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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Why are successful attractive women" intimidating" and can't get a da      Home login  
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 Bimini2020
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 1
Why are successful attractive women" intimidating" and can't get a datePage 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I'm a very successful CEO and I really try to avoid the job topic because as soon as the men who have average jobs hear this. Seem to get nervous around me and talk about how much more they want in life and hate their job etc. They end up saying they don't think it's a good idea to date anymore because they aren't comfortable with my success while they have nothing to give me.. They say I deserve better and can get better. I try to be bubbly and focus on the good and ignore the job thing. I really need the fun guy in my life..But the thing is I want him. The guy works at a convenience store and is fun and intelligent. How can I get past this job/income thing with men?
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 2
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 10:39:42 AM

How can I get past this job/income thing with men?


I suppose if the average guy is intimidated by your success, and depending on how often it happens. Does it happen on a daily basis? Perhaps you could try dating men with success similar to yours, or you can try having a talk with the fun guy that works in a convenience store by explaining to him why being a bigger success than he is, shouldn't be an issue.

Or perhaps intimidation isn't their issue. Perhaps using your success against you as an excuse, could be a more "gentle" way to let you know that they are no longer interested.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 3
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 10:45:24 AM
hmmm,
OK, first be sure it's a varient of the
"It's not you, it's me" line.

Secondly, yes, alot of guys feel odd if the woman holds all the cards in the relationship.

But not all.
I'm guessing 50/50.

You just been bumping into the wrong half.

Easy mistake to make.
You're probably attracted to someone alpha like yourself.
(personality-wise, not income-wise)
Well that type of personality is the wrong half.
LOL

You can date any guy at any income level.
Just find one who will let you call the shots.

good Luck!
 Bimini2020
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 4
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 10:51:00 AM
An intelligent answer would be nice thank you. Thank you for those who did. I did not post for insults..this an issue I would like insight with.The Men like me I have dated are just as busy as I am and the mentality is rather conceited..
Guys with average jobs old pick up trucks etc are so much sweeter and attentive..I fell in love with a guy from Home Depot but I get sooo tired of hearing how much they plan on bettering them self for me.
I did think that they weren't interested in the beginning but they do stay in touch and call me once in a while saying they think of me alot. So I'm thinking ~ great he's over his issue~ then ask me out.. When I bring this up~ the answer is well I don't think it's a good idea.
Then I say thank for thinking of me good to hear from you andpolitely hang up. Completely bewildered..
 Bimini2020
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 5
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 10:59:21 AM
True. But I'm trying to get past that.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 6
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Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 11:01:46 AM
Shakes head......Why would I want to better myself for you, if you are the one already interested in me????

I look at it this way.......As long as I am not expecting you to take care of me because you have more than I do, you have no problem at all. Unfortunately for far to many, that becomes the norm, but mostly it will be the women that expect that because the men, more times than not, will be the ones with a higher paying job and/or making more money.

Welcome to the world of dating that so many men have experienced for as long as we have dated. The point becomes to find an equal, with whom you are happy, enjoy, compatible with, and willing to share equally.

I enjoy equality in and out of the workplace, and I am happy to meet and date those women that make as much as I do, and more, and I am seldom if ever insecure about who and what I am, and I suggest that you seek those men out as well.

cd............
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 7
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 11:13:49 AM
If a guy is secure in himself he won't be intimidated. Many people freak out because another person has more of this little thing with different denominations printed on a special paper (money). Your values are appropriately placed which is on people first rather than money. Hope you find someone.
 Bimini2020
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 8
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 11:14:24 AM
Would it be best to never mention my job? Avoid the subject ?tell them I don't want to talk about it? Do I let them pay? I feel very guilty allowing them to pay knowing I make so much more..
 startle
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 9
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 11:19:28 AM
likes attract...stick with your own kind....you say that men with money are conceited...that is probably true but a guy with no money and no future is not the answer....all that is going to happen is you will wind up supporting him....you don't need to take on his problems....you tried the average joe and found out he is no picnic...i gave them a chance myself and was not impressed....the men with money can afford to treat you the way you deserve to be treated....the average joe has something to offer you too..but it is not unique....
 Bimini2020
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 10
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 11:24:38 AM
Great idea Sleeping beauty! They always suggest the expensive places so maybe I should say something like ~ I don't feel like shrimp tonight how about some pasta instead? I try to let them take the lead ( I get tired of taking the lead in my job) and maybe they think I am
high maintenance and need to take me there? If I suggest the first date would most men find that rude?
 Belle Requin
Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 11
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 12:41:15 PM

I feel very guilty allowing them to pay knowing I make so much more..
Yes, cuz all men love it when a woman reinforces the notion that they're not able to take care of her.

