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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?      Home login  
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 m14shooter
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 3
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what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
A nice dinner or coffee, a nice smile and a great conversation. Then I hope we both enjoyed ourselves so much that we call on our drives home and laugh about it. This is what I like. What I like more is when I get the second date and then the third with even more great conversation and smiles. Simple things make me happy.

If she didn't like me I hope I at least get to hear it and not the silent treatment, I'm a big boy and can take it.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 8
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what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 1/6/2010 4:34:19 AM
You didn't misunderstand the rules, since there are none. There IS a set of common occurrences and behaviors, some due to the age of the people you are with, and many due to all the TALK about rules, and sparks and such.
Something I occasionally try to mention in the forums, and also in real life, is that many people, these days at least, have become hooked on the search for Instant Love. It isn't your fault, and there's nothing you can do about it, except to keep trying.
Also, keep in mind that the people you meet are still in the process of learning how to find someone, just as you are. The one's you describe may simply have not yet learned that patience is also a useful tool in dating.
PS, I like the blanket picture!
 ICMUD
Joined: 11/2/2009
Msg: 10
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what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 1/6/2010 5:07:36 AM
i look at that nice juicy cheese cake thats begging to be eaten :)
then i remember im out on a date and might have to share my cheese cake,
so i get my friends to call me for that emergency and i have to leave and dont have to share my cheese cake lol..
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 18
what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 1/6/2010 7:41:39 AM
I am looking for a woman that wants me for my mind not my body, one that will make me laugh, that wants to be my friend first and is very romantic. It would be nice if she is filthy rich, gorgeous and owns an island.

Wait, that is what the ladies say. Scratch above statement.
New statement.

Chemistry, chemistry, chemistry.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 20
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what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 1/6/2010 8:00:47 AM
I can't really figure out what the OP's issue is, but if it has to do with not getting a second date, there are these clues from the first couple of lines her profile:
I am a bundle of contradictions... I am known to temporarily take leave of my senses from time to time...

I'm not sure I'd even contact someone like that in the first place. But if I did, and ended up on first meet with them I think I'd have my guard up and lean towards being wary. Unless there were some really good counter-balancing properties exhibited, I can definitely see how someone might feel like taking it too a second rendezvous might be getting in too deep.
 lonelydavid77
Joined: 5/7/2007
Msg: 24
what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 1/6/2010 9:33:32 AM

...what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?...


There are so many things to take into consideration with this question! Age, locale, just been dumped, never had a date, divorced, long time separated, etc., etc.

To try to say exactly what a man is looking for is will get you as varied an answer as there are guys in the hunt for a date!!

Speaking as a mild mannered gentleman, I can honestly say the the ultimate goal is to enjoy that females company for more than just a fleeting moment in time. I have been on dates where I wished I hadn't shown up, and others that I didn't want to end. My last date was must such a date. We talked, we laughed, we enjoyed each other's company beyond belief. She had a smile that would melt an ice cube at 30 below and eyes that lured your thoughts to the brink of desire! Now, I am not one to complain, but a second meeting is proving to be harder to come by, all the indications of mutual feelings were present, and the ensuing phone calls supported that. But.......time, we don't seem to be able to get the time to be seeing someone so soon after a first meeting to keep that marvelous animalistic attitude alive.

Or was it that I sent a note that was overkill in expression of my feelings and she is now on guard of moving too fast, but when you are at my age, how fast is too fast?? I am old, but I ain't dead, and after being on my own for over 5 years, there are some things that I have to make up lost time for!!
 SingleGuy4912
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 29
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what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 1/6/2010 10:42:37 AM
So you're basically asking why no second date, is that it?

It could be any number of reasons. Could be issues with you, could be issues with them. Only they can tell you why no second date. Think of some reasons you would not want a second date from a guy. Do you exhibit qualities that other people might find annoying?

