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 notsobg
Joined: 12/27/2009
Msg: 1
ulterior motives on the forumsPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
just wondering if anyone has noticed that some people use the forums for ulterior motives? guess that's a loaded question. but, you know, like trying to "win" someone back by trying to tell their side...maybe with the hopes of getting others to side with them? needless to say they don't tell the WHOLE truth. i just experienced it...and it worked for that person.
 Kimberish925
Joined: 6/22/2008
Msg: 2
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ulterior motives on the forums
Posted: 1/4/2010 5:00:45 PM
It's a rare occasion when we get to see both sides.
If it get's heated it's interesting but doesn't last long as it usually gets deleted.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 3
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ulterior motives on the forums
Posted: 1/4/2010 5:01:21 PM
Nah... but I've seen a hell of a lot of people pulling king sized boners by sharing personal information about someone else and it biting them on their asses...

That's always fun for a laugh...
 wild kitty....
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 4
ulterior motives on the forums
Posted: 1/4/2010 5:03:48 PM
I believe there are...three sides to a story...your's, mine and the truth
 Aisfor_Amanda
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 5
ulterior motives on the forums
Posted: 1/4/2010 5:07:21 PM
How are they using the forums to win someone back? Are both parties active users on the forums? I would think everyone who posts have an ulterior motive...to either get their point/opinion/view across or to get an answer.

edit for below:

How do you know she read the forums? How do you know she didn't participate? If she's moved on, who cares?
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 6
ulterior motives on the forums
Posted: 1/4/2010 5:12:51 PM
I've been trying to find my motive for years! If you see it, let me know.
 notsobg
Joined: 12/27/2009
Msg: 7
ulterior motives on the forums
Posted: 1/4/2010 5:13:51 PM
i don't think posting to get their point, opinion or view across is an ulterior motive (that's just my opinion). in this case, the person plead his side...again and again....and the person who broke up with him eventually read them. as far as i know, she never got involved in the posts and wasn't even on pof. she had already moved on to another relationship which didn't work out.
 ManicMelanie
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 8
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ulterior motives on the forums
Posted: 1/4/2010 5:16:34 PM
Of course. LOTS of people have ulterior motives. Out there AND in here.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 9
ulterior motives on the forums
Posted: 1/4/2010 5:19:59 PM
Ok let me get this straight. He was here and she was not. How would that get her back, ulterior wise or anything else?

If she moved onto another relationship, and it didn't work out, she has work to do on her. 2 failures and nothing to show for it. Guess he'll be posting some more, or not, so she can't read them again!!
 indefatigabilis
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 10
ulterior motives on the forums
Posted: 1/4/2010 5:23:51 PM
I'm not sure if I can recall any specific examples of people posting here not to participate in the discussion at hand, but rather to send a kind of a message to one person in particular, and you know who you are.
 notsobg
Joined: 12/27/2009
Msg: 11
ulterior motives on the forums
Posted: 1/4/2010 5:31:48 PM
she read his posts but wasn't a member of pof. and i agree with you....i believe she needs some work but he's just glad to have her back and doesn't care about the big picture. he says he's really trying to make it work with her...you know, head over heels realizes he made a mistake..........but still wasn't honest.
 raxarsr
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 12
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ulterior motives on the forums
Posted: 1/4/2010 6:17:41 PM
win back my ex?.............son........if she suddenly found a diamond mine filled with egg sized stones wrapped in gold and crawled 50 miles on her knees begging forgiveness and asking me to take her back..........forgiveness i'd proubly grant.........holding grudges aint worth the effort.................take her back?...........aint noooooooooooooooooooo way possible...that chapter is written and already published
 ~Pedro Sanchez~
Joined: 10/5/2009
Msg: 13
ulterior motives on the forums
Posted: 1/5/2010 6:05:07 AM
Uhhmm...[thinking, thinking...pondering......] let's see...
a) Made myself look like an ass.
b) Made myself sound totally irresponsible. As if!
c) Made myself sound like a total idjit. Pfft.
d) Appear to be naive, and pompous even. Even I would strangle myself if I didn't get myself.
e) Soooooooo black and white (to a degree, but not beyond reason). Just like any freakin' body.
f) Appear to have made myself kinkier than I really am. Apart from the domination, ATM and anal probing, I'm pretty much like anybody else.
g) Made myself look like am some bad ass dude, when I really am gentle and soft-spoken. All murderous intent are really only ever going to be in my mind. Will start collecting tattoos after I sold off my stamp collection.
h) I dunno...my ulterior motives seems so anti-date. No fvcking wonder.
i) OK, I'm got. My main ulterior motive is to pass the time. I am really like most posters here...bored silly, juz killing time.

But I accept that people here have motives beyond understanding....like making themselves look desirable, smart, have their shit together, dateable, post stuff on the forums they had plenty of time to think about, rather than an off the cuff random comment like you would in a real conversation. Imagine having the luxury to stop any conversation while I check all my facts via Google and Wikipedia then state every opinion, every response as if that's how they really think. Pfft. What's even worse is an exchange where both are in the same sphere...just like reading an academic journal. Erotic as. Whatever floats their boat. These guys have never done wrong, never ever made a bad decision, the epitome of the cool cucumber. And banana.

They have all the right answers, all the right moves.

Living life through somebody else's triumphs and mistakes must be awesome. Having a laugh during the good times, but blame the shit out of them when they make the wrong turn. Its not a bad idea methinks.

