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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why would ex girlfriend keep my personal items?      Home login  
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 girlred228
Joined: 6/23/2008
Msg: 7
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Why would ex girlfriend keep my personal items?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
HMMM.. honestly.. she sounds as if she was looking for a payday and you gave it to her... what she is showing you.. you have your clothes.. but I want all this other stuff for putting up with you.. sounds crappy.. I wouldn't do it.. but there are some ruthless people out here.. if she was a nice person.. no matter what happened.. she wouldn't do you this way... she would give your belongings and act like an adult..

Many people are not adults.. I think learning about people is hard, because you never know who they are really are...people have many layers.. but finding out this way has to suck... I am sorry.. I hope you can rectify this,...
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 10
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Why would ex girlfriend keep my personal items?
Posted: 1/5/2010 7:34:28 PM
Yeah I'm with the 50% of The Rock Man who wants to know what you did to get locked out.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 26
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Why would ex girlfriend keep my personal items?
Posted: 1/5/2010 8:46:41 PM
You weren't married, and she didn't pay for it, so why would her name be on the camper? There's something important here that you are leaving out, come on. BTW, if you mean you took money out of your 401k that you have to pay back or that you cashed out your 401k, whoa, bad idea! Anyway, she sounds awful from your description but then one wonders why you stayed with such a witch for all that time, so you are either leaving out important parts or you have been a wimp. But I do hope you get your things back because unless you owe her for something you did, she has no right to hold onto anything of yours.

And if you had 53k to put into her account (makes no sense) why did you need take money out of your retirement fund to buy a camper????
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 35
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Why would ex girlfriend keep my personal items?
Posted: 1/5/2010 9:41:00 PM
I would venture to guess she's a b!tch. Is this really that hard, she gives you her stuff back she has an empty house and apparently she has no scruples. I hope you kept records of the money you dumped into the deal.

Well, look at it this way, if you bought a camper a couple of days before she did this you weren't exactly homeless and with only the clothing on your back so you DO have somewhere to stay while you take care of things.

If you don't have receipts for furniture, you should be able to go to wherever you bought the stuff and get paperwork documenting it but other than that, the whole deal will be he said/she said, which I surmise she actually already knew. Once the stuff was in the house, the burden of proof of ownership before the relationship lies with you. If you bought the items after you moved in, good luck with that one.

At some point you need to realize that you aren't going to get everything back and you are better off just walking away and being less gullible in the future. I totally don't get why you pumped $53K into her bank account over a 16 month period, that's just nuts unless for her girlfriend was a salaried position.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 36
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Why would ex girlfriend keep my personal items?
Posted: 1/5/2010 10:10:30 PM
O.P. Time to do a little online book shopping. There are ways to fix this problem fast and cheap...I quarantee it....not only that, but she will never cross your path again. Don't be a doormat....fight now and fight hard.
 m14shooter
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 37
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Why would ex girlfriend keep my personal items?
Posted: 1/5/2010 11:43:36 PM
Personally if someone took over 50K of my money I would get it back one way or another. If I ever get married I will keep my finances separate and pay the bills but no way in hell am I depositing money in an account I don't control. You may have to chalk this one up to experience as the money is probably gone and I doubt you are i up for getting your stuff back other than through court.
 *november babee*
Joined: 2/19/2009
Msg: 38
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Why would ex girlfriend keep my personal items?
Posted: 1/6/2010 1:37:13 AM
if you were living in her house for 16 mths was part/most of the 53k rent , your share of the bills, food etc and also wear and tear on her furniture..? if you bought new items for the 'household' she may legitimately think they were bought for communal use by both of you and while yes, she should give back personal items, she may beleive the practical items, ie furniture etc, was a gift.. and therefore no need to return...
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 39
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Why would ex girlfriend keep my personal items?
Posted: 1/6/2010 3:10:48 AM
you must have done something to get LOCKED out, still your things are yours
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 45
Why would ex girlfriend keep my personal items?
Posted: 1/6/2010 7:29:19 AM
As someone else pointed out, you joined this site two and a half years ago. This tells me that you joined this site while living with this woman. Perhaps she caught you trying to date other women. Ok, you put money into her account, you also lived in the house, and you should have been putting money in for bills too.