Also, our society has become one of instant gratification. Many people these days look for the 'instant chemistry' instead of taking the time to get to know someone and letting the chemistry develop over time. You might have done everything perfectly but without that spark, no second date. These types of people typically place sex as a higher priority than everything else. I don't think there's anything you can do about that except maybe pick guys whose thoughts on developing a relationship are similar to yours. This kind of thing you should be able to find out during the email/phone call stage.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 33
what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 1/6/2010 11:10:00 AM
OP,
Your profile, and the way you wrote your message, indicates you're a pretty unique person. You should expect to be more of a "home run hitter". That means you'll strike out more than others after you've landed a date, BUT when there is mutual interest, you're more apt to hit a home run.

That aside, though, POF is more of a "sampler platter". Many people on here, definitely including girls, are trying out different dishes. You should expect to go out with someone but not much happen afterward.

There could be many reasons you could be fueling a guy to be turned off in some circumstances, making the journey tougher for ya. You could come off as emotionally in need or have certain characteristics in person that turn many guys off. That could be a significant factor, a minor one, or not really one at all. But nobody knows, we aren't there.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 34
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what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 1/6/2010 11:12:00 AM
OP - I hardly think you will get any real consensus on what all, or even most, guys are looking for on a first date, but I expect you are likely to see several consistent categories.

Personally, I tend to agree for the most part with BigDaddy. I am looking for someone who I find interesting, who I think is a decent person, and whose company I enjoy enough to want to spend time with again. That's it - pretty simple. But then again, I am open to making friends with the women I meet, so my approach to the whole situation tends to be fundamentally different than a lot of other guys.

A little OT - After seeing the way several recent threads have evolved, I am starting to wonder if perhaps a lot of people on here, maybe even most, and both men and women, approach on-line dating (and maybe dating in general) as a strictly goal oriented activity. It seems for these people, if they don't feel like they are achieving or will achieve their goal from the outset, as early as the first date, they move on. To paraphrase the well worn cliche - they tend to focus mainly on the destination and could care less about the journey. I wonder if this could explain the whole issue with second dates that so many complain about?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 37
what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 1/6/2010 11:54:43 AM

Oral sex, for the woman to pay for the date, for easy sex without a condom. And when they don't get that, they claim you're a frigid gold digging whore...which is odd since you didn't even have sex.

LOL - Not to say there are crazy guys & girls out there, but oh man, man-hating would be so much easier if it was remotely within a ballpark range of that, wouldn't it? ;)
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 38
what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 1/6/2010 11:55:02 AM
Dup post
 SingleGuy4912
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 39
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what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 1/6/2010 11:55:18 AM

Or are the guys out there having just as tough time getting to date #2???

Try date #1.
 coveredinpaint
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 42
what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 1/6/2010 12:57:54 PM
I hate to be the reality check here, but....

If a guy says "I like you a lot, but..." then that means that he doesn't like you at all. And probably because you either A) are not good looking enough for him, or B) your personality doesn't offset your looks.
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 44
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what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 1/6/2010 1:17:20 PM
What I'm looking for on a first date? Enough mutual interest and attraction to have a second date, that simple. I find that works best if we've had a phone conversation or two and exchanged a couple of emails to get to know each other a bit, without dragging out the actual meeting for weeks on end.
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 46
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what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 1/6/2010 1:20:35 PM

OK ,so how many dates into a relationship are we allowed to start using the bags we want to?


Tracy, you go on carrying whatever bag you want, whenever you want! I look at her self-confidence, not her bag. Its more about how she carries herself, not the bag over her shoulder.
 startle
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 51
what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 1/6/2010 2:41:45 PM
if a guy doesn't call back because he didn't like your purse he is probably gay....also if a girl is carrying a big purse maybe she wants to go home with you tonight and came prepared....if a guy thinks he will get laid in the near future and you are passable physically...you're in....when is this thing going to happen and how much is it going to cost me...that is what is on his mind...
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 57
what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 1/6/2010 4:44:47 PM
tracyannk:
I have no clue what guys are looking for on a first date...but I know what I'm looking for: Someone who doesn't try to grab my boobs....


Well, I don't have that problem, but they're trying to grab something else.
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 59
what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 1/6/2010 5:04:02 PM
allamericanamanda:
Oral sex, for the woman to pay for the date, for easy sex without a condom. And when they don't get that, they claim you're a frigid gold digging whore...which is odd since you didn't even have sex.