No man wants to have a woman leech off of him, but they also don't want to be treated like a muppet there for your enjoyment. Men tend to think in more tangible concrete manners than women- they still want to be the protector and provider. But to be there for your amusement is demeaning.

Maybe they don't find you intimidating, maybe they just find you offensive.
 Countryboy_toronto
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 12
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 1:16:04 PM
Ok,

Well, I agree with the above poster who said "you need to get over yourself".

1.) Success is important but you're clearly looking for something else in your life. You are not entirely defined by your career / success. Look for people who enjoy mutual activities (e.g., if you like bowling go on a date with someone who likes bowling to, etc.). You can build a relationship with someone based around your mutual interests not your apparently vast success and wealth.

2.) Get a life -- I mean for real, you've stated twice that you fell in love with a home depot salesperson and a convenience store manager. These people will never, ever, ever feel comfortable with you. EVER!!! You come from entirely different worlds and as dumb as we men can be, our emotional radars can see how the relationship turns out (you like them for a while, after the relationship gets boring you realize they will never give you what you need so you leave). You need to go out and do activities where you will meet people who are closer to your social level (e.g., go play golf, go to the gym, etc.). These types of meetings will be more prone to success because you are meeting through something you mutually enjoy. I'm not saying they need to also be CEO's, but a man who is passionate about his career and life will be more on your level than someone who makes $10 / hour at home depot.

3.) Not all executive men are ***holes who are conceited. Perhaps you need to shop around a bit more.

4.) Date a Canadian. We're awesome.

5.) Date me. I am physically, mentally and emotionally perfect.
 MsStackhouse
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 13
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 1:20:07 PM

OP -- First off, if I may be so bold...you need to get the Hell over yourself for starters. Really.

And I say that in the best possible way.

It's not your fault you happen to be successful and/or attractive...but it sounds to me like you're making a bigger deal of it than the men in your life. Between your post title, and your subsequent posting itself...you reek of "look at me!".

And I'll bet you dollars to donuts that this is what turns them off...the attitude...not the fact you're successful and/or attractive.

If you smack of "look at me!" then this will turn a guy's stomach, and attention. When a guy says "you deserve and can get better" this is what we call the brush off. Same as when a woman says the same to a man. It's a brush off. They're not interested in you if you hear those words. You just don't "do it" for them. So tell me, if you were successful and attractive, wouldn't they be clamoring for you? They're giving you a brush off...there's a reason...and I think I spotted it.

That line they give is as classic as "Well you have a good personality".

My suggestion would be to get over yourself for starters. Try that and see how that works.
.


I can't believe I'm saying this but I agree with BigDaddyJinx 100% on this....

Its not your success and good looks that are turning them off...it's you....Do you behave like a spoiled princess on dates? Do you flash lots of bling and your Amex Black Card? Do you brag about all your accomplishments- think about it.....

Men aren't intimidated by success, they are turned off by bad attitudes....
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 14
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Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 3:22:00 PM

you can try to down play your position at work for a while but if it is a deep insecurity on the guys part, that tactic most likely won't work.

let them pay the first few dates, men seem to feel most comfortable doing this i've noticed. suggest inexpensive places until you establish a relationship. show him you don't need to be wined and dined in places he can't afford. i think thats the crux of the matter, he thinking how can i afford this woman?
This is called "the bait and switch" .. and .. irresponsible advice in my opinion.
My question to you is: Even though you state you want more relaxed, down-to-earth type guys.. why do you seem to be attracted to men who are not going to be comfortable with your 'status?' Surely they're are men out there that are in somewhat of the same career sector at least. Currently, (but it's changing) many men don't yet seem to be all that comfortable being the one who could be perceived as being "living off the avails" of their feminine partner. O_o ..
Or, as BDJ mentioned.. maybe it's just your demeanor (???) and they don't see you as compatible or, you're not their type and your 'status' has absolututely nothing to do with any of it..