I think she should give you back your pictures as they mean something to you and nothing to her. The vehicles if they are in your name should go back to you. As to the furniture and other household stuff, she should be able to keep. Maybe if you live with another woman you will not create accounts with dating sites. That sort of thing tends to piss women off really bad.

I think you have some nerve complaining at all.
 canyunflyer
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 47
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Why would ex girlfriend keep my personal items?
Posted: 1/6/2010 7:44:35 AM
I'm going to refrain from getting into the details and personal aspects of this particular story. Everyone else has tried, to some extent, to go in there. Instead I will just keep it general and bare bones.

You want an answer as to ( why would she do this?)

The truth is: situations like this don't happen unless One.... or both... parties are sufficiently dysfunctional. People who are reasonably normal (we're all allowed a little bit of deviation) Just don't have to do this stuff. Its relatively easy for them to access a situation and take responsibility for their part in it. They are able to separate the emotional parts from the reality part involving each other's possessions. In short, they do the right thing.

I can't tell you exactly "who" is the dysfunctional one. Or, if you both are? You have to figure this one out.

Dysfunction does not only come in the form of overtly hostile behaviors. It comes cloaked in the guise of very nice guys too. (helpful hint) good luck!
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 48
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Why would ex girlfriend keep my personal items?
Posted: 1/6/2010 7:53:47 AM
Simple. She's a thief. This is not rocket science. You'd have gotten off cheaper had you hired a high-end hooker. It's good you learned your lesson. It's real sad it took this much to teach you. Hey, if you have another 50K lying around just needing something to do, let me know.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 53
Why would ex girlfriend keep my personal items?
Posted: 1/6/2010 10:22:12 AM
OP - Sorry this happened. If she became manipulative and controlling over that length of time it's likely you didn't notice it to be abusive till it was too late. I bet if you look at her relationship history this is likely not the first time she has behaved in a childish way.

This is why I will never just put myself in the hands of another by just cohabitating with them under THEIR roof. I can't sleep at night worrying about whether or not I would be homeless the next day should they get a wild hare up their azz, and I don't have a legal leg to stand on to protect myself.


Me thinks you should have realized this side of her personality BEFORE you moved in with her.

Lesson #1: Know a person as intimately and thoroughly as you POSSIBLY can BEFORE you have sexual intercourse OR live with them


I agree with this statement. Everyone thinks "It's just sex, what's the big deal?" Men are MORE guilty of that thinking and look at her BRAIN as secondary. There is a reason for waiting when it comes to initiating sex. You haven't gotten to know their TRUE character and it clouds your judgement. You get hooked and start to over look red flags.
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 58
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Why would ex girlfriend keep my personal items?
Posted: 1/6/2010 12:45:55 PM
Once again another male thinking with his winkie not his brain.... a mistake I have committed in the past.... the solution....

1. Create a list of red flg issues u will not tolerate in relationship. Like drinking, drug abuse, materialism, anger issues etc.. make a sacred contrat from you to you... sign and date it...promise that when any ONE issue is triggered run for the hills forrest run...

2. Stop your winkie thinking... I too am guilty of this as well... but still good advice....and that I am mostly able to follow

3. Put all your money in a trust fund that you cannot even touch yourself...

4. Stop your male warrior attitude that you can save, overcome, fix anything or person.... most people are in situations because of unwise and unhealthy choices...you cant fix that only they can... each person needs to find their own wholeness BEFORE relationship.... and then share it as a healthy couple in celebration

5. Do the work of figuring out why you are so needy and create/allow codependent situations like this....first get healthy and whole in your mind, body and soul before you engage in relationship pursuit

Good luck
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 62
Why would ex girlfriend keep my personal items?
Posted: 1/6/2010 1:48:41 PM

To put 53k of your hard earned money into her account????


I am wondering why the OP felt that was necessary?
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 75
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Why would ex girlfriend keep my personal items?
Posted: 1/6/2010 6:34:31 PM
Ahhhhh #83 ....
A lovers quarrel in a public forum.... priceless....
getting your stuff back... theres Mastercard...
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