LOL I've had first dates with true gentlemen, but...there was one that wanted that instant sex w/o a condom because of allergies to latex...UGH! Think I believed that one.
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 60
what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 1/6/2010 5:15:27 PM

I have lots of designer handbags...I like them, I like using them. But if I'm not getting dates because of my Kate Spade bag and have to run to Target and get a cheap one, I'd just like to know when I should ease back into my nice stuff....

But I dunno....where I live women are 'expected' to have lots of designer bags...even girls in High School and Middle School have them...


Don't you dare stop using your designer bags. If a guy has a problem with its size that's his problem. I don't think most guys care what size bag you're carrying around so long as he doesn't have to carry it.

I have a bit of passion for designer bags, but mostly I'm a shoe person.
 man-eater
Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 61
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what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 1/6/2010 5:44:24 PM
it varies... just like the bedroom..
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 68
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what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 1/10/2010 7:55:53 AM
A lady that is hot and sexy, that has a beautiful face, sexy beautiful eyes that just pierce right through you, long dark hair, has nice curves, a well developed chest and a gorgeous smile!! Nice butt wouldn't hurt either.



amillio bello, you forgot the legs.~~~~ I always wear a long jeans skirt /or formal black skirt split on the front up to middle thighs or micro mini skirt,high heel shoes. And sit in a posed ala Marilyn Monroe for a period of time,while the man (date) talk my ears off.....
dang it!!! Now at my old age I developed a pain in my right hips,for doing that for so many years.
I wonder if it is worth it to be hot and sexy for a man ????

P>S> Now at my age I would rather be hot and sexy in action not in looks lol.
 VF102
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 78
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what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 1/11/2010 4:55:13 PM
I'm just looking for a 2nd date.

Jason the Fed
 Royal Bloodline
Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 80
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what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 1/11/2010 8:21:14 PM
yeah on a first date, most guys just look for some connection. I personally like to meet at a coffee shop first instead of dinner that way at the first meeting at least we know we can stand each other's company for the next few hours. I am also one of the few guys that does not like to kiss at the end of a first date ( 2nd, 3rd date) no prob, but that is just my style.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 81
what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 1/12/2010 12:34:51 PM
It is this simple. Of all the guys you went out, which ones did you have the hots for? All of them? Fifty percent of them? Ten percent of them? How many of them would you sleep with if the opportunity would arise?

Okay, as blunt of an analogy as that may be, it needs to be that way, because deep inside we all have attraction, and then we have that image that we could see ourselves sleeping with that person.

Now turn that around and be on their shoes. How many of them felt that for you? All of them? Fifty percent? None of them?

Now the problem is that the ones that you are attracted to are not the ones that they are attracted to you. There's a disconnect, and that is REALITY. When their 10 percent matches your 10 percent you got yourself a match. And then there there's the uphill battle of comparability, baggage, drama, and so on.

So don't beat yourself up. There's no failure in not connecting. Just go out more.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 84
what the heck are guys looking for on a first date?
Posted: 7/4/2010 7:49:18 AM
I know what I am looking for,,,,on a first date,,,,or meeting anyone at anytime.

Conviction. Intelligence.Confidence. The ability to be the person you are,,,,without worrying about others and their opinions. The ability to laugh at anything and everything,,,,it's right there in front of us to laugh at. The ability to lead,,,,not follow.

I've got a few others,,,but really, it comes down to just being the person you are. Quit trying to make a "show" outta of it all. Quit trying to "impress"(if ya got it,,,,it WILL come thru). Don't tell me,,,,show me. Quit coming across as "needy",,,,most of the time you are not,,,,you've gone thru things in your life,,,,,,,already,,,,,,,AND survived!!!! We all have,,,,,at my age anyways. Look in the mirror and realize what you are, what you have, what you have done,,what you would like to do,,,,,before walking out that door and offering yourself,,,,,,to someone.

Again,,,,be the person you are. After that,,,you just hope and pray that someone sees what you already know.
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