.. A song comes to mind ..
You can't always get what you want ..
But, if you try sometime,
You just might find ..
You get what you need ..

.. Mick and the Stones ..
 ~Sexiest User~
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 15
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 3:46:10 PM
I agree with you BigDaddyJinx 100%

Hey OP,
Your Thread caught my attention.....Men should not be intimidated by your success.....Perhaps you're using your success as an excuse.....Reading your posts, seems that first thing first....You are bragging and obsess.....You are trying to project and used your position on the job, as a means to control your personal inter-relationship and it does not work....You can be successful/attractive as you say......with negative attitude and personality.....you're not gonna find somebody who's gonna be interested in you.....Men aren't intimidated by success, it's irrelevant.....But they are turned off by bad attitudes and personality, they lost interest or not into you....I'm sorry to say OP, maybe a lack of Attitude, and insecurity and personal adjustment needed on your part.....You asked and you got your answer....Best of luck.
lea in west tn
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 16
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 4:37:12 PM

I don't see anything whatsoever in your posts or your profile that is obnoxious as some state.
Me neither. *shrug*
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 17
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 4:41:51 PM
This is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. Why would a guy complain that his girlfriend is successful? It makes no sense at all. The only thing I can think of is if a woman was taunting them with it, showing them up in front of friends, family and strangers then it would bother a guy but other than that I can't see it. I've heard guys complain about a lot of things but never, "Damn, my girlfriend makes too much money"!

That's too funny...
 2bornot2be2
Joined: 10/26/2009
Msg: 18
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 5:00:00 PM
Why is an attractive, wealthy CEO on a free online dating site in the first place? This ain't adding up to me.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 19
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 5:14:59 PM
Hmmm

I say why not use a matchmaker to cut through the crap? There are plenty of men who'd be interested and not intimidated. I understand you want someone "normal"...but who's to say that normal isn't the guy who's a successful CEO too? My mother works for a man who's worth MILLIONS...but he wears jeans from Walmart and drives a pink jeep--he says why change the color as long as it runs!

I don't think it's about you getting over yourself. Maybe you need to join clubs or groups that have activities you like to do.

You can't "get past" the job thing. It is what it is and some guys are ok with a woman making more money, some aren't. The guy at the convenience store might be flirty and fun but he also might be intimidated knowing you're more well off than he is.

Again, if you used a matchmaker, you'd have less stress and they could select men who would probably fit the bill. I'm sure there'd be some down to earth guys thrown into the mix.
 acuddler
Joined: 10/30/2009
Msg: 20
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 5:26:48 PM
Some guys are so into the macho thing that they can't bear for a woman to out-do them; especially monetraily. Other guys are not that way. Shop around. Don't mention your income. Decide what you want. Your profile is confused. One moment you want dating...not a LTR. The next moment, you want to enjoy a future with your one true love. Which is it? Put your money where your mouth is, and date me. I don't care how much you make if you don't care about how little I make.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 21
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Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 5:59:24 PM

once again when you have a hard time relating to a scenario, try not to play expert and if thats not possible, perhaps you could try to refrain from judging the opinions of other posters.
I find telling someone to be ungenuine and not being who they actually are to be bad advice.. and I'll feel free to state my opinion as such. Thank you!

siding with BDJ post which was rather condescending, judgemental and assuming.
The possiblity exists that the men the Op is attracted to do not find her personality to their liking.. the possibility also exists that her money and her financial status have nothing to do with these men rejecting her. The premise of BDJ's post is feasible.. He opines it a little harsher than I would.


.. OP: Once again, perhaps whoever you're dating isn't seeing the two of you as a match after the 2nd or so date and they are simply opting out at that point.. It's nothing new to the dating scene ~ as they say 'you have to kiss a few frogs blah blah blah..
 chrisofpa
Joined: 8/28/2009
Msg: 22
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 6:14:58 PM
OP

As a CEO, you have to have a certain personality.

I would not dismiss out of hand the comments about your attitude. While that might seem harsh my experience with CEOs is that a hard attitude is necessary for success.

Now, here are a couple of ideas.

