or shouldnt do with my child?
Posted: 12/29/2009 10:34:57 PM

You know what I love the most about this thread... the people who frequent this forum who dont have kids but always have an opinion, have yet to chime in here.

Hmmm... makes you wonder, doesnt it?

I have three daughters. One is married and the other two live with me. But, from what I've read just in this forum, many of you are of the opinion that no advice from men is wanted or regarded.
Advice is like an education.... some is good and some not so good. But to turn your back on any advice because a certain criteria isn't met (must have children) is only heightening your ignorance.

the people who frequent this forum who dont have kids but always have an opinion, have yet to chime in here

So what? Are you waiting for their posts just so you can insult them some more?
As I said, you may be heightening your level of ignorance.

Assess the message... not the messenger.
 byonick
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 13
Telling me what i should or shouldnt do with my child?
Posted: 12/29/2009 11:26:41 PM
O hell NO...
I wont date any guy who tells me what to do with my kids.
if he wants to tell me something they said or did and have me take care of it thats fine....
 KarmicEvolution
Joined: 11/22/2008
Msg: 15
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Telling me what i should or shouldnt do with my child?
Posted: 12/30/2009 5:40:35 AM
My_I... The whole thread was about unwanted advice from non-parents, I was just making an observation that none of the non-parents we normally see here have said anything about why they give advice. I said nothing about the gender of the person youre getting the advice from.

If you have something you want to say (ie: Opinions of women v. men), just say it... you dont have to attach it to a response that has nothing to do with what youre saying.
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 16
Telling me what i should or shouldnt do with my child?
Posted: 12/30/2009 8:42:23 AM
A collage of comments from this thread:

this person has never had children therfor doesnt know what hes talking about.....If some outsider wants to voice their unwanted/unneeded opinion, tell them where they can stick it....he should STFU......hand him a big steaming cup of STFU ...These people kill me......Just let them know that advice is not desired and that you know what you are doing......just tell them to MYOB when it come to your kids.....Tell them very sweetly that "if i want your opinion i will give it to you.".....I wont date any guy who tells me what to do with my kids......

The OP wasn't to specific about the person she is complaining about.
Is she talking about the father who has not physically birthed a baby?
Is this her boyfriend?
Who is this guy she gets irritated over?
Why is he there if he's a pain in the ass?

I find the responses kinda telling, in many ways, about some of the women here. If a guy means well why do so many insist you treat him like shit? The OP never stated he was mean.
Some of the reponses and attitudes in this thread kinda suggests why some guys don't date single moms. Superiority issue is one thing that certainly comes to mind. It may also answer the ever annoying assertion women make that men "Aren't talkers." Afterall, many comments clearly state, "Don't talk unless spoken too."

*sigh*
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 18
Telling me what i should or shouldnt do with my child?
Posted: 12/30/2009 3:55:15 PM

Just because someone doesnt have kids,doesnt mean they cant give good advice

Ironically, there are a lot of single mothers telling inquisitive women what guys think and what guys should be doing in "Ask a guy" forums. Apparently, moms are qualified to give a guys perpsective because...... (I don't know why - lol).

It really differentiates the maturity levels.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 19
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Telling me what i should or shouldnt do with my child?
Posted: 12/30/2009 5:45:50 PM
Sweetness,the solutuion is for them to get rid of their superiority complex,one of them ask why people who don't have kids post here,meanwhile you see them everywhere giving their opinions about everything...but again they are special.The reason i post and the question i ask is why do these special people who have ascended so high up the mountain of human potential via child birth spend so much time biatching and moaning about people who don't have children in their special little place created just for them
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 20
Telling me what i should or shouldnt do with my child?
Posted: 12/31/2009 8:33:40 AM

That's the thing though, she has a right to raise her own child/ren as she sees fit without having to fend off people who believe that they have a "right" to interfere

The OP never said he was interfering. The OP stated;

Someone who makes comments about what you should or shouldnt do with your child as if they know better. this person has never had children therfor doesnt know what hes talking about

^^^ With such an arrogant position, I'd walk away from her. These type women have no problem asking us to pick up diapers, milk, etc., for the child(ren). Apparently, they can help but they can't speak.

As another poster stated, why are you dating childless guys if you think they are of no value around your child? What a crappy relationship.... now it's coming apparent why some moms are stereotyped. It's your own doing.

I wonder if some of you moms have that same attitude with your childless girlfriends?

I'm just sayin'....... *issues*

but when it comes right down to it you're sticking your nose where it doesn't belong and isn't wanted

^^^ Enjoy the view from your pedestal. And don't talk about guy issues.... you have no business talking about something you're not (sarcasm)
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 21
Telling me what i should or shouldnt do with my child?
Posted: 12/31/2009 11:55:43 AM

The OP did not state the she was involved with this man nor asked him for any help whatsoever. As far as we know, he could be a friend of a friend, random stranger on the street, the mailman....

You can stay with the mailman story if that's what supports you position. I'm sticking with my position because the OP never identified the relationship with this guy - which is kind of important because if she's going to, or has, established a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, she's extremely immature about it.