Alarm bells would be ringing in all directions. Luckily, forumites are never ever like this. Group hug!
 chaswhatif
Joined: 4/30/2005
Msg: 14
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ulterior motives on the forums
Posted: 1/5/2010 6:42:35 AM
Did ya cave?
I can't be myself: not happenin'.
Ulterior motives,faults of others:I see'em in myself and yell at someone else.Used to...
 somephxguy
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 15
ulterior motives on the forums
Posted: 1/5/2010 10:17:08 AM

just wondering if anyone has noticed that some people use the forums for ulterior motives?

Yes.
But usually in the sex discussions for masturbatory material.
Or in the Ask A...forums wanting to vent against a gender.
Or in random forums simply wanting to get strangers to validate them or their beliefs by pretending to ask a question.
Or to look for specific answers with which they attack someone off the forums.
Or to get people to tell them what to do and shirk responsibility for their own behavior.

Tons of ulterior motives.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 16
ulterior motives on the forums
Posted: 1/5/2010 1:53:21 PM
I dont watch soap operas, so this is my substitute. Gotta love the memes though.
Why wont they date me
Why wont they answer my email
What do you think about men who X
What do you think about women who X

Dear gawd, if reading anything here saves me from the hell y'all are going through, then I consider it to have been at least a valid waste of my time.
 BBQ Spider
Joined: 11/9/2009
Msg: 17
ulterior motives on the forums
Posted: 1/6/2010 8:55:59 AM
You mean he got her back after all? Bummer since he was a self-admitted liar and cheat.

Nod of agreement to Pedro in # 14 --
I can see a motive to spewing out google facts [to look smart]
but why come here for questions anyone could google in 15 seconds (to look not smart?]




Dear gawd, if reading anything here saves me from the hell y'all are going through, then I consider it to have been at least a valid waste of my time


Yes. And, contrariwise, I have a stupid secret hope that if I scream long & loud enough my oh-so-right point of view, someone else might be saved, from having to recreate some small piece of the hell I've already put myself through.
 yna6
Joined: 1/21/2007
Msg: 18
ulterior motives on the forums
Posted: 1/6/2010 9:34:33 AM
depends on the topic I guess. Some are kind of "hot topics" that are almost never discussed because of the differeing opinions here. Others are just soooo out there that it seems ludicrous that anyone would have such an opinion.
What? Someone gave their side to a story and it differed from yours...but theirs is much more closer to the truth, rather than pandering to your "emotional needs" or life views? Some poeple just have a skewed sense of life...a feeling of "entitlement" or whatever and when reality hits them in the face like a dead trout, they get all PO'ed about it.
Welcome to the real world...it ain't reality TV, it ain't a game show....all live all the time!
 jaroka
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 19
ulterior motives on the forums
Posted: 1/6/2010 1:14:29 PM
This could have been such an interesting topic by the title. Instead, it is a bunch of generalizations unfolding very boringly, or a bunch of hidden facts trying to get out withtout being named. We don't know who is who, if the OP is speaking from her experience as a victim, nothing... we don't know who is who, what is speculative and what is a fact, we don't know if this is theoretical or actual, it's very, very, very boring and too opaque to worry about or even to understand what the hell is on the OPs mind when she asked the question.
 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 20
ulterior motives on the forums
Posted: 1/6/2010 3:51:25 PM

guess that's a loaded question. but, you know, like trying to "win" someone back by trying to tell their side...maybe with the hopes of getting others to side with them? needless to say they don't tell the WHOLE truth. i just experienced it...and it worked for that person.

I noticed the other day a bloke made a forum posting saying how terrible thought this woman he was dating was, how crappy the last date was and expressing how he wanted to break up with her.

He didn't mention her by ID, but she was obviously looking at his postings and she posted next on the thread and just blasted him! She knew it was she he was whining about and let him have it.

You normally only get one side on the forums but, in this instance, we got BOTH! lol
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 22
ulterior motives on the forums
Posted: 1/6/2010 8:57:22 PM

notsobg wrote: just wondering if anyone has noticed that some people use the forums for ulterior motives? guess that's a loaded question. but, you know, like trying to "win" someone back by trying to tell their side...maybe with the hopes of getting others to side with them? needless to say they don't tell the WHOLE truth. i just experienced it...and it worked for that person.


Look, some people are attention seeking immature boobs. Thankfully there are enough decent, interesting, thought provoking men/women in some of the POF forums to make visiting a pleasure.

~Beth~
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 23
ulterior motives on the forums
Posted: 1/7/2010 3:36:39 AM
I think it was worse when on our profiles you could access the last five posts of any member. Then, people knew thier posts were visable on thier profiles, and they padded themselves up a bit in thier posts. I find since POF removed those links from profiles, many posts are not as politically correct as before. I like it.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 24
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ulterior motives on the forums
Posted: 1/7/2010 5:36:55 AM

i don't think posting to get their point, opinion or view across is an ulterior motive (that's just my opinion). in this case, the person plead his side...again and again....and the person who broke up with him eventually read them. as far as i know, she never got involved in the posts and wasn't even on pof. she had already moved on to another relationship which didn't work out.
You mean that he's using for forums as well as IRL to try to win her back? That sounds like a man who believes in himself, and is confident. I thought women found confident men very attractive.

As far as I can see, he's doing what he can to win the woman of his dreams, and that's what women dream of, a man who really loves his woman enough to believe it beyond all odds, and to fight for their love to work.

Sounds like he's this woman's ideal man.

I cannot see what he is doing that is so wrong.
 JWG86
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 25
ulterior motives on the forums
Posted: 1/7/2010 7:44:57 PM
I saw one time where someone posted all this negative stuff about someone. They were banned from the forum for a year or something. It was very childish and not stuff that should have been made public, just petty complaints about a date/relationship/whatnot gone wrong and someone got snubbed/rejected/used or something. Other than that, no, no real ulterior motives I have seen. Maybe I'm just blind though.
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