1. Take a trip somewhere and see how men react to you when they don't know your 'status'. Tell them you are retired or whatever. Then do some self analysis of how those encounters go. I am not saying one night stands but rather just meet people and see how they react when they don't know your status. Make sure you dress down for that. Even with that, your mannerisms, speech, body language etc will probably 'spill the beans'.

2. I think that you are doing too much of a social status jump. My guess is that you might find the men you are meeting a bit boring. I'm surprised that you don't have more opportunities to meet suitable people. Most CEOs I know are involved in country clubs, politics, business organizations, golf, tennis, charity, polo etc. Maybe try getting involved in some activities that draw more of an alpha male such as skydiving, scuba, rock climbing etc.

3. There are professional coaches out there. As a CEO I'm sure you've either been approached by them or are familiar with them. Perhaps a little work with one of these coaches might help you to understand how you are coming across.

4. Take some time to really determine what you mean by "I need a fun guy in my life". Try to figure out exactly what fun means for you. (Reminds me of Bill Clinton defining "IS"). Perhaps the things you value might be found in some of the people you are already meeting in your social circles.

5. You mentioned guys who hate their JOB. I can't see how a CEO could be happy with a guy who has a JOB. Think about this for a second.. Where am I going with this??? ...
You need a guy with a career or profession. Or, perhaps a guy who is a bit of a Ronin and isn't tied into the Job thing.

I'm not sure why you want to jump down the social ladder. I have a 48 year old cousin who is a bachelor. He's been doing well over 6 figures for the last 15 years plus stock options. Let's put it this way, He lost 3 mill in one bubble burst and it wasn't that big of a setback. He can mix with the CEOs and can also fit in at the corner bar shooting pool. He plays golf and can also join in on a pickup game of basketball. If he was on the left coast I'd offer to introduce you. My point is that there are men out there who should make a good match. perhaps there are other reasons why you are trying to downgrade???

One final thought... just hang in there. The way the economy is going in the US, we'll all be broke soon :)
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 23
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Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 6:20:23 PM
the op is trying just a little too hard ... keeps hammering the status/superiority markers: executive position, lots of money, 'successful attractive intimidating' right in the thread title, 'success,' others 'plan on bettering them self for' for her.

and yet, such an in-charge person seems to get her feelings hurt easily, and regards other alphas as 'conceited.'

but most telling of all, the basic premise hews very closely to the 'people reject me for my strengths' nonsense seen so often on these forums.


Maybe they don't find you intimidating, maybe they just find you offensive.

my suspicion as well.
 SingleGuy4912
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 24
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Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 6:25:55 PM
This is a perfect example of dating out of your league, i.e. the guys you've been dating are not in your league. You're always going to have this problem if you continually seek guys who are not in your league. By that I mean educational, financial, lifestyle, etc. You really should be dating guys who have achieved a similar level of success as yourself because those guys can relate to you better. The more you have in common, the higher the probability of a long lasting relationship.
 chrisofpa
Joined: 8/28/2009
Msg: 25
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 6:44:35 PM
Davidpiano said

the op is trying just a little too hard ... keeps hammering the status/superiority markers: executive position, lots of money, 'successful attractive intimidating' right in the thread title, 'success,' others 'plan on bettering them self for' for her.


Maybe we can hook her up with Mystery of PUA fame. She sounds like a candidate for some serious negging. The concept is that you playfully bust on a high esteem woman because she is used to getting compliments and supplicating behavior from men. When someone is out of the pattern by busting on her, they stand out.

When I worked for the Navy, I managed the bomb racks for the F-14. I would get a call every week for status from some guy in Norfolk. Every week I would tell him the same thing. "We don't have any and we'll never have any". We joked around quite a bit. I was a GS-9 at the time which was pretty junior. One day I asked the guy "what grade are you? are you a 9?" he replied "Bird Colonel". I started apologizing like crazy. He basically said "What are you apologizing for, last I checked I put my pants on the same way as you." For those of you who aren't familiar, A Bird Colonel is one step under a General.

I also met Hank Kleeman who was one of the guys who downed the Libyian Migs with an F-14. He acted like a down to earth guy even though he was a major celebrity within the Navy at the time. H. Ross Perot also stopped in. He was a little more aloof but still seemed like he was reaching out to the people he met.
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