Dude, she gave a particular example that just happened to be a guy, and then asked a general question. "Why do PEOPLE....."

Dud-ette... she turned into a male issue the second she changed "People" to "He".... and not "friend".

And you say we have issues? Time for a look in the mirror there Scooter

No, not an issue for me.... I know what I read. You slotted in the mailman, not me. lol!

Regardless, if we aren't experienced or actually part of a situation it's human nature trying to be helpful, either way. Be it things we physically do for someone or through advice that may be intended as constructive but may not be that constructive in the end. The bottom line is, it's very rude and short sighted to exclude one's thought, idea and suggestion simply because they are not a parent.

It begs to ask, "Then why are you talking to us and/or including us in things about your children?"

As another thought, I can't tell you how many wives comment, "You're not a mother, you don't understand"

I'm beginning to think there is a vagina syndrome amongst some of you women.... no vagina - no brain!!
*sigh*
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 23
Telling me what i should or shouldnt do with my child?
Posted: 12/31/2009 4:18:20 PM

It is very rude and short-sighted to assume that your opinion is either welcome or warranted. Not everyone wants to hear it

Well, as I stated, ignorance isn't a sign of intelligence. Just because you are the mother, it doesn't mean you're right. Nor, does it mean that someone who offers arbitrary advice is crossing the line.

I'm certain there are things a mom doesn't want to hear - especially from childless people. However, if we take your position and keep our mouths shut, I'm certain all would be well..... and that is where I disagree. I found this in another thread; it ties in well with this topic:


EDIT and judgment alert!!

I am sorry, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU BRING YOUR KID TO MEET ANY POTENTIAL DATES!? I am sorry, I don't have kids but I find it WAY TOO TRUSTING to just let anyone meet your kids. Yeah, she is only 7 mos old and can't talk n stuff. I am talking general safety here sweetie. YOWZER!!

^^^ What mother wants to hear that..... especially from a childless person?

Don't assume mothers don't need unwanted advice.... that's outright foolish. I see newborns in intensive care because the mother knows best (alcohol/drug dependancy). We've all read where moms have sacrificed their child's safety and left the kids in the car while they shopped. As well, they've sacrificed a child's safety for the sake of an abusive relationship. I'm not suggesting the OP has the issues but, as I stated before, get off your pedestal and accept the fact some mothers do need to hear things they don't want to hear - even if it is from childless people.

Years ago, when my ex was breastfeeding for the first time, she had trouble getting our baby latched on properly. I remembered what the nurse had shown her and when I attempted to repeat what the nurse instructed, my ex became irritated and told me to get away, "Ill figure it out!!"
I walked away and ignored her (my ex) whining. I mean really, I don't have milk in my breasts so what the hell would I know? Right?
 thegirl123
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 24
Telling me what i should or shouldnt do with my child?
Posted: 2/15/2010 7:30:49 PM
Ive just come to accept that anyone who doesnt have kids are the perfect parents. Just the way it seems to work.

As for someone telling me how to raise my child...they better be nice about it or they might find themselves not talking to me anymore.

I have often been told I am a good parent; those words always make me happy; but invariably there are people who tell me I am not aswell.

What can you do but tell people like that to mind their own business and have some kids of their own before they tell you how to parent your own.
 Just_2_b_me
Joined: 6/22/2006
Msg: 25
Telling me what i should or shouldnt do with my child?
Posted: 2/16/2010 11:18:25 AM
Ah yes, the OP is your typical young unwed single mother ..

She is 22, no real education, no real job, no real life experiences,

But she knows it all when it comes to her baby, and by God don’t you be offering her any unsolicited advice or she’ll tell ya how much she knows…

Of course in my opinion all of the above explains why she’s 22 with a baby she can’t raise on her own.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 26
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Telling me what i should or shouldnt do with my child?
Posted: 2/16/2010 9:33:31 PM
Truth is, many people are very opinionated, not to mention assumptive & judgmental. If the OP is wise, she'll see the evidence of that here. In any case, the opening post doesn't give much info, so why the rush to judgment? Parenting is not easy & her feelings are not uncommon, no matter the situation or relationship, never mind her gender. Why not simply address her question, or better yet, not participate at all?

OP, the fact that you use the words " fortunate to be with" the child 24/7 tells me that you are at the very least a caring parent, so, go with your gut. In the meantime, read as many parenting books as you can; listen to no one, and everyone, especially those you have already deemed good parents. All the best!
 MySpoonIsTooBig!
Joined: 2/20/2010
Msg: 28
Telling me what i should or shouldnt do with my child?
Posted: 3/5/2010 8:33:02 PM
"... this person has never had children..."

That's all I really needed to hear to suggest that you should tell them to STFU, but the truth of the matter is that they can have 17 kids & that STILL doesn't give them any right to make negative comments about the way you choose to raise your own child.

If this person happens to be your partner then that's even worse, as it sounds like they don't respect